6-12 month thread....

[[No...]]

Peace and Free and Whoot and Coop and Life and GMIT and Korbe ... and anyone I may have missed ... such a wonderful band of sisters and brothers ... love you all ... wishing each of us a good day today ... we are all at different "places" on this journey ... experiencing where we are day to day ... this variety shows me that although we may feel "stuck" in the moment, feel "very sick" in the moment, or feel "better" today ... we are all moving towards are "healing", our "recovery" ... our "steadfastness" will see us through ... that's what I "hear" from all of you ... no matter what, we are "staying with it" ... although it is easy to say "that's all we can do" ... to me that shows our stamina and resolve ... those and Time will carry us to where each of us are going ...

 

[[No...]]

Korbe ... good to "see" you again ... missed you ... don't know if it is harder or easier for some of us "old folks" ... for me it just is ... hang around if you can ...

 

I will be 67 July 12 ... my first birthday day drug-free in over 20 years ... one hell of a milestone for this old coot ... will have to turn off the smoke detector for that cake ...

 

Take Care.

[[...]]

Good morning Nova! You sound good today!

 

It's almost 4:30 am here, I sleep about the same, about 5 hours.

 

How wonderful that your 67th birthday is upcoming! Happy Birthday early! I hope I remember on the 12th, I will tell you again!

 

Tomorrow is my husband and my 27th wedding anniversary! He is such a wonderful man! I am blessed!

 

Have the most wonderful day ever!

[[pe...]]

GMIT and Nova,

So many milestones to celebrate! Congratulations on your anniversary GMIT. Will you do something to celebrate?

 

And Nova, I'll certainly be here on the 12th to wish you the happiest of birthdays! I appreciate your message today. I caught something about stamina, resolve and Time. I like that you write Time with a capital letter. It's the game changer. It sounds like you're seeing some changes from just a few weeks ago. I wonder what you put on that three page list? I hope it includes ideas for celebrating you. When you're ready. But I also like to chop wood and carry water. Useful in so many ways. I'm glad your sleep is getting a bit better.

 

I sleep ok. It's not been a big issue for me since the early spring. I'm on a trip with my husband and am finding that I sleep for 9 hours at a stretch when not woken up by my children. So many of my own basic needs have been subverted to care for theirs. I'm starting to see this as a choice. There are other ways, where we are each seen and allowed what we need.

 

Korbe- I'm glad you're here. I would definitely like to do some kind of public service announcement around benzos when my head clears and I'm standing on solid ground. I'd be interested in talking ideas with you down the road. 

 

I live in the Midwest. My husband dropped our sons at his parents' house and has brought me to the ocean. The last part of the trip here was very hard, still in a wave. But we made it.

I never watch tv, it makes my head spin. But last night I sat down with my husband and watched a few minutes of something silly and actually found myself laughing. Small treasures. Trying to make room for the good moments to bloom while knowing this very well could be another tough day.

 

Love you all,

Peace2

 

 

 

[[...]]

Thanks Peace!

 

Sounds like you are doing well, in spite of the wave! I just love the ocean!!!

 

Hello Korbe!

[[No...]]

Thank you Peace ... enjoy your day ... soak in the respite ...

 

[[Fr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Sounds like things have settled down a bit for most.  Me too, today feels better so far.

 

Life I hope your wave passes over fast. You sound well overall, so I'm sure it will.

 

Peace - you sound much better and made it to the beach - how wonderful.  Just try to relax there - water is soothing.  NIce that you were able to watch some tv and relax with the hubby.

 

Nova - thank you for being so full of inspiration and wisdom.  I too can not do too many things like list making and organizing as it gets me too revved up.  I hope one day all that will be much better.

 

We are on a healing journey.

 

xo,

Lisa

[[...]]

Lisa, so glad you are feeling better!!

[[pe...]]

GREENICE!!!!! Where are you?!?

 

(That's me hollering for you on the hilltop, not because I need anything. Just because I haven't seen you in awhile.)

 

Miss you,

Peace2

[[wh...]]

Hi everyone I hope you are well today.  Sounds like everyone is managing.   Not fun at all but maybe we are all learning about ourselves and others.  I always like to believe there is a reason for everything....even this suffering we are all going through.

I myself still have insomnia; acute morning anxiety; headaches and pressure; dizziness; cog fog.....odd aches and pains.

I've been jogging; even if I think I can't plus light workouts....I want to be in shape after all this.

I used the Road Back supplements from neuro genetics and I can't say for certain if they have helped. 

At first I thought it helped as my anxiety was through the roof.  I would be in a ball curled up on the floor just begging someone to make the mental anguish stop.  That is better most days now; when it comes back it is horrible.  I think/hope you guys know what I am referring too....its like your mind is on fire and just so confused; horrible thoughts and feelings.....the worst.

My neck and back are sore and my eyes are sore....I am going to go for a jog in any case and just keep on keeping on.

