6-12 month thread....

[[Fr...]]

Thank you Coop.  And I'm so glad you're feeling better.  I didn't say much when you had the bad reaction to the antibiotic a way back but was concerned for you.  It scared me too.  This whole thing scares me.

 

Ok - so I will hang on and make it through this month.  Part of what is scaring me too is that my sons are visiting for the fourth and one is even staying around for a month or so.  I've tried not to expose them to all this at its worst so as to not freak them out.  My older son asked my husband the other day if I have cancer even though I've told him about this.  That's how sick I seem to them - as if I'm dying.

 

And see, I was sick 2 1/2 years prior with a lyme diagnosis from one llmd when other docs said NO I didn't have lyme.  I concluded I had tolerance wd and thus tapered alone - no doc agreed except the addiction specialists - so my sons have seen me sick now for almost 3 years.  Some days I really do wonder if I'll make it when I look at my face in the mirror and ask what is wrong with me.

 

So feeling improvement would mean so much.  For one thing I'd know I don't have lyme.

 

Thanks again, hugs!

Lisa

[[...]]

Oh Whoot, I pray relief for you! Your description of your feelings is exactly how I feel on wave days.

 

Be well!

[[Co...]]

Lisa,  my kids too...sometimes they look at me like.,  " who is that lady... "...they are both grown,  my son is 34 and my daughter is 21. They both know that I am withdrawing from antianxiety medication. My son has a better understanding of it as he is a fireman/para medic,  but nobody can really understand this misery unless they have gone through it. I know my son thinks I am as nuts as can be as in early acute ( probablyv5 weeks in) I had a terrible panic attack and called him up in a complete whirlwind demanding that he bring " all of his equipment " to my house and "run a strip on my heart " . as I was sure it was a heart attack....hilarious now when I recall it.

......I am sorry to know that you had lymm ...I understand it makes people really sick.

......You are doing a great job Free.. you are just leaving acute,  things are still tough for a few months....but it will get better...for all of us....coop

[[Fr...]]

Thanks Coop -

 

well I don't think I ever had lyme - it was probably tolerance wd that was making me so sick, but yes I do still worry about it.  My biggest fear is that this will never go away and I'll be sick forever.  It's been a long time feeling so down and out.

 

Yes it's hard for others to understand what this is all about.  I'm fortunate to have a nice husband who really understands and encourages me.

 

I'm sure your son doesn't think you're crazy but that is a funny image of you telling him to bring all the equipment:)

 

Heck- in bad waves, I'm happy I have a dnr signed.  lol.

 

You sound much better in tone so I'm happy you are feeling better.

 

Take care,

Lisa

[[No...]]

Whoot ... spent 8 years in Saskatoon and Regina during my rambles around the continent ... met my wife in Regina ... left in '85 ... love those Prairies ... 40 above or 40 below ... and the wind don't quit ... love it here in Halifax ... and the Maritimes ...

[[...]]

Hi Nova, how are you today?

[[No...]]

GMIT ... Good Morning ... 7 hours of sleep ... stuffy ears and some jitters ... all is well in my little world ...

 

You up early too? ....

[[...]]

Yeah, stomach not really really right, hoping to stay in my window today!!

[[Co...]]

Nova.  So happy to hear of the good sleep....wonderful. O hope your jitters burn out and you continue with a very good day. My ears are wonky this morning too with the weird head sensations.  A little morning anxiety but otherwise its looking good. I am noticing a new pattern ...waking up at 3.  happy with no s/x...going back to sleep...waking up again with anxiety at 5/530. Weird,but assuming it is just another twist in the benzo road.

.....Have a very good day Nova....sending you thoughts for sunbreaks a bright clear sunny windows.....coop

[[...]]

Morning Coop!

 

<--- here's something to help with the anxiety, you might have to put your forehead on the screen!! I really hope you find quick relief!!

[[Fr...]]

Morning everybody.  Nova ---  happy for you that you got a good nights sleep, me too but I took 1/2 Elavil yesterday so that may explain it.  At any rate let's hope all these jitters go away for us all.

 

xo,

Lisa

[[...]]

How are you today Lisa? Hope you're feeling better!!

[[pe...]]

