6-12 month thread....

[[...]]

Good Afternoon BB's,

 

LovingMother,

Thank you for your kind reply to my post.

 

About my eyes, I quit reading shortly after I began my taper because ?  I was not sure if it was my eyes or my inability to focus on ANYTHING.  I just started reading a novel about a week ago and did not give it a second thought until I read your post.  Wow, I am reading again, that is an improvement that I had not thought about.  However, I am using reading glasses this year to prune my roses.  I never had to do that before.  Not sure if that is withdrawal or age !  LOL !

 

I have been trying to read all of this thread from the beginning.  I think I have read about 8 pages.  It is so helpful to see the similarities in people at this point of their healing. 

 

Hugs, KB

 

 

 

 

[[Lo...]]

Yea im hoping alot of my symptoms fade away in the next few months. I see we both took our last dose around the same time 

 

We sure did...3 weeks apart! Praying the same.

[[Lo...]]

Hello All, checking in. I am now 10 months CT, and was hoping I would be so much better by now. I lost my rational mind the past few days, and burning, no sleep, pain ramped everything up. But my rational mind is back today, so I have my hope again. I am now questioing the timeline of this healing process....first it was 6-12 months recovery time.....then 6-18 months recovery time, but really when you read BBs posts, those timeframes don't fit, the majority of us are out 18 months plus still in WDs....so it is realistic to hang my hat on the 24 month mark for recovery now? Ashton mentions 6-12 months but those studies were years ago, and with the hundreds on BB, it seems their recovery times are more realistic.....18-24 months?

 

I want the the benzo WD fairy to tell me my recovery date?

 

Everyone heals differently. Some in a few months, some right at or under 12 months...some...no symptoms post jump...some after 12 months. One never knows cindys. Just keep holding on, you never know when the sxs will stop (could be tomorrow) :-)

[[So...]]

Hi everyone, just checking in.  Having a very rough day.  Having that feeling of the world being overwhelming.  I'm still workign running my real estate brokerage.  Yesterday I pushed myself to do a lot of driving looking at land for future housing development.  I woke up totally wiped out today and with sinus issues.  I also get lots of "wonderful" memories of times in my past when I felt stressed out by work, etc.  Darn, why don't our damn brains recall the good times when I was confident! 

[[Ca...]]

Oh Mrs....what wonderful news! Thank you for posting. It makes me happy to hear of your progress. I am following your slow taper....still holding on to the baton you passed to me a few months ago!

 

Love to you,

Carita

 

I know you are, sista. It was somewhere between 0.020 and 0.015mg that I could start moving along a little faster...and then at 0.005mg, I took it to "zero" cutting 0.001mg each day Oh, how I longed to go faster! But in hindsight, I'm glad that I didn't. As a result (I believe), I had absolutely ZERO change in symptoms after my jump. I probably experienced "acute" months before my actual 'jump'.

 

How are you feeling these days? What symptoms remain for you? Are there any in particular that are what you'd consider your "least favorite" (I won't call 'em "worst...I won't even give 'em that satisfaction!)? For me, hands down, it was fear/panic. Followed closely by anxiety and tachycardia I remember you experiencing some nerve pain & such, but its been a while since we've chatted

 

Miss you, Carita. I am holding you up in thought, and I will be right there at the finish line waiting for you, with your victory bouquet of flowers in hand when you jump! You may fall into the arms of your buddies here at that moment, and take your first breath - ahh -- of true FREEDOM! And then you will get to experience your real hearing unfold - it is as miraculous as they say it is, C! And, there is something truly different about the healing that comes post-taper, when you've tapered slowly (IMO) But I'll save that experience as a pleasant surprise that you may discover for yourself!

 

Keep your eye on your prize, and keep a firm grip on that baton. Don't you see her behind you? - right there,just a few corners behind! - she is waiting for that baton to be handed off to her next, and she's gonna need you to pass it along to her in order for the event to come full circle!

