6-12 month thread....

[[mr...]]

Happy New Year to everyone here! Lots of healing is going to happen for us all in 2015!

 

Yes it will!!

 

Happy new year all!!!

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Happy New Year! Here's to complete healing in 2015!!!!

 

Be well all!!

 

[[Lo...]]

Happy New Year BB family!!! We will heal and be restored this year!

 

Love you all! 

[[So...]]

Hi guys, having a super rough morning.  I really want to be positive but need to vent when I feel so bad.  Woke up at 3am feeling deep discouragement and hopelessness.  I have a sinus infection and was out in cold last night (it was 24 degrees this morning at my home in So. California!).  I worked to distract myself.  The negative thoughts rolled in.  I have gotten good at comforting myself with the FACT that thoughts are nothing - they are not real.  Everyone has negative thoughts.  I just latch onto mine and see them as something "real" when I'm sensitized.

 

 

[[63...]]

Hi guys, having a super rough morning.  I really want to be positive but need to vent when I feel so bad.  Woke up at 3am feeling deep discouragement and hopelessness.  I have a sinus infection and was out in cold last night (it was 24 degrees this morning at my home in So. California!).  I worked to distract myself.  The negative thoughts rolled in.  I have gotten good at comforting myself with the FACT that thoughts are nothing - they are not real.  Everyone has negative thoughts.  I just latch onto mine and see them as something "real" when I'm sensitized.

 

Hey SoCaler, hwo are you feeling? It's been awhile since you posted...I hope that things have calmed down for you a bit. It is all to easy to feel discouraged during withdrawal. Sending healing thoughts your way...

 

 

[[...]]

Yes SC! That has been my worst symptom! The worst was late in my eight month into my ninth month and was different than I had previously had...just depression I've not had! Hang in there! Try to distract the best you can! You're doing great!!

 

[[So...]]

GMIT, thanks so much for posting that you had depression too at 8 months. I've been feeling that this can't be biological and may be due to my negative thinking habit. 

 

This blue feeling is the most intense I've had.  When I can stay busy and out of my head if gets better.  Anyone else always up in their head?  Thinking about why we're thinking about our thoughts. (That's not a mis type)

 

Then having that thought that I'm different and worse off than others.  I'm a naturally analytical thinker so that feeds into it.

 

I truly have a great life.  Just can't shake this depression. 

[[...]]

I can relate to a tee, SC! Sounds just like I was!! It will get better, it's not you, I promise!!

 

[[do...]]

Happy New Year 6 - 12 mother's!  I am looking forward to my one year anniversary on April 9th and for 2015 to be much better than 2014!

[[ci...]]

Hey Buddies, just checking in....not doing well, trying the distraction, but this is a bad wave, physical pain and psych fear and panic and anxiety, crying. And the tinnitus. I am losing it....just thought by 9 months things would lessen not get so bad again. I hate to post when I am in a wave, don't mean to pull the rest of you down.

[[dr...]]

You can't pull us down and keep posting. It seems most of us get hit in this eight month thingy.  I've been very wavy most of the month. 

[[mr...]]

Cindy, what drew said It don't brig us down cause we know its part of the territory You're healing!! Its just how it goes

 

How was new years?

 

Mrs.

[[ci...]]

Mrs and Drew, thanks, I am crying over your responses because I so much needed some support and words of encouragement, and you gave me what I needed, Thank you. Sometimes, I try to convince myself I am not doing that bad, but then I count my sxs at 21, look at my journal of sxs and realize , yep, I am pretty bad off. I got to stop doing the comparison thing, but I am always trying to find that 1 BB like me, trying to figure out the date of my healing......now how irrational is that!

 

Thanks again, guys, and tommorrow, I promise to post a positive post.

 

Always, cindy

[[So...]]

cindys, I'm right there with you.  This month 8 has been very tough.  So much want to be happy but depression is very strong in waves.

 

So glad we have each other so we're not alone.

[[mr...]]

I think we all do that, Cindy Trying to find that "one" person like me, never really finding a fit, feeling alone, etc etc etc

 

Me & Mr just chilling with friends now Watching silly YouTube videos ~lots of Buzzfeed videos! Enjoy your evenings, kids

 

Mrs.

[[je...]]

Cindy,

My heart is breaking for you, I know how hard you have had it. You are very brave and strong. I feel the same way sometimes, like there is no one like me because all my sx  are physical. Praying you get some relief soon. Check out my signature, month 8 was a rough one for me too. Hugs, jenny

[[63...]]

Hey Buddies, just checking in....not doing well, trying the distraction, but this is a bad wave, physical pain and psych fear and panic and anxiety, crying. And the tinnitus. I am losing it....just thought by 9 months things would lessen not get so bad again. I hate to post when I am in a wave, don't mean to pull the rest of you down.

 

Thinking of you cindy....hang in there! Do what you can to cope...what brought you through this far will see you through this as well. Please dont hesatate to post...you are not bringing us down...this is what this forum is for...mutual support for when the going gets rough.

Sending healing thoughts, love and light your way...

[[63...]]

cindy,

 

Have you heard of Baylissa Fredricks? She wrote the book "Recovery and Renewal", about withdrawal and recovery, very helpful...

