6-12 month thread....

[[No...]]

SoCaler ... you bring support just by being here and telling your story as you are experiencing it ... we are "information hogs" ... and the more that is shared, the better we are for it ...

 

[[mr...]]

Thank you to all of you for the encouragement today. You lifted me up (again)

 

I'm still here, but just lurking a bit while moving through a teensy wave. Feeling a bit "blue" with a few tears here and there, but so grateful for progress and looking so forward to the future

 

Love to you all, friends. Thank you again.

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Sky and Mrs..make some room on the couch and share the popcorn.  Intrusive thoughts of death and dying..Every version of the play . Has plagued me since acute..I will tell you this...now at month almost 13 it is way less frequent. When it hits it is just as disturbing  and depressing...but the stretches in between are much longer. I hope that is some consolation. It is such a disturbing s/x. I have never in my life had such dark thoughts..or imagined that they were possible. The other good news is that when they disappear they are just gone...they are totally thoughts that your mind absolutely can not create . It is all w/d. Mine are easily triggered by the physical s/x.  head pressure/zaps..Sky I know that ' Death Song' so well...so sorry you are tortured by this...it really does get better. I have only been getting bouts of it every 2 weeks or so now. ...I had a terrible time with it this morning and has 70%  urned off now.. Mrs.. you just keep talking back to it as only you can..You are a bigger voice for sure

.....coop

[[mr...]]

(((((Coop)))))

 

I have missed you, my friend...my voice of reason and assurance! You were the one who drew me to this thread. Are you doing well? I hope so! Dabbling more in your grandson's classes I hope...

 

Happy Thanksgiving, love.

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Hi buddies...hope you are all still speaking to me. I just had to take a break. It has been up and down and all around. Some good days, some horrible days and some consistently 85%  baseline days. I have had a couple of strings of 2 day windows, a stretch of sunbreaks and a 10 day return of head pressure with constant headaches. Just as I was ready to go beg for a head  scan it started letting up and has just showed up randomly with less intensity. ...Two days ago I felt completely healed..no s/x and really really good sleep...today awake at 430am with screaming anxiety shakes and intrusive health/ death fear. The anxiety was a panic creep ( but didn't get to the tipping point)...eating increased,the anxiety...talking increased the anxiety.  thinking increased the anxiety. I haven't had an episode like that for awhile. I guess that is the good news...it has been awhile since I have had a half day anxiety attack. ..This morning I was pretty sure I was dying...tonight I am pretty sure that I am healing. This up and down wears me out so much more than it did in the first 6-10 months.

.....I can't even begin to catch up on the posts, but I was following the conversations regarding magnesium and pain relievers. I have tried every supplement, vitamin ,homeopathic and herb...none of them helped..some made it worse. When my headaches were so bad this month I did try 200mg of magnesium and I thought it really helped...for a couple of nights and then my pals came back..may not have been the mag. but I dropped it..weirdly my headaches eased up and went away..could have had nothing to do with the mag either way. I was taking 100 Mg in the morning and 100mg at bedtime. ...Then my doctor rx low dose  codeine ( 15 Mg once in the morning..once at bedtime. My doctor assured me it was not at all like benzos and I had taken it for my RA pre- benzos. I quit when I went on Ativan because the Ativan masked my pain. I had no problem c/t off the codeine. So I didn't expect any problem taking it for the headaches. It helped...for a few days and then I swear to god..I had interdose s/x just like my interdose benzo s/x.  I absolutely know it was not my imagination...so I dropped them too.

.....How many failed attempts at finding relief in SOMETHING does it take for a desperate BB to get it.  the only way is through. Time is the best healer. One day at a time..I think this time I get it...there is no magic pill of anything . That is just my own response to adjunct aides. We are all different and some people do find relief in some of the natural and non- benzo pain relievers.

