6-12 month thread....

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Thank you!

 

I'm having a rough day! Anxiety, sadness...not sure why! Just my family that's always here around!

 

Hard day, feeling hopeless!

 

[[So...]]

GMIT, we're here for you!  The holidays turns up lots of memories and emotions for EVERYONE whether they're in withdrawal or not.  It will pass. 

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Thanks SoCal! I've been doing pretty good..and of course, BOOM! I'm extremely tired!

 

[[No...]]

GMIT ... the exhaustion thing ... seems to catch up with a lot of us ... and the anxiety stuff ... sadness, yes ... that too ... taking things one at a time and moving through our day ... not much encouragement in those words ... sorry ...

 

I "know" a bit about where you are ... been there, done that, and still doing it ... we just take care of ourselves and stay as centered as we can ... these "down" and anxious times come and go ...

 

Take care, my friend, hope you have a quiet evening ...

 

[[...]]

Thank you so very much Nova! So hard to do well and then get hit so hard...wish I could get past this feeling that I've ruined my entire life...that just won't leave me alone when things get bad! And my wd devil harps on it, I try to use positive talk, sing "happy" tunes in my head...SO tired! I know it's temporary, but it's just so hard right now. I don't feel this way when I'm in a window.

 

I just want to fall asleep...maybe for a few years!

 

[[No...]]

GMIT ... yeh ... sleep for a few years ... seems like I have missed about 10 years of sleep since I have been on the drug ...

 

And we have not, absolutely no way, no how ... ruined our lives ... we have reclaimed them ... and that is a hard "lie" to get past when we are "down" ...

 

And we never feel that way when we feel okay ...

 

[[So...]]

Great day yesterday, guys.  Rough today.  Probably the fact I ate sugary pie stirred up the old CNS. I was really feeling good too. That negative thinking just needs a tiny foothold to grow.

[[Co...]]

GMIT...even though we know w/d is temporary,  in the midst of /x it feels like forever and the benzo beast is so very convincing...and 2 years ( the new ' 6 months '), the typical time frame for healing and re- entry does not seem temporary. I am beginning to view the first year as definitely feeling better and the second year as a complete return to normal lives. For me that is another 11months...although I can honestly say that I am do much better than months 4-10, I think the real improvement is in the baseline ( pretty consistent 80-85...sometimes 90%). My waves when they come along are still miserable and the s/x just as intense.  At the baseline the s/x are a whisper or hum.  In a good window they don't exist. I sm pretty sure that I have more good days than bad,  but the bad days are bad still.

....On a bad day it feels like it is all permanent. ..As one s/x receeds another surfaces,  but that is still better than in months 4-10 ( was that only 6 months?... it seemed like eternity), when most of the s/x showed up for a party together.

......Now I am at the beginning of month 11 ( Dec 4). My most problematic s/x are health fears, anxiety ( but much more manageable), d/r ( more constant than in acute but very manageable), headaches and head pressure that have improved markedly in this last month and early waking. On a good day I can clearly see these s/x healing...on a bad day I cant see them ever healing. I am still only able yo take one day at a time...guess that says it all.

...GMIT...I do believe we all heal,  when I cant believe that I am going to heal I believe that there is a forum of BBs on the 6-12 and 12-18 month groups that are going to be with me ...as long as it takes.  And we are all here for you too...sending you wishes for sunbreaks and windows....coop

[[mr...]]

GMIT...even though we know w/d is temporary,  in the midst of /x it feels like forever and the benzo beast is so very convincing...and 2 years ( the new ' 6 months '), the typical time frame for healing and re- entry does not seem temporary. I am beginning to view the first year as definitely feeling better and the second year as a complete return to normal lives. For me that is another 11months...although I can honestly say that I am do much better than months 4-10, I think the real improvement is in the baseline ( pretty consistent 80-85...sometimes 90%). My waves when they come along are still miserable and the s/x just as intense.  At the baseline the s/x are a whisper or hum.  In a good window they don't exist. I sm pretty sure that I have more good days than bad,  but the bad days are bad still.

....On a bad day it feels like it is all permanent. ..As one s/x receeds another surfaces,  but that is still better than in months 4-10 ( was that only 6 months?... it seemed like eternity), when most of the s/x showed up for a party together.

