6-12 month thread....

[[mr...]]

Hey gang. Mrs. here Just posting an update

 

A new level of healing opened up for me these past few days. The month of December and the beginning part of January was characterized by depression, mixed with something I can only describe as "physically unmotivated" - I felt tired/fatigued periodically, sort of "wired/tired" periodically, feeling somewhat "despaired" at times, fear/panicky at times, and overall generally emotionally "mute" - like I wasn't experiencing much "good" feelings, mainly just "neutral" or "negative" feelings. Don't get me wrong, I had many "decent" and "good" periods of time throughout also

 

Here is the new level I'm at: I'm not sure how to explain it, but the next level of "fear" has peeled and fallen away. It just doesn't carry the "punch" or "threat" it did the past...year? Wow! I also experienced my first "100%" window this weekend - I felt entirely myself again in my mind! What a feeling! Wow! Its like the "panic" has just...left. Poof. Gone. Like that. Whoa! - wasn't expecting it like that at all! It felt like it was here for a long while yet. Of course, I know that the process is nonlinear, so I am aware, and prepared, if things "ebb" again after this "flow". But this experience has raised my belief so much in MY ability to heal 100%. I mean, I KNEW that we all heal 100% with time, but I think I didn't fully believe that I would heal 100% with time, you know? Not any more, gang Shoo, it feels GOOD to be able to say that!

 

My body, and the physical affects of withdrawal for me, has gotten a little better as well. One of my symptoms if I've worked my body a bit much us that I'd feel somewhat "wired/tired" and run a little "tachy" (tachycardia, or elevated heartrate), at around 90-100bpm at rest. I'd also be a bit more inclined to feel a palp here & there, and I'd "fatigue out" with what is considered simple physical tasks (like shopping or laundry). Things are improved in this area. I'm not sure how to describe it outside of saying that my endurance is a little better - I can do more physically! I'm still looking for more improvement with heartrate & such, and it is happening Amen!

 

There it is, gang The short- & long of things I cannot express to you often enough how I just could NOT see healing from my "least favorite" symptoms - was like I was "blocked" from being capable of harboring "belief" or "hope"...such a weird thing to describe, you know? Anyways, gang

 

You may not feel it, but it doesn't change the FACT that you are healing. With every panicky breath you take, with every unrestful moment of sleep you get, with every shakey step you take...you're just logging your moments, logging your journey to a new life that awaits you - you just gotta be willing to see it through Keep on keeping on...someday soon, you won't be merely "surviving"...you'll be thriving!

 

Love to you all!

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

What a great post mrs!   It's so nice when things just disappear.  I am still on a good run. 6 out of last 7 days pretty good.

[[Co...]]

Wow, ...look at the healing going on here!.

....Mrs, I never would have guessed that you were having hardctimes. Your posts are always so positive and upbeat. I could not be more excited for you. I totally get the feeling of , " still having sx , but know for sure that I am really healing"..It sounds like you turned that corner that tips the whole thing in our favor...even though we are still getting wavy days. So happy for you Mrs.  Enjoy enjoy... ( I know you will...)....coop

[[mr...]]

Wow, ...look at the healing going on here!.

....Mrs, I never would have guessed that you were having hardctimes. Your posts are always so positive and upbeat. I could not be more excited for you. I totally get the feeling of , " still having sx , but know for sure that I am really healing"..It sounds like you turned that corner that tips the whole thing in our favor...even though we are still getting wavy days. So happy for you Mrs.  Enjoy enjoy... ( I know you will...)....coop

 

Aww (((((Coop))))) - means a lot coming from the girl who drew me to this thread to begin with 

 

And (((((drewskie))))) - means a lot coming from the guy who kept my butt off the couch and out the door

 

Love you both mucho

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Drew, ..6 days out of 7....the best news!....I have to say, ...I am envious. I can't even imagine 6 straight days of windows. ..I hope they just keep rolling in and your window goes straight to 100% healing.. ..we all need to hear these incredibly reassuring posts of healing....see what happens when you deep clean your coffee maker...coop

[[Lo...]]

