6-12 month thread....

[[Mo...]]

Hi Free..

I am actually not in a wave right now..woot woot!  I was just checking in.  Good job on making your drive!  Yes, rest.  The waves love to morph into new and usual forms, but always seem to leave a distinct calling card.  I am always thankful for physical symptoms because it lets me know they are s/x and I'm not crazy.  Read the article I linked.  They said there is great improvement at 14 months. 

[[Fr...]]

Hi MommyR -

 

I'm happy to hear that you're not in a wave.  I must have misread or skimread.

 

It is sad that Dr. Jenn is in a bad wave;  I follow her blog and keep wanting her to heal.  She seems is sweet and caring. 

 

That article is a good one - thank you.  I sure hope this all resolves soon.  It seems to then waves happen.

 

So how long has your latest window lasted?  My longest has been five days thus far.

 

Free

[[Mo...]]

Hi Free,

My longest wave was after I ended my taper and lasted 12 days.  It was a whooper.  Mostly my waves are 8 days long and only occur monthly because my female cycle creates spikes in my hormones, although I had no symptoms during my May cycle, but then took a pain med that started one for me. 

 

They start low and then peak.  You can see the pattern in my profile signature.  My most common symptom is nausea.  The emotional cards take turns but blow over very quickly.  Hang in there and stay on the boards for support.  It helps me.  Again, I am very functional unless a larger then a 5 wave hits and then I need my BB's big time.  We absolutely heal.  My baseline is really good.  Since the last wave that ended on the 13th I have mostly felt 100% with 'spiking'.  I don't think I was able to say that before.  My kids bickering or fighting or crying also doesn't pierce me anymore.  I used to have to leave the room.  Now, I can ignore.  The sight of knives and scissors also drove me batty and I would hide them in drawers or under dirty dishes.  It was like being in the movie 'psycho' when I saw them.  I don't have that anymore. 

 

We heal.  Just give it time.  All evidence points to healing.  Stick with the Aston handbook and her evidence. 

 

MommyR

[[li...]]

Hi Life-

The wave doesn't seem to be as deep. I'm just so fearful of where this goes from here. I've read so many times about people feeling better for awhile only to be slammed back into terrible waves. This is better. I know this moment is better than so many before it. Even now I am feeling less fragile than I was 12 hours ago. I am going to do my best to stay with it and practice acceptance. What I can say for people having a difficult time is that the last few weeks are noticeably better than the weeks just before. It really does happen the way people describe, from unbearable to bearable in a matter of days or hours.

 

On another note, caffeine. Where do you stand and what's your experience? About a week ago I asked my husband to save the last little bit of coffee in his cup for me. It's maybe 4 tablespoons. I think it's perking me up a bit. I've never been a big coffee drinker, but use to drink a few sips a day.

Thoughts on how it effects healing?

 

Coffee is individual. I have two to three cups of coffee a day and I do not think a real problem. Sometimes if I am really anxious it makes it worst but not bad for me.

 

life

[[li...]]

Hi everyone. Things are doing pretty well here. I think researches will look at this thread as many of us start to heal -- chances are that 6 to 12 months many will heal. I think that I still have symptoms but believe it or not I get anxious from what? From feeling completely relaxed this morning. I thought -- shit! I cant be this chilled I have to worry about something. When I  did not get stressed I drank 3 cups of coffee . Is that crazy shit or what?!  The point here is that after being so anxious so long I'm actually having "re-enty into life syndrome" ( I made this term up). I think this was unusually low stressed day due to the mountain air here in the blue ridge mountains.

 

I may be making this up but as I read the threads I see that many in the 7 to 9 month period are basically turning the corner or already have done so. I am feeling that I have turned the corner and if this is a window it is the longest window with hardly any symptoms. Gals and guys, I was on this crap for 32 years or since I was 18 so this journey is a new one for me as I really do not know who I am with this crap not affecting me anymore ( or at least w/d behind be to a great extent). I do not feel 100% as I get this feeling that something may come up. What I am delighted to report is that the depression has lifted for now ( been about 10 days). I pray that it stays away.

 

I really am not doing a victory lap yet but I know that healing is happening in a major way. I read allot of the threads and I see a pattern. I see allot of healing. For instance Coop saying that her "intrusive thoughst" are under control is a major victory. There will be ups and downs but I know that the trend line is up!

 

love,

 

Life

[[je...]]