 

Love to you, Carita - you're almost there! So close to shattering those glass dose jars for life! YEAH BABY!! 

 

Mrs.

 

 

Hi Dear Mrs,

  Thank you for the great pep talk.  I am very grateful for your positive thoughts. It feels strange to be this close. I thought this would be a distant memory by now! Life brings many surprises. I am thrilled you are doing so well!

 

    Like you I think I have been in acute for sometime now. Symptoms have been numerous and exhausting. There have been many days I did not think I could do it one more minute. The human spirit is amazingly resilient.

 

    You ask about my least favorite (!) symptom. Hands down it is depression with suicidal thoughts. It makes everything else feel much harder. The ugliest of this does not last long anymore....usually a few days then fades to heavy depression. This has been the darkest time of my life. I had occasional situational depression before benzodiazepines but nothing like this. I use all of my coping skills and support team when this happens. Thankfully it feels like it is resolving.

 

    The next least favorite is vertigo. I am almost constantly dizzy and have learned to manage pretty well but when vertigo hits I'm unable to function. Again, it is less often than before. I am very grateful. The next is gut wrenching fear...round the clock fear of everything. I remember you telling us about Mr driving you as you faced your fear of the unfamiliar. Yep, I understand. I have not driven on the freeway for a year or so. I've been afraid of family photographs and some beautiful art carvings we own! What?!?! Isn't it strange? Lots of other "visitors" come daily but by far depression, vertigo and fear take the cake. The mental health symptoms are the most difficult for me. Physical symptoms pale in their shadow.

 

    I think the slow rate of taper has been a gift to my healing body. I tapered this slowly out of necessity....any faster and I went from moderately functional to nonfunctional. I hope I am able to follow you into .00 mg with no uptick in symptoms. Logically this sounds very possible but we know how crazy withdrawals can be!

 

  I am having a pretty good day today...a gift. I chatted with a neighbor rather than scurrying to the back yard in fear. I mailed some packages and drove locally. I wrote a few letters...all signs of healing. I am grateful.

 

  Thank you dear one...you've been there for me since my early Xanax taper. And now for the last bits of Valium. Knowing you did it helps me believe I will too. Wishing you continued healing.

 

Much love,

Carita

 

I've been enjoying Dr. Jenns trip notes and Gilmore Girls!

 

 

 

Oh Carita!  I can sooo understand with the fear, wow!  I would list for you the things that I was "afraid" of this past year, but I don't want your "benzo brain" to get any silly ideas!!  I know how "impressionable" it can be at times -- shoo, I sometimes felt like a ridiculous "sponge" to "negative" suggestion!!   It felt "dark" and "deep", like "terror-doom" feeling -- it was awful.  Silly, mundane inanimate objects would be "scary" to me, similar to your family pictures and wood carvings...along with random words sending a "shot" of terror down me, like "clock" or "table"...LOL.  I can laugh at it now, but back then -- not so much! 

 

Carita, I cannot express to you how close you really are to feeling immense relief.  Would you believe that my most "challenging" of times was only back in the month of August 2014?  That was only 5 months ago, girl -- FIVE.  Do you realize that you could be only five short months away from feeling about 90-95% functional again?  If you would've told me back in August that I would be feeling this good in January, I would've called you CRAZY.  Back then, I was pretty certain that I would be feeling awful for a couple YEARS yet, and had sorta made "peace" with that idea.  What an unbelievable blessing -- the body is miraculous in its ability to heal.

