6-12 month thread....

[[je...]]

Jenny you said your symptoms are physical. Do you mind saying what they are?

Mine are hyperventilating, tinnitus , electrical shocks in my left calve, and lack of balance.

 

 

Hi Bailey,

Mine are nerve pain, benzo belly, dizziness upon standing, head pressure with mild headaches. They are all much milder though now. Jenny

[[...]]

hey Buddies,  :smitten:

just stopping by to wish you all speedy healing!!! :smitten:

its my 4th day off

 

i hope i will make it one day to this your thread :'(

 

 

peace

eva

[[Ba...]]

Thanks Jenny

[[So...]]

Thanks for your post cindys.  This is the very lowest I've felt in this journey.  So glad to have friends on here.

[[...]]

Only 7 weeks and I was reading your posts. Makes me sad to see you all are still having problems but gives me hope that my symptoms are withdrawal. My PCP says withdrawal symptoms would be gone, I have anxiety and need meds. I never had anxiety or insomnia before, why would it start now if not withdrawal. Good luck to you all.

[[63...]]

Only 7 weeks and I was reading your posts. Makes me sad to see you all are still having problems but gives me hope that my symptoms are withdrawal. My PCP says withdrawal symptoms would be gone, I have anxiety and need meds. I never had anxiety or insomnia before, why would it start now if not withdrawal. Good luck to you all.

 

Don't feel discouraged by the fact that we are still having problems this far out....we were all right were you are not long ago. Even though we are still struggling, we have experienced healing and know that we are near the finish...this makes it all worth-wile...this finally being benzo free.

[[...]]

Thank you! I am just really scared and discouraged today..

[[63...]]

Thank you! I am just really scared and discouraged today..

 

It would be very discouraging to have a Dr tell you that "withdrawal should be over" when you are feeling otherwise, so your reaction is natural. Obviously, your Dr isn't very benzo-wise. Insomnia and anxiety are classic withdrawal symptoms that all of us here have encountered.

[[mr...]]

Thank you! I am just really scared and discouraged today..

 

It would be very discouraging to have a Dr tell you that "withdrawal should be over" when you are feeling otherwise, so your reaction is natural. Obviously, your Dr isn't very benzo-wise. Insomnia and anxiety are classic withdrawal symptoms that all of us here have encountered.

 

[[...]]

Do you all realize how brave and strong you are, battling this day in day out. This month 8/9 seems to be so, so tough and I am reassured to know it's not just me. After coming this far the end of the rainbow cannot be far off. I think maybe what has made this more difficult for us is the time of year; I know it has for me and I know others are too with significant losses that hurt more at Christmas. I say a prayer for our loved ones who we miss every day and know they are with us in their own way.

 

I am petrified as to how I will present. The 'what ifs' are swirling round, my breathing is difficult, shaking and head so fuzzy - how will I function or even think! I know I would be nervous under normal circumstances, however it is x100.

 

It is worrying me that this will hamper my recovery, even though it is in my best interests to change jobs and I have no option to work. If all this doesn't make me more resilient then what? At the moment it's taking all I have to not lay down and admit defeat 

How do others cope with work and would you mind telling me how your mornings go as for me mostly they are the worst. if i have had a window it is NEVER morning time.

Again be proud, you all give me hope I can do this

[[63...]]

Do you all realize how brave and strong you are, battling this day in day out. This month 8/9 seems to be so, so tough and I am reassured to know it's not just me. After coming this far the end of the rainbow cannot be far off. I think maybe what has made this more difficult for us is the time of year; I know it has for me and I know others are too with significant losses that hurt more at Christmas. I say a prayer for our loved ones who we miss every day and know they are with us in their own way.

 

I am petrified as to how I will present. The 'what ifs' are swirling round, my breathing is difficult, shaking and head so fuzzy - how will I function or even think! I know I would be nervous under normal circumstances, however it is x100.

 

It is worrying me that this will hamper my recovery, even though it is in my best interests to change jobs and I have no option to work. If all this doesn't make me more resilient then what? At the moment it's taking all I have to not lay down and admit defeat 

How do others cope with work and would you mind telling me how your mornings go as for me mostly they are the worst. if i have had a window it is NEVER morning time.

