6-12 month thread....

[[...]]

Well I made it to my new job; I had no sleep at all last night, felt terrible this morning but pushed on and got here. Until lunch time I felt on the verge of a major panic attack and I haven’t had one of those for a while. Just tried to reassure myself and deep breathe. After lunch I felt calmer and it has been ok until now when my mood had plummeted and I feel quite panicky again and just want to cry. I don’t understand, it’s as if someone pulled a plug in my mind and feelings of doom just came from no where. It makes me scared  The what ifs are swirling round now and I feel sick. Is this normal?

 

Hope everyone else is ok

 

It's normal, Marj, and it goes away with time.  Also, remind yourself that your coworkers are unlikely to notice so don't freak yourself out more than necessary!

 

Thank you Paperboat . Asking if this is ‘normal’ is so paradoxical 

[[...]]

Marj-- I'm so proud of you!! You did it!! It should get easier now that you got the first day behind you. Take care, jenny 

 

I did Jenny and I'm like a fragile, scared little rabbit. Can't wait to be robust again - feels like it's gone sometimes.

How are you doing? Good I hope 

[[Lo...]]

I had to share this success story! Healed at 5.5 months after 18 months of use. Wow!

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=123298.0

[[wh...]]

There's an offshoot of cognitive behavioral therapy called dialectical behavioral therapy.  DBT focuses on radical acceptance, which simply means accepting life on life's terms.  Pain and discomfort only become suffering and anguish, when we refuse to accept them.  This is harder than it seems, because this is a hard thing to accept.  An important thing to remember is that accepting isn't the same as approval.  You can accept that something is your reality for right now without approving of it.

 

Here's some literature on this, if you're interested in reading more:  http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/radical_acceptance1.html

 

I'm in the 11th week of a 12 week DBT course and it's been tremendously helpful in this journey.

 

I just found this, thank you for sharing. I'm going to try this, patience being tested.....

[[Ba...]]

Would any of you help me in placing the " My Blog" in my signature. I've asked the help desk and they have kindly replied, but neither I nor my husband can get it to work.

 

Thanks

[[No...]]

Bailley ...

 

Blog ... Chop Wood, Carry Water ... http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=114174.0

 

I put in the text ... then just captured the url when I had my blog open ... may not be the neatest ... but it works

[[Ba...]]

Thanks so much

We are going to try that now

[[So...]]

Hi guys, a real rough day.  I had had a great day on Monday.  I was clear minded and "in the moment".  I had been put on Celexa for 2 months at 40mg.  I just weaned off that 2 days ago.  I woke up this morning at 4am feeling dread and mind racing with scary thoughts.  I think I'd had a bad dream.  Then the negative thoughts grew.

 

Really scared.  My mind reminding me of times past when I was anxious.  I recall times when I was anxious in my past before benzos.  Mind screaming to me that this is the "real" me. 

[[mr...]]

Hi guys, a real rough day.  I had had a great day on Monday.  I was clear minded and "in the moment".  I had been put on Celexa for 2 months at 40mg.  I just weaned off that 2 days ago.  I woke up this morning at 4am feeling dread and mind racing with scary thoughts.  I think I'd had a bad dream.  Then the negative thoughts grew.

 

Really scared.  My mind reminding me of times past when I was anxious.  I recall times when I was anxious in my past before benzos.  Mind screaming to me that this is the "real" me.

 

SoCaler, its not "you".

 

Benzos & antidepressants withdrawal tell (scream) some crazy lies sometimes. Just coming off of an antidepressant can be tricky too, I've gone off of two in my past. It will pass eventually, its just a bit of a 'goify' ride for a bit

 

Are you feeling a tinge better yet? I've found relief in taking a little extra magnesium glycinate than my regular dose, and on a rare occasion some chamomile tea. Distraction is also quite helpful, like watching a funny lighthearted sitcom (Friends was my 'go-to', lol!). Thinking of you

 

Mrs.

[[63...]]

Hi guys, a real rough day.  I had had a great day on Monday.  I was clear minded and "in the moment".  I had been put on Celexa for 2 months at 40mg.  I just weaned off that 2 days ago.  I woke up this morning at 4am feeling dread and mind racing with scary thoughts.  I think I'd had a bad dream.  Then the negative thoughts grew.

