6-12 month thread....

[[dr...]]

Haha Cindy...I was just rereading all my highlighted passages in her book. I must've said "I am healing" one hundred times today. 

 

Robert-yeah...I'm pretty accepting of not being able to calm it down much until it passes but I was out n about so I had to try something til I got home to my safe zone.  What a ride.  We having fun yet?

[[ci...]]

drew, listening to her relaxation messages on line and positive affirmation videos help, too

[[dr...]]

Is that on youtuve?

[[mr...]]

Drew, I just recently had a "lovely" "revisit" of the same, about two weeks ago. I can tell you that it has passed, for the most part, and I can also tell that I'll be left w/ a higher/better baseline than before it 

 

The ONLY thing you need to do is let time pass

 

Speaking of, how is the weather where you're at?

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

Drew, I just recently had a "lovely" "revisit" of the same, about two weeks ago. I can tell you that it has passed, for the most part, and I can also tell that I'll be left w/ a higher/better baseline than before it 

 

The ONLY thing you need to do is let time pass

 

Speaking of, how is the weather where you're at?

 

Mrs.

 

Oh mrs....this sucks soooo bad!  I can't believe the panic and anxiety would come back so bad.  Not surprised really more than shell shocked. Not discouraged though.  I know it's par for the course. I did make a 1 1/2 mile gentle walk just now with no anxiety or panic. Last night it was unbearable.

 

 

You went  from fine to agoraphobic too?  If I didn't work this wave I'd be fine staying in until it passed. 

 

Suppose to start raining on n off here but otherwise very nice in the 60's. 

[[ci...]]

drew, yes utube videos about 4-5 of them positive affirmations, relaxation video, meditation one

[[mr...]]

 

You went  from fine to agoraphobic too?

 

 

You have NO IDEA how glad I am to see you type this...

 

That is EXACTLY what happened to me a couple weeks ago. To. A. Tee. Came in like a "lion" also...and has trickled out slowly since then. Not quite like a "lamb" yet, maybe more like a slighty irritated bunny wabbit?

 

The ag swinging back in really kinda threw me for a loop a bit. It totally shouldn't throw me though, because it is just another symptom just like any of the other ones I've had cycle in and out. Maybe its because its probably the symptom I loath the most, and fight it to its death...who knows, lol. Either way, yes. I was fine, then I was all of a sudden tempted with ag again. Grr...

 

But, silver lining for ya, bro -- it passed quickly, and it wasn't nearly as ferocious as it was in past months. And, if I wanted to use some propranolol here and there, I did. I actually took my 10mg tablet and halved some of them, then fourthed a few pieces too. So then I had 2.5mg, 5mg, and 10mg to choose from. Sometimes its more of the "thought" that "Ahhh, I took something" to help settle things down...so 2.5mg comes in handy for that And it does take the "Thump!" out of my heart beats, as well as settle the shakes just ever so slightly. Sometimes either 200mg or 300mg magnesium glycinate will do the same thing for me too. It's nice to have a couple things to alternate between

 

Shooo, bud. SOOO glad you mentioned that tonight. We're not alone, yo.

 

BTW, weather sounds GREAT where you're at...here is in the 30s and rainy...so a "wet cold" - blech! Helloooooooooo, Midwest.

 

Mrs.

[[Lo...]]

Great news lm!  So happy you got a break

 

I am doing worse today.  I did fine until noon and it has been panic and anxiety ever since.  Did deep breathing, hot tub, positive self talk.  Not helping.  I had to get a haircut and drive home. Both were tortuous. I am just getting slammed.  This is brutal.  Having tight chest, lightheadedness, white tongue of dryness, random twitches and pains.  No I'm not dying but it feels like it.  I haven't had this level of fear and panic so unrelenting in a long time.  One week in this wave and its scary.  I'm almost not functional. I am trying not to what if I'm stuck like this or worry if it's something else.  Ugh!  Will not worry about tomorrow as it can turn.  If not, I may ale a low dose beta blocker. 

 

Sorry my post is a bummer and I'm needing of support. Again...totally psyched for you lm. You suffered so much 

 

Drew, hang in there my friend! I'm so sorry that you are having such a hard time. While reading your post, I was nodding my head, having experienced very recently what you have described. What really sucks is that it seems that nothing works to calm the sx down, that usually really ramps up the anxiety for me. But like the many times that you have been in a bad wave before, you've got this! This will pass. Sometimes, only time will calm the symptoms down, and im talking hours, not days here. Try not to worry about having to function tomorrow, it will take care of itself. You will get through this! -R.

 

I'm with Robert...things can change at the drop of a dime. Don't worry about being a bummer...I never saw you as that. Praying the window opens up for you and gives you a lot of fresh air!

 

Thanks for being so happy for me! 

[[Aq...]]

