6-12 month thread....

[[li...]]

Oh Life, how do we untie that darn knot?!? Funny how I recently had my best window yet and tried SO hard to convince myself I was healed! HA! Jokes on me! I'm tons better than I was, but now every couple of days I seem to experience something different than ever before. Nothing horrendous but definitely not fun!

 

I just keep telling myself "Feel the healing that's happening!"

 

Hope you're all well!

 

GMIT,

 

Thats the way it happened for me. It gets bumpier as you get closer and closer to healing and then all the sudden a big wave and then healing and so on. It was (IS) bumpy in the end with windows and waves but waves not "as deep". We are all healing!

 

Life

[[li...]]

In a bad wave again today.  Thanks for any support.  This is so hard to believe.  I feel back to month 2-3.  I am really sick and could use some prayers that this lets up real soon and for good.  I had a 1 1/2 hour or so window today and it got real bad again.

 

Thanks everyone. I hope you're all feeling better than this.  Did any of you have bad setbacks in month 5 after feeling decent for awhile?  I hurt so much but the worst is the head pressure - it's so awful.

 

Lisa

 

Month 5 was the worst for me in terms of ups and then big downs and etc. Month 8 was when I turned the corer. I am now 9 months as of the 19th.

 

life

[[...]]

Ooohhhh, sounds so good! Can't wait to have a life again!!!

[[wh...]]

Hi everyone;  I hope you are well.  I'm looking for encouragement again...one day I will be helping more..........

thanks Dea I downloaded and read it today.  I'm glued to benzo buddies today.  So rough.  Just feel like Im going to die.

no sleep; horrible health anxiety; I guess you guys know the drill.  My nose is plugged constantly and it fuels my anxiety.....

I'm not sure if I'm better in some ways and worse in others.  These intrusive thoughts have to go.  I can't meditate or relax because they just won't stop.

I found a valium in my purse this morning....was so tempted but flushed it instead.  I'll take that as a win.

will these thoughts stop guys?  Help

[[Gr...]]

Hi,, All

 

I have neglected my support.  I was having symptoms but still felt clear headed enough to push through and accomplish things.  Two things.  My ex in the nursing home is rapidly losing weight, and his DNR states no feeding tubes.  And my younger son, who has an educational disability, finally graduated from H.S.  It was a two hour drive to the ceremony, then a luncheon with family.  And Im still not sleeping.  Was hanging in there.  Yesterday felt lousy, today major benzo flu.  can't get out of bed.  I think I mght have a real cold because I'm sneezing, sore throat, and cough, on top of benzo flu, which I was getting before.

 

anyway, feel bad enuf I wish I cud sleep, but aint happenin.  I am still optimistic, lol.  hope u r all doing well.  will catch up tom.

[[...]]

Whoot....YOURE AWESOME!!! It's hard to have those pills in your hand when you feel that bad and not take one! You are SO strong!!!

 

Had a hard day today to, but not really bad in comparison to what I've previously endured. Feeling better this evening, so praying that means I'm going into another window!

 

<---- this is for you, I hope it helps!!

 

2 Timothy 1:7

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

 

[[li...]]

Hi everyone;  I hope you are well.  I'm looking for encouragement again...one day I will be helping more..........

thanks Dea I downloaded and read it today.  I'm glued to benzo buddies today.  So rough.  Just feel like Im going to die.

no sleep; horrible health anxiety; I guess you guys know the drill.  My nose is plugged constantly and it fuels my anxiety.....

I'm not sure if I'm better in some ways and worse in others.  These intrusive thoughts have to go.  I can't meditate or relax because they just won't stop.

I found a valium in my purse this morning....was so tempted but flushed it instead.  I'll take that as a win.

will these thoughts stop guys?  Help

 

 

whoot there is no worse symptom than intrusive thoughts. They were bad for me. They will end for sure. You are still in acute so no telling how long BUT no doubt they will end. We were worried about you when your partner was on for you. Glad you are back!

 

life

[[Co...]]

Whoot....you are a Mighty Girl!....good on you. You so did the right thing. A rescue dose is always a crap shoot...it might help momentarily...or it might make everything worse. It takes huge grit to be in acute..feel like you are dying ..and flush the valium!

