6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

Drew, .. I had incessant intrusive thoughts of death and dying and health fear from month 6- 12.  One if my worst sx. I was always in a loop of physical sx that immediately triggered death/dying fears . I had a weird sense of death premonition. A feeling that my death was going to happen this year. It just hung and hovered around me 24/7. I would be out walking my dog and weird thoughts of, " this is the last Autumn I am going to see".  or.  " Next year I won't be at the TG table"...just dark forboding unnatural. ..not human thoughts and other land feeling of imminent death. In an anxiety or panic storm of course I felt that I was dying in the moment...absolutely sure of it.

  ...Now at nearly 14 months off it is becoming MUCH better. I still get flashes and bouts of it ...and it is still so in described ly spooky but I can handle it much better and it doesn't last for hours and days on end. I thought I would have to seek post w/ d psychotherapy specifically for that issue, but it seems to be fading on its own...knock on wood. My 2 trips to er ( month 4 and month 6) however have left me with lingering trauma ( more around the er experience than the sx that sent me there). I probably will seek a little clean up psychotherapy for it. I am now deathly afraid of ever having to go to the hospital or er.

...Drew...it is an awful sx...but it will get better. Try to ignore it ( pretty impossible.. more like try to live with it). It is all a benzo lie.  Distract as much as possible. By all means stay off the medical Web sites. I had to avoid medical programs as well and even TV advertisements of medications triggered my health fear. If someone mentioned a friend or family member was in the hospital or sick I would have to do everything I could do to change the subject. In a heath fear/ death /dying wave even a single word such as stroke or heart attack could set me up for the entire day.

.....In a window 90% of it went away.  .completely. I am sorry that you are getting hit with this....it will go away. You are really kickin' it Drew.  Just keep it going ...you are going to have your life back....Wishing you days and days of windows....coop

[[ga...]]

Funny that you all get those thoughts of your own death.  Mine seem to focus on others not being around and me being left alone to cope.  Just an extreme fear of living alone without my wife and having to make a go of my life on my own.  That thought is still there in the early morning hours and makes it difficult to fall back asleep.  I've got to say I've seen some improvement in the last week or so....certainly a whole lot better the past couple of months. 

[[...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I feel like I'm stuck in a hole at the moment and my mind is torturing me. I am nearly 9 month off and it has never been this bad and I'm afraid that I'm just going to never recover or it's something else.

What I don't understand is, yesterday evening we were invited to some friends and even though I'd been feeling terrible I made myself go. I felt weird at first but my friend is wonderful and supportive. I enjoyed myself and so did my kids and felt I was able to be more or less myself. Today I am back to hell and I am back at work tomorrow, If I feel like this I don't know how I can make it. It's my last day on Wednesday and then I start a new job on Monday. I'm scared I'm going to lose everything because of this. I've held on for the last few months and I know Christmas has really pulled me back. The thing is if this is just a wave, why was I ok (ish) last night and now I'm back to feeling like this? Other seem to have relief for a few days, whereas I haven't had an ok morning for months and now they are worse. I'm beginning to think I'm just ill.

My whole body is tingling inside and out and I'm so low and scared, the fight in me is diminishing.

 

[[do...]]

Having a bad 8 - 9 month wave....night terrors and morning cortisol surges are back...what the heck is up with that?  I thought I was over the worse part of it?

[[mr...]]

Marj & Downtongirl,

 

A wave at 8-9 months seems to be the trend with the 6-12 month clan...if you go back and read some of the past postings, you'll see that almost every one of the buddies here at that timeframe experienced one. No fun, but it does NOT change the fact that you're healing

 

Ride that wave to shore...you're so close to feeling some corners being turned! Love to you both

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

Down and marj....I'm almost off eight months and the last week or so I had one of my worst waves.  It was unrelenting fear, surges every few hours, obsessesive behavior that was insane for me. I post more on another thread but you can read how bad I was.  I'm usually a positive person but this wave was the

Mother of waves.  It is finally passing as it was a lot less yesterday. 

 

 

Hi mrs. 

[[mr...]]

Down and marj....I'm almost off eight months and the last week or so I had one of my worst waves.  It was unrelenting fear, surges every few hours, obsessesive behavior that was insane for me. I post more on another thread but you can read how bad I was.  I'm usually a positive person but this wave was the

Mother of waves.  It is finally passing as it was a lot less yesterday. 