Again be proud, you all give me hope I can do this

 

Hey marj,

 

Just read your post...the thing that struck me immediately is how very strong you are, I'm not kidding! I don't think that we can get in our own way and slow or prevent recovery, as it is happening despite ourselves...time is the healer.  To answer your question about mornings, it depends if I'm in a wave...if so, mornings can be bad...otherwise they can be the most peaceful time of day for me. Lately, it has been the afternoons and evenings that are the most challenging, go figure.  There is no set pattern for me, really. Keep the faith, your doing great! -R.

[[63...]]

I just noticed...I am 9 months out today...What a long, strange trip its been!

[[...]]

Thank you Robert, I just don't see myself as strong. I just had a near melt down about taking the Christmas decs down for a second I thought that's it, I'm losing my mind. This is torture and all because of my new job tomorrow!! (for some reason i must have deleted that from my earlier post).

 

Congratulations on your 9 months, I am a few days behind. 

 

I spoke to the CITA lady on friday again (helpline in UK) and she said so many people have a hard time around this 6 - 10 month stage. Add Christmas, New Year,  new job. It's bound to be scary.

[[Fr...]]

Hi Everyone,  Thank you for your notes.  I am sorry for all the suffering everyone is going through.

 

I have some good news to report but it is fleeting.  Last night I was so scared about another sleepless night of pain because the day had been really difficult.  I had been crying desperately around 4PM and unable to attend church which I so wanted to attend with my husband.  Bt around 7 PM things seemed a bit better but not great.  I lay there all evening shifting between a heating pad and my neck massager trying to find some reprieve.  Around 10 or so I felt a tad better yet and turned on my sound machine around 11 and felt pretty good.  I slept so soundly with no pain and awoke so calm at 9 AM.  That was a miracle.  I lay there and prayed thanks to God with my husband by my side.  It felt like heaven.  Now things have ramped up a bit again.

 

For about 10 hours it felt like heaven.  Everything felt just right.

 

Lisa

 

 

 

 

[[je...]]

Great news Lisa! This is just a reminder that you are healing, the fact that you get these windows is huge!! So happy for you. Xoxo jenny

[[So...]]

That's wonderful,  Lisa. I am happy for you. When those windows come it is like a piece of heaven.

[[...]]

Great to hear Lisa, you deserve a break. I hope you continue to feel better 

[[mr...]]

Hi all,

 

I posted this on the 12-18 month thread, and I thought I would post it here, as a reminder: you are healing, and you WILL recover!  Someday soon

 

Love to you,

 

Mrs.

 

HH,

 

I had to resurrect an old post, just to remind you/me/us that we ALL HEAL.

 

Pay attention especially to Ian Singleton's words. His personal story and recovery from benzo-induced anxiety is amazing.

 

Love to you

 

Mrs.

 

Hi Lisa

 

First things first: breathe. A nice deep, slow breath.

 

Okay, regarding everyone's healing:

I have pondered this as well. And researched it

 

There are three withdrawal advisors located at this site: http://cepuk.org/withdrawal-advisers/  They provide interviews with them that answer commonly asked questions about withdrawling from medications (benzos & otherwise). Now, credibility is something that is very important to me regarding information. Baylissa Frederick, one of the withdrawal advisors, has been working with people in post withdrawal since her own recovery in 2006. She mentions that she's dealt with over 6,000 people, mostly those who are protracted (we are not--thank you Lord!). She said that every one that she's spoke to has recovered -- ALL of them.

 

Ian Singleton (my personal favorite!) has been a withdrawal specialist for the Bristol Tranquilizer Project for over twenty years, since his own (protracted) recovery. They work with over 300 persons in post withdrawal per year (times twenty years = 6,000+ individuals). He says EVERY SINGLE ONE has recovered. EVERY time.

 

Melanie Davis is the Manager of Camden's REST Project for over twenty years. (Which means, again, experience with a LOT of people in post withdrawal.) She says, as well, that she's never seen anyone not recover in all her experience.

 

If you watch the interviews, you will hear them say it for yourself.

