6-12 month thread....

[[...]]

LM, I would love to share it with everyone!!! No one should go through this experience!!

 

Be well!

 

[[63...]]

Just checking in...

 

It's late afternoon as I write...Pretty good day in that the intense anxiety and agitation have calmed down, my rational mind seems to have returned for a bit. For that, I am grateful! Right after lunch, heart palps started pretty bad. I actually cut short a bunch of errands I had to run and returned home to "safety". If its not one thing, its another it seems during withdrawal. I am really sensitive to cold this winter, which is bad, considering that I live in the upper mid-west. We have not had sun since this weekend, which really effects me...ugh! Thinking of you all here and hoping that you all are doing ok. -R.

[[dr...]]

Good to hear Robert.  It's funny you say that about one thing or another.  My anxify n fear left but it was replaced by a terrible headache yesterday.  My dad says "oh good!"  I told him while the panic sucks it's not like the headache is one where I can function.

 

I made the gym today and felt good on elliptical.  Didn't push.  Feel real stupid with cog fog and then I got caught in gridlock trying to get home ahead of big storm. 35 min drive took over 1 1/2 hours. Just thankful I didn't have anxiety.  I'm home completely exhausted beyond description.  I'm taking off tomorrow as SF has the biggest rainstorm coming in eight years. We are going to get more rain tomorrow than we had all last year!!! 

 

Take care my buddies

[[He...]]

Good to hear Robert.  It's funny you say that about one thing or another.  My anxify n fear left but it was replaced by a terrible headache yesterday.  My dad says "oh good!"  I told him while the panic sucks it's not like the headache is one where I can function.

 

I made the gym today and felt good on elliptical.  Didn't push.  Feel real stupid with cog fog and then I got caught in gridlock trying to get home ahead of big storm. 35 min drive took over 1 1/2 hours. Just thankful I didn't have anxiety.  I'm home completely exhausted beyond description.  I'm taking off tomorrow as SF has the biggest rainstorm coming in eight years. We are going to get more rain tomorrow than we had all last year!!! 

 

Take care my buddies

 

This storm is going to be a big one!  We (So OR) are starting to get hit with lots of rain and high winds, and it's supposed to really blow in late tonight. Batten down the hatches! 

[[Fr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Just checking is for a bit.  So happy to hear that many of you are seeing big time improvements and having nice long windows.

 

I guess I need some moral support.  My wd is so painful and I don't get long windows at all.  I'm still at about 2 1/2 days (split apart )of  windows a week.  The rest of the time, I'm in waves and really sick.  I get so hopeless in waves, so that's a lot of my life right now.

 

So discouraged right now.  I still get burning pain in my ankles and legs, poor sleep quality and waking to see how it'll be getting out of bed, how much pain will be there.  The looping thoughts, brain feeling locked up.  I'm so tired.  How does this usually evolve?

 

I worry that I'll never heal and that I'll be in physical and mental pain forever.  I am really scared and could use some support.

 

Lisa

[[dr...]]

Hi Lisa.... Youre still at the stage with me that we have way more crappy days than good ones.  They are a rare treat.  You will heal.  Look at everyone ahead of us on this thread. Every one of them is doing better.  Really...I can't think of one doing worse.  I'm here to tell you none of us get left behind. So sorry you are suffering. 

[[Fr...]]

Thanks Drew for your support.  I'm sorry you're having a rough time too still.  I am at week 42, a bit over 9 months and so discouraged.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

Lisa   

[[Fr...]]

Do you ever get that WHOOSH feeling?  I love it when that happens.  It's like the hand of God sweeps over me and makes me feel better suddenly.  OR it can happen slowly.  The other day, I was out with my husband, feeling really sick and locked inside my head and then slowly I started feeling way better and it lasted for 1  1/2 days.

 

The whoosh feeling happened one morning recently.  I was laying in bed, feeling sick and depressed about having to rise to another sick day, when all of a sudden a sensation came across my body and I began feeling good.

 

Now today has been tough all day.  All I can do is distract.

 

L.

[[dr...]]

Whoosh...I call it a light switch. I love it.  Happened once to me.

[[ci...]]