Hey gang. Mrs. here Just posting an update

 

A new level of healing opened up for me these past few days. The month of December and the beginning part of January was characterized by depression, mixed with something I can only describe as "physically unmotivated" - I felt tired/fatigued periodically, sort of "wired/tired" periodically, feeling somewhat "despaired" at times, fear/panicky at times, and overall generally emotionally "mute" - like I wasn't experiencing much "good" feelings, mainly just "neutral" or "negative" feelings. Don't get me wrong, I had many "decent" and "good" periods of time throughout also

 

Here is the new level I'm at: I'm not sure how to explain it, but the next level of "fear" has peeled and fallen away. It just doesn't carry the "punch" or "threat" it did the past...year? Wow! I also experienced my first "100%" window this weekend - I felt entirely myself again in my mind! What a feeling! Wow! Its like the "panic" has just...left. Poof. Gone. Like that. Whoa! - wasn't expecting it like that at all! It felt like it was here for a long while yet. Of course, I know that the process is nonlinear, so I am aware, and prepared, if things "ebb" again after this "flow". But this experience has raised my belief so much in MY ability to heal 100%. I mean, I KNEW that we all heal 100% with time, but I think I didn't fully believe that I would heal 100% with time, you know? Not any more, gang Shoo, it feels GOOD to be able to say that!

 

My body, and the physical affects of withdrawal for me, has gotten a little better as well. One of my symptoms if I've worked my body a bit much us that I'd feel somewhat "wired/tired" and run a little "tachy" (tachycardia, or elevated heartrate), at around 90-100bpm at rest. I'd also be a bit more inclined to feel a palp here & there, and I'd "fatigue out" with what is considered simple physical tasks (like shopping or laundry). Things are improved in this area. I'm not sure how to describe it outside of saying that my endurance is a little better - I can do more physically! I'm still looking for more improvement with heartrate & such, and it is happening Amen!

 

There it is, gang The short- & long of things I cannot express to you often enough how I just could NOT see healing from my "least favorite" symptoms - was like I was "blocked" from being capable of harboring "belief" or "hope"...such a weird thing to describe, you know? Anyways, gang

 

You may not feel it, but it doesn't change the FACT that you are healing. With every panicky breath you take, with every unrestful moment of sleep you get, with every shakey step you take...you're just logging your moments, logging your journey to a new life that awaits you - you just gotta be willing to see it through Keep on keeping on...someday soon, you won't be merely "surviving"...you'll be thriving!

 

Love to you all!

 

Mrs.

 

this is just the motivation I needed on a day like today when I feel like I'm not going to heal. thank you for inspiring me on this gloomy day.

[[do...]]

Mrs. 

 

Thanks for the post.  You explain the rapid heart rate so well.  Thank you, thank you! 

 

DA

[[Ca...]]

Oh Mrs....what wonderful news! Thank you for posting. It makes me happy to hear of your progress. I am following your slow taper....still holding on to the baton you passed to me a few months ago!

 

Love to you,

Carita

[[mr...]]

Oh Mrs....what wonderful news! Thank you for posting. It makes me happy to hear of your progress. I am following your slow taper....still holding on to the baton you passed to me a few months ago!

 

Love to you,

Carita

 

I know you are, sista. It was somewhere between 0.020 and 0.015mg that I could start moving along a little faster...and then at 0.005mg, I took it to "zero" cutting 0.001mg each day Oh, how I longed to go faster! But in hindsight, I'm glad that I didn't. As a result (I believe), I had absolutely ZERO change in symptoms after my jump. I probably experienced "acute" months before my actual 'jump'.

 

How are you feeling these days? What symptoms remain for you? Are there any in particular that are what you'd consider your "least favorite" (I won't call 'em "worst...I won't even give 'em that satisfaction!)? For me, hands down, it was fear/panic. Followed closely by anxiety and tachycardia I remember you experiencing some nerve pain & such, but its been a while since we've chatted

 

Miss you, Carita. I am holding you up in thought, and I will be right there at the finish line waiting for you, with your victory bouquet of flowers in hand when you jump! You may fall into the arms of your buddies here at that moment, and take your first breath - ahh -- of true FREEDOM! And then you will get to experience your real hearing unfold - it is as miraculous as they say it is, C! And, there is something truly different about the healing that comes post-taper, when you've tapered slowly (IMO) But I'll save that experience as a pleasant surprise that you may discover for yourself!