 

I believe that I was at around 0.020mg in August.  The middle of May through June had been pretty miserable.  Then July came, and it felt like I was finally on the "mend"!  Things were feeling better, and I was making strides every day.  When the month of August rolled around, I remember it was like a light switch "flipped" ~ and I woke up into a body/brain that wasn't recognizable to me anymore ~ the rug had been pulled out from under me, literally.  I'm sure you've felt like you've been there, too.  Have you noticed "windows" and/or "waves"?  Or is it more or less just "bad" and "a little less bad" at this time for you?  I want you to know that it's okay if things feel like they get "worse" ~~ girlfriend, no matter how bad they feel, I PROMISE YOU -- YOU WILL GET BETTER.  I constantly played the game of "this is the worst it will get, period -- no more".  Only to fall a bit deeper/further the next day, and feel so "hopeless" because of it -- haha, like I had "control" over it or something!  Its only our "job" to ride it out, and be patient/gentle with ourselves in the process ~ the rest mends itself

 

You just keep wittling away, my friend.  It was truly miserable to get off from the low doses for me.  HOWEVER -- the post-withdrawal experience, and the healing associated with it, has been second to none friend ~ and I think it will be the same for you as well.  You have done so well, Carita.  You have much to be proud of yourself about!  And Mr. Carita -- our hunnies go through this right along with us, don't they?  Mr spent many, many "boring" nights nestled on the couch with me and watching Friends, the only "safe" TV that I was able to watch at the time ~ it was the only way he'd get to spend any time with me at all.  Poor guy, put up with me sleeping on the couch every night for almost 2 years.  Anyways, he's been right there to experience this healing I've had recently as well ~ and it's been a joy to be able to "give" him some "normal Mrs" again here and there!  You will be the same, too, Carita.  You just wait and see -- your healing is coming along, and is happening as we speak

 

I don't mean to "babble" your ear off, friend...I just remember what it was like to be in the "heat" of the battle, and I want you to know that it's going to get better -- SOOO much better -- and sooner than what you can even imagine   Love you girl.  Let me know when you reach your "0.050" increments ~ so, 0.025mg, 0.020mg, 0.015mg, etc.  I'd love to know how you are doing often!  Feel free to check in as you feel able to, dear   Sleep well tonight,

 

Mrs.

 

Dear Mrs....thank you for your kindness. I will keep you posted on my progress and share my final dose the minute it happens.

You asked about how I'm feeling at this point. I'd say your description of bad and a little less bad is accurate. I use percentages...I usually am between 30 and 50% myself. I had a few hours of 70% in December...wow! A gift! Yesterday I was about 50%...it can change very quickly.

I spoke to my pharmacist today and he was so happy to hear how far I've tapered. He has heard this story before and has been one of my biggest supporters.

 

Again, thank you. Your support means so much.

Love,

Carita

 

Oh my...smiled when you shared you've been on the couch for two years. Hubby and I sleep separately too....it will be nice to feel well enought to share a bed again!

[[Lo...]]

Hi everyone, I was having a nice calm day and boom...a thud in my chest...then another...then heart palps and then boom...they fade away.

 

It felt scary. I don't want anything happening to me. My little pumpkin needs me.

 

Praying it was a freakish wave :-(

[[...]]

Good Morning BB's,  LM, that was a very frightening thing to have happen.  Has it happened before ?  Just so happens Hubs and I were in the ER from midnight to 4:00 A.M. having his heart checked out.  Hubs was fine, think it is his asthma medication.  I have read on here before to not over look serious symptoms because not all symptoms we experience during our taper/post taper experience are from withdrawal.  Hope this never happens again to you, Hugs, KB

 

[[Lo...]]

Good Morning BB's,  LM, that was a very frightening thing to have happen.  Has it happened before ?  Just so happens Hubs and I were in the ER from midnight to 4:00 A.M. having his heart checked out.  Hubs was fine, think it is his asthma medication.  I have read on here before to not over look serious symptoms because not all symptoms we experience during our taper/post taper experience are from withdrawal.  Hope this never happens again to you, Hugs, K

 

Hi there, its happened before...but months ago when I was in acute. I've been to a cardiologist and everything checked out.

 

I'm wondering if it was the cold medicine :-(

 

I truly want my life back already.  :'(

[[...]]

LM, it very well may have been the cold meds! Take care of yourself and listen to your body! I see you're almost 9 months out! Congrats! This has been a loonnngggg road!

 

Be well everyone!