Drew, I call it a light switch, too. I can go from crazy to calm w/i mintues. The same with the pain from zero pain to intense burning. I flip and flop daily, in and out. No sleep is the worst. Also I have sxs replace others, like anxiety leaves and burning head tingling replaces it. I can't be dependable anymore, I can not trust by body or my mind. Crazy ride.

 

Robert, we are close in recovery months, I am at 8, and I always refer to my "rational Mind," too. Even Bliss Frederick's book refers to the rational mind, that since we can recognize the "rational mind," we are truly healing. It seems so many of your WDs are so similiar to mine.

 

Lisa, Remember those WINDOWS! And don't believe those thoughts, those crazy benzos lies! Remember those positive affirmations, repeat them over and over. You recognize your rational mind, too, use it. Yes you are healing. Reading this thread we all have the same fears, pains, thoughts, it is all WD , nothing else but WD. And what do we know about WD, the normal outcome is we heal, we recover. Read the 12-18 month thread they are making great progress, alot of healing taking place on that thread after the 12-4 month mark.

[[Fr...]]

Thanks Drew and Cindy.  You both are struggling and yet you give me hope.  I'm glad you are having the light switch moments too. 

 

Lisa

[[je...]]

Hi Lisa,

 

It really does get better... 5 months ago I was where you are in a very bad place. Actually like I told Cindy months 8-11 were pretty rough for me, not gonna lie BUT here iam 14 months out and iam fully functional going nonstop for about 12 hours a day with no mental sx  at all... I'm still dealing with physical pain, but its more manageable and I still have my bad days but overall way better. 6 months makes a big difference, you will see... Healing is coming your way, hang on jenny

[[ci...]]

Thank you Jenny. Just when we all needed a dose of HOPE, you delivered it.

[[Fr...]]

Jenny, thank you for those words of encouragement.  I really need those words lately.

 

That's wonderful how you are feeling so much better.  So happy for you:):) 

 

Keep us posted.

 

Lisa

[[63...]]

Hi 6 to 12 crew....

 

Thinking of you all!

 

I woke up with heart palps / tight chest again this morning, a carry-over from yesterday. About mid-morning they left and now I find myself in a window...long may it last!

The sun finally came out about mid-morning here...we have been without it since last weekend. I plan on going for a quick walk as soon as I finish typing this.

jenny21, thanks for the inspirational post, not only were you speaking to FreeofV,but to me as well, probably all of us.

 

cindys: well, I guess we are jumping buddies! I am so grateful to be this far out, done with my taper and benzo free!!! I'ma huge fan of Bliss Fredricks as well, and I probably got the "rational mind" term from reading her stuff. Her "Bloom in Wellness" page on Facebook has helped get me through some pretty dark times during withdrawal.

 

Drew, stay dry out there! I still have a lot of family that live in the bay area.  I remember those "pineapple express" storms from my earlier years when I lived in the north bay (Sonoma Co.)

[[Fr...]]

Hi guys,

 

I just feel in such a bad way lately.  I feel so miserable and have trouble articulating what this feels like for me.

 

I feel so much pain inside my CNS, like odd burning in my legs and knees that feels like ice in the way it hurts.  Then my neck hurts too very much and it goes up into my brain that hurts in the way of feeling sad and depressed and whimpery.  Then I get the looping thoughts too.

 

My left jaw skin is numbish too with prickly-ness.

 

Whether I'm in the  house or out in the world, I hurt so badly but have trouble explaining it to others.  I cry a lot and feel like a wounded animal on the side of the road.  Crying and crying in pain and for my lost life, for so much illness.

 

I get so hopeless that I'll ever heal.

 

Does anyone else feel this much bodily pain where you just want to die or is it just me?  Enduring this day after day is so tough.  I follow Dr. Jenn's blog and relate because my symptoms are similar to hers.  I'm so happy for her that she's feeling spectacular now.

[[ci...]]

Lisa, I get it, all that weird burning, head crap, and neck pain. I feel the burning inside too, even my eyes burn and "my privates." I get the prickly , pins and needles feeling. My legs are on fire, and varies in intensity thru the day and night and changes places, the head burning is the worst, ........heck, it all crazy.