 

Keep your eye on your prize, and keep a firm grip on that baton. Don't you see her behind you? - right there,just a few corners behind! - she is waiting for that baton to be handed off to her next, and she's gonna need you to pass it along to her in order for the event to come full circle!

 

Love to you, Carita - you're almost there! So close to shattering those glass dose jars for life! YEAH BABY!! 

 

Mrs.

[[Lo...]]

Keep your eye on your prize, and keep a firm grip on that baton. Don't you see her behind you? - right there,just a few corners behind! - she is waiting for that baton to be handed off to her next, and she's gonna need you to pass it along to her in order for the event to come full circle!

 

I'm going to act like this is one of my marathons (yes I ran 5 of them in my life lol) and keep going...there are hard times...very hard...I feel like I'm on the last major hill (they always put a hill before the end). When you turn the corner its all downhill then you cross the magical finish line! 

 

Yesterday and today have been hard. Dealing with head pressure, a wicked head cold, balance is off, felt like I wanted to fall today...but I'm not going to give up! Those windows were not flukes...they were visions from God that healing is here! I just have to keep believing.

 

Mrs. thank you for your ultra great attitude...so thankful to have each of you in my life. 

[[...]]

Good Morning BB's, 

 

I jumped four and half months ago and expected to feel better than I do now.  The last few days I have been wondering if I am too old to heal completely.  (70)  I have consistently had muscle pain mainly in my legs and ankles now.  Maybe I just have arthritis and am as healed as I am going to get.

 

But this morning I read this thread and it lets me know that it is way to early on this journey for me to think this is how I will always feel.

 

Mrs, I loved your posts.  They give me so much hope !

 

LovingMother,  I like thinking of it as a marathon.  I never ran a marathon but I used to jog years ago.  And sometimes it was hard and I was tired but I just kept going.  And that is what I need to do. 

 

Drew,  6 out of 7 good days sounds so good.  I had more windows during my taper than my post benzo days.  But I will have them again !

 

It was so good to read all the BB's post here today !  This thread has really given me a lift !

 

Hugs,  KB

[[do...]]

HI all!

 

I am just back from am appointment at my bio-energetic therapist.  A year ago I was there every week.  Now I am down to once every 5 weeks.  I told him about my nausea and dizziness last week.  He says nauseousness comes from issues with the liver.  I had never looked at it that way before.  I am going to try eating cleaner again.  I think as I have been feeling better, and also with the Christmas holidays, I was eating a lot of junk, thereby making my body sluggish.

 

Thoughts?

 

DA

 

 

[[La...]]

Hi domestic:

 

 

How are you these days? I guess since you are posting here you are still in the 6-12 month post jump range? I'm in my 13th month, and while I have some minor sxs here and there (still with some insomnia issues, but not too bad) I've already passed "through." Last wave-like experience was months ago, so I am very happy about that. Even my resilience (or alternatively, sensitivity) to stress seems almost normal these days. I went all-out 110% effort skiing this past week back to back days, bombing down runs over and over until my body gave out and still did not elicit any waves or sxs, so this feels like a return to normalcy for me. cant say the same thing about alcohol, but I was never much of a drinker. I can live with having only 1 beer/wine for soem time.

 

laser

[[Lo...]]

Hi domestic:

 

 

How are you these days? I guess since you are posting here you are still in the 6-12 month post jump range? I'm in my 13th month, and while I have some minor sxs here and there (still with some insomnia issues, but not too bad) I've already passed "through." Last wave-like experience was months ago, so I am very happy about that. Even my resilience (or alternatively, sensitivity) to stress seems almost normal these days. I went all-out 110% effort skiing this past week back to back days, bombing down runs over and over until my body gave out and still did not elicit any waves or sxs, so this feels like a return to normalcy for me. cant say the same thing about alcohol, but I was never much of a drinker. I can live with having only 1 beer/wine for soem time.