......Now I am at the beginning of month 11 ( Dec 4). My most problematic s/x are health fears, anxiety ( but much more manageable), d/r ( more constant than in acute but very manageable), headaches and head pressure that have improved markedly in this last month and early waking. On a good day I can clearly see these s/x healing...on a bad day I cant see them ever healing. I am still only able yo take one day at a time...guess that says it all.

...GMIT...I do believe we all heal,  when I cant believe that I am going to heal I believe that there is a forum of BBs on the 6-12 and 12-18 month groups that are going to be with me ...as long as it takes.  And we are all here for you too...sending you wishes for sunbreaks and windows....coop

 

Wow, VERY well said, Coop! Love you girl.

 

Mrs.

[[So...]]

Agreed, very well put Cooperten!

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Thanks Coop! I appreciate you! I needed to hear that!

 

I feel a tad better today...I even slept 11 hours last night! I haven't done that in years!

 

I got my neurotransmitter test back and my GABA is high, seratonin is low, epinephrine very low. Wonder why I woukd have anxiety with high GABA?!?!

 

You are each so Special! Thank you, thank you!!

 

[[Co...]]

*correction...13 months...at the beginning of 13 months*

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Thank you for writing that post Cooperten, it has given me some hope, as it was from 4 months that my sx seemed to start really revving up. So I am hoping by 10 months things may start to turn around. Now in month 8, so have to keep going, it's so hard especially at this time of year when women (mostly) are so busy. There is so much to think about and with a mind that just does not work rationally, it's even more over whelming; multitasking days seem so long ago. Sometimes it is hard to believe we will heal especially when a good day hasn't showed up for a while. Maybe one will tomorrow 

[[Co...]]

Marj.. things started to gradually turn a corner for me in month 11/12.  that's not to say that I still don't have some really bad days but they seem to be less frequent with a good stretch of baseline in between. ..I am really hoping that the second year really is easier.  just think how great spring is going to be.  6 more months.. ..coop

[[Co...]]

Mrs...I live you too...you are sounding better. I wanted to post to you on the day you were suffering death/dying intrusive thoughts and fear ..but I was in the same rip tide and couldn't come up long enough to throw you a life vest...

    So glad you are in a sunnier place now. Seems like most of us are surfacing after being towed under for awhile. I always take so much comfort in reading that we all seem to rise and fall in very similar patterns. We couldn't all be dying, disappearing into depression, harboring dire undiagnosed conditions , doomed to this place of suffering all at the same time. Peace and Green remind me of this every time I start panicking that I will be the one who never heals.

    Keep it going Mrs..you are a bright determined warrior.. thank you for hanging out in this group with us..you always give us some sparkle in the dreary times...coop

[[mr...]]

Mrs...I live you too...you are sounding better. I wanted to post to you on the day you were suffering death/dying intrusive thoughts and fear ..but I was in the same rip tide and couldn't come up long enough to throw you a life vest...

    So glad you are in a sunnier place now. Seems like most of us are surfacing after being towed under for awhile. I always take so much comfort in reading that we all seem to rise and fall in very similar patterns. We couldn't all be dying, disappearing into depression, harboring dire undiagnosed conditions , doomed to this place of suffering all at the same time. Peace and Green remind me of this every time I start panicking that I will be the one who never heals.

    Keep it going Mrs..you are a bright determined warrior.. thank you for hanging out in this group with us..you always give us some sparkle in the dreary times...coop

 

You're the best, Coop! My sympathies go out to you that you were feeling some ick also. But you are right -- we aren't all just "randomly" feeling these specific ways. So grateful for healing and a 100% recovery that is coming Its almost here, I can feel it!

 

Love ya girlfriend Sleep tight

 

Mrs.

[[Lo...]]

Thanks Coop! I appreciate you! I needed to hear that!

 

I feel a tad better today...I even slept 11 hours last night! I haven't done that in years!

 

I got my neurotransmitter test back and my GABA is high, seratonin is low, epinephrine very low. Wonder why I woukd have anxiety with high GABA?!?!

 

You are each so Special! Thank you, thank you!!

 

 

Hi GMIT, who administered that test? Was it a saliva test?

 

I'm tired of feeling so bad and equilibrium issues are beyond daunting actually had to get my doctor to write a letter of accommodations for me at work because of the equilibrium issues, I don't want to lose my job.

 

I felt pretty horrible almost the whole entire week and I'm praying I see a window soon because I haven't seen one in a really long time and today I feel very irritable and on edge  :'(

 

my doctor scared me by saying my inner ear could take weeks months or even years to heal and feel totally normal again  :'(

[[...]]