 

[[Lo...]]

LM, it very well may have been the cold meds! Take care of yourself and listen to your body! I see you're almost 9 months out! Congrats! This has been a loonnngggg road!

 

Be well everyone!

 

 

Thank you everyone and thank you GMIT. I stopped the cold meds. Hoping just the Vitamin C and other things I'm doing naturally will kick the rest of the cold out.

 

We went out yesterday to enjoy the weather and to a kids bday party and I was fine (symptoms were low). I do have a doctors appt tomorrow at 10am just to get checked out.

 

GMIT...thanks for the congrats. I can't believe I'm almost 9 months out. Praying the rest of these sxs will soon fade away.

[[...]]

I hope it does to! I'm almost a year out, the only sxs I have left is the intermittent depression/fear. I notice it for whatit am right away when it happens, as benzo stuff!

 

Soon we'll write our success stories!

 

[[Lo...]]

I hope it does to! I'm almost a year out, the only sxs I have left is the intermittent depression/fear. I notice it for whatit am right away when it happens, as benzo stuff!

 

Soon we'll write our success stories!

 

 

Ok I'm noticing a pattern since Saturday around the same time after I eat is when I get these weird heart palpitations. I wonder if it has to do with my digestive system or what. it almost feels like my diaphragm is doing a weird spasm and it is causing this weird heart palpitation. I don't know I just wish it would pass. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow though.

 

I didn't have them yesterday at all.

 

So disturbing.  :'(

[[Wo...]]

LM, You've probably seen me post about these palps somewhere here. Sorry you're having these too. Mine are definitely triggered by eating. Doesn't matter what I eat. I've read it's super common to have them after eating. I hope you get some peace of mind at the Dr. tomorrow.

 

I have to report that I had almost a full week of a major reduction in symptoms. This has been the best week I've had in a whole year. I still haven't had a symptom free day though, but things are headed in the right direction. All be it, very slowly.

 

I wish everyone well.

[[Lo...]]

LM, You've probably seen me post about these palps somewhere here. Sorry you're having these too. Mine are definitely triggered by eating. Doesn't matter what I eat. I've read it's super common to have them after eating. I hope you get some peace of mind at the Dr. tomorrow.

 

I have to report that I had almost a full week of a major reduction in symptoms. This has been the best week I've had in a whole year. I still haven't had a symptom free day though, but things are headed in the right direction. All be it, very slowly.

 

I wish everyone well.

 

That is awesome WonerNova about the week with reduced sxs! My doctor wants me to see a cardio doc. I haven't been since Dec 2013. She wants to make sure all is well since I am recovering from Lyme Disease and all. Yeah...what a wonderful life.

 

Its sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo daunting but I know I'm not alone in this. Thanks everyone for chiming in.

[[So...]]

Hi guys, checking in.  I'm realizing that the physical symptoms of tension, etc. are what is driving my mental symptoms.  Yesterday was a very nice day and I was able to relax quite well.  Today is the opposite.  My head is all warm and pounding,  Shoulders like steel cables.  Not knowing how I'm going to do from day to day is hard.  Yesterday I felt my confident.  Then today it's pulled away. 

 

Another thing I'm getting today is what I call "memory floods".  Lots of random memories of the past come racing in and suck me down.  The memories paint a picture of things being much worse than they truly were. 

[[Wh...]]

Want to follow this thread, but I am supposed to be working so I am posting so I can come back and read later! You all give me hope!

[[ci...]]

Hi AlL, bad day today, disability pay denied, lost my job. I had been having oK days for past week, and then upon this bad news today, with my self pity party and crying, all the sxs increased....big time....burning, pain, head pins and needles....as the anxiety worsen so did the physical sxs...I guess that is just proof that our emotions and anxiety can cause our physical pain to increase.

 

Sorry, to be such a bummer, today. I am going to have a self pity party, just for today, wallow in my misery and then MOVE ON!. So by tommorow, I'll be a new woman, hopefully stronger and confident, and pain free.