 

laser

 

Wow...you went skiing! Wonderful! I can't wait to join the "my waves were months ago" group and be very close to healing. This is great news laserjet! 

[[do...]]

Hi laser!

 

Was at the slopes yesterday.  A gorgeous -15 degree celcius day, but sunny with freshly fallen snow.    I too am finding that even when I push myself to the limits with any activity now it does not really affect me.  I even went out for two beers with my friends the other night and not even my guts bothered me.  Mind you, this was after a hellish week of a flu bug or a wave or something.....who knows what it really was

 

Life is good.  I looked back at my signature and had three months of tiny minor sxs so not bad at all!

 

Thanks for sharing your picture on Kiddo's blog.  Always glad to put a face to a friend!  And you have been a true friend since the beginning!

 

 

Cheers!

 

Domestic Advisor 

[[do...]]

Hi Loving Mother!

 

Glad to hear from you, my jumping buddy.  How have you been?  Time is flying...I remember the first five months off were hellish and seemed to last forever.  Now time is back to normal as my body and mind is most of the time.  I am so thankful to be in a better place than a year ago.....

 

Two loaves of banana bread baking in the oven at the moment and then a chicken will go in to roast.  I love to cook on these cold wintery days.  Today we awoke to -18 degrees.

 

Take care,

 

Await your reply.

 

Domestic Advisor

 

[[Lo...]]

Hi Loving Mother!

 

Glad to hear from you, my jumping buddy.  How have you been?  Time is flying...I remember the first five months off were hellish and seemed to last forever.  Now time is back to normal as my body and mind is most of the time.  I am so thankful to be in a better place than a year ago.....

 

Two loaves of banana bread baking in the oven at the moment and then a chicken will go in to roast.  I love to cook on these cold wintery days.  Today we awoke to -18 degrees.

 

Take care,

 

Await your reply.

 

Domestic Advisor

 

Hey DA, how are you? This is what I wrote a page back. Bummed that I'm in a wave and some old sxs are revisiting me. I have seen windows, my birthday was a nice day on Friday, by Saturday eve the window was closed and the wave smacked me in the face on Sunday :-(

 

"Yesterday and today have been hard. Dealing with head pressure, a wicked head cold, balance is off, felt like I wanted to fall today...but I'm not going to give up! Those windows were not flukes...they were visions from God that healing is here! I just have to keep believing."

[[Ca...]]

Oh Mrs....what wonderful news! Thank you for posting. It makes me happy to hear of your progress. I am following your slow taper....still holding on to the baton you passed to me a few months ago!

 

Love to you,

Carita

 

I know you are, sista. It was somewhere between 0.020 and 0.015mg that I could start moving along a little faster...and then at 0.005mg, I took it to "zero" cutting 0.001mg each day Oh, how I longed to go faster! But in hindsight, I'm glad that I didn't. As a result (I believe), I had absolutely ZERO change in symptoms after my jump. I probably experienced "acute" months before my actual 'jump'.

 

How are you feeling these days? What symptoms remain for you? Are there any in particular that are what you'd consider your "least favorite" (I won't call 'em "worst...I won't even give 'em that satisfaction!)? For me, hands down, it was fear/panic. Followed closely by anxiety and tachycardia I remember you experiencing some nerve pain & such, but its been a while since we've chatted

 

Miss you, Carita. I am holding you up in thought, and I will be right there at the finish line waiting for you, with your victory bouquet of flowers in hand when you jump! You may fall into the arms of your buddies here at that moment, and take your first breath - ahh -- of true FREEDOM! And then you will get to experience your real hearing unfold - it is as miraculous as they say it is, C! And, there is something truly different about the healing that comes post-taper, when you've tapered slowly (IMO) But I'll save that experience as a pleasant surprise that you may discover for yourself!

 

Keep your eye on your prize, and keep a firm grip on that baton. Don't you see her behind you? - right there,just a few corners behind! - she is waiting for that baton to be handed off to her next, and she's gonna need you to pass it along to her in order for the event to come full circle!

