6-12 month thread....

[[mr...]]

Today is much better for me, and I am so grateful for it.

 

Drew, how's about you? Cool, you hanging loose? Everyone else? You doing alright?

 

Thinking if y'all 

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

Hi all...to those of you feeling good carry on....to those of us in the "craptastic group" wishing healing finds you and me. 

 

Mrs-glad you got some improvements.  I seem to be getting worse.  Sinus clogged now along with The usual suspects.  Head pressure now here but hoping it doesn't ramp up because now it's not bad in the head pressure scale of bad.  Although the sinuses are bad. Haven't had this for two months or so. 

 

On the plus side I can just rest until Monday.  I went out to the store and my symptoms ramped up.  While it sucked I laughed at them.  I was talking to myself like a crazy man"okay...this is silly why I would suddenly feel like death outside but better as soon as I home.  I know you're just benzo bs trying to scare me.  I am healing and these are all harmless".  I swear it helped.  Still happy to be home.

 

Shout out to Aqua-sorry your wave is already so long. I'm about five days and fingers crossed that I break quicker.  Just taking it day by day. 

 

I'm amazed at all you one year peeps. I would ask how you did it but I know the answer.  We just do it. Peep s look at me and say the same thing.

 

Love of love. 

[[No...]]

Drew ... yep ... we just follow our nose ... although sometimes I get cross-eyed ... trying to find it ... "home" is safe ... a container ... there is a "rhythm" there" ... we know the geography ...

 

Be well ...

 

[[ci...]]

Hello All, Just checking in, I am in a very bad wave at 8 months CT. But thank you all for keeping this thread going....I read it and helps to know we are all in the same boat, even this far out. I hope I can help you all once I am out of this wave.

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... posted this to another Buddy ... and I feel it belongs here as well ...

 

I got some sleep and am back on the "plateau" ... that seems to be a pattern for many of us this far out ... I am half way through 14 months out ...

 

Here is an image for us ... I have been through the endless "car wash" of acute ... very intense and often seemingly endless ... now I just get hijacked off and on by the "car wash gang" who do a "manual wash" whenever the mood strikes them ... not as intense as the "mechanical wash", but still lots of rubbing, suds, and rinsing ... and they seem to get bored after a few hours and leave me alone for a while ...

 

Don't see why I still need "cleaning", but somebody does, and they are looking after me ...

 

***

 

Mind ... I believe you have quite a good "grip" on where you are ... and what you need to "do" over the next few months ... and you still feel your "metal patient" shadows hanging around ... and like many of us, no matter our "history", you are on the path of recovery ... and I believe the only path available to us ... and this is not a "limiting" or "restrictive" path ... this is the path the "contains" the limitless possibilities of our blessed lives ...

 

We "go slow" through this process ... making the changes necessary as they are presented ... avoiding unnecessary changes because who needs that stress right now ... we are slowly "developing" what we each need to build the "center" that will hold us for the rest of our days ... that is our gift to ourselves ... the "blooming" of the possibility of our precious lives ...

 

And as Victoria Sweet so gently taught me in her book "God's Hotel" ... Healing needs Time ... and that is what we are "allowing" to be present for ourselves, slow, gentle, caressing Time ...

 

Have a good Sunday ...

[[Co...]]

Drew...I spent most of my waves at home in bed. Home is a place of safety and privacy. I hated being out with sx because it took extra effort and concentration to appear normal.  At home with a movie .. bundled up in my favorite comforter with my dog next to me it was much easier to " let it be ". Don't worry about becoming a recluse. I am an introvert bordering on hermit, but as I start to feel better and better in month thirteen the wanting to get back out to do the things I used to do and interact with my dear friends and family is returning very naturally. It is all individual,  some of us need to be doing as much as possible to feel the healing,  others of us need the solitude and insular comfort of home....most of us find a balance along the way. ...

......I am sorry to hear that you are wavy,  you seem to be riding it out as best as possible....in spite of panics. That is huge. It has been quite awhile since I have had panics ( six weeks or so) I have had some passing moments of panic but very fleeting.

.....You are doing so great for seven month out...a few more months and you should be in the home stretch....just keep it going Drew,  you are on your way....wishing you sunbreaks ...coop

[[dr...]]