Hi Jenny ... I know the "overdoing it" place ... long day yesterday and a long day again today ... lots of pressure for me in chest and head, anxiety and fatigue ... time for a day of "rest" tonight and tomorrow ...

 

Have a good evening.

 

 

 

Thank you Nova! I hope you have a good night too, jenny

[[...]]

Life it sounds like you are doing awesome!! Wonderful and inspiring!

 

[[Fr...]]

Life and Mommy - Sounds like you are doing great and I'm so happy for you both.  You give me immense hope, especially since Life was on long-term.

 

I'm in a bad wave here - it started last night and I'm really sick with low-grade nerve pain, aching, fatigue, head pressure, overall malaise.  After such a nice long stretch, this is so discouraging and disheartening at week 18 (mid month 5).

 

Anyone have similar symptoms?

 

Needing words of encouragement everyone.  Was anyone this sick in month five?  Did 6 show more improvements?

 

Thanks all,

Lisa

[[be...]]

Hi all,

Lisa you just described my wave that set in last night. I awoke to aching all over like the flu, nerve pain, feeling very worn down with muscle tightness. My bladder feels so tight and painful and it's very hard to pee :'(

I have been having some good windows but then get slapped down with these waves.

I think when I start to feel better I'm going to take it a lot easier.

My brain is so restless and wants to live life again and the w/d says No, not yet.

I keep getting these feelings of ''who am I, what am I, what is my purpose,'' it's all so confusing.

I still can't do a lot of physical anything, although I am trying to walk a little everyday. I am able to fix my own breakfast, a little laundry, some tv,and still playing computer games for distraction.

This is all going so slow I keep praying for speed up of healing for all of us.

My cognitive function is still very slow and I'm still not that worried about it. I'm old and I know I have some brain damage from the w/d but it really is trying to get back to normal, I can feel it. Yesterday I said a big word that really shocked me and I was like ''where did that come from'', it didn't even sound like my voice.

This is all crazy stuff we have going on but we are healing no matter gow crazy it gets, IT"S HEALING!!!!

 

Love to you all Hugs.

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Free & Beulah,

Definitely go easy on yourself.  It's a waiting game.  These waves are huge bummers and when I am in one, I look outward to others which is why the boards are so great.  For me the physical is always better then the emotional, but I also didn't suffer tinnitus. 

 

I really believe we all heal eventually.  It is one of the lines I hold onto from the Ashton manual.  She specifically says testing was done on the brains of those who have been thru this (both long term and short term use) and that there is no 'evidence' of permanent damage.  Yes, it takes us different amounts of time to heal, but HUGE progress comes at 6-12 months and then I believe you aim for 18months and then 2 years.  Lot's of windows in that time.  Believe me, I have long windows and when the wave comes it's just as unpleasant as the first time.  But I will take this now over where I started. 

 

Free, 4 months is nothing.  You are way ahead of the game.  This wave will end and a glorious window will open! 

 

Beulah, yes it is healing. Sometimes it's like walking thru mental mud.  That big word is awesome!  I remember driving my son to the park and I was in a wave with depression.  All of a sudden I started thinking about going on a vacation or owning a home.  I felt joy inside.  I thought 'whoa' something is happening.  It was the first time I had a joyful thought fire off during in a wave.  That was in January.  I was 2 months off the benzo at that point.  Slowly I would notice things here and there.  That restless, wanting to live life again is good and very healthy.  I pray for all of us too.  There is an ebb and flow to this, but be encouraged.  The brain is amazing!!  We are made to heal.  Don't get caught in the trap thinking you will be the one who doesn't heal.  The odds are in our favor.  ALL of us!

 

Did you guys read the article about the paraplegic who had the chip placed in his brain and can now make his hand and arm move?  His preparation for this miracle was that they put a picture of his arm in from of him and he was to visualize it moving!  That's it!  visualization!  Our neurotransmitters work.  We weren't in an accident that severed our spinal cord.  If our brains can fire off the bad then they can fire off the good.  Waves make it hard, but when that window opens you understand the power of the mind.

 

Back on December 13th (I took my last pill on Nov 11th I think), I was in a bad wave.  Absolutely crazy bonkers.  My dreams were full of jazz singers celebrating me committing suicide, which I assure wasn't anything I wanted.  I wanted to live even though my mind was celebrating my death. 

It was 2am in the morning.  I was sure I would implode and die.  I was laying on my side whimpering and begging God for help.  My two boys were asleep between my husband and I.  Long story short, something miraculous happened.  It was what put me on the other side of this process.  I was terrified to go to the detox Dr that next morning and have him see me like that because he kept pushing meds at me.  What happened next is not a lie. 

 

I was laying there and it was like a metal wall went up around those intrusive thoughts.  My minds eye saw those crazy thoughts encapsulated.  I didn't picture it on my own, but it made itself there just as huge as those horrible dreams and thoughts, but this one was protecting me!  Those thoughts couldn't pop out.  They were totally contained.  A song came into my head.  It was a horrible tune, but my hip and shouldered started bopping to the beat.  I was laying there thinking.. 'what the heck'.. 'this is it, I've lost it'.  I stood up at this point.  It was 3am now.  I headed into my hallway and felt like doing a 'Beyonce' into my living room.  I was TOTALLY NORMAL. 100% NORMAL for this first time since I starting riding this crazy train.  And I am talking months and months of sick, vomiting, shaking, only a 3 hour window in a week kinda crazy train.

 

I went back and woke up my husband and told him to look at me.  He was freaked out.  He asked, "is this good or bad?".  I was all... when is the last time you saw me dancing in the living room??? I told him to go back to bed.  I sat on my living room couching kinda bopping to the beat in my head.  I called my mom at this point and we talked until 5am when I told her I was going to go to sleep.  I went to bed and slept until 7am.  I woke up NORMAL.  My husband looked at me and asked if it was still there.  Yup!  As the next few days passed I felt whatever healing had happened go down thru my body.  It took about a week to work it's way down.

 

THEN I had the worst two waves known to man.  One in January and One in February.  They had me begging for emergency.  I was climbing the walls of my bedroom in excruciating pain.  My husband was downcast.  He thought I was healed.  The thing is.  I was.  Whatever happened that night raised my baseline.  I went from a 70%-80% window at best up to 90%-95% after that.  The waves were wretched, but my baseline went up. 

 

Don't judge your healing by the wave.  I have read these things can go out with a bang.  This is what appeared to happen to me.  Was it a switch going off in my brain?  Was it devine intervention?  I know what I choose to believe.  Either way, my waves do not affect my baseline.  I had a 7 out of 10 wave in June and my baseline is 95%-100% during my windows.

 

Please hang in there and look forward.  Go on the boards and see the good.  We heal.  Don't let anyone tell you different.

 

 

 

 

[[pe...]]

There are a lot of encouraging stories and thoughts on here. I believe it but right now I don't feel it. I feel down, sad. It's not a deep sadness, but it's persistent. I feel like most (all?) of my other symptoms have melted away for the moment. But what good is it when I'm so sad. It feels oppressive, like I just can't get out from under it. It hasn't been here for awhile so I could probably see this as a wave. But I'm struggling with seeing this as me.

 

Jenny- I do understand the fatigue and overdoing it. It's hard not to be in the bright world with my little boys and I guess it's the same for you. I hope you're finding a balance. 

 

Life- glad to hear you're feeling close. This has been a long journey home for you. I love hearing about it and seeing you walking out into the sun. You seem to have exited the cave.

 

Peace2

[[be...]]

Free & Beulah,

Definitely go easy on yourself.  It's a waiting game.  These waves are huge bummers and when I am in one, I look outward to others which is why the boards are so great.  For me the physical is always better then the emotional, but I also didn't suffer tinnitus. 

 

I really believe we all heal eventually.  It is one of the lines I hold onto from the Ashton manual.  She specifically says testing was done on the brains of those who have been thru this (both long term and short term use) and that there is no 'evidence' of permanent damage.  Yes, it takes us different amounts of time to heal, but HUGE progress comes at 6-12 months and then I believe you aim for 18months and then 2 years.  Lot's of windows in that time.  Believe me, I have long windows and when the wave comes it's just as unpleasant as the first time.  But I will take this now over where I started. 

 

Free, 4 months is nothing.  You are way ahead of the game.  This wave will end and a glorious window will open! 

 

Beulah, yes it is healing. Sometimes it's like walking thru mental mud.  That big word is awesome!  I remember driving my son to the park and I was in a wave with depression.  All of a sudden I started thinking about going on a vacation or owning a home.  I felt joy inside.  I thought 'whoa' something is happening.  It was the first time I had a joyful thought fire off during in a wave.  That was in January.  I was 2 months off the benzo at that point.  Slowly I would notice things here and there.  That restless, wanting to live life again is good and very healthy.  I pray for all of us too.  There is an ebb and flow to this, but be encouraged.  The brain is amazing!!  We are made to heal.  Don't get caught in the trap thinking you will be the one who doesn't heal.  The odds are in our favor.  ALL of us!

 

Did you guys read the article about the paraplegic who had the chip placed in his brain and can now make his hand and arm move?  His preparation for this miracle was that they put a picture of his arm in from of him and he was to visualize it moving!  That's it!  visualization!  Our neurotransmitters work.  We weren't in an accident that severed our spinal cord.  If our brains can fire off the bad then they can fire off the good.  Waves make it hard, but when that window opens you understand the power of the mind.

 

Back on December 13th (I took my last pill on Nov 11th I think), I was in a bad wave.  Absolutely crazy bonkers.  My dreams were full of jazz singers celebrating me committing suicide, which I assure wasn't anything I wanted.  I wanted to live even though my mind was celebrating my death. 

It was 2am in the morning.  I was sure I would implode and die.  I was laying on my side whimpering and begging God for help.  My two boys were asleep between my husband and I.  Long story short, something miraculous happened.  It was what put me on the other side of this process.  I was terrified to go to the detox Dr that next morning and have him see me like that because he kept pushing meds at me.  What happened next is not a lie. 

 

I was laying there and it was like a metal wall went up around those intrusive thoughts.  My minds eye saw those crazy thoughts encapsulated.  I didn't picture it on my own, but it made itself there just as huge as those horrible dreams and thoughts, but this one was protecting me!  Those thoughts couldn't pop out.  They were totally contained.  A song came into my head.  It was a horrible tune, but my hip and shouldered started bopping to the beat.  I was laying there thinking.. 'what the heck'.. 'this is it, I've lost it'.  I stood up at this point.  It was 3am now.  I headed into my hallway and felt like doing a 'Beyonce' into my living room.  I was TOTALLY NORMAL. 100% NORMAL for this first time since I starting riding this crazy train.  And I am talking months and months of sick, vomiting, shaking, only a 3 hour window in a week kinda crazy train.

 

I went back and woke up my husband and told him to look at me.  He was freaked out.  He asked, "is this good or bad?".  I was all... when is the last time you saw me dancing in the living room??? I told him to go back to bed.  I sat on my living room couching kinda bopping to the beat in my head.  I called my mom at this point and we talked until 5am when I told her I was going to go to sleep.  I went to bed and slept until 7am.  I woke up NORMAL.  My husband looked at me and asked if it was still there.  Yup!  As the next few days passed I felt whatever healing had happened go down thru my body.  It took about a week to work it's way down.

 

THEN I had the worst two waves known to man.  One in January and One in February.  They had me begging for emergency.  I was climbing the walls of my bedroom in excruciating pain.  My husband was downcast.  He thought I was healed.  The thing is.  I was.  Whatever happened that night raised my baseline.  I went from a 70%-80% window at best up to 90%-95% after that.  The waves were wretched, but my baseline went up. 

 

Don't judge your healing by the wave.  I have read these things can go out with a bang.  This is what appeared to happen to me.  Was it a switch going off in my brain?  Was it devine intervention?  I know what I choose to believe.  Either way, my waves do not affect my baseline.  I had a 7 out of 10 wave in June and my baseline is 95%-100% during my windows.

 

Please hang in there and look forward.  Go on the boards and see the good.  We heal.  Don't let anyone tell you different.

 

 

Thank you so much!!

[[Fr...]]

Beulah - so sorry to hear you're having a painful wave again.  That's too bad.  I hadn't heard from you in awhile and was hoping it was because you were feeling great - maybe you were, but now this wave hit.  I'm sure you'll feel better soon.

 

I was in a really bad way last night and this morning - my husband was very worried and so was I - but after a bath and tylenol my pressure-filled head untightened and my body pain left.  Right now, my ankle is beginning to burn again, so I'm worried.  Things are still better for now.

 

MommyR - your encouragement and story mean a lot to me.  Yes I believe in divine intervention, absolutely.  Your story is amazing, so glad you are well on your way to recovering fully.  It must be hard going through this with small children.  My sons are grown so I can only imagine.

 

 

xo,

Lisa 

[[Mo...]]

I hope I can encourage you.  What good is it going thru this if you can't reach back and pull people out with you?  One day, one hour, one minute at a time.

[[li...]]

Life and Mommy - Sounds like you are doing great and I'm so happy for you both.  You give me immense hope, especially since Life was on long-term.

 

I'm in a bad wave here - it started last night and I'm really sick with low-grade nerve pain, aching, fatigue, head pressure, overall malaise.  After such a nice long stretch, this is so discouraging and disheartening at week 18 (mid month 5).

 

Anyone have similar symptoms?

 

Needing words of encouragement everyone.  Was anyone this sick in month five?  Did 6 show more improvements?

 

Thanks all,

Lisa

 

Lisa,

 

Mid 5 month was touch and go with me with mostly go (waves). That does not say anything about you but I think allot of healing months are coming your way. 6,7,8 and above are big healing months in my opinion. Stay with it and you will look back and say "wow, thank God a hung in there".

 

 

 

life

[[...]]

Peace, I am feeling the same and did a post this morning about it. I can best be described as melancholy. I think that covers it. Not depressed, just down.

 

I hope you (and I) pick up soon!!

 

[[je...]]

Yes, its that apathetic feeling. I think its normal in w/d, I have had it many times....

[[li...]]

There are a lot of encouraging stories and thoughts on here. I believe it but right now I don't feel it. I feel down, sad. It's not a deep sadness, but it's persistent. I feel like most (all?) of my other symptoms have melted away for the moment. But what good is it when I'm so sad. It feels oppressive, like I just can't get out from under it. It hasn't been here for awhile so I could probably see this as a wave. But I'm struggling with seeing this as me.

 

Jenny- I do understand the fatigue and overdoing it. It's hard not to be in the bright world with my little boys and I guess it's the same for you. I hope you're finding a balance. 

 

Life- glad to hear you're feeling close. This has been a long journey home for you. I love hearing about it and seeing you walking out into the sun. You seem to have exited the cave.

 

Peace2

 

Peace, I'm so thankful for your honesty. It was only two weeks ago that I was googling "cures for depression" because I could not go on anymore. All my other symptoms were gone. Out of all the symptoms depression is the one that concerned me the most. It scared the shit out of me!  I was concidering going to a special treatment where they put of magnetic (MRI) field to your brain for six weeks in hour treatments. This was a symptom that simply started in month 6 and would not go away -- well here I am 2 weeks and no depression. This crazy w/d is torturous as you never know when something will lift. I am not sure that I am out of the depression syndrome yet as time must pass but it at least lifted which I was concern it never would (benzo lies). That is the thing with this benzo crap -- when you are in a wave it's like it takes away your hope. That is the worst part of it. You will heal. You will get a window and it will come to your healing eventually. When? no one knows but 6 to 12 months is a major healing time. With 18 being the far off point where almost all are healed. hang in there Peace. You are a great person and thing swill get much better.

 

life

 

 

[[li...]]

Well today I decided to go out and push myself as I started the day slow. I accomplished allot and am back to my productive self. I must say that I endured allot of stress today and am still calming down now from it all. Heart raced, anxiety of things i needed ti get done etc. The difference now is that I do not automatically believe that I am going into a wave because of it. I can experience stress without falling down. I think I still have to watch myself as I definitely overdid it today. As we test ourselves more and more and get success from it I think the brain says "you pass, now onto another step". I can not stress to all of you the importance of looking at your healing as a process. One day you look back and go "Wow, I really did make allot of progress and yes my baseline is much higher". For me it all came so slowly. Little by little.

 

Unlike MommyR, it did not come so me so fast or overnight for me. I also believe in divine intervention. about 60 days ago I had a prayer group pray for me at "rock and roll church" if you know what I mean. Hands swaying, etc. These were deep and good God people. At the end of the prayer one said " Just look back 45 days from now and you will see that you will be healed". I did not think about it until now but all of the sudden I realized it was 60 days ago. I am 2 weeks into this great window (hopefully for life) and that would put it at 45 days exactly. I do believe in the power of prayer.

 

That being said, I talked to my addiction specialist and he said that 8 months was the turnaround time for a great many people. He said by 12 months most heal and by 18 months all but a very, very few are completely healed. Keep pushing through this dark cave guys and girls. I am telling you that the light of the day will blind you with joy for your healing. I am out of the cave but stll have healing to go through. The cave has left me tired and wiry -- but I am walking forward albeit with a tree limb holding me up as I start to hold my head up high. We are all healing!

 

Life

[[...]]

Good for you Life! It's hard but if we don't move forward how will we ever live?

 

Good going!!

[[Fr...]]

Life - thank you for your kind words of encouragement.  The divine intervention of your church members was wonderful.  It must feel amazing to be up and running well again.  I can't handle any stress and that frustrates me immensely.  The awful wave went away for about 3 hours and it came back a bit in the form of severe fatigue - like lay in bed fatigue - I tried to read out on the front porch and even that was too tiring.  It really worries me that I have cfs or something.

 

The day this all goes away and heals will be a day of rejoicing.

 

love to you all,

Lisa 

[[pe...]]

Life and everyone else- 

 

I appreciate each of you, your journey, your willingness to be a friend. I would be so much worse without your kindness. I am still sad, but I am not alone.

 

Peace2

[[Mo...]]

Life,

Really good word.  Yes, it is a process.  I hope it didn't sound like I was healed over night.  It was that one miraculous night that carried me forward thru the next months and even now.  For the next month after it happened I would lay in bed and try to recreate the feeling.  It was what I needed to propel me forward like a line drawn in the sand. 

 

It's almost a new day.  We've made it thru again.  Another day closer to 100%

 

MommyR

[[li...]]

Life - thank you for your kind words of encouragement.  The divine intervention of your church members was wonderful.  It must feel amazing to be up and running well again.  I can't handle any stress and that frustrates me immensely.  The awful wave went away for about 3 hours and it came back a bit in the form of severe fatigue - like lay in bed fatigue - I tried to read out on the front porch and even that was too tiring.  It really worries me that I have cfs or something.

 

The day this all goes away and heals will be a day of rejoicing.

 

love to you all,

Lisa

 

Free, it is so frustrating while we think that we will never be able to do the things we used to do - but then one day we just wake up and we can.It is the most awesome feeling and you will be up and doing things soon. You will heal. We just need time.

 

Life

[[Co...]]

Hi Buelah,  Jenny,  Mommy, Life, Nova, Green,  Peace,  Free et all

....wow...I am so so encouraged to read of all the progress..

....I also am chiming in after some hard days. Mommy,  your pattern of great windows follwed by waves and your explanation that the waves were " as bad as they were in the beginning " really helped me.  I had some nice windows in month four...followed by 2 1/2. months of what felt like another acute ( which it may have been as I reinstated at. 25 ativan for 3 days at poor medical advice in month four). .Even though I realize healing is not linear,  I am always shocked and depressed when it happens.

....Two nights ago I had one of the worst episodes of palps,  near. panic anxiety and insomnia .. a 14 hour wave straight from the seventh level of hell. I had not had anything that intense since Feb. I was fighting the driving compulsion to go to er..but I didn't because I have been there twice for palps and they tell me the same thing...harmless palps and " you need to stay on the ativan. "....I had a PT appointment the next morning.  I thought I wouldn't be able to go because I felt so beat up from .....the waev

..I also thought the wave was going to set in for 3--7 days. .I decided to go anyway ...I couldn't feel any worse so. .went...

By the time I got home the wave was lifting !....I went to bed immediately and slept like I have not slept in a year! I got up for dinner and went back to bed and slept 7 hours with REM dreams. and woke up happy...as though I was back in time 3 years ago..like I used to be before I even knew what a benzo was. It has held all day long...it is as though I have re-inhabited my body. I sat on my patio and was able to enjoy the warm rain ..I was able to just ' be '...complete peace...not one s/x...I was starving at lunch...( I have been without appetite for 3 months and am less 20 pounds..from 120 to 101..at 5'1 I want 15 pounds back)...When I saw Mommy 's description that her waves were just as bad as the first ones,  but her waves were better and closer together it seemed to match my experience.

..I know my window will probably go away, but I really believe my windows will return and ultimately I will heal.

...I am following Buelah's advice and go easy even in the windows. It has been enough...and wonderful to just enjoy being alive ..back in myself and even eating and sleeping is a joy. God,  we all sound like survivors of the hundred mile march.

...We all seem to be following a similar pattern ..still wavy at times...still wobbly and pushing through BUT...becoming more and more sure that healing is going to dawn on us.

...I am so happy to hear of everyone 's better days. We are all getting closer and closer...AHMEN!!

....FYI...excellent book to affirm your benzo and w/d experience and a great testimony to " EVERYONE heals "...the book is...' The Benzo Book ' by Hobson- Dupont ...

.....Wishing everyone a very good evening ...and tomorrow....coop