 

Really scared.  My mind reminding me of times past when I was anxious.  I recall times when I was anxious in my past before benzos.  Mind screaming to me that this is the "real" me.

 

Hey SoCal, -So sorry to hear that your having a rough time. The mind "reminding" you of past anxiousness is just withdrawal....your current anxiousness is all withdrawal. I can relate to the "is this the real me" anxiety,I get that too. When it calms down, my perspective changes and I realize that this too is just withdrawal talking....

 

Congrats on coming off of the Celexa....SSRI's can be difficult to wean off of, can produce their own version of withdrawal...so if your encountering some new, strange symptoms, that might be why...

 

Hang in there, my friend....this too shall pass! -R.

 

 

Edit:

[[So...]]

Thanks Robert and Mrs.  I hope I can be there for you guys as well.  The withdrawal brings up very painful memories of times int he past when I felt out of control and scared.  It torments you with them.

[[Sw...]]

I am coming up on 6 months soon.  I had windows about 3 months ago but now, phhhtttt, what a mess.  Yesterday I actually considered going back on benzos.  I won't do it but I was thinking about it.  I have suffered through miserable withdrawal for too long to think about willingly going back to trying to "not feel" so much.

 

My husband quit smoking almost 3 years ago after smoking for 30 years. (I have never smoked, ever) I asked him if he would smoke a cigarette today, no he wouldn't.  Then how about 6 months after quitting cigarettes?  Yes he might have then but didn't.  Now I am not saying quitting benzos is anything like cigarettes just that it was the only example I could use to equate the feeling to for him. 

 

2 months ago I went to an Addiction Psychiatrist.  Told me based on how long and how much I took the benzo it would be 6 months of withdrawal symptoms.  Well his time clock has three days left.  Will it come true?  If it does I definitely will buy a lottery ticket the next day.

 

Sorry for the rant, just feeling sorry for myself I have had enough already!

[[No...]]

SoCaler ... for me, my memories are real ... they did happen ... and they are memories ... and there is still the thought they will happen again, now rarely ... during my last couple of years of tolerance and twice during the beginning of my taper I was out of control ,,, and the aftermath was terribly frightening ...

 

The fear that I will find myself in those places again has lessened dramatically ... the success of my taper and the success of my remaining drug free for more than 14 months now has strengthened me ... I have been to hell and back ... and I now know I am whole ... I am healing ...

 

The rabbit hole I have gone down ... the drain I have circled many times, may still be there ... I truly don't know ... and ... the fear and fascination that memories can release is now diminished ... what has changed for me is my "strength of choice" ... I can recognize things as memories ... and respond accordingly ...

 

My ground is solid ... and when the storms still come I know it is just a matter of weathering them ... Time has been my ally and remedy ...

 

Be well ...

 

 

[[No...]]

Sweet pea ... we are all blessedly unique ... after all this time, the only "consensus" regarding how long our process of healing may take is that nobody, nowhere, can foretell the future ... the myth of "one size fits all" ... the hubris of "let me tell you how it is going to be" ... are, at end of day ... just more benzo lies that can entangle us if we allow them to do so ...

 

The marvel here, the one thing we can know for sure ... we can and do heal ... the sometimes frustration we experience is that we do not know when or how long it will take ...

 

One can experience this process as a lottery ... and ... we are all winners ... we have all bought our tickets ... we keep them in a safe place for the day when we will cash them in ...

 

Be well ...

[[ga...]]

Nova...I love the fact you are so positive.  The way I have been feeling lately I start to wonder when I will get through this.  18 months and still going through these horrible bouts of little or no sleep..  Of course that brings on all the other horrible thoughts.

 

This to shall pass.

[[Ba...]]

I'm coming up on 7 of months on being off benzos. Maybe this I'd a wave but I'm so much better, especially my cognitive abilities .

My baseline has been much higher . I've not been fearful for 3 months.

 

I'm trying to be encouraging to Sweetpea and SoCal.

[[ga...]]