Thx as always coop.  I haven't had anymore panics since then. Just  lots of close calls.  My symptoms shifted to that awful pressure deep behind my eyes with headache  at 3am.  Always 3an :laugh:b  Pressure died but now horrific headache.  This is what happened before my last wave broke so I'm cautiously hopeful.  It's crazy how there is a pattern to this stuff. 

I just passed several hours cooking.  That's my great distraction and my gf benefits.  She will have morrocan lamb meatballs, garlicky pork loin, and steamed clams w fresh Dungeness crab to snack on for the next few days. 

 

Hi to everyone else.  I'm so happy to see the healing ahead of me.  This thread slowed down a bit but I don't feel right crashing the 12. Month thread yet.  In a few months you'll see me. 

[[He...]]

Hi Drew,

I wanted to let you know that one of my worst times was after hitting the 7th month mark, check out my signature. It was a really tough time for me, but has gotten consistently better. I can't see my signature as I write this, but I remember having a really long wave around that time. Hang tight, it gets better!

HH

 

 

[[Co...]]

Drew...I think you are right about patterns. My head pressure set in at exactly 6 months. Then came the headaches either with or without the pressure...and yes, the achy pressure behind the eyes. In month 10 I was waking up almost every night with headache. ...It is so much better now at 13 months. ...It will come to an end.

    Wow did you ever pick a great distraction...what a cook it all sounds so delicious.  .. In spite of head pressure you sound so positive.  Way to get there ..  coop

[[Co...]]

Drew.. just a side note.. a very low dose beta blocker ( 6 Mg atenolol) helps my bad headaches... hope they clear up soon

[[dr...]]

Thx HH. I have one week down and hopefully not a few more to go. 

 

Coop-great to know. I take a very low dose of propronolol when it's nonstop anxiety but I just didn't this time. Helps on headaches too?  Huh...will take tomorrow if no improvement as no need to endlessly suffer like this. 

 

I am keeping positive because I am pretty sure when I come out of this wave my baseline will be higher and I see you all healing. It is so important that I can see my mentors healing ahead of me. I know most of you had the same stuff as thousands of others before me. I had periods of feeling great in the last window so I know that's myfuture.  Staying really positive, distracting, looking at you all, and just accepting the process as best I can.  You all know it ain't easy though

 

I just did a super slow 1 1/2 mile walk.  Took a long time and I had trouble breathing, chest tightness, and costant worry.  Even had a great adrenaline Rush. Ugh..my goal was just to be slow and steady and chant to myself it is all natural stuff from the withdrawal.  Soon enough this day will be in the books and we are all one day closer to being healed. 

[[Co...]]

Drew.  Propanolol is sometimes prescribed for migraines..hope this helps.  Coop.. ( not try ING to suggest that you take something that you might not want to, but on really bad headache days or those 3am headaches it can be a help)    coop

 

[[No...]]

Drew ... sounds like you are doing a good job of getting through this stuff ... cooking is also a good distraction for me ...

 

As you say ... another day in the books ... another day closer ...

 

[[Co...]]

Drew.  I had constant health fear from month 6 through 11...in month 12 it just got better...it is completely a w/d sx...though in the midst of it , knowing that it is in itself a sx is of little relief. ...it gets better  and your belief in the process is going to get you through...coop

[[63...]]

Drew, I'm chiming in to say that I'm right there with you, experiencing a bad wave while being just passed 8 months since finishing my taper. The worst for me is the persistent anxiety and fear, followed by this strange sensation on squeezing in the front of my head, very odd. It makes it difficult to concentrate, and more easily overwhelmed by stress...awful!

 

I've been reading the responses to your posts and have found them so very helpful, so a big thank you to Coop, HH, Nova, as you guys are speaking not only to Drew, but to me as well and i can't help but wonder to how many others who going through the same thing.

 

I tell you, from 6 months on have been my most difficult in my withdrawal journey. At the same time during this period I have felt the most profound healing, especially in my "base". I too keep this in mind as I grind through and it helps me keep the faith that one day, this too will pass!

 

 

 

[[No...]]

63-Robert ... indeed "this will pass" ... this BB place is much like the "loaves and fishes" thing ... one post often feeds many ...