 

 

Hi mrs. 

 

(((((Drew)))))

 

Hugs

 

Mrs.

[[do...]]

Thanks for the replies...how long does this 8 - 9 month wave last?  I guess I am in my 9th month because I hit the 8 month mark on December 9.

[[mr...]]

Thanks for the replies...how long does this 8 - 9 month wave last?  I guess I am in my 9th month because I hit the 8 month mark on December 9.

 

Everyone is different, but I think I remember it being between 2-6 weeks, with an average of around 4 weeks.

 

You're going to make it through! Just keep swimmin'

 

Mrs.

[[mr...]]

Marj & Downton,

 

There is another thread that is a little more "active" than this one, with many folks off about as long as you. Its called the "Jumping Buddies Group", and its located here: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=111873.0 Take a parousies over there, if ya fee like it

 

You'll be feeling better soon, I have no doubt! Take care,

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Aw thanks Mrs for being so caring. If it wasn't for BB I don't know where I'd be

 

[[Ba...]]

Cooperten, your last post was very helpful to me. I too have had intrusive thoughts about dying though they are mostly behind me now. Apparently I texted my husband often about suicide and dying though I have no recollection of this. I had him read your post and he found it very interesting and I think reassuring that this thinking is indeed withdrawal.  Thanks

 

 

Garton,  Not only have I been tortured by thoughts about my own death I've been very anxious about what I happen to me if my husband died. This has entirely passed but I wanted you to know that your not the only one haunted by these thoughts but that it does go away.

[[Lo...]]

hi everyone I hope all is well I just made eight months off and I have a question. I have been experiencing shortness of breath off and on for over a week and a kind of a new symptom is I've had shortness of breath before but sometimes it's almost feels like a gagging feeling and its a bit scary, has anyone ever had that before?

 

this is a new one for me and I really pray that it leaves me soon, it also doesn't help that my period started yesterday so that could also be a part of it.

 

Happy 8 months off to Drew!

[[Ba...]]

One of my first symptoms when I went into withdrawal was hyperventilating. This has changed to taking deep breaths almost constantly.

[[Lo...]]

One of my first symptoms when I went into withdrawal was hyperventilating. This has changed to taking deep breaths almost constantly.

 

it is very episodic where I can go days without shortness of breath and then it just hits and it goes away again so it's really been back and forth and I'm noticing that as certain symptoms are getting better but still a couple there really aggravating and this is one of them.

[[dr...]]

Thx LM.  You too. Lol.    I. Just so tired from the last wave. 

[[do...]]

Thx LM.  You too. Lol.    I. Just so tired from the last wave.

 

Curious drew when did your last wave begin and end?

[[dr...]]

Yesterday.  Back to slogging along in the wandow.  Neither a window nor wave.  Just a feeling of crappiness. 

[[do...]]

Yesterday.  Back to slogging along in the wandow.  Neither a window nor wave.  Just a feeling of crappiness.

 

Sorry to hear that but glad it was not a full blown wave.  When did you have your last full blown wave?  Mine started yesterday and peaked with 2 nocturnal panic attacks waking me this morning and have had bad rapid cycling of panic/depression/anxiety all day.

[[dr...]]

No...it was a full blown wave. One of my worst post taper.

[[do...]]

What did you do just ride it out?

[[dr...]]

That's all one can do. They always end although it never feels like it.

[[do...]]

I guess you are right....I have noticed a pattern to when I have a wave...it always coincides with a day or two long bout of diarrhea....is this weird?  It is like the diarrhea starts first then later in the day the panic/anxiety begins...once the diarrhea stops the wave gets better.

[[dr...]]

Everyone's pattern is different but my tummy goes bad is one I get too.  You just need to accept the symptoms without trying different meds to treat everyone of them.i M not saying not to use meds if needed but I saw on another post the meds you have tried to lessen the symptoms.  Some of those carry there own symptoms and you won't know up from down soon.

 

Acceptance of the process is very hard but very helpful when you can do it.  If you had all the symptoms before and nothing has changed you can be pretty sure it's recovery.  A new on here or there can always throw a scare at you though

[[do...]]

thanks for the advice....I have had panic disorder since I was 6 so I have to probably accept the fact that I will probably be on some type of med at the least for a long time.