6-12 month thread....

[[So...]]

Yeah GreenIce, it makes me feel so guilty. Helps so much to not feel alone in this.

[[No...]]

SoCaler ... putting pressure on myself to feel better just does not work for me ... it is too "global" for me ... what seems to work best for me is being where I am, right now ... and then, checking out what is possible, right now ...

 

And sometimes not much is "possible" ... and other times I get surprised ... and I usually can't help being in my head all the time ... don't have any solutions for myself, let alone anyone else ...

 

We just move through this as best we can one day at a time ... you have probably heard that too many times ... we are improving ... sometimes unnoticeably slowly ... and we will get there ... one day this will all be a memory ...

 

[[dr...]]

SoCal-dealing with spouses is one of the toughest things to do.  I try and say as little as possible to my gf.  It's very hard ignoring the elephant in the room though.  There is no way a spouse can understand this even if they say they do. Imagine how old it must get for someone healthy listening to us and nothing really gets better. 

My gf was saying how she "toughs out" her pms cramps and bloating while I complain about it and let it rule me.  The difference is hers last a few days and ends where our stuff goes on and on and on.  Not minimizing her suffering it's just apples and oranges.  Nobody not going through this has a clue what it's like.  That's a good thing in some respects as the suffering is so great.

[[Gr...]]

Yeah GreenIce, it makes me feel so guilty. Helps so much to not feel alone in this.

 

So Caler,

 

The thing is, we worry about everyone else.  In benzo withdrawal, it's a good idea not to worry so much and just focus on getting through it as best you can.  It will be okay.  It takes time.  These threads have helped me tremendously.  Make sure you have support.

[[Gr...]]

SoCaler ... putting pressure on myself to feel better just does not work for me ... it is too "global" for me ... what seems to work best for me is being where I am, right now ... and then, checking out what is possible, right now ...

 

And sometimes not much is "possible" ... and other times I get surprised ... and I usually can't help being in my head all the time ... don't have any solutions for myself, let alone anyone else ...

 

We just move through this as best we can one day at a time ... you have probably heard that too many times ... we are improving ... sometimes unnoticeably slowly ... and we will get there ... one day this will all be a memory ...

 

 

Nova, this is good for me to hear today.  Thank you

[[Gr...]]

SoCal-dealing with spouses is one of the toughest things to do.  I try and say as little as possible to my gf.  It's very hard ignoring the elephant in the room though.  There is no way a spouse can understand this even if they say they do. Imagine how old it must get for someone healthy listening to us and nothing really gets better. 

My gf was saying how she "toughs out" her pms cramps and bloating while I complain about it and let it rule me.  The difference is hers last a few days and ends where our stuff goes on and on and on.  Not minimizing her suffering it's just apples and oranges.  Nobody not going through this has a clue what it's like.  That's a good thing in some respects as the suffering is so great.

 

Drew, I agree, I say as little as possible to my BF, I agree spouses get worn out, this is so endless and impossible to explain.  But sometimes I get resentful because I wish my BF were more supportive.  The best I can do is set boundaries, learn how to say no to certain activities and trips, not overdo it when I can't, and get my support from here.

 

BTW,  I am a woman, and the worst PMS in the history of the world is a small gnat -- it doesn't even register.  When we compare BZD withdrawal, there are ppl on here who have had cancer, MS, multiple illnesses, who say those conditions were a cakewalk compared to withdrawal.

[[He...]]

SoCal-dealing with spouses is one of the toughest things to do.  I try and say as little as possible to my gf.  It's very hard ignoring the elephant in the room though.  There is no way a spouse can understand this even if they say they do. Imagine how old it must get for someone healthy listening to us and nothing really gets better. 

My gf was saying how she "toughs out" her pms cramps and bloating while I complain about it and let it rule me.  The difference is hers last a few days and ends where our stuff goes on and on and on.  Not minimizing her suffering it's just apples and oranges.  Nobody not going through this has a clue what it's like.  That's a good thing in some respects as the suffering is so great.

 

Drew,

This is so true.  I really don't mention much to anybody anymore....at the most a "I'm struggling today" comment to my husband.  He will know during the times when things get really bad because I'm not my normal self, and often will retreat into my bed if I can, but it is very much the elephant in the room.  It is very hard on the spouses, too, I would imagine.

 

Apples and oranges is right, and people just really have no clue.  It's amazing how strong we all really are!  I mean who but the Toughest of the Tough could do this day in and day out for so long? 