If any of this sounds familiar thank you for validating it for me.....I hate the uncertainty of everyday; not sure what it will bring.

I think my mind is getting clearer.  Have a good day guys....lets do this.....lol.  we are so unbelievably strong through all this. 

 

[[...]]

Here is your definite validation, Whoot! I know what you are talking about. It gets better, as you hear! I cannot believe the healing path this takes us on. Just amazing!

 

I pray relief for you!!!

[[pe...]]

Whoot- I echo the validation. It is not you. It is the drugs. Your brain is working so hard for you. I'm sorry for the anguish and glad for this thread. I run too. I think it definitely helps. At the least it lets me feel like I'm participating in my healing.

 

Better days ahead-

Peace2

[[Fr...]]

Hi Whoot Whoot,

 

I can definitely empathize, although not feeling in acute today, the head fog and stiff neck are difficult.  When do our heads clear up?  I would like to feel as if my mind is clear.

 

Let's keep pushing forward.  It's hard to smile through all this.

 

Nova - it's good to hear that your head is getting clearer.  I'm happy for you!

 

Lisa

[[Fr...]]

I meant Whoot about the mind getting clearer.

[[Co...]]

Hi 6-12 buds ...just reading the last posts and checking in.

....Everyone sounds pretty good ...Nova so glad you are still getting some half decent sleep...Peace...enjoy the ocean as much as you can..you really are making progress. Life..did your mini wave lift?...

...Today starts month 8 for me. I am hopeful. At this point it is the head pressure that is the boulder in my path. Today anyway everything else is manageable. I had a big sunbreak this morning. I had to go to Fred Meyers to pick up some things for the holiday. I was totally dreading it even though my daughter was meeting me there. To my happy surprise I had such a good time.  I went very early,  but it was crowded anyway..and I was fine. I was tired when I got home but not panicky ...so a very nice 4 hours of feeling normal and like myself in spite of head s/x. ...I bought these seemingly silly wrist bands for nausea/dizziness. They are ' accupuncture ' bands ..they have a raised button on them that you place over a certain point on your wrists. I swear to god...I think they help...( but I am glad I picked up some Bonnie too..lol).

.....Yesterday I had a bout of fairly deep d/p d/r and moderate depression ( afternoon into bedtime),  but it didn't freak me out too much..not fun but livable. ..

....All in all I can see progress,  but I have an uneasy feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop....and I feel like I have a little ptsd from the creaky physical s/x that sent me flying to er during acute. I am ultra sensitive to stress but I think that will get better with more healing.

...I am somewhat shaky about saying this....but....I really think I am getting there...still 4-6 months in front of me, but at least I am pretty sure acute has loosened its grip on me..I really really wanted to buy a nice bottle of red wine today but passed it by. I just don't want to rock the boat in any way...maybe at month 12. I did have 6oz of decaf with my daughter...no jitters...the top of my head didn't fly off....and I enjoyed it...so much.

....I hope everyone is well....Whoot...you are just doing an outstanding job of holding on through acute...kuddos to you!

....wishing you all a peaceful night....coop

[[li...]]

Hey, Coop, that is just awesome. 8 months!!!! Well, I have to report some bad news. I was on a low dose of Gabapentin 300mg a day as of 3 weeks ago and last week I finally dropped it - the last 100mg. Well although I had slight anxiety the past 5 days I never expected today. I think I am going to make it but I would suggest to stay away from Gabapentin. never thought I would say that because las week I was saying it was ok but I had high anxiety today that is the sought of anxiety that only comes from w/d. I hope you all understand what I mean here? Its that tightens in your heart, stomach turning type of anxiousness. I took a bath with epson salt and feel much better. Just one of those things. I do not think it will be with me long as it seems a bit manageable but had to report the good, the bad and well the ugly. It saddens me as I was doing so well and my Dr said that gaba was probably doing nothing due to the low dose. He was wrong before and guess what? Please pray for me that this does not last long. I know I have much improving baseline but I want to be as drug free as possible. These things are all bad. God bless you and may you all heal and continue to improve.

 

lice

[[...]]

Life, I said a prayer for you, that your symptoms lift quickly!

 

Coop, oh my gosh, 8 months! How wonderful!! And what a great day you had!!

 

I hope everyone is well tonight!!

[[pe...]]

Life- thanks for letting us know. I'm so sorry you had to endure those intense symptoms. I'm glad the bath helped.  The gabapentin wasn't prescribed by the addiction specialist, was it?

I hope the symptoms leave as quickly as they came and you can return to your much calmer baseline.

[[pe...]]

Congratulations, Coop! 

Congrats on 8 months free! You've pushed through two more months since starting this thread. I'm glad you had a nice day! Those small stretches of feeling close to normal are adding up. I think you can confidently see a path to wellness. I love that you bought the wrist bands for nausea. That seems like the perfect gift for reaching the eight month mark.