 

I just keep telling myself, I know w/o a doubt I will have improvement 6 months from now. I just have to believe it. So I am trying to focus on to get thru each day.......I try to have some errand or activity, each day, even if it is just a walk, something to occupy my day. In August the burning left for a few weeks, now these past few weeks it is intense again. Reading Bliss' book helps me, I read it many times, and I have bonded very closely with another BB who gives me such encouragement. I hate to see us suffer like this, but we are not alone...there is alot of healing going on during this 6-12 months.

 

The days pass so slowly but the years pass so quickly. Lets try our best to fill our days....

 

Thinking of you

always, cindy

[[Fr...]]

Thanks Cindy.  You're a sweetheart and I feel badly you are suffering too.  And there is nothing to help us except time.

 

This is such a long road.

 

I try to walk too and I do my artwork.  Actually it's the artwork that is helping me the most to distract.  I'm making hand cut and beaded valentine cards that are quite intricate and lovely.  I can sometimes lose myself in them, a bit, when the pain is at its worst in my legs.

 

I hope you're feeling better.  I imagine the pain wouldn't be so bothersome if our brains felt better.  In fact, when I'm in a window I usually announce to my husband that, yes, when In a wave, it's brain generated because I can feel my head let up, like a fresh breeze comes along and clears up my whole head---whoosh---such clarity.  So yeah, it's brain damage that is healing.  I'm so pissed that a medical drug could harm us so much.  I am shocked these aren't taken off the market.  It's a disgrace, truly.

[[Fr...]]

Cindy - do you get the pain inside the knees ever?  It feels like nerve pain but like ice picks at times. 

[[mr...]]

Hi guys,

 

I just feel in such a bad way lately.  I feel so miserable and have trouble articulating what this feels like for me.

 

I feel so much pain inside my CNS, like odd burning in my legs and knees that feels like ice in the way it hurts.  Then my neck hurts too very much and it goes up into my brain that hurts in the way of feeling sad and depressed and whimpery.  Then I get the looping thoughts too.

 

My left jaw skin is numbish too with prickly-ness.

 

Whether I'm in the  house or out in the world, I hurt so badly but have trouble explaining it to others.  I cry a lot and feel like a wounded animal on the side of the road.  Crying and crying in pain and for my lost life, for so much illness.

 

I get so hopeless that I'll ever heal.

 

Does anyone else feel this much bodily pain where you just want to die or is it just me?  Enduring this day after day is so tough.  I follow Dr. Jenn's blog and relate because my symptoms are similar to hers.  I'm so happy for her that she's feeling spectacular now.

 

FreedofV,

 

A few success stories that I think are worth a review for you   Especially HenryK's   All great victories over pain & nerve pain

 

HenryK's "Henryk's done with Valium" http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=80600.0

afteru999's "22 Months: Recovered" http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=38848.0

4lovofpat's "Loving him to his finish line -caregivers perspective" http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=105692.msg1361659#msg1361659

Albie1's "Whoever the heck is Albie1 is 30+ months Benzo Free!" http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=76897.msg1016846#msg1016846

Conzumed's "'The fall and the road to success...' by Conzumed" http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=86909.msg1125812#msg1125812

 

Dr. Jenn Leigh's blog is great, isn't it?  So glad she shares so openly -- she is so good at it!

 

Take care and feel better, hun.

 

Mrs.

[[mr...]]

Hi gang,

 

Just stopping by to say hello, and to draw from the strength of this group as well -- I find that it is important to take some time to "refill" my tank as well from time to time   So I will do so right now and tonight

 

Today is officially my fourth week off of my benzodiazepine -- hooray!  I am four weeks free, and amazed at how fast the time has passed since my jump.  I remember how long my taper felt while I was doing it.  Now that its done, it just feels...right.  I find my symptoms morphing and changing all the time -- and all the while consistently fading at the same time.  Sure, some things "swell" in like a tide from time to time, but the overall trend is PROGRESS.  I can easily get discouraged if I try and compare my yesterday to my today, but if I look at my progression over the past few months, there is no denying progress, and fast progress at that!

 

My current set of symptoms include the following, at a mild-moderate level (rarely a "tough" level): fatigue, tiredness, light sleeping, achey-sore "benzo flu" feeling, some tummy bubbles & general "malaise" feeling, very mild "boaty" feeling on occasion, mild-moderate "fear", mild-moderate anxiety, mild-moderate depression, mild-moderate 'lack of hope/faith/belief' feelings, hrtrate of 95-105 resting on occasion, mild exercise intolerance, mild heat intolerance, etc.  In general, I've been feeling like doing very little.  I'm still DOING despite the feeling, but I have that feeling moreso this month than in past months.  It's weird, its almost like I'm going though my withdrawal "in reverse" in some respects.  Like, the symptoms that have happened over the past couple years, its almost like they're happening in the same order, just in reverse now.  They came in in this direction, and now its like they're exiting out in this direction also   Not entirely that way, of course.  But similar   If that makes sense? Lol.

 

drew, I've been thinking about you here and there today.  Are you feeling better?  I sure hope so.  Have I told you lately that I'm grateful that you and I crossed paths on this forum?  Your symptoms are so similar to mine, and how you choose to handle them is so similar as well...I'm just so grateful for you, buddy.  I can't tell you how many times I've experienced something, and before I can even type the words to ask if anyone else has experienced it as well, you've already posted about it   It's so reassuring.  Anyways, thanks for being here.  And thanks for walking in victory despite the symptoms -- I know how hard it can be, and you dispell the lies that come to mind that say "can't" in so many ways.  More simply put, you da best!

 

cindys, 63-Robert, and all the others on this thread -- I'm so glad to be getting the chance to meet and know you!  You know, we can't all be experiencing and feeling the same type of things, just "by coincidence" you know?  Yes, it is withdrawal, and yes, we are healing   Most assuredly, I claim it for us all!!

 

Okay, enough typing for now Mrs. needs a rest tonight, so rest I will   Take care buddies, I will most likely be lurking round these parts tonight.  Little posting, but I'll probably be in and out   Love to you all.

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

Super on one month mrs!!!  Thx for the props  :smitten:that is very sweet of you to say.  I'm feeling better. No panic or crazy anxiety the last two days.  The other symptoms are hopefully lessening but it's hard to tell sometimes.  I've been forcing myself to do a gentle walk every day regardless of how I feel. If I go to the gym it's a light 30 minutes of some cardio and I mean light. I've decided to stop pushing myself via heavy exercise as it always ends up racking my body with soreness beyond belief. It's hard for me to accept going out of shape but when my body is ready it will let me know. I did go see hunger games since the storm was so bad my work lost power.  Walked in a mall too so I guess that says something. 

 

Hope everyone else has a measure of improvement today.

[[ci...]]

drew- Yea...so glad your anxiety and panic has lifted for the past 2 days. Walking has always helped me when things flareup.

 

mrs, love the success stories.....just what I need, going to be a rough night, so now i can be occupied in a positive way.

 

lisa,  i do not get those ice pick feeling in my knees, but had them in my hip joints. My neuropathic pain, is just like an intense body burning, like a bad sunburn pain times 10. It is great you can do art work, using your creative mind. Wow now that is healing. Problem for me  is I never had a creative mind, so I can not tap into that one. I distract by playing solitaire, or TV or reading.

 

robert, hey there jumping buddy, how old are you? I get those heart palps with that tight band feeling around my rib cage. I get worried about it because I am 60. Do your windows last for days or just hours? I have windows and waves w/i same day. Dr, Melemis, Canadian doc, reports those early in WD will have windows/waves daily and as healing progreses the windows will spread from hours into days. Have you found that to be true with your healing? Since day one, I have never had a full day of a window.

 

 

[[He...]]

Mrs,

Congrats on one month!! That is one month of your body being FREE and doing nothing but adjusting to its new normal. That is exciting and hopeful! You have done so great throughout this process.

 

You've got this! 

[[63...]]

A quick check in....

 

Window closed! Feeling all of the mental stuff today, but it's been a little more manageable than usual so far, which is good because we are hosting a office cocktail party tonight in our home. I pray that I can have everything ready and get through it with some grace and comfort. I hate this mental stuff, the anxiety and sense of irrational panic at every turn. The only thing that I can do is just be mindful of it and just let it flow by...all the while feeling crazy as a loon!

 

Wishing all of you continued and rapid healing! -R.