 

Be well ... we all get through this ...

 

[[Lo...]]

Hi everyone...Drew are you feeling a little better? I hope so. I must say this weekend was pretty good! Yes! I don't know what to call it...a window or what. Both Saturday and Sunday I woke up pretty refreshed and my balance was okay...not perfect but better. We were up and dressed and out running errands (just 2) at my own pace by 10:15am on Saturday. I think my son was excited that we were outside.

 

Parked my SUV at the post office and walked in without the use of my son and his stroller. I usually use his stroller for balance when I am with him. Thank God the line was short but we did it!

 

I was happy to do my laundry (it was kinda backed up) and we just chilled out the rest of the day. Hardly any rocky boat feeling on both Sat and Sunday!

 

Went to Target yesterday and felt pretty ok. Had to get some food.

 

I had ear pressure this weekend but not as severe. I will say I was pretty darn happy last night.

 

This morning I woke refreshed and my balance felt like the other 2 days. When I even got to work walking through the parking lot, through 2 doors, to the elevator, through another door I felt okay. I usually feel all over the place after driving (like I'm still moving). I will say about 1 hour being here I got hit with the rocky boat sensation and ear pressure. Oh well.

 

Holding onto what I guess was a mini window and how nice it felt to get some relief...my God!

 

Praying for more windows! For us all! 

[[Sk...]]

Hi everyone...Drew are you feeling a little better? I hope so. I must say this weekend was pretty good! Yes! I don't know what to call it...a window or what. Both Saturday and Sunday I woke up pretty refreshed and my balance was okay...not perfect but better. We were up and dressed and out running errands (just 2) at my own pace by 10:15am on Saturday. I think my son was excited that we were outside.

 

Parked my SUV at the post office and walked in without the use of my son and his stroller. I usually use his stroller for balance when I am with him. Thank God the line was short but we did it!

 

I was happy to do my laundry (it was kinda backed up) and we just chilled out the rest of the day. Hardly any rocky boat feeling on both Sat and Sunday!

 

Went to Target yesterday and felt pretty ok. Had to get some food.

 

I had ear pressure this weekend but not as severe. I will say I was pretty darn happy last night.

 

This morning I woke refreshed and my balance felt like the other 2 days. When I even got to work walking through the parking lot, through 2 doors, to the elevator, through another door I felt okay. I usually feel all over the place after driving (like I'm still moving). I will say about 1 hour being here I got hit with the rocky boat sensation and ear pressure. Oh well.

 

Holding onto what I guess was a mini window and how nice it felt to get some relief...my God!

 

Praying for more windows! For us all! 

 

Loving mother, that is so great, I am so glad for you ! Thanks for sharing. 

[[Co...]]

63Robert....I experienced one of my most terrible waves in month 9...and I could have written the rest of your post myself. Months 4-11 was all pretty much acute for me. Now at month 13 s corner has definitely been turned. There were some windows and sunbreaks along the way, but they were fleeting ( never really lasting more than 24 hours at a time ). Just hold on...keep it going, endure it and survive it with whatever distraction and comforts work for you. Hang with BBs all the way through. Listen to your own inner wisdom and follow it. Get as much real time support as you can, keeping in mind that nobody can possibly understand what you are going through unless they have gone through it. See your physician for sx that concern you for your health, more than likely all sx are w/d related but the reassurance will help keep your health fears in the down position....

.....You are going to get through this Robert.. one day at a time. The research seems to support the idea that complete healing requires 24 months with the second year typically being a better ride than the first with many people beginning to pick up their lives somewhere around 14-18 months. Follow those on the 6- 18 month thread as there is a lot of healing happening over there.

  .We are here for you and this will end. You will have your life back ...Time is our best support....Wishing you sunbreaks....coop

[[Lo...]]

Hi everyone...Drew are you feeling a little better? I hope so. I must say this weekend was pretty good! Yes! I don't know what to call it...a window or what. Both Saturday and Sunday I woke up pretty refreshed and my balance was okay...not perfect but better. We were up and dressed and out running errands (just 2) at my own pace by 10:15am on Saturday. I think my son was excited that we were outside.

 

Parked my SUV at the post office and walked in without the use of my son and his stroller. I usually use his stroller for balance when I am with him. Thank God the line was short but we did it!