.....Whoot,  you are in the worst part of it. The intrusive thoughts are torture...they will go away. I know they make distraction and relaxation strategies pretty much impossible. I spent 2 months watching mindless half hour sitcoms because I could not concentrate on anything more...I really didn't concentrate on the sitcoms either,  I just watched people talk and noticed what they were wearing. Modern Family,  Big Bang Theory,  Friends re-runs,  they all became my reality and my anchor to time and daily routine. I cried ...and cried...I clung to BBs...I thought my life was over....Whoot, all of the intensity of desperation is gone. I have not been tortured by intrusive thoughts for a long time. I still have s/x but nothing like acute. Some of the s/x are the same but manageable. Health fear is also brutal for some in acute. I had it 24/7. I wont lie...I still have health fear but at about 1/10th of what it was. I think for me health fear might be the last to go,  but it is completely different than the health fear of acute

....Whoot...the best you can do is get through the day. If you need to stay in bed ...stay in bed...if you need to wat h Tv and movies night and day...watch Tv and movies night and day...do what you can but take care of your s/x with whatever works sometimes its a five minutes at a time crawl...It will end.

.....My heart goes out to you...we are here for you...we have all been exactly where you are...and we made it through acute and so will you.

....post as much as you need to...coop

[[Co...]]

Green, ....man...you put me to shame. I whine about getting myself to PT. ..You are out there dealing with the grit of life ( so sorry your ex is declining, that has to be sad). Driving 2 hours...a ceremony...and a family luncheon would put me back weeks. I turned down my book club just because getting together with 5 women who I have been having book club and wine and chocolate with for 10 years seems overwhelming and I just can not ' fake ' one more social event...even though I am doing much better...like I said,  you put me to shame. ..and congratulations on your son 's graduation.

....No wonder you feel benzo flu and flu flu ..I am really sorry you are down. I hope it is a fast moving wave...I am thinking of you Green...feel better soon.....coop

[[Fr...]]

Thanks guys for your support.  I am in a bad way, took 1/2 an Elavil for the pain.  I looked on my day planner where I record my days and saw that the last Elavil for pain was 2 1/2 weeks ago so I hope that's ok.  The pain was too severe.  I only take 1/2 pill - 5 mg and see how that works.  I'm better and hoping it's not from the Elavil but from this easing up a bit.  I will try the hot towel too.  A bath seemed to help.  For those of you who pray - will you pray for me?  Ask that the pain and overactive nerves subside in my body and brain.  Thank you.

 

I'm glad you're still feeling better Coop and Life and whoever else is doing good.

 

Lisa 

[[pe...]]

Whootwhoot and Lisa,

Im sorry you're in a rough time. It will pass. Remember to be gentle with yourselves. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I've started praying out loud and in a different way. I think you could call it affirmations. Everyday when I'm jogging or walking I say things like, " I accept my complete healing. Today is a better day. I am getting better. I believe in my miracle."  I think it's just good to put some energy into the direction I want things to go.

 

Green- Congratulations on your son's graduation. You must be so very proud. I'm sorry you're feeling under the weather. It sounds like you need a minute to rest up and take care of yourself. You've been busy.

 

Peace2

 

 

[[No...]]

Whoot ... good work ... that's the best use I found for benzos ... keeping my drain pipes calm ... you are in a rough time ... and you have great support at home ... as Coop and others say ... one bit and a time and these bits add up and add up and add up until this time for you will become a memory as it has for some of us ... as many say - distract, distract and distract some more ... whatever it is ... I remember pacing for hours and hours and hours ... I don't do that anymore ... I remember sleeping so poorly that I thought I had lost the ability to sleep ... I didn't ... I remember the thoughts that I couldn't do this anymore ... couldn't do anything ... and many days and nights I just sat in the middle of the maelstrom and just breathed and shock and cried and breathed some more ... I remember the pain and the pressure and the bloating and the ear ringing and the sweats and taking clothes off and putting more on over and over again ... those times are now memories for me ... my acute did end ... and this process became easier, not over, just easier for now ... we all have the resources to get through whatever we are going through today ... one breath at a time ... and as each day passes adding another stone to our healing cairn ...