Drew, I feel for you man.  I am going through the same this still @ 10 months today.  Feels like this is the longest, worst wave I have had yet.  Hard to imagine it will get better.  But after reading all of these posts, I know it is just W/D even though it feels like something else.  Stand strong!

[[mr...]]

Hey drew,

 

Check this update to success story. Details out her withdrawal. Talks about ag as her "ick" symptom She's 100% better now

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=118407.msg1554681#msg1554681

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

Hi all....thx as always.  Happy to report today no panics and the anxiety level way lower.  Still have other wavy stuff but not having that panic is huge.  See what tomorrow brings. 

 

Mrs-I've read them all

[[mr...]]

Hi all....thx as always.  Happy to report today no panics and the anxiety level way lower.  Still have other wavy stuff but not having that panic is huge.  See what tomorrow brings. 

 

Mrs-I've read them all

 

Me too

 

Mrs.

[[63...]]

Aquaval,

 

How are you doing? I just noticed your post and wanted to shout out to you. Sorry to hear that you've been in such a bad wave that far out. I hope that your symptoms have let up and that you are having a easier time. I'm about 2 months behind you, and I have had my worst waves within the last 2 months. I guess that is how withdrawal goes. Hang in there, my friend!

[[No...]]

Hi Buddies ...

 

Time and steadfastness ... those are our allies during this process ... in good times and those lousy times ... on this thread we talked about "weathering" some time ago ... and for many months that is what we did ... doing what we could day to day ... maintaining what needed to be maintained day to day ... and accruing time ...

 

And it often felt like all I was doing was "surviving" ... and that is probably a good descriptor ... surviving until I no longer needed to feel like I was surviving ... and things gradually shifted ... until my baseline slowly and subtly improved to where I am now ...

 

And all the doubts, and all the fears, and all the "whys" just keep circling around like so many chattering crows ... and we get through this ...

 

Healing takes time ... and as for all the rest, I just have to show up and get through it ... and we can get through this ... as a very wise Buddy once said ... "nobody gets left behind" ...

 

Be well ... keep "showing up" ...

 

[[Co...]]

Jenny, Garton, Michael, FJ and HH...did I miss anyone from the " crappy day today " dance troupe?....Scoot over ..make room for me. ...We all seem to be singing the same song...better baselines, better assurance that we are healing, " functional" and trying to dip our cautious toes in the re-entry waters. That all sounds so good...and it is good...really really good. ...but ...now after such better days ...a wavy day.  Sigh..

....I was ( and am) really feeling the heal...for the last 2 weeks....today...the wave. Horrible sleep last night with body pain that felt like a truck ran over me. I thought it was my RA pain, but believe it or not it was worse than my RA pain. My shoulders and neck and back were screaming with muscle pain. Headache and a revisit of head pressure and d/r. and just to remind me that I still have another 10 months to go to hit the 24 month mile marker....a panic...Was it only yesterday that I posted that I hadn't had a panic in a few months? Granted the panic was over within a few minutes ( light headed with all the bells and whistles alerting me that death was immenant. . Even though the panic was brief , the health fears descended and weighed me down all day. Just like someone ( HH, Mrs, Jenny, FJ,).  I just feel beat up and so fatigued by this.. Just venting here. ...Michael, your words,remind me that this is not linear...not even in the late months and wherever we go in this land of recovery is where we are for the moment. I was really sorry to read your post of yesterday describing your 60/70 minute anxiety/ post and was happy to read that things leveled off a bit today. Glad you got some sleep.

  .  Well, hoping all of us who had crappy days today have a peaceful night and wake up to 100% baselines tomorrow.

.....Thank you...every one you for being here and supporting me through this place that I could not have imagined and didn't see coming....Mrs. thank you for all the success story posts they help so much.  .......coop

[[He...]]

Great news lm!  So happy you got a break

 

I am doing worse today.  I did fine until noon and it has been panic and anxiety ever since.  Did deep breathing, hot tub, positive self talk.  Not helping.  I had to get a haircut and drive home. Both were tortuous. I am just getting slammed.  This is brutal.  Having tight chest, lightheadedness, white tongue of dryness, random twitches and pains.  No I'm not dying but it feels like it.  I haven't had this level of fear and panic so unrelenting in a long time.  One week in this wave and its scary.  I'm almost not functional. I am trying not to what if I'm stuck like this or worry if it's something else.  Ugh!  Will not worry about tomorrow as it can turn.  If not, I may ale a low dose beta blocker. 

 

Sorry my post is a bummer and I'm needing of support. Again...totally psyched for you lm. You suffered so much 

 

Drew, I'm so sorry you are still being slammed! Brutal is right. You are NOT stuck like this! It's the pattern of healing. You will get through this and be stronger for it, better able to deal with any future waves. You are very, very strong.

 

I hope tomorrow is better! Praying for you.

[[No...]]