[[So...]]

Loved all the support, guys.  It helped me gain perspective. We lose perspective a lot in this journey with those benzo lies.

 

I find feeling any emotions,  happy or sad,  to scare me and trick me into feeling overwhelmed.  Please share your experiences with this.

[[Gr...]]

Loved all the support, guys.  It helped me gain perspective. We lose perspective a lot in this journey with those benzo lies.

 

I find feeling any emotions,  happy or sad,  to scare me and trick me into feeling overwhelmed.  Please share your experiences with this.

 

So Cal, it's not really a trick.  It's just a very overtaxed CNS, so that anything, happy or sad, is going to rev it up.  It just takes a little time for it to get better.

[[No...]]

SoCaler ... "I find feeling any emotions,  happy or sad,  to scare me and trick me into feeling overwhelmed." ...

 

Hmmm ... yes ... perhaps, one could see it this way ... we were numbed out on the drug(s) ... we got off the drug(s) ... now we are literally in a process of returning to a state without a drug(s) ... the drug(s) habituated us to "respond" in certain patterns that became familiar, and comfortable ...

 

These patterns can no longer be maintained because we no longer use the drug(s) ... so once again we are starting over again ... learning new patterns of response to emotions ... it may be possible to say that we are literally "raw" ... and hence the feeling of being overwhelmed ...

 

In time, we learn to respond to emotions as we are meant to ... as the folks we are ... it may be that we literally need to "practice" for while until the new responses take hold ... and are familiar ...

 

There may be the issue of "change" and hence the activation of "fear" during this "recovery" of our innate responses to emotions ...

 

And ... emotions generate "energy" ... and this flow of energy may be experienced as "something other" ... something foreign ...

 

This recovery process may literally be a gradual process of becoming comfortable in our own skins ... this being who we are ... I believe it may be that the drug(s) changed us ... now we are returning ... recovering ...

 

Hope this helps a bit ...

 

[[So...]]

Hi NovaScotia, yes - your post helps and makes a lot of sense.  There is no "easy" way around it.  I've got to make friends with my feelings whether I like it or not. 

[[Lo...]]

I just wanna give my jumping buddy a shout out (Drew)! We are 7 months off today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

http://www.jacksonvillerentalfinders.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/bigstock_Number__Cake_48420864.jpg

[[dr...]]

YAY!!!  right back at ya   WE  are doing this....the time does pass.  I am excited for our futures as I have to believe everyone who writes those success stories we read over and over felt just like us.  I also see the improvement in myself and everyone ahead of us.  In this group I don't think we have one person who feels worse than when they jumped. 

 

Thanks to everyone here for the support and the perseverance to just go forward full speed ahead. 

 

I have been mildly symptomatic but I am in a phase where I can stop the anxiety and panic from getting the best of me.  I am able to separate the symptoms from the fear of dying which is great.  I know this can change on a dime(needs to be the official saying of our thread) but my days are passing which is a victory for me. 

[[No...]]

LovingMother and Drew ....  :yippee:

 

You indeed are doing this .... keep truckin' ... all will be well ...

 

 

 

[[Sk...]]

LovingMother, Drew,

 

 

:oXo: :oXo: :oXo:

 

Keep up the good work, you are accomplishing so much !

 

[[mr...]]

Congrats to you two!!

 

Feeling a bit back "onboard" the "withdrawal train" these past few days. The ole time of the month can do that sometimes, I know. I just don't like being "in" it is all. (Who does, Mrs? ) Its that stupid "feeling"/"thought"/"voice" that lingers the "feeling" of "eminent death" (which is a LIE, I know) or tries to tie that imminent feeling to events/etc (i.e. "if XYZ happens, then..."). I put this into words to see if anyone else experiences this? I do not really believe its true, but it is an owly and threatening voice -- grr! I want it GONE! I NEVER experienced thoughts/feelings like this pre-benzos. If anyone else can relate, it is so helpful to know I'm not alone. And better yet, if anyone experienced this and its completely gone now, I'd love to hear about you! I know it will go, just looking forward to its DEMISE.

 

Thank you all for listening. Love to you, and an early Happy Thanksgiving! Gobble-gobble!

 

Mrs.

[[Lo...]]

 

I have been mildly symptomatic but I am in a phase where I can stop the anxiety and panic from getting the best of me.  I am able to separate the symptoms from the fear of dying which is great.  I know this can change on a dime(needs to be the official saying of our thread) but my days are passing which is a victory for me.