 

Love to you, Carita - you're almost there! So close to shattering those glass dose jars for life! YEAH BABY!! 

 

Mrs.

 

 

Hi Dear Mrs,

  Thank you for the great pep talk.  I am very grateful for your positive thoughts. It feels strange to be this close. I thought this would be a distant memory by now! Life brings many surprises. I am thrilled you are doing so well!

 

    Like you I think I have been in acute for sometime now. Symptoms have been numerous and exhausting. There have been many days I did not think I could do it one more minute. The human spirit is amazingly resilient.

 

    You ask about my least favorite (!) symptom. Hands down it is depression with suicidal thoughts. It makes everything else feel much harder. The ugliest of this does not last long anymore....usually a few days then fades to heavy depression. This has been the darkest time of my life. I had occasional situational depression before benzodiazepines but nothing like this. I use all of my coping skills and support team when this happens. Thankfully it feels like it is resolving.

 

    The next least favorite is vertigo. I am almost constantly dizzy and have learned to manage pretty well but when vertigo hits I'm unable to function. Again, it is less often than before. I am very grateful. The next is gut wrenching fear...round the clock fear of everything. I remember you telling us about Mr driving you as you faced your fear of the unfamiliar. Yep, I understand. I have not driven on the freeway for a year or so. I've been afraid of family photographs and some beautiful art carvings we own! What?!?! Isn't it strange? Lots of other "visitors" come daily but by far depression, vertigo and fear take the cake. The mental health symptoms are the most difficult for me. Physical symptoms pale in their shadow.

 

    I think the slow rate of taper has been a gift to my healing body. I tapered this slowly out of necessity....any faster and I went from moderately functional to nonfunctional. I hope I am able to follow you into .00 mg with no uptick in symptoms. Logically this sounds very possible but we know how crazy withdrawals can be!

 

  I am having a pretty good day today...a gift. I chatted with a neighbor rather than scurrying to the back yard in fear. I mailed some packages and drove locally. I wrote a few letters...all signs of healing. I am grateful.

 

  Thank you dear one...you've been there for me since my early Xanax taper. And now for the last bits of Valium. Knowing you did it helps me believe I will too. Wishing you continued healing.

 

Much love,

Carita

 

I've been enjoying Dr. Jenns trip notes and Gilmore Girls!

 

 

[[mr...]]

Oh Mrs....what wonderful news! Thank you for posting. It makes me happy to hear of your progress. I am following your slow taper....still holding on to the baton you passed to me a few months ago!

 

Love to you,

Carita

 

I know you are, sista. It was somewhere between 0.020 and 0.015mg that I could start moving along a little faster...and then at 0.005mg, I took it to "zero" cutting 0.001mg each day Oh, how I longed to go faster! But in hindsight, I'm glad that I didn't. As a result (I believe), I had absolutely ZERO change in symptoms after my jump. I probably experienced "acute" months before my actual 'jump'.

 

How are you feeling these days? What symptoms remain for you? Are there any in particular that are what you'd consider your "least favorite" (I won't call 'em "worst...I won't even give 'em that satisfaction!)? For me, hands down, it was fear/panic. Followed closely by anxiety and tachycardia I remember you experiencing some nerve pain & such, but its been a while since we've chatted

 

Miss you, Carita. I am holding you up in thought, and I will be right there at the finish line waiting for you, with your victory bouquet of flowers in hand when you jump! You may fall into the arms of your buddies here at that moment, and take your first breath - ahh -- of true FREEDOM! And then you will get to experience your real hearing unfold - it is as miraculous as they say it is, C! And, there is something truly different about the healing that comes post-taper, when you've tapered slowly (IMO) But I'll save that experience as a pleasant surprise that you may discover for yourself!

 

Keep your eye on your prize, and keep a firm grip on that baton. Don't you see her behind you? - right there,just a few corners behind! - she is waiting for that baton to be handed off to her next, and she's gonna need you to pass it along to her in order for the event to come full circle!

 

Love to you, Carita - you're almost there! So close to shattering those glass dose jars for life! YEAH BABY!! 