 

[[Wh...]]

Hello All, checking in. I am now 10 months CT, and was hoping I would be so much better by now. I lost my rational mind the past few days, and burning, no sleep, pain ramped everything up. But my rational mind is back today, so I have my hope again. I am now questioing the timeline of this healing process....first it was 6-12 months recovery time.....then 6-18 months recovery time, but really when you read BBs posts, those timeframes don't fit, the majority of us are out 18 months plus still in WDs....so it is realistic to hang my hat on the 24 month mark for recovery now? Ashton mentions 6-12 months but those studies were years ago, and with the hundreds on BB, it seems their recovery times are more realistic.....18-24 months?

 

I want the the benzo WD fairy to tell me my recovery date?

 

Cindy-nope...focus on now! Tomorrow might be a better day than today!! Keep positive thoughts! That is what got me through this mess (you know until I need a few reminders from you to tell me this is normal  ). I am still shooting for the 6-18 month healing! Hang in there!!!

[[Wh...]]

Hi AlL, bad day today, disability pay denied, lost my job. I had been having oK days for past week, and then upon this bad news today, with my self pity party and crying, all the sxs increased....big time....burning, pain, head pins and needles....as the anxiety worsen so did the physical sxs...I guess that is just proof that our emotions and anxiety can cause our physical pain to increase.

 

Sorry, to be such a bummer, today. I am going to have a self pity party, just for today, wallow in my misery and then MOVE ON!. So by tommorow, I'll be a new woman, hopefully stronger and confident, and pain free.

 

Hang in there!! You are stronger than you think! If you can't get disability, can you go and apply for unemployment now? Look at it this way, I know the disability pay is nice...but you wont need it for long!!! This is just a stepping stone to greater things to come!!! Life has a funny way of working out! 

[[ci...]]

whyowhy, Thank you, I needed that gentle kick in the ass......and I'll keep shooting for that 6-18 month healing span , also.

[[Lo...]]

whyowhy, Thank you, I needed that gentle kick in the ass......and I'll keep shooting for that 6-18 month healing span , also.

 

Really praying for you my dear. Here I was complaining that I'm a few hundred dollars short on rent and other bills and you got denied disability. I'm so sorry...I'm going to pray that you get some sort of income. Have you tried any online jobs where you can work from home. Your old job can kick rocks...really. You will heal, you will be restored and you will get another kick a** job! 

[[Lo...]]

On a lighter note...happy 9 months off to me and Drew! 3/4 of a year down! Praying for continued healing for all of us!

 

Virtual cupcakes for everyone! One cupcake for each month off! 

 

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[[ci...]]

LM, thanks you so much for your kind words, My husband works so that helps. But we will need to sell our home w/o my income coming in. But it could be alot worse, I just keep telling myself if I get my health back I will be OK. Never realized how important your health is until something like this happens.

 

9 Months off.....Congrats! the worst is behind you now, and soon you will be turning that corner and then see that light at the end  of the tunnel and then you will be recovered.

 

 

[[Lo...]]

LM, thanks you so much for your kind words, My husband works so that helps. But we will need to sell our home w/o my income coming in. But it could be alot worse, I just keep telling myself if I get my health back I will be OK. Never realized how important your health is until something like this happens.

 

9 Months off.....Congrats! the worst is behind you now, and soon you will be turning that corner and then see that light at the end  of the tunnel and then you will be recovered.

 

Hugs to you cindys 

 

I'm so thankful you have a loving husband. 

 

Thank you for your encouragement! Better days are coming our way! Indeed!

[[Lo...]]

Just an update, I have an appt with the cardiologist on Monday afternoon for an evaluation. I haven't been since Dec 2013. All was fine back then and I'm sure it is now. I even had an echocardiogram and my heart looked great! Just making sure everything is okay between these heart palps, shortness of breath and remember...I'm healing from Lyme Disease.

 

Say a prayer and send good thoughts :-)