 

Take Care.

[[No...]]

Lisa ... this is so tough and confusing ... hold on ... do what you need to do to get through today ... you are healing ... you are strong ... that is my prayer for you.

 

[[No...]]

Peace ... you are a miracle ... so many miracles here ... I am astounded and thankful everyday for my healing and recovery and for the healing and recovery that each of us are receiving each day... such blessings amongst all the struggles we experience ...

 

Bless you, my friend.

[[No...]]

Folks ... this Friday is about over for me (11:30 PM here) ... poor sleep again ... so spending time with my Buddies ... today was pretty rocky, I seem to be in a calm space for a while right now ... thank you all for being here today ... each of your stories are important to me ... bless you all ...

 

[[Co...]]

Lisa, ..my prayers are out there for you...this is such an unfair brutal thing...w/d. Out of all the pain,  fear,  hopelessness and despair I see on this thread such beautiful spirits holding each other up...its going to get better Lisa. I had so many days when I absolutely did not believe that when people would post that to me. I can tell you ...it does get better. ...I hope your pain. eases.  ......coop

[[Co...]]

Nova..you are such a compassionate person....thank you .hanging out with us. Wishing you sleep for this night ....and bright sunbreaks for tomorrow.....coop

[[No...]]

Thank you Coop ... compassion is contagious around here ... and compassion for myself was one of my hardest lessons ... for so long I did not believe I deserved it ... this process of recovery contains within it a gradual waking up for me ... what I call "a blooming" ... and I look around at all of us and I see us "blooming" into our lives ... each of us ... this small seed of recovery ... struggling each day ... "weathering" ... this is such a beautiful garden we are creating ...

 

 

 

[[je...]]

Lisa- you are in my prayers

Green- you are doing so great, I don't think you realize how far you've come in the last few months soo happy for you!

Woot- we have all been where you are and it is the worst, but remember it only gets better from here, and we are all proof of that!

I wish you all a wonderful night

[[Co...]]

Life..I hope you are right about the bumpy road as we get further out,because your description of your experience reflects pretty much how my last month has been...I am hoping that the most part of this will be done by month 12.... thank you so much Life for your continuous encouraging posts...coop

[[Fr...]]

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and prayers.  NS, your story of those acute days being over really help.  I felt like I was back in acute again, it was so bad.  The pain finally let up and I got some sleep, now this morning I feel shaky and tired and scared it will come back.  So is this acute again?  When did your worst symptoms go away?  The jitters were bad enough and I had been hopeful that I was turning a corner until the last two days.

 

Coop - keep that window!  Life, keep feeling good.

 

Green - I'm sorry you're wiped out.  You've been through a lot of stress.  Be kind to yourself.

 

Peace - thank you for your prayers - I will try those affirmations.

 

love to you all,

Lisa

 

[[pe...]]

Nova- I am blessed by you. I'm so sorry for the struggle. I hope sleep soon improves for you and that you find yourself in another window. Your kindness is a gift.

 

[[pe...]]

Life and Coop-

Roller coaster. I am on it. I'm having mostly very manageable days. I had 6 window-like days, mild symptoms, fine. For the last five days I've been cycling in and out of a variety of awful symptoms. I'll get maybe 12-24 hour breaks before the next wave comes in. I slept deeply for 8 hours and woke up in sheer terror. I feel sick, I feel terrified, my anxiety and intrusive thoughts are immense. Yesterday I was fine. I hope, Life, that your theory on rapid cycling in and out of waves is correct. I hope this is a sign of healing.

I'm tired and I'm scared.

 

Peace2

[[Fr...]]

Peace, I understand, having the same issues today.  So uncomfortable and tiring.  We will heal.  I just know it.

 

Lisa

[[Fr...]]

Nova - in a post on the last page, you mentioned the pacing and thinking it would never end, but it did - so how did the constant internal anxiety thing go away for you?  Was it gradual or all at once?  Do you remember what month things settled down?  The constant-ness of this is awful.  I don't quite know what to do to distract even.

 

Free