 

I adore you Coop. So glad to share your special day and this special thread with you!

Peace2

[[pe...]]

Today was ok for me and I wish I felt grateful for it, but I don't. I'm in such a humbug mood about my own healing. Just in the place of thinking - why is this taking so long? And - is it really worth it? I've also started batting around the idea of looking for a medication that could speed up my healing - even though my rational mind knows there isn't such a thing. Oh, I just want to throw a tantrum!!!!

 

But today I walked on the beach with my husband, did a little shopping, swam in the ocean and went out to dinner. And I was fine, certainly spacey and more than a little melancholy. But I had some nice moments, real smiles throughout the day. How do I cultivate gratitude around this instead of feeling defeated everyday I don't wake up at 100%?

 

You all keep things so positive. So, I'm sorry for being a downer lately. This us just so stinking hard!

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Peace,  Life and Gmit ...thank you so much for your kind encouragement...I love every one of you on this thread. I honestly would not have gotten from month 6 to month 8 without all of you. ..I am very cautiously optimistic.

....Life thank you for your openess and honesty. We have all benefited from your posts greatly. You have been a strong steady voice for perserverence and hope. I am so sorry to hear that you are having w/d anxiety. I really hope you are feeling much better tomorrow...

....Peace...thank you for your words...I love you back...you are amazing in your love and concern for your little boys while you go through this. What a loving mother you are. ...I wish we all lived in the same city...we would all throw a big party on New Years and celebrate everyone getting their lives back..

...I was talking to my neighbor today. She is an er nurse and I was telling her about my experience with ativan and my trip to er in Feb ....She validated every single w/d s/x that all of us have gone through and said she sees patients in the er every day suffering because of GABA effecting drugs. ...We have all made a very good decision for ourselves and we are all,  I believe,  through the worst part....including you Whoot...you will never have to do those first 10 weeks again

....sunbreaks and windows to all of us....coop

[[Co...]]

Peace...its ok to be sick and tired and p***ed off about the long crappy months of endless w/d. It still makes me so mad that the joys of life that are allotted to me are the crumbs that ' normal ' people take for granted...6 stinkin ' oz of decaf. ..waking up without mind numbing anxiety...making out an entire grocery list with clarity start to finish. I wanted to scream...or cry when I passed on the bottle of red wine with the girly label ( really cute)....Two and a half years ago I would have ordered up a double latte and picked up a couple of bottles of wine to share with my friends on the holiday.....Its ok to be so mad...benzos has taken so much away from us.

...I was right where you are at 6 months...absolutely sick of it...demoralized and so p***ed. Did you read my intro post to this thread....complete meltdown.I thought month 6 would be my turn around month..I had given it my all..played by all the w/d rules....and was ready to give it up. I also thought of finding SOMETHING that would help. Month 6 was one of my worst months...Its going to get better Peace...In my experience ultimately I found nothing that helped ...and I tried various herbals,  vitamins and supplements. ...even silly ' accupuncture ' wrist bands..they are pretty hilarious. ...I will say that in a moment of panic ..if I had to I would take 25 mg of benadryl ..

....Peace,  the anger actually worked in my favor ...it gave me d. impetus to go kicking and screaming and swearing and crying into month 7....so have a tantrum...you deserve it...you have every right to be mad....and not positive. In month 6 I thought people who were still positive were lying ...lol..

....You are going to get there Peace...and if you get there p***ed as hell its ok...it only matters that you get there....we can throw a rage party.... thinking of you...and your tantrum...love coop

[[pe...]]

Tears in my eyes and love in my heart, Coop. Thank you. So much of my impatience comes from being partially removed from my children's young experiences, not being able to read situations clearly, being a dull and disabled guide as they explore the world. Not a very good start for them. My awakening is for me, but it's also for them.

 

Love you, Coop. Thanks for being here.

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Peace, .I have spent my entire professional life working with mothers and children 0-36 months. ..as a Montessori 0-3 teacher and mentor of parents with infants. All the best research on early attachment supports the idea that young children integrate the few loving intentions and interactions that even clinically depressed mothers express. ( not suggesting that that is in any way enough ...but it speaks to the issue that we are usually providing more for our children than we think). You are far more present to your children than clinically depressed mothers. ...and they have the great benefit of a loving dad and grandparents too. ..On your not best days your boys will be able to draw from the years of security and nurturing you have provided. You have given them a foundation of resilience....

....wishing you good sleep and a good tomorrow....coop

[[...]]

Hello Peace and Coop!

 

Peace, you are working hard through a difficult process, we all are. We get to bell angry without guilt! Get to have those times, without judgement! You are wonderful!

 

Coop, you have been so supportive of Peace! It's beautiful!

 

I to am having a rough few days. I'm tired, tired of having to fight this battle. Yes, I'm riding it out, but the mental that comes to keep myself from feeling so down, it's so hard!!

 

We will make it through, but however we feel, it's ok!!