 

Mrs.

 

 

Hi Dear Mrs,

  Thank you for the great pep talk.  I am very grateful for your positive thoughts. It feels strange to be this close. I thought this would be a distant memory by now! Life brings many surprises. I am thrilled you are doing so well!

 

    Like you I think I have been in acute for sometime now. Symptoms have been numerous and exhausting. There have been many days I did not think I could do it one more minute. The human spirit is amazingly resilient.

 

    You ask about my least favorite (!) symptom. Hands down it is depression with suicidal thoughts. It makes everything else feel much harder. The ugliest of this does not last long anymore....usually a few days then fades to heavy depression. This has been the darkest time of my life. I had occasional situational depression before benzodiazepines but nothing like this. I use all of my coping skills and support team when this happens. Thankfully it feels like it is resolving.

 

    The next least favorite is vertigo. I am almost constantly dizzy and have learned to manage pretty well but when vertigo hits I'm unable to function. Again, it is less often than before. I am very grateful. The next is gut wrenching fear...round the clock fear of everything. I remember you telling us about Mr driving you as you faced your fear of the unfamiliar. Yep, I understand. I have not driven on the freeway for a year or so. I've been afraid of family photographs and some beautiful art carvings we own! What?!?! Isn't it strange? Lots of other "visitors" come daily but by far depression, vertigo and fear take the cake. The mental health symptoms are the most difficult for me. Physical symptoms pale in their shadow.

 

    I think the slow rate of taper has been a gift to my healing body. I tapered this slowly out of necessity....any faster and I went from moderately functional to nonfunctional. I hope I am able to follow you into .00 mg with no uptick in symptoms. Logically this sounds very possible but we know how crazy withdrawals can be!

 

  I am having a pretty good day today...a gift. I chatted with a neighbor rather than scurrying to the back yard in fear. I mailed some packages and drove locally. I wrote a few letters...all signs of healing. I am grateful.

 

  Thank you dear one...you've been there for me since my early Xanax taper. And now for the last bits of Valium. Knowing you did it helps me believe I will too. Wishing you continued healing.

 

Much love,

Carita

 

I've been enjoying Dr. Jenns trip notes and Gilmore Girls!

 

 

 

Oh Carita!  I can sooo understand with the fear, wow!  I would list for you the things that I was "afraid" of this past year, but I don't want your "benzo brain" to get any silly ideas!!  I know how "impressionable" it can be at times -- shoo, I sometimes felt like a ridiculous "sponge" to "negative" suggestion!!   It felt "dark" and "deep", like "terror-doom" feeling -- it was awful.  Silly, mundane inanimate objects would be "scary" to me, similar to your family pictures and wood carvings...along with random words sending a "shot" of terror down me, like "clock" or "table"...LOL.  I can laugh at it now, but back then -- not so much! 

 

Carita, I cannot express to you how close you really are to feeling immense relief.  Would you believe that my most "challenging" of times was only back in the month of August 2014?  That was only 5 months ago, girl -- FIVE.  Do you realize that you could be only five short months away from feeling about 90-95% functional again?  If you would've told me back in August that I would be feeling this good in January, I would've called you CRAZY.  Back then, I was pretty certain that I would be feeling awful for a couple YEARS yet, and had sorta made "peace" with that idea.  What an unbelievable blessing -- the body is miraculous in its ability to heal.

 

I believe that I was at around 0.020mg in August.  The middle of May through June had been pretty miserable.  Then July came, and it felt like I was finally on the "mend"!  Things were feeling better, and I was making strides every day.  When the month of August rolled around, I remember it was like a light switch "flipped" ~ and I woke up into a body/brain that wasn't recognizable to me anymore ~ the rug had been pulled out from under me, literally.  I'm sure you've felt like you've been there, too.  Have you noticed "windows" and/or "waves"?  Or is it more or less just "bad" and "a little less bad" at this time for you?  I want you to know that it's okay if things feel like they get "worse" ~~ girlfriend, no matter how bad they feel, I PROMISE YOU -- YOU WILL GET BETTER.  I constantly played the game of "this is the worst it will get, period -- no more".  Only to fall a bit deeper/further the next day, and feel so "hopeless" because of it -- haha, like I had "control" over it or something!  Its only our "job" to ride it out, and be patient/gentle with ourselves in the process ~ the rest mends itself

