6-12 month thread....

[[No...]]

Whoot ... wow, you did have a good day ... and you have progressed ... another day closer to healing ... you are not a "downer" ... you are letting us know "where" you are and how you "feel" ... that is what we do here ... and yes, this is normal ... and it will oftentimes "feel relentless" ... it is not "limitless" ... this story has a healing ending ... we are just not there yet ...

 

Good Healing.

[[No...]]

GMIT ... eeeeeeek, clank ... bump ... sssst ... there, the ride is stopped for a moment ... jump off ... good ... let's go get some cotton candy ... sorry, the sign at the coaster ticket booth says "no refunds" ... that's okay ... we have accumulated lots of benzo free dollars ...

 

Have a good one.

[[...]]

Love that Nova!! Well except for the no refund!! Figured I could use the money to buy a fun life!! HA!

 

Cotton candy sounds good! You are a fun time!! 

 

Are there any rides we can go on that are less bumpy?? Wheeeee...

 

[[No...]]

GMIT ... sorry, haven't found any non-bumpy rides in the "Benzo Fun Park" ... just outside the gates there is the calm, shallow lake with boats that row themselves and move slowly and soothingly ... gently under the hanging willows ...  and the doves coo there healing song, and they have a couple of dolphins that that chitter and squeak as they accompany you around the lake ... and the colours ... so soft and bright and living ... if you look up the clouds are dancing a slow ballet ...

 

[[...]]

Wow Nova, when I read that I can picture myself there, it's so calming and relaxing! Love it, thanks!

 

[[Fr...]]

Thanks NS - I am here having a really rough time.  The internal revving and brain pressure are awful again today - beyond anything.  It's good to know that the intensity of this eases up.  It's been so intense lately  that coping is hard.

 

During church it eased up a bit, then went back to awful.  I just did easy yoga and a body scan and that helped a bit.  What else can I do?  I'll take another bath.  It's so bad today.  It's been weeks since it was this bad.  Thought I was over this really tough stuff.

 

I'm worried it's lyme or small fiber issues because my nervous system feels inflamed.  I'm not nervous about anything - this feels physical.

 

Lisa

[[...]]

SO sorry Lisa, I hope you get relief SOON!!

 

Please take care of yourself!

 

[[Fr...]]

I'm really trying,  thanks for your kind words.  You feel better too.

 

Lisa

[[No...]]

Lisa ... that sounds familiar ... that is what is happening for me ... "physical" stuff ... sitting here, bloated and boaty, fat neck and ear and head pressure ... and my legs ache ... "inflammatory" is a good adjective ... and tolerance and taper and acute were so much harder, so much more confusing, so often terrifying ... rather be here than there ...

 

One day at a time ...

[[Fr...]]

so it gets better Nova?

[[Fr...]]

my head feels like it has a smoldering fire in it that goes out and on

 

my eyes burn and my head feels awful then goes down

 

and off and on    then my ear will burn slightly

 

 

[[No...]]

Lisa ... yes it does get better ... the off and on you mention is I think what I am calling "cycling" ... had two days last week with a funky left eye ... burning, gritty ... as with all the rest, it came and went ... it has made a few visits over the weeks ... do you want a little chuckle ... I have no tinnitus right now, nothing ... where does this stuff go when it is not irritating me? ... I would like to know so I can lock the door and throw away the key ...

 

 

[[...]]

Aahhh, no tinnitus! That would be awesome, that is what got me into this to begin with! Unfortunately, I will have to learn to manage it!

 

I did learn that the ringing is better than the pill! No one who knows me woulda ever though I woulda said that! 

[[Fr...]]

YAY for no tinnitus!  thank you for your telling me it gets better 

 

I must believe that

[[No...]]

Lisa ... it has gotten better for me ... looking back over the last 20 or so years I realize that last April I came back ... damaged, exhausted, tattered ... such a long, long sojourn in the wilderness ... and these weeks since mid-April I have been slowly re-orientating myself to the here and now ... and I can look around, check things out, see what is new, what has changed ... and I am going slowly ... no rush here, I have all the time I need ... I am out of "drug hell" and firmly in healing limbo ... and that is just fine for me ... I am experiencing the lingering physical and mental stuff of this healing process as what I believe they are ... part of the process ... I have re-claimed enough ground for me to stand on, firmly, and feel utterly confident that I will finish this and come out the other side ...

 

Sitting outside early this morning ruminating ... just letting my mind wander ... the image came up ... I have shed my "benzo body" ... I am now in my "healing body" ... and I let that image "settle" ... felt it ... checked it out a bit ... touched my "fattened" neck ... rocked with the "boaty" sensation ... rubbed my aching legs ... drank a little more coffee ... had another cigarette ... breathed ... my "healing" body is mine ... I want it ... the "benzo" body is gone ... another memory ... worm food ... turning into marvelous compost for the new garden of my life ...

