6-12 month thread....

[[He...]]

Nova,

I am so glad to hear that you got through the procedure OK!  I came on this morning to check if you posted anything, but haven't been able to respond until now.  Way to take control of your body!! 

 

HH

[[pe...]]

Depression is my hardest symptom. It's not awful all the time, but often enough. For months I've been taking St. John's wort and 5htp. I decided to stop them on Sunday because I feel buzzy all the time and depressed anyway. So, some things really feel better to me but tonight for many reasons (bad appointment with naturopath, no sleep, conferences and holidays coming up, no time to exercise,etc) I feel sad. I'm worried that going off those supplements is tanking my mood even further. What are your ideas/guesses/thoughts about this? First/gut instincts are what I'm looking for. I go see my integrative psych next week to come up with a new big picture healing and mood plan. But I'd love your thoughts on this one.

 

Thanks,

Peace2

[[je...]]

Hi Peace,

 

My first gut reaction would be I would taper off any supplement not just stop, only because of the bad experience I had with magnesium. I have tried a lot of supplements throughout this journey and I still do take some, but overall I think they (in some cases) do more harm than good. A wise buddie on here told me to stop getting in the way of my healing and just let my body do what it needs to do to heal, and those words have proven to be true for me. Good luck in whatever you decide . jenny 

[[He...]]

Hi Peace,

My gut says it is withdrawal and there is little you can do to change it other than wait it out. It sucks, yes, but it WILL get better. It already is getting better, it just can be hard to see while in a wave. I agree with Jenny. I think the best thing you can do is go to work each day, do the best you can, and put more distance between you and the poison.

You've come so far. Trust the healing your body is doing!  It's going to continue to get better. 

HH

[[Gr...]]

Peace, I like what Jenny and HH said.  I've been struggling with depression, too, recently.  I wrote a post in my progress log about my visit to a therapist.  Feel like I dodged a bullet.  The woman was going to have me on a long list of psych meds if I didn't know better.  It kind of brought me back to reality.  I was buying into that maybe there was something wrong, maybe I was healing but it was going to take so long that I needed to do something "extra."  Thank God I had the support of the ppl here, thank God I had EastCoast's "things I know are true" post fresh in my mind.  And by tonight I got out the door, "got out of my own way," as Jenny says, and it's lifting, I can feel it going.  I got out of the way, pushed myself out the door, stopped paying attention to my symptoms, and it passed. Like it has for you so many times.  Like it has for all of us.

 

I read something written by cupcake last night re a woman named Cheryl who worked with a lot of protracted ppl, and Cheryl's comment was that most of the ppl in long term protracted were taking medications.  I have to try to find. it.

 

Long story short, hang on.  I was hanging off a ledge, been having a terrible time, first time I went for outside help.  It's going to pass.

[[Gr...]]

This comