6-12 month thread....

[[pe...]]

Whootwhoot-

"Sorry to be like this right now; your support means everything to me....gives me hope.

Hope you are all feeling better than this....hope it is not bringing back bad memories...."

 

You can only be like this. Don't apologize. Your brain is working so hard and doing perfectly at moving through this trauma. Keep posting. We'll keep offering our hand to guide. And at the same time your posts offer me the chance to look back and realize how far I've come. I am afraid, but I'm not afraid if it. It comes, it sits in me but it doesn't hurt me. I tell it what it is, I call it out and say, "This is just anxiety, this is a normal part of recovery, it won't last forever."

 

Your partner won't be able to understand. But he can support and encourage you. My husband read an entire book on benzo withdrawal (I forget which one) but it helped him tremendously. He is never in doubt that all of my symptoms are benzo related. Even when I question if this is really me, he is certain it is not. He is never afraid that this will last forever and that helps me to have less fear.

 

Whootwhoot, everyday you are closer.

 

Peace2

[[Fl...]]

So fun to hear from you Flip...how is your life now that you are done with all of this and healed?

 

I'm really, really great, Coop, no kidding. I was so much better by a year and then at month 17 it was like a miracle. I truly feel very well most of the time and ever so grateful.

 

The support here will see you all through. Good for you guys for looking on the bright side, telling the truth of it, and holding one another up. Life changes with that kind of support. I applaud you!

 

:clap:

Flip

 

[[No...]]

Hi - well ... never did "anxiety/panic" before in a barber chair ... the noise of the clippers and the snip, snip of the scissors drove me up the wall, across the ceiling and down the other side ... gave an opportunity to practice what I am starting to call the "2 choices" ...

 

- choice # 1: frustration, upset, angry, get out of where I am, why is this happening to me, escalation ...

 

- choice # 2: okay, this is what I am feeling right now, no danger here, I am doing okay, I want to get this done, so I will stay with it ...

 

And there are some situations that I will choose not to stay with ... for whatever reason ... and that will be okay ...

 

This is where I can exercise some influence on an outcome in the moment ... not down the road, not the whole enchilada ... just right here, right now ... I can keep my experience of a situation "within bounds" ... what I call "keeping things slow" ... and not adding additional stress in the moment ...

 

After my trip "across the ceiling" I settled down enough to get a haircut ... I needed one, need to get my license renewed next week and I did not want to look the mad monk of geizer's hill for five years ...

 

Had a good walk to the barber shop ... took the bus home, I did enough for one morning ...

 

Time for my dinner ... back later ...

[[li...]]

Wow this has been an active thread lately.

 

Flip thank you so much. I am feeling that as I get closer to the month 12 that I am getting much better. My doctor said by 18 months most all is gone and that seems to be what is happening to you!

 

Whoot, we all know how tough it is and what you have been going through is very normal. Its interesting how you can get hope that things will be ok from us and we can now look back and remember where we were in your timeframe and value where we are now. Healing is slow so we only see haw far we have come if we compare. Also SSRI made me get intrusive thoughts and very nervous worst than even benzos.

 

Coop, so glad you are feeling better and just keep it up.

 

Coop,Peace, Nova, Healing, Green,Ski, Jenny, we are all going to make it. It is so hard but we are way past the halfway mark.  The exit is closer than the entrance and that is a milestone in and of itself.

 

life

 

 

 

[[wh...]]

Thank you so much Peace and everyone here.  Can't wait to be over this wave.  I always think it can't get worse....then it does....eeek.

If I could just stop the stupid thoughts I could get out of the house for a bit like I was doing.  I trust that it will happen.

Love and strength to you all. So glad you are here.....well wish you didn't have to go through this.....

[[...]]

Oh Whoot I'm so sorry for your wave....but...it sounds all to familiar! I would have "fear" but not know why, or what I was "fearful"of. It was SO confusing.

 

I'm doing better now, that fear feeling is very, very faint.

 

My thoughts are pulling you out of this wave!

 

Dea

[[fl...]]

Woweee, this thread is enormous now!  I don't think I can catch up on all the posts, but I just wanted to pop in and say "hi" to all my friends in the trenches.  I'm happy to report that I feel excellent physically, and my only real symptom is vulnerability to stress and some anxiety.  My anxiety is mostly about real life issues, so it's hard to separate what is recovery and what would possibly be anyway.

 

I still feel a little nervous about sleep most nights, even though I find I can now sleep a decent amount on my own just fine.  Thank God!  I think the nervousness about sleep is like a type of PTSD from the awful days of acute. 

 

Coop, Life, Green, Hope and all the others, thanks for keeping this going.  I think of my BB's quite often, and I look forward to celebrating everyone's success in it's due time. 

 

 

[[li...]]

P.s almost did not realize it -- this is my 9th month off!

 

 

life

[[No...]]

Hi Folks,

 

Had my dinner ... sat down in  my chair and slept for four hours ... yawn ... the anxiety stuff seems to have taken leave for a while ... mostly fat head and plugged ears and sinus ... tinnitus disappeared again ... I wish I knew where this stuff goes to re-charge its batteries ... I could go there and lock the door from the outside ...

 

11:00 PM here ... will be up for a while ... wishing everyone a "quiet" time ...

 

I do not "understand" the "intrusive thoughts" experience ... I suppose that means that I am not experiencing them ... if some of my comments are "missing the mark" for folks ... sorry ... I guess most of my stuff is physical with anxiety/panic thrown in ... we are all such wonderfully unique beings ... seeing the world from our place, it is a great blessing that we all come together here to speak, to listen, and to re-assure each other ... what a beautiful chorus we are ...

 

Good Healing.

[[No...]]

Wait for me Life ... I will catch up on Monday ... good for you ... thanks so much for being here.

 

[[je...]]

9 months off exactly today... I have been doing a lot lately going out and living life, spending time swimming and doing stuff with my boys-- we are going to the circus tomorrow. I even invited 2 friends over for a play date 2 days ago. The main sx  I am noticing is the extreme sensitivity to stress it takes me a few days to recover. Depression is gone. Most of my physical sx are still there but mild, the 2 that bother me the most are nerve pain and benzo belly. We are getting there! Jenny

[[He...]]

Happy 9 months, Life and Jenny! 3/4 of a year is a big deal!! :yippee: I remember when I hit 9 months thinking how could that amount of time be enough to create an entire new person, yet not enough to heal from a tiny pill. Crazy!!!   

 

Floc, it's great to hear from you. This really is a great thread, and just about the only place I like to go on BB anymore. I like the positivity from everyone and the encouragement when it's needed.

 

Nova, I had a similar experience at the salon last week....(well, not the clippers part  ), but I was so full of anxiety that I felt like jumping out of the chair.  I made it through, but yikes! Thankfully things have calmed down tremendously for me again.

[[pe...]]

Jenny and Life- Happy 9 months. You're both doing a great job of returning to yourselves and your lives. I'm so very happy for you for coming so far and being so close.

 

I've also had the haircut experience! I bet it's a hallmark of benzo recovery, feeling anxious at the salon. I've been doing the minimum upkeep necessary to pass. So far, so good. I'm starting to entertain the thought of a pedicure...

 

Today is another day on the road for my little family. Today we tackle 6 hours in the car. A pedicure would probably be easier. 

 

Thinking of you all.

Peace2

 

 

[[Co...]]

Floc ...thanks for stopping in to say hi and encourage us. So happy for you that you are doing so well! ..Your post will give us heart to go the distance. It is wonderful to hear from those in the 6-12 month time frame who are getting their lives back...congratulations to you..

[[Co...]]

Life...CONGRATULATIONS!....9MONTHS....you are soooo close. I am thrilled for you that you are incredibly well. You are such an inspiration to all of us. I appreciate you so much for taking the time to post to us. Your progress is giving us such hope for healing. Wishing you a fabulous 9 th month....with much dancing in the boat.....love to you buddies....coop

[[wh...]]

Thank you Dea and everyone for your thoughts.  it worked

Went for a long walk and did it ok not too dizzy or light headed.  I think it helps actually

Stupid fear of fear.

This morning is better woke up at 1 though in a panic.  Just waiting this whole thing out.  8 weeks soon

what did you all do for the sinus and nose pressure?

 

[[Co...]]

Jenny!....CONGRATULATIONS to you too!...another 9 month buddie You and Life are giving us such good hope. A circus and play dates...I am so happy for you. Thank you for posting your wonderful progress...The rest of us are right behind you.

......Enjoy your fun day...happy healing to you ....coop

[[Co...]]

Nova...well,  that sounds like the haircut of a lifetime. Sorry to hear that your anxiety took a trip ' around the world ' while you were trying to stay anchored in the chair. I am also finding that I can more easily ride out an anxiety /panic ..not fun and exhausting,  but better than calling 911. I love the sense of humorous and observation you have about s/x.

.....I also rode out a day of anxiety with the dreaded head pressure and tinnitus. A friend invited me to coffee and another friend stopped by in the afternoon before leaving for vacation. Like you,  I am pretty introverted but really love these friends and was looking forward to seeing them.  With both visits I was trying to feel connected through d/p and mini panics about the head pressure that was like a migraine without the pain,  but the pressure has its own type of pain like sensation. ..like you I ' got through '...but was in bed at 630. ...

..Nova this wont always be our lives...trying to live through and around unpredictable s/x exhausting ourselves trying to appear ok ....soon we are just going to actually BE ok....Glad you got some sleep..even though it was in your chair. Those accumulated hours of sleep and rest throughout the day are another thing that gets me through a tough day.

...Nova...wishing you a better day with many sunbreaks...You and I are making our way out of the cave too...coop

[[Co...]]

Whoot...how are you this morning? ...I hope Life 's and Jenny 's posts are giving you the assurance that is so needed in acute. I know I am hanging on to those posts today. ..Whoot,  you are going to get there too. I am thinking of you today and hoping you get a break ....just try to think about getting to month 4...acute can ease after the third and fourth month.

.....take care Whoot...wishing you a sunbreak today...coop

 

[[wh...]]

Hi guys

Bad day for me too ...

thanks life4me for the hope.

I don't know how I am managing to make it through this.  so dizzy....bad dreams; panic; no appetite.....OMG

Hypochondria is rampant.  Just had to rant; I know only time will fix this but I'm doing it one second at a time right now.

[[Gr...]]

9 months off exactly today... I have been doing a lot lately going out and living life, spending time swimming and doing stuff with my boys-- we are going to the circus tomorrow. I even invited 2 friends over for a play date 2 days ago. The main sx  I am noticing is the extreme sensitivity to stress it takes me a few days to recover. Depression is gone. Most of my physical sx are still there but mild, the 2 that bother me the most are nerve pain and benzo belly. We are getting there! Jenny

 

Jenny, I have tears in my eyes.  Not kidding.  I am SOOOO happy for you.  This is the best news ever.  :yippee:

[[Gr...]]

9 months off exactly today... I have been doing a lot lately going out and living life, spending time swimming and doing stuff with my boys-- we are going to the circus tomorrow. I even invited 2 friends over for a play date 2 days ago. The main sx  I am noticing is the extreme sensitivity to stress it takes me a few days to recover. Depression is gone. Most of my physical sx are still there but mild, the 2 that bother me the most are nerve pain and benzo belly. We are getting there! Jenny

 

Jenny, I have tears in my eyes.  Not kidding.  I am SOOOO happy for you.  This is the best news ever.  :yippee:

 

And don't worry about the benzo belly  I told you we're getting a group rate on tummy tucks, lol!!

[[am...]]

Woweee, this thread is enormous now!  I don't think I can catch up on all the posts, but I just wanted to pop in and say "hi" to all my friends in the trenches.  I'm happy to report that I feel excellent physically, and my only real symptom is vulnerability to stress and some anxiety.  My anxiety is mostly about real life issues, so it's hard to separate what is recovery and what would possibly be anyway.

I still feel a little nervous about sleep most nights, even though I find I can now sleep a decent amount on my own just fine.  Thank God!  I think the nervousness about sleep is like a type of PTSD from the awful days of acute. 

 

Coop, Life, Green, Hope and all the others, thanks for keeping this going.  I think of my BB's quite often, and I look forward to celebrating everyone's success in it's due time. 

 

Good for you Floc, that's great news !!

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everybody, there's such good stuff on here today.  I want to respond to all of it, but I have to get out the door, I have things to do, and I'm grateful that I'm able to do them.  I will be back later to see how everyone is.  Biggest issue right now is the insomnia. 

 

And, as I wrote to Coop, the DP and DR hits me pretty bad, too.  I go from feeling 'autistic invisible,' in my own world, even in a crowd, to hyer self conscious, paranoid, like everyone is looking at me and can read me inside me, like a mind invasion.  Then sometimes I feel "normal social" and as I'm talking I turn manic, with pressured speech, and then by the time I stop talking it's quiet and people are staring at me.  I swear, I used to be very normal socially.  Even a little extroverted sometimes.  This is so not me.

 

But I'm out in the world and getting by.  I think the thing in withdrawal is knowing when to push back at your s/x and when to pull back, retreat.  Have a good day, all, see you later.

[[li...]]

Hi Folks,

 

Had my dinner ... sat down in  my chair and slept for four hours ... yawn ... the anxiety stuff seems to have taken leave for a while ... mostly fat head and plugged ears and sinus ... tinnitus disappeared again ... I wish I knew where this stuff goes to re-charge its batteries ... I could go there and lock the door from the outside ...

 

11:00 PM here ... will be up for a while ... wishing everyone a "quiet" time ...

 

I do not "understand" the "intrusive thoughts" experience ... I suppose that means that I am not experiencing them ... if some of my comments are "missing the mark" for folks ... sorry ... I guess most of my stuff is physical with anxiety/panic thrown in ... we are all such wonderfully unique beings ... seeing the world from our place, it is a great blessing that we all come together here to speak, to listen, and to re-assure each other ... what a beautiful chorus we are ...

 

Good Healing.

 

Nova, to me  "intrusive thoughts" are like being a schizophrenic without the audible part. That is the best I can explain it. Mine are all but gone BUT I sure did struggle with them early on. That tels me it was defiantly w/d related and thank God!

 

Life