 

Check out her facebook page "Bloom in Wellness" She is a survivor and her posts have helped see me thourgh my darkest  darkest times during withdrawal...

 

https://www.facebook .com/BloominWellness

 

Also, check out her Recovery Road website:

 

http://recovery-road.org/

 

Click on the bottom left entitled "Bloom in Wellness" and it will bring you to a series of reflections that I have really helped me.

 

 

[[do...]]

Hey Buddies...month 8 has been a roller coaster ride for me....yesterday was a good day actually exercised for 35 minutes on the elliptical for the first time in a year, felt energized and optimistic, today anxiety, depression and fear....

[[do...]]

Hey Buddies, just checking in....not doing well, trying the distraction, but this is a bad wave, physical pain and psych fear and panic and anxiety, crying. And the tinnitus. I am losing it....just thought by 9 months things would lessen not get so bad again. I hate to post when I am in a wave, don't mean to pull the rest of you down.

 

Cindys....I have tinnitus too...have you had it for long?  Has it gotten any better?

 

Mine started when I hit tolerance withdrawal in late spring 2013...it has gotten better over the past few months but I do have a great fear of it getting bad again...almost like a phobia of it

[[Fr...]]

Hi Everyone and Happy New Year.

 

Cindy, I'm sorry you are having a rough time.  I can totally relate to the anguish and suffering.  This just goes on and on and is so tiring.  I'm wiped out and constantly wonder how long this will take but all we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

During Christmas week I was having 27 to 29 hour windows followed by extreme 21 to 36 hour waves where massive depression and pain were overwhelming.  I would literally count the hours waiting for relief.

 

The last wave was about 38 hours, but followed by a 53 hour window where things weren't a ten but where I was not suffering.  I still had bad head buzzing and feel weird but my energy level was good and I was happy.  When I am happy, I don't notice the pain at all, really, so I know the pain is brain driven.  That longer window as so wonderful.  My husband and I were able to go out to eat and watch some movies and tv together and even have some interesting discussions. We even went to the mall yesterday.

 

Last night around 1:30 AM, the bladder frequency started and my lower back began hurting again very severely, so no sleep or at least up every hour.  My neck is now stiff and sore again, T is all over head and I feel so sick.  This feels so cruel.

 

I too stay away because I feel I am so sick and have nothing to offer others.  It's hard for me to keep hopeful when I feel like one day I will simply keel over.  My therapist keeps reassuring me that everyone heals and I sure need to hear that constantly. 

 

Every time I think my body is showing signs of recovery, it all comes back with a vengeance.

 

Thinking of and praying for you all.

 

Lisa

 

[[So...]]

I'm having drastic swings too.  Two days ago really rough with low mood and hopelessness.  Then yesterday I felt better and relaxed.  Today intense low mood. Mind makes everything in my past appear to have been sad.  The drastic swings make me feel like I'm really messed up.

 

I guess this is actually a sign that it is meds.

[[Lo...]]

Maybe its the rain but shortness of breath has been with me for 6 hours.

 

So uncomfortable.

 

Praying for everyone. Hoping tonight & tomorrow will be better.

 

Plus I had some weird adrenal surges that woke me up...sigh.

 

Praying...praying...praying.

[[ci...]]

socaler, the 8 month is a bitch, isnt it. But when I read the 6-12 month buddies before us they had a tough 8 month, too. And now it helps to follow their progress in the 12-18 month thread because you can see their progress and healing. So lets keep telling ourselves, 3-6 months from now, things will be better for us.

 

robert, you are so right, we have to remember how far we have come, and we have 8/9 months behind us. I too, have read Recovery and Renewal, and listen to Bliss' videos nightly, they do help calm me. The most difficlut is trying to live day by day, or hour by hour and not thinking of the future, always trying to evaluate and estimate my recovery time. I am so tied of counting the days, the months.....when in reality, it does not matter, we heal when we heal. Robert, thanks for your kind words, you always have something positive for me.

 

Jenny, you are sweet Jenny. It helps me to know your 8th month was a bad one, and now you have seen improvement, being 6 months ahead of me, you keep lighting the way for me. Thanks.

 

downtongirl, yep, I hate this rollercoaster ride, I want off! But good news you could exercise for 35 mins, now that is progress. With the T, it is always in the background, not my worst sxs, but annoying. I use a nature sounds noise masker at night. Hard to sleep cause of the T. It has not gotten worse or better. But it scares me, too, some really suffer with it, and I am always worried it could get worse.

 

Lisa, I was thinking of you, because I know when you go quiet on the thread you are in a bad wave. But I see  your progress....wow a 53 hour window, that is great......you are getting close to that 1 year, and soon will be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. We have to remember those windows. Your counselor is right everyone heals, but I like you, need that reassurance constantly.

 

lovingmother, I am praying with you. That SOB is so uncomfortable, just another crazy WD sxs. It is only temporary. It will pass. Jenny just posted a note that she has recently gotten much relief from the SOB. So it will go away.

 

Thanks to all of you for being here, I never feel alone because of you all.

 

Always, cindy

 

 

 

[[Ba...]]

Jenny you said your symptoms are physical. Do you mind saying what they are?

Mine are hyperventilating, tinnitus , electrical shocks in my left calve, and lack of balance.