 

[[No...]]

Lisa ... we all "know" that it will get better ... "believing" can sometimes take a little longer ...

[[...]]

Nova, I love hearing about your "healing body" and letting go of your "benzo body"! Yippeeee!

[[No...]]

Oops ... tinnitus is back ... hi, tinnitus, take a pew, amuse yourself ... I have other things I enjoy more than paying attention to you ... have a nice day ... ring away ... I am not listening ...

[[He...]]

Tough day!  My dog was at the dog sitters for the week we were gone.  He is a Dalmatian and they are prone to bladder stones. Well, he didn't drink enough water while I was away and he started getting quite sick yesterday.  Today I rushed him to the emergency vet first thing and his bladder was completely blocked.  He had a very high white blood count and was almost septic.  Very sick.  :'(  He has to be there overnight and then we will be taking him to his regular vet for possible surgery tomorrow.  Needless to say, my anxiety has been through the roof and I have been very weepy!  Total emotional and physical wave crashing over me right now.  He should be fine, but I am still a mess.  He has been my "therapy dog" through all of this w/d stuff.

 

All I want to do is crawl into my bed and cry, but I have to go and finish an assignment for my masters.  I need some encouragement, please.

 

Love and bright windows to you all!

[[No...]]

HealingHope ... I am sorry to hear about "therapy dog" ... sounds like you he is getting good care and the loving he needs right now ...

 

For you ... a blessing of encouragement ...

 

[[Fr...]]

I'm so glad this has gotten better for you Nova

and others.

 

I am still fighting here in the trenches and scared again

 

Lisa

[[Ha...]]

Happy...I have been laying around all afternoon too...and am having shin pain ....still so much better than a year ago while still tapering....you cant get the energy to go to the store...I cant get the energy to go to the kitchen and heat up soup...We would be great roomies in the Benzo Healing Abbey...lol

......feel better Happy...coop

Hi coop!

We would be good roomies I do lay around all day, lost my job long story. No we I am just like a lump in a log no energy and headaches today. I hope in a coupld months we get some kind of healing it sure drags on and on! I Pmd ya!

[[Fr...]]

So Coop - does that Calm Forte really seem to help much?

 

Thanks,

Lisa

[[Co...]]

Hi Free...I researched Calms Forte after taking it continuously for about a week...2x during the day and 2 tabs at night. After taking it at those doses and for several days in a row I felt that I had w/d s/x from it ..I wrote some comments on the Alternative Medications board.....In hindsight....I think taking it infrequently and randomly is probably ok. I was also recovering from an adverse antibiotics reaction ...I only had one other comment on the Alternative Medications board that posted a somewhat paradoxical response to Calms Forte..

......However the link that I went to research the Calms Forte listed some of the herbal ingredients ( chamomille and passion flower) as having apignen...an agent that binds to the benzodiazipine receptors....so just try it cautiously.

....Honestly,  the only thing that helps my head pressure is hot packs to the back of my neck. When I am lying down I use 2..one to the back of my neck and one across my eyes ...all the way over both ears.

...Free I know how awful the head pressure is...it drives me crazy and ramps my anxiety. I had it intensely 24/7 for about 2 weeks with significant tinnitus.  That was about 4 weeks ago. It gradually got better,  but I am still battling it for some part of each day though not at the intensity that it was. The tinnitus is much better. Coincidentally I was getting physical therapy for another issue but it seemed to really help the head pressure. I also do some yoga each day and attend a yoga class 1x a week and I think that helps too.

......Free..get through this next month ..and I think things will at least start to reduce in intensity. I am just about stepping into month 8 ( wed) and my experience is very similar to what Nova describes as cycling in his last post. ...Cycling in and out of various s/x throughout the day,  but with sunbreaks too. I am pretty much where he is...in limbo...still waiting and accepting ..going easy ...but better...Month 5/6 was a tough one for me. Month 7 has eased in intensity and some s/x have dropped off ( knock on wood). ....my heart is with you Free...it will get better...even the head pressure..just hang on...do whatever helps....coop

[[wh...]]

Thanks Nova; youre giving us all strength today.

I'm not sure but today I feel a deep dread/despair.....weird....no reason for it.

But were gonna watch the Saskatchewan Roughriders beat Hamilton and eat plum cake and pizza. 

Wish could invite you guys over

Hang in there everyone; you have been very supportive even in your worst times. Amazing.

I am lucky to have really good days amongst the horrific bad ones. 

Love to you all.  We can do this.