 

You just keep wittling away, my friend.  It was truly miserable to get off from the low doses for me.  HOWEVER -- the post-withdrawal experience, and the healing associated with it, has been second to none friend ~ and I think it will be the same for you as well.  You have done so well, Carita.  You have much to be proud of yourself about!  And Mr. Carita -- our hunnies go through this right along with us, don't they?  Mr spent many, many "boring" nights nestled on the couch with me and watching Friends, the only "safe" TV that I was able to watch at the time ~ it was the only way he'd get to spend any time with me at all.  Poor guy, put up with me sleeping on the couch every night for almost 2 years.  Anyways, he's been right there to experience this healing I've had recently as well ~ and it's been a joy to be able to "give" him some "normal Mrs" again here and there!  You will be the same, too, Carita.  You just wait and see -- your healing is coming along, and is happening as we speak

 

I don't mean to "babble" your ear off, friend...I just remember what it was like to be in the "heat" of the battle, and I want you to know that it's going to get better -- SOOO much better -- and sooner than what you can even imagine   Love you girl.  Let me know when you reach your "0.050" increments ~ so, 0.025mg, 0.020mg, 0.015mg, etc.  I'd love to know how you are doing often!  Feel free to check in as you feel able to, dear   Sleep well tonight,

 

Mrs.

[[Lo...]]

Good Morning BB's, 

 

I jumped four and half months ago and expected to feel better than I do now.  The last few days I have been wondering if I am too old to heal completely.  (70)  I have consistently had muscle pain mainly in my legs and ankles now.  Maybe I just have arthritis and am as healed as I am going to get.

 

But this morning I read this thread and it lets me know that it is way to early on this journey for me to think this is how I will always feel.

 

Mrs, I loved your posts.  They give me so much hope !

 

LovingMother,  I like thinking of it as a marathon.  I never ran a marathon but I used to jog years ago.  And sometimes it was hard and I was tired but I just kept going.  And that is what I need to do. 

 

Drew,  6 out of 7 good days sounds so good.  I had more windows during my taper than my post benzo days.  But I will have them again !

 

It was so good to read all the BB's post here today !  This thread has really given me a lift !

 

Hugs,  KB

 

Hugs to you KB! It is a hard road but you will be fine...you really will. I felt like a train wreck at 4.5 months off. I expected to be totally healed by now :-( I just have to keep chugging along...we all do.

 

Mrs. is the best! Love her thoughts and sincerity.

 

Drew, DA and I all jumpd in April of 2014 and they have seen some amazing windows! Folks keep me going...even on the worst days.

 

Hang in there...we have your back! 

[[Lo...]]

Anybody ever have a hard time focusing...feeling like their eyes are everywhere :-(

[[de...]]

Yea I feel like my eyes vibrate side to side. Its impossible to concetrate on something specific sometimes

[[Lo...]]

Yea I feel like my eyes vibrate side to side. Its impossible to concetrate on something specific sometimes

 

It's just crazy 

[[de...]]

Yea im hoping alot of my symptoms fade away in the next few months. I see we both took our last dose around the same time 

 

[[ci...]]

Hello All, checking in. I am now 10 months CT, and was hoping I would be so much better by now. I lost my rational mind the past few days, and burning, no sleep, pain ramped everything up. But my rational mind is back today, so I have my hope again. I am now questioing the timeline of this healing process....first it was 6-12 months recovery time.....then 6-18 months recovery time, but really when you read BBs posts, those timeframes don't fit, the majority of us are out 18 months plus still in WDs....so it is realistic to hang my hat on the 24 month mark for recovery now? Ashton mentions 6-12 months but those studies were years ago, and with the hundreds on BB, it seems their recovery times are more realistic.....18-24 months?

 

I want the the benzo WD fairy to tell me my recovery date?