 

Ian also has his recovery story on the website (here: http://cepuk.org/recovery-stories/  he's the last one if you scroll all the way to the right) -- he says it again in there that we ALL recover.

 

For me, it speaks credibility that they have worked with tens of thousands (collectively), all at different organizations, and the all three individually say the same thing: we all heal. I know when reading of those of us in the "heat" of the battle, and hear their doubts and fears expressed, it is tempting to hear those things and think incorrectly and/or irrationally about recovery. I constantly have to keep this in mind, and also protect myself from things that tempt me in the wrong directions. When one is in the heat of it, their perspective may be temporarily limited to it. Does that make sense? (I hope!)

 

Lisa, these are just things I'm working on applying in my life They may or may not pertain or relate to your situation. In my personal but humble opinion: you're doing just fine You're in your sixth month, which is commonly known for a "bugger" of a month for many in withdrawal Also, you've had "windows" along the way -- this is a very good thing Currently, the past couple weeks have been a tough wave where I've had times of doubts in healing. But ya know? They're just not true. Simple as that I've just been taking an "observer" position in my mind -- sorta hop up on a bar stool in my mind and just calmly observe -- like, "Oh OK, there's that thought. There's this thought -- that's nice. Interesting." Etc. I "welcome" the wrong thoughts in and just allow them to "be". Dr. Claire Weekes talks about this (welcoming and accepting, etc). There are four audio clips of hers found here that are "streamable": http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/Relax.html If you scroll down a bit, they are labeled "How To Recover From Anxiety". I found them helpful That, and her accent is cute and makes me giggle

 

Anyways, I hope there is something in this that has at least encouraged you some I'm not one to offer advice, of course -- these are just some things that have helped me along my journey I hope you're feeling better by the time you're reading this -- I'm believing it to happen! Take care buddy, you are healing

 

Mrs.

[[So...]]

mrsalw, thanks SO MUCH for posting this.  It IS VERY encouraging.

[[Ba...]]

Thanks for posting that mrsalw. I like Ian Singleton the best too.

 

Anyone know if there is any similar organization in the US?

[[mr...]]

Do you all realize how brave and strong you are, battling this day in day out. This month 8/9 seems to be so, so tough and I am reassured to know it's not just me. After coming this far the end of the rainbow cannot be far off. I think maybe what has made this more difficult for us is the time of year; I know it has for me and I know others are too with significant losses that hurt more at Christmas. I say a prayer for our loved ones who we miss every day and know they are with us in their own way.

 

I am petrified as to how I will present. The 'what ifs' are swirling round, my breathing is difficult, shaking and head so fuzzy - how will I function or even think! I know I would be nervous under normal circumstances, however it is x100.

 

It is worrying me that this will hamper my recovery, even though it is in my best interests to change jobs and I have no option to work. If all this doesn't make me more resilient then what? At the moment it's taking all I have to not lay down and admit defeat 

How do others cope with work and would you mind telling me how your mornings go as for me mostly they are the worst. if i have had a window it is NEVER morning time.

Again be proud, you all give me hope I can do this

 

Marj,

 

Oh sweetie, you are not alone   I desperately wanted to continue to work, push, and "do" life despite my symptoms.  So, I kept my eyes on those buddies who were either doing, or did, just that, even in the midst of their worst withdrawal.  Folks like Sophia, Northofhere, Schatje, Drew28,

 

I created a thread a while back that I put many of my favorite postings of buddies who where going out and KICKING BUTT during their withdrawal -- postings of "feeling the fear and doing it anyways" (http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=117974.0).  Keeping things like this in front of my eyes reminded me over and over again that, despite what my brain was doing, I still had a choice in what I decided to do.  I could go and do, or I could withdrawal and stay back.  And I, admittedly, have done a little of both in my withdrawal, and still do -- BUT -- I never wanted to make the decision to withdrawal and stay back because I "couldn't" -- because that is, IMO, not true.  I refuse to believe that, or accept that.  There are times where I withdrew and stayed back in order to provide myself some rest and respite, but I did NOT want to ever make that decision because I thought I "couldn't" do it.  I did not, and do not, ever want to breath life into the lie of "can't".  Because you CAN (again, IMO). 