  ...I was discouraged and depressed and worried this morning..once again thinking ," I am for sure the one who is not going to heal".  and then I got a comforting reminder from Peace...she reminded me that all of us on the 12-18 month thread are still having the up and down and all around  pattern That renewed my  confidence in the process again..so I am back to Epsom salts lavender bath soaks and plain aspirin...and re-committing to the 2 year time frame. But I am weary.  I feel battle fatigued without much more fight. Thank goodness for all of you

...."We are all healing and nobody is getting left behind" ( Green).. .Wishing everyone the best Thanksgiving.. ( remember what newbies we were last year...we have all come so far)  love to each one of you...coop

 

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... good to hear from you ... being on the "two year train" I believe gives us an "horizon" ... and yes, the exhaustion is the tough one right now ...

 

I still don't know how long this will take ... no one does ... and now I can look up and "see" an end to this ... didn't have that a while ago ...

 

We just keep going ... wishing all you folks "in that other country" a Happy Thanksgiving ...

 

[[...]]

Congrats to LM and Drew! Great job!! So proud of you both!! 

 

Mrs, Coop, SoCal, sorry for what your going through! So completely normal (I'm sorry to say), but do know we all understand!

 

This is for you...  :hug:

 

Hoping everyone is feeling better!!

 

[Guest [su...]]

hi everyone. i have a question.. do all you guys have your emotions back and feel like a person and yourself again?? i feel like i'm not grounded yet i still have no emotions i feel like an empty shell still.. is this the norm for 11 months out??

[[dr...]]

Mine are not close to being fully back.

[[mr...]]

hi everyone. i have a question.. do all you guys have your emotions back and feel like a person and yourself again?? i feel like i'm not grounded yet i still have no emotions i feel like an empty shell still.. is this the norm for 11 months out??

 

Hi Suss,

 

I've read of many buddies experiencing what you describe, so I think you're doing great! I've been experiencing lots of emotions these past few days, lol, with tears & such. It'll all come together and normal again soon

 

Take care, and happy Thanksgiving

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Hello everyone,

 

I would like to join this group as I am 7 months and 2 weeks off. Also there seems to be a lot of positivity on here. Well I've been to work and had a reasonable day - just plodded on really, pushed through, put on the mask and was even able to laugh a bit. I've got home and I usually feel relief that I've got through another day, however I just feel so angry and sad. the negative thoughts are swirling around my head telling me my life is rubbish and ruined by my experiences of the last 2 and half years. I know it's not true, it's like your mind has been taken over at times and you're battling to win it back. The ability to just sit back and flow is gone. I really believed everything would be ok now and I would be enjoying the normal run up to Christmas stress, instead it's like oh no I'm going to ruin it for everyone, how will I manage, I can't think straight and my kids will resent me for still not being me. There, that is how I feel right now and I want to try to let go of all this scaryness and get some positive focus on this process of healing. 

[[So...]]

Welcome marj, I'm about 3 weeks behind you.  I can totally relate to how you're feeling.  I thought I'd be all healed by now.

[[dr...]]

I think a huge key to moving forward through this process is letting go of all expectations.  I too thought I'd be almost healed by now.  It's not the case.  I just wake up each day and deal with whatever is being put on my plate.  It is what it is.  I know I'm healing but it's so damn slow that having expectations of feeling better stressed me out even more.  It's sort a freeing experience.

When I have a bad morning I try and just let thirty minute blocks pass.  Usually I will get a break as it is very rarely nonstop assaults on my cns now. I try not to think too far ahead or worry how I'll feel for an event down the road. To unpredictable and it leads to the dreaded "what if's". 

 

Now....please remind me to do this during my next freak out or depressed state

[[So...]]

Good post, Drew!  Yes, I'll remind you next time!  It's amazing how easy it is when we feel ourselves and how blind we are to ourselves when the big waves hit...

[[...]]

Ahh, so true!

 

Funny how our reality can shift!

 

I sure hope everyone is well!

 

[[dr...]]

Feeling ant better G?

[[mr...]]

Heyo gang,

 

Just a quick note to say that I'm heading to a cabin for the next few days, so I may or may not be by to "see" you all! So if I'm not, I'll say it now: Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!