 

Victory is ours!!!! Yes! Its crazy how stuff can change sooooooooooooooooo rapidly. Literally. But we will be writing our success stories sooner rather than later!

 

Thanks Nova, Sky, Mrs...everyone. This is a hard journey...my God it's hard but we will all make it!

[[Sk...]]

Congrats to you two!!

 

Feeling a bit back "onboard" the "withdrawal train" these past few days. The ole time of the month can do that sometimes, I know. I just don't like being "in" it is all. (Who does, Mrs? ) Its that stupid "feeling"/"thought"/"voice" that lingers the "feeling" of "eminent death" (which is a LIE, I know) or tries to tie that imminent feeling to events/etc (i.e. "if XYZ happens, then..."). I put this into words to see if anyone else experiences this? I do not really believe its true, but it is an owly and threatening voice -- grr! I want it GONE! I NEVER experienced thoughts/feelings like this pre-benzos. If anyone else can relate, it is so helpful to know I'm not alone. And better yet, if anyone experienced this and its completely gone now, I'd love to hear about you! I know it will go, just looking forward to its DEMISE.

 

Thank you all for listening. Love to you, and an early Happy Thanksgiving! Gobble-gobble!

 

Mrs.

 

Imminent death every evening.  Shows begin at 10 pm and last possibly in your dreams as well. You didn't really think you were going to watch a funny Jennifer Aniston movie without these thoughts, did you? And don't you dare try to reason me out of your head, dying happens, if not now, sometime, yadda-yadda.

Mrs, are these the thoughts that run around your head ? Because, embarassingly so, they are my thoughts from half past nine on and they seem to get angry if I try to ignore them  and do something useful instead.

 

Aaargh ! They will go away, only not now.

 

Mrs, hang in there, I never ever had these thoughts before, it is so not me at all !

[[No...]]

Mrs ... haven't done a lot of walking since the biopsy ... was out today ... a little wobbly leg and a little crampy ... and nothing usual for me ...

"hey, you got blood clots in your legs ... this is it ... you are going down ..." .. yeh, right ... just kept going ...

 

[[dr...]]

Mrs.....that blosted belly I had was cancer and my head pain a tumor all in the last two weeks.    My mind goes for the "imminent death" mode from every symptom!  That is benzo lies...every symptom is DEATH 

 

That is what my earlier post is about.  I am able to now seperate my symptoms I have from imminent death.  I can just accept the symptoms the last few days.  They are unpleasant but not leading to stupid thoughts..

 

Love ya  

[[pe...]]

Loving Mother and Drew,

Congratulations! You are getting there. Keep'er going.

 

Peace2

[[Lo...]]

Loving Mother and Drew,

Congratulations! You are getting there. Keep'er going.

 

Peace2

 

Thanks Peace2!!!!

[[So...]]

Hi Guys, having an extra tough morning.  The cause may be the Fiber 1 Chocolate Chip protein bar I ate last night.  I also decided not to take my 7.5mg Remeron as I "felt better".  I know, never stop taking meds by how you feel at that moment.  Someday I'll learn that...

 

So I woke up at 2am kinda wired.  I took the Remeron then and went back to sleep.  Woke up at 6am and felt terrible - like how I felt back as 2 or 3 months.  Thoughts of doom running wild.

 

The fact that Thanksgiving is this week I'm sure is adding to anxiety.  As I'm mentioned to some I learned at a young age to be very afraid of my emotions.  Good or bad ones, I'm equal opportunity and scared of both when sensitized - like we are right now in recovery.

 

Words of encouragement to remind me that I'm "normal" and not weird would help.  So nice to know you guys understand where I'm coming from and the crazy things those benzo lies tell us.  I hate asking for help but I'm learning there's no shame in it and that it actually shows strength.

[[No...]]

SoCaler ... yep ... no shame in asking ... we all ask from time to time ... I know I have ...

 

All this stuff you are feeling and going through is "normal" ... as advertised, the drug(s) change things ... now they are changing again ... I know nothing about remeron ... there is certainly good advice around BB about all these drugs ...

 

The drug(s) introduced the "weirdness" ... now we are getting past that ... as best we can, day to day ...

 

[[So...]]

Thanks Nova.  I'm feeling both good and bad emotions that I haven't felt in quite some time.  They are "scary" to me right now. 

 

I so appreciate everyone on here and hope to support others when they need it.