Marj.. things started to gradually turn a corner for me in month 11/12.  that's not to say that I still don't have some really bad days but they seem to be less frequent with a good stretch of baseline in between. ..I am really hoping that the second year really is easier.  just think how great spring is going to be.  6 more months.. ..coop

 

Thanks coop - Yes spring; hoping to feel reborn (ish). I actually thought i was going to have a good day today when I got up. Not as anxious, not as much low mood and the day just got progressively worse, which I've not had before. I could feel a dark cloud desend this afternoon and then panic set in so I had to go or a hour brisk walk and then needed to brave the supermarket. I feel a bit better now apart from physical pain in shoulders, neck and head. Oh well another day done  When will life become pleasurable again 

 

LovingMother - I understand you worries about work, I think we do well to work through this and should be proud - it is such a challenge. However we are still expected to perform at work - no allowances made for people recovering from benzos. We are a similar time frame so if we've got this far we must find the inner strength to see it through somehow. It really is a bag of crap   

[[Lo...]]

Hey Marj! Yes it is a bag of crap! I just don't understand why we all have to suffer so badly. we are super strong to work and go through this mess. just keep hope alive and lets keep each other lifted!

[[dr...]]

Hi all... Just plugging along here. Feeling okay.  I had lots of errands today and it dawned on me that my baseline is now much higher than before.  I was able to drive, shop in big stores, and eat out.  My anxiety or uncomfortable feelings were a three on a 1-10!scale.  I used to be 7 or higher.  Even now when it spikes it goes down much quicker. I'm able to even enjoy being out at times too.  Just noticed it today in the supermarket.

 

 

When in a wave all bets are off. 

 

Hope everyone is healing. 

[[So...]]

Great job, Drew.  Glad you enjoyed your errands!

[[mr...]]

Thanks Coop! I appreciate you! I needed to hear that!

 

I feel a tad better today...I even slept 11 hours last night! I haven't done that in years!

 

I got my neurotransmitter test back and my GABA is high, seratonin is low, epinephrine very low. Wonder why I woukd have anxiety with high GABA?!?!

 

You are each so Special! Thank you, thank you!!

 

 

Hi GMIT,

 

Thought I'd take a stab at answering your question regarding high GABA and anxiety! This is only what I've come to understand, so its not coming from a professional or anything here From what I understand, in order for GABA to be used by the body, it must be "taken up" by a receptor. Without receptors to take it and use it, GABA is not very useful. Kinda like if you have tons of gasoline and no vehicle to put it in -- no vehicle, then gasoline is not very useful. Currently, our GABA receptors are in the process of "upregulating". When we took benzodiazepines, it made our GABA receptors "Supermen". It is thought that because of this, in order to seek balance, our bodies "receeded" some of our GABA receptors, to try and "even the score" between GABA and glutamate receptors (it is also thought that the body may also "grow" extra glutamate receptors to help this balance as well). So, from what I understand, the "healing" process is the process of time that it takes for our bodies to "upregulate" (or, "grow" back) our GABA receptors, and/or "receding" any excess glutamate receptors.

 

Long story short, we may have tons of excess GABA -- BUT -- until the GABA receptors "upregulate", the GABA isn't as useful to the body. At least that's the thought And, if I'm remembering correctly, GABA plays a roll in the production of many of the other neurochemicals, i.e. serotonin, etc. So perhaps since the GABA isn't as usable currently, it might make sense why some of the other neurochemicals might be low as well? Could be other things also, of course -- I'm no expert at this! Still learning a lot about all this

 

Anyways, I hope that helps a bit (and doesn't confuse you)! Hope you're feeling better too Take care buds

 

Mrs.

[[pa...]]

That sounds about right, Mrs.  The part that makes no sense to me is that the body can create a whole new being in 9 months, but it can't up regulate a freakin' receptor! 

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Thanks Mrs! I've done some research and I find the same as what you're saying! Need my receptors to get growing!! Lol 

 

I appreciate your explanation...it helped me to understand what I was reading elsewhere!!

 

[[Sk...]]

Hi, I have been away but well enough.

 

I had lessons, my brain is slow, planning takes ages, I can barely make it  to do  my things and I miss out on what I want to do.  Does it take so long for Healing and Peace to prepare ?  I can barely manage 9-10 lessons a week !!

 

Wish you all well, hope to manage to  be here more often. I feel like  I am chained to this desk !!

 

Hugs and good  wishes to all.