 

I had a phrase that I wrote out on paper and hung in our living room that said this: "'Can't' is ONLY a mindset; EVEN in withdrawal.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  I wrote it out and posted it on my car's dashboard in big, bold letters on the day that I decided enough was enough, and to "break" my "townbound" agoraphobia and take a trip to a city that was 75 minutes away from us.  I stared at it the entire trip, angry and absolutely REBELLING against my withdrawal and fear.  When we pulled into the city limits, I took a picture.  We stopped at a Hardees directly inside the city limits, used the potty, and turned around to come back home immediately.  I took pictures of the exit signs as we left the city; it was all so surreal feeling to me.  I was full of anxiety/fear/panic the whole trip, but I also felt AMAZING -- empowered, amazed, and awed that I "Could".  Even while in withdrawal.  Wow, I still thank the Lord for showing me the truth of "Can".

 

Defining moments.  You'll have many of them in this process of withdrawal that you will look back upon.  The above story was one of them for me; one of many along this journey (thank you Lord for them).  I've long since taken down that sign in our livingroom that I made for our car trip, but I don't know that I'll ever be able to toss it away -- it is forever a truth that is engrained in my heart for life, and that paper carries such meaning and memory of the realization of it for me.

 

Alrighty, enough rambling from Mrs. for now -- Whatever you decide for you (rest/respite, or go/do/push through), I fully support and am proud of you for doing.  I just wanted you to know that, no matter what happens or how you feel, I believe you can do ANYTHING -- EVEN in withdrawal.  I believe that with every last bit of my being, and I believe that for every single person on this planet. 

 

'Can't' is ONLY a mindset; EVEN in withdrawal.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.   Lord, help me/us to carry this through in our lives, every moment of every day.  Thank you, Amen.

 

Mrs.

[[So...]]

Hi guys and gals.  Having another very hard day.  Anyone have a wave at 8 months out or more that felt worse than the first few weeks off benzos?

 

That "alone" in a crowd feeling as my blues are very strong.  I learned that when I'm feeling blue I panic and get anxious as it scares me.  This reaction is what fuels it.  Ok, so I know that but still feeling down.

 

Friday I felt a window when I was easy on myself and shooed my negative thoughts away.  They same negative thoughts EVERY human has but that I take so seriously.  My biggest challenge is that as long as I can remember I've overthought things.

[[Lo...]]

Alrighty, enough rambling from Mrs. for now -- Whatever you decide for you (rest/respite, or go/do/push through), I fully support and am proud of you for doing.  I just wanted you to know that, no matter what happens or how you feel, I believe you can do ANYTHING -- EVEN in withdrawal.  I believe that with every last bit of my being, and I believe that for every single person on this planet. 

 

'Can't' is ONLY a mindset; EVEN in withdrawal.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.   Lord, help me/us to carry this through in our lives, every moment of every day.  Thank you, Amen.

 

Mrs.

 

Hi all! Mrs. I needed to read this today but this particular quote really hit home for me because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. this weekend was a little tough between breathing and anxiety but I have to be thankful that I'm passed the 8 month mark and I'm able to work and function and take care of my 3 year old son pretty much on my own and I'm praying daily for all of us and that one day we will see the end of the rainbow where all of our healing and restoration waits for us.

 

Praying, praying and praying.

[[dr...]]

Hi guys and gals.  Having another very hard day.  Anyone have a wave at 8 months out or more that felt worse than the first few weeks off benzos?

 

That "alone" in a crowd feeling as my blues are very strong.  I learned that when I'm feeling blue I panic and get anxious as it scares me.  This reaction is what fuels it.  Ok, so I know that but still feeling down.

 

Friday I felt a window when I was easy on myself and shooed my negative thoughts away.  They same negative thoughts EVERY human has but that I take so seriously.  My biggest challenge is that as long as I can remember I've overthought things.

 

SoCal this month eight has been almost as hard as ever mentally but if I look back my physical symptoms are less.  You're not alone here and you know that. 

[[So...]]

Thanks Drew.  I need to feel that I'm part of the "family".