 

Take care, and I'll be back sometime this weekend

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family Mrs! I hope you have a wonderful time!!

 

[[mr...]]

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family Mrs! I hope you have a wonderful time!!

 

 

[[...]]

Bad day today although I still made it to work. I had stress with the kids last night as I feel taken for granted ( they are great and I love them dearly). One of my biggest worries is the impact this will have on them; seeing mum so fragile and getting upset a lot for so long. Today even though I slept better than I have in a few days, I feel really not with it, my head feels like it will explode if even the smallest stressor happens and my upper back, neck and shoulders are so tight and painful. I'm wondering if I would have been like this today or it's a result of the stress and ridiculous crying last night.

[[...]]

So sorry Marj! Truly the kids will be fine! They bounce back quickly! Focus on your healing and do not add any additional stress to yourself as best you can!

 

Be well!

 

[[Lo...]]

happy Thanksgiving everyone! - feeling pretty bad today if not for the whole week but I'm still thankful and praying every blessedvmoment that all of us on here heals expeditiously and get our lives back soon. we deserve restoration and relief!

[[li...]]

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  Today is a special day to be thankful to the Good Lord for what we have achieved and have and for hoping that we get better and ultimately heal. I have much to be thankful for -- very much!!!  The average time for healing is 14 months in a once conducted study of BB participants. I am not going to write a success story but I just past the 14 month period and I feel very much on my way to recovery. I still have a allot of stresses in my life but I am happy and very productive again. That alone is a blessing -- to be able to get up in the morning and feel excited about life, work and everything. Not something I did for almost over a year.

 

A big thing for me is when I decided to get off the boards for a while ( nothing wrong with being on the boards just not good for me at this point). I had somehow been acting like a victim to this process. I conscientiously made a decision over a month ago that I was no longer a victim and now am a victor. That choice was huge for me.  I knew that there was no way I can reenter the world again if I came across as a victum. There is something empowering about choices and how we think.

 

This process is by far the hardest thing that I have ever done. I can say without a doubt that things get much better.    It just takes time to heal. I am having wavyness here and ther but all manageble. The big thing for me is that I getting my passion for business back again. There are a couple of things that are disrupting me. Since I am no longer fearful all the time and torn up I am now having a nervous energy that is driving me to eat allot. I have gained 10 lbs in a month and that concerns me. Very little concern in the scope of things.

 

This does not feel like a window . This feels like a baseline improvement. I think I am at 85% to 90%. I am so thankful to God for so much. I am thankful for BB that got me through the hardest time in my life. I can understand why so many people do not get back on the boards when they are fine again. The answer is that we simple do not want to be reminded of a scary past -- best to put it behind us. I go back to provide insight to others. I will write my success story but not yet. I said many of us will write a success story by Christmas and I still believ that!   

 

I am thankful for God, my wife, kids, family, my healing, my health, my finances, my brain coming back to me again, my passion coming back, --- I am grateful for the experience I went through as it has humbled me and I have a newfound empathy and understanding for mental health issues and a compassion for others that are struggling. I am a victor and I look back now and realize that this experience has made me a better person and I have no other option but to think that I am the ultimate victor in this process -- that I am a much better person because of it. Was it worth the struggle? I am not sure 100% yet of that but now that I am through the worst I believe that it was a tremendous accomplishment!!!! My love goes to all of you! I know that we will all heal. Please keep the faith. We will get there. Waves try to confuse you and tell you that it will never end. That is a lie!!!!  It does end and life will get much much better again

 

Love to all on this most wonderful day!!!!!!

 

[[dr...]]

Eh...I'm sorry but you just wrote a success story!  

 

 

Happy Thaksgiving to all!  I went back a year and read my posts.  I was on 3mg of V and feeling way worse.  How far I've come along with everyone else here.  I believe by next year many of you will be gone and my success story will be close.  Love you all. 

[[...]]

Thank you GMIT for your words of support. Been to parents evening for my son and doing really great. I'm so proud and grateful for my kids and proud of myself for helping them along the way. I can do this 

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to my American friends