I am very very scared. Something has gone wrong. I've been doing pretty well and now I feel on the verge of insanity. Is this a wave? I can't rember feeling like this before. I feel out of it, like I'm not in reality. Is this dp/dr? I feel sick and scared. I don't know what to do. Do I ride it out? Do I take it seriously and seek help? Is anyone going to help me without making it worse? I'm sorry for bringing this to you. I'm so scared.

 

Peace2

[[...]]

Hello everyone,

 

Peace - As soon as I read your words it reminded me of many episodes that I experienced. I got so bad that I left instructions with my family so they knew what to do with me if they ever found me in a state of psychosis. Last thing I need is to be put somewhere and put on drugs. The good news is despite how close I have been to insanity I have have never remained in that state. Losing my mind is my biggest fear, once you experience breif episodes of it you start to feel very sorry for those whom are truly like that indefinately.

 

Do you feel panic is related? For me I just took it as another part of the brain that needed healing, very scary indeed.

 

 

Hope you feel better.

 

 

 

Fonz

[[Co...]]

Peace...you are right behind me jump wise. I had the same thing right at the beginning of month 6. ...I thought I was in acute again.  I believe what you describe is d/r d/p...and it does trigger anxiety. I could have written your post ( and probably did) in month 6. ...Many BBs report new or the resurfacing of old s/x in the second half of the first year off. That was certainly my experience. D/r and D/p was only mild and infrequent in acute. It me hard in month 6.

.....lt seeing the doctor would give you peace of mind by all means go,  but if you wait a day or so you might be feeling less panicky about the d/r d/p.....it will get better Peace. I found that sometimes a happy full window was followed by a wave...but the waves were not as long as they were in acute.

.....When I had bad d/r d/p the only thing I could really do was watch mindless Tv. ...I will be thinking of you today.  It wont last forever.  You are doing a fabulous job Peace....rest if you can and stay on the thread...we will get you through...love to you...coop

[[...]]

Hey Coop,  you need to get your self one of the time line tickers    Hope all is well.

 

 

Fonz

[[je...]]

Peace~ Listen to everyone that has commented they are all spot on! I have had DP/DR quite a few times and it is very scary. Things don't seem real, you don't feel present or connected to life, you feel odd or out of place. Like I said on the parenting thread, you aren't in your normal surroundings, and it has probably taken more of a toll on you then you realize. We are all here for you! ((HUGS)) Jenny

[[...]]

Coop, do you have a blog?

[[Co...]]

Peace,  don't be sorry for posting your wavy days. That ' s what we are here for. I certainly could not get through any of this without BBs ....When I have big fear I am all over the site. Reassurance will tame the anxiety....you will get through this in one piece...but right now you just cant believe that you will ... we are all here for you....coop....feel free to pm me any time...

[[Co...]]

Hi Fonz ...nice to see you here!...How are you doing?...I hope things are good with you...Yes,  I know a ticker would be helpful..I just have to figure out how to get it attached...teckie that I am NOT....take care....coop

[[Co...]]

Hi GMIT...no.I think I started one way back when and went no where with it....I think acute got in my way...lol

....I am not great with keeping up with things...I only post on my progress journal( s) about twice a month... I really like your blog though and plan to visit often.

......coop

[[Co...]]

Hi Fonz...nice to see you!...How are you doing?...I hope things are going good for you....you and I are very close in our jump time too. Month 8 begins for me on wed. ...hoping for good things. Head pressure and health anxiety are my dominant s/x at this point. Every body sensation triggers my health fear. I have had about 15 heart attacks,  10 strokes and have died with every s/x...lol...The head pressure is new and bothers me constantly. I still have some morning anxiety but can pretty much count on it being gone by early afternoon.  I am very cautiously venturing out...just to PT and a little shopping.

....If it wasn't for the head pressure and health fears I think I would be at a pretty good 70-75% on most days...knock on wood. I think the health fears are going to be healing well into year 2.....

...Yes, I should get a time ticker....maybe I will get it figured out and do one for month 8....

......tell me how you are doing....do you have any energy back yet? ....

.........I will visit your blog.....sending you days and days of windows....coop

[[Co...]]

Fond...sorry you got 2 notes from me....I am sitting in the PT waiting bay and thought that first one did not send...so now you have a third one.....lol...time for me to get off....coop

[[...]]

Thanks Coop! I just read through your progress log, we are running much the same!!

[[Fr...]]

Coop - just curious - how long were you on benzos?

 

L.