SoCal....I can so much relate to laying in bed with dreadful thoughts.  Haven't slept much at all lately and the horrible thoughts in the early morning are out of control.  I just  am hoping to get my life back at this point.  It has been a very difficult few weeks.  Sleep deprivation really messes with your head.  It is a habit I have gotten into as of late and one that I hope breaks before too long.

[[63...]]

SoCaler ... for me, my memories are real ... they did happen ... and they are memories ... and there is still the thought they will happen again, now rarely ... during my last couple of years of tolerance and twice during the beginning of my taper I was out of control ,,, and the aftermath was terribly frightening ...

 

The fear that I will find myself in those places again has lessened dramatically ... the success of my taper and the success of my remaining drug free for more than 14 months now has strengthened me ... I have been to hell and back ... and I now know I am whole ... I am healing ...

 

The rabbit hole I have gone down ... the drain I have circled many times, may still be there ... I truly don't know ... and ... the fear and fascination that memories can release is now diminished ... what has changed for me is my "strength of choice" ... I can recognize things as memories ... and respond accordingly ...

 

My ground is solid ... and when the storms still come I know it is just a matter of weathering them ... Time has been my ally and remedy ...

 

Be well ...

 

Amen!

 

Michael,

 

Brilliant post....thank you! The part about "strength of choice" is perfect, it matches my experience to a tee. You have expressed this very well. Cheers, my friend. -R.

[[Lo...]]

Would any of you help me in placing the " My Blog" in my signature. I've asked the help desk and they have kindly replied, but neither I nor my husband can get it to work.

 

Thanks

 

Hi there, highlight the link to your blog and copy it

Then go into your profile where you edit your signature

Once in the signature, click on the globe (under the italicize button)

In between the brackets that will appear paste the link

Save your settings, then you're good to go!

[[Sw...]]

Thanks novascotia and bailey11.  I was having a really bad time last night.  Actually still am but am able to talk to a friend

 

Thx Sweet pea

 

[[Lo...]]

I'm coming up on 7 of months on being off benzos. Maybe this I'd a wave but I'm so much better, especially my cognitive abilities .

My baseline has been much higher . I've not been fearful for 3 months.

 

I'm trying to be encouraging to Sweetpea and SoCal.

 

Bailey that is so awesome! Something about my 7th month off...I saw more windows, my baseline improved too. It started out rocky but got a lot better 

 

8 months is starting out a little rocky...but I'm confident it will improve more! Yay!

 

Sooooooooooooooo glad the fear part left you! 

[[Ba...]]

Thanks loving mother

[[dr...]]

Okay...had my initial consultation with the cardiologist. My anxiety was through the roof.  Chest pains, high bp, racing heart. Ugh...  He was great.  He spent an hour with me!  I never had any dr spend that long.  He wasn't benzo wise but he didn't dismiss me as a wacko.  He reviewed everything and said my last stress test in February was great.  My heart was in the top 10% in strength for my age bracket.  He was even more impressed that it looked that good during this mess.  He was concerned about my high ldl.  He said given my past results he usually wouldn't schedule any other tests. 

 

I asked about my other doc s aring the shit out of me by telling me not to exercise too hard and of his concern of the t wave change. The cardio doc said it was a non specific t wave which means it means nothing specific at all. he said go out and jog.

 

He ordered the stress test and a calcium test just to reassure me.  He is very confident I have a great heart.  I have the test tomorrow. 

 

He said if my calcium test comes back just okay he would recommend a statin.  He was very honest on what he knew and agreed ithat the medical community is slow to change. Especially on dietary stuff.

 

When he told me he thought I was very healthy I broke down. It was embarrassing.  I didn't think I was still under so much stress from this but a wave of relief swept over me.  I still have the tests but I find them to be a formality(hopefully)

 

Still have breathing and chest pain but now I can truly ignore it. I will repost to where my buddies post. 

[[63...]]

Excellent news Drew! I hope this will help you rest easy with all of the heart/chest symptoms that you have going on. 

[[Ba...]]

Gosh! This is good news. I'm so glad for you Drew. A doctor who listens. A keeper