 

I was happy to do my laundry (it was kinda backed up) and we just chilled out the rest of the day. Hardly any rocky boat feeling on both Sat and Sunday!

 

Went to Target yesterday and felt pretty ok. Had to get some food.

 

I had ear pressure this weekend but not as severe. I will say I was pretty darn happy last night.

 

This morning I woke refreshed and my balance felt like the other 2 days. When I even got to work walking through the parking lot, through 2 doors, to the elevator, through another door I felt okay. I usually feel all over the place after driving (like I'm still moving). I will say about 1 hour being here I got hit with the rocky boat sensation and ear pressure. Oh well.

 

Holding onto what I guess was a mini window and how nice it felt to get some relief...my God!

 

Praying for more windows! For us all! 

 

Loving mother, that is so great, I am so glad for you ! Thanks for sharing. 

 

Thank you Sky!!!!! It felt nice and even better to feel like this over the weekend! 

[[63...]]

Coop...Nova, thanks for your support and encouragement, it means a lot!

 

Coop, I'm so pleased to hear that you  are seeing some relief now at 13 months, you have really come a long way! Thanks for your post. Know that I am here, pulling for each one of you!

 

LM, Awesome news on your window! I admire your courage and strength.

[[Lo...]]

Coop...Nova, thanks for your support and encouragement, it means a lot!

 

Coop, I'm so pleased to hear that you  are seeing some relief now at 13 months, you have really come a long way! Thanks for your post. Know that I am here, pulling for each one of you!

 

LM, Awesome news on your window! I admire your courage and strength.

 

Thanks Robert! I guess it was a window :-) praying the next one comes again soon!

[[dr...]]

Great news lm!  So happy you got a break

 

I am doing worse today.  I did fine until noon and it has been panic and anxiety ever since.  Did deep breathing, hot tub, positive self talk.  Not helping.  I had to get a haircut and drive home. Both were tortuous. I am just getting slammed.  This is brutal.  Having tight chest, lightheadedness, white tongue of dryness, random twitches and pains.  No I'm not dying but it feels like it.  I haven't had this level of fear and panic so unrelenting in a long time.  One week in this wave and its scary.  I'm almost not functional. I am trying not to what if I'm stuck like this or worry if it's something else.  Ugh!  Will not worry about tomorrow as it can turn.  If not, I may ale a low dose beta blocker. 

 

Sorry my post is a bummer and I'm needing of support. Again...totally psyched for you lm. You suffered so much 

[[ci...]]

drew, I am right in there with you. At 8 month ct, in the worst wave this past week, mental and physical pain. No sleep for 4 nights.  It helps alot reading this thread, it gives me such hope, it seems alot of us have setbacks in the 7-10 months. And then reading the 12-18 month thread, it helps to see everyone is improving. We have a ways to go, but if they got there so will we. I have read Bliss Frederick's book, and it really helps me.

 

 

 

 

[[63...]]

Great news lm!  So happy you got a break

 

I am doing worse today.  I did fine until noon and it has been panic and anxiety ever since.  Did deep breathing, hot tub, positive self talk.  Not helping.  I had to get a haircut and drive home. Both were tortuous. I am just getting slammed.  This is brutal.  Having tight chest, lightheadedness, white tongue of dryness, random twitches and pains.  No I'm not dying but it feels like it.  I haven't had this level of fear and panic so unrelenting in a long time.  One week in this wave and its scary.  I'm almost not functional. I am trying not to what if I'm stuck like this or worry if it's something else.  Ugh!  Will not worry about tomorrow as it can turn.  If not, I may ale a low dose beta blocker. 

 

Sorry my post is a bummer and I'm needing of support. Again...totally psyched for you lm. You suffered so much 

 

Drew, hang in there my friend! I'm so sorry that you are having such a hard time. While reading your post, I was nodding my head, having experienced very recently what you have described. What really sucks is that it seems that nothing works to calm the sx down, that usually really ramps up the anxiety for me. But like the many times that you have been in a bad wave before, you've got this! This will pass. Sometimes, only time will calm the symptoms down, and im talking hours, not days here. Try not to worry about having to function tomorrow, it will take care of itself. You will get through this! -R.