Coop ... I use an arnica cream on my neck when I feel the tension building up ... sort of from behind my ears, down the tendons and across the top of the shoulders ... seems to work okay ... never got anything "adverse" from it ... Mrs Nova uses it for her arthritis on her hands ...

 

I can "sense" a muscle tension from the top of my shoulders, up over my ears, then around my forehead ... and usually accompanied with ear pressure or sinus pressure ...

 

Be well ...

 

[[He...]]

Hi Coop,

Crappy day dance troupe is right! BUT we are STILL healing, right? I took such comfort from Michael when he said that because we are all going through this it is proof this is normal for this healing process. Man do I lose sight of that sometimes!! We have to keep our eyes on that 2 year mark. It will come and our symptoms will go. I think that many of us will be healed somewhere between 18-24 months!

 

Even during my BAD days I am still SO much better than before! I just can't always see through my waves.

 

Big hugs to you, my friend! 

[[Co...]]

Michael...thanks for the tip, I have heard of arnica but have never tried it. I am going to go get some tomorrow. ( organics remedies .. health supplement shop?). I wish I would have thought about it sooner. Much rather use a natural product especially one that is not ingested. ....and thank you from me too for reminding us that we are all experiencing such similar sx and progress...has to be w/d.  even though my benzo voice was very very convincing today...Wishing you sleep Michael. 

.....HH....we are HH .. and boy did we have a very similar day today. I thought I was over the panic thing...and the health fears were really fading. ..a better day for all of us tomorrow...coop

[[dr...]]

Hope everyone feels better. 

[[...]]

Good morning all!

 

I'm so very sorry to hear that so many are going through a hard time...it's just amazing how you can get hit with this!

 

I'm in a great window and have been for about a week...I'm savoring every second! I've finished my Christmas shopping, wrapped most of the gifts, and will finish with the wrapping today!

 

I pray that relief will come for everyone today and that permanent healing comes your way!

 

[[Aq...]]

Aquaval,

 

How are you doing? I just noticed your post and wanted to shout out to you. Sorry to hear that you've been in such a bad wave that far out. I hope that your symptoms have let up and that you are having a easier time. I'm about 2 months behind you, and I have had my worst waves within the last 2 months. I guess that is how withdrawal goes. Hang in there, my friend!

 

I am still in this wave.  I would say it feel slightly better at this exact moment, but this is a big one that doesn't want to go away for now.  I would say I am in that 'very, very tired of it phase' where I just feel like giving up.  Obviously, I don't even know what that means, so we go on.  I hope you are doing well, thanks for asking.

[[dr...]]

Great news G!!!  Ahh..the window experience...how I long for thee my cruel mistress

 

Aqua---let's hang on the canoe together and just flow down the rapids with as much acceptance as possible.  It is hard I know.  There is room in this canoe for all...Robert, Coop, Nova, Mrs(just hanging on the side),Cindy, et al.....I think everyone else is stable or in a wandow. 

 

I had no heavy anxiety/panic until dinner time last night.  I went to reheat my Moroccan lamb meatballs with crispy polenta and wham!  Fear and death feelings out of the blue.  ugh...I went for a gentle walk and just forced myself to put one foot in front of the other.  I did two miles and burned off a bit of adrenaline but oh my is that hard.  Feeling on the edge of anxiety/panic today but it's just another day in benzoland.

[[mr...]]

Great news G!!!  Ahh..the window experience...how I long for thee my cruel mistress

 

Aqua---let's hang on the canoe together and just flow down the rapids with as much acceptance as possible.  It is hard I know.  There is room in this canoe for all...Robert, Coop, Nova, Mrs(just hanging on the side),Cindy, et al.....I think everyone else is stable or in a wandow. 

 

I had no heavy anxiety/panic until dinner time last night.  I went to reheat my Moroccan lamb meatballs with crispy polenta and wham!  Fear and death feelings out of the blue.  ugh...I went for a gentle walk and just forced myself to put one foot in front of the other.  I did two miles and burned off a bit of adrenaline but oh my is that hard.  Feeling on the edge of anxiety/panic today but it's just another day in benzoland.

 

You know, I've heard that reheating Moroccan lamb meatballs and crispy polenta can be scary...  

 

(BTW, that "poke" was directed at the stupid benzobrain, and NOT at you drew. Just makin' sure to clarify...)

 

Mrs.

[[Lo...]]

Good morning all!

 

I'm so very sorry to hear that so many are going through a hard time...it's just amazing how you can get hit with this!

 

I'm in a great window and have been for about a week...I'm savoring every second! I've finished my Christmas shopping, wrapped most of the gifts, and will finish with the wrapping today!

 

I pray that relief will come for everyone today and that permanent healing comes your way!

 

 

Yeah GMIT! So happy for you! Keep the window open!!!! Praying it won't close and pass some of that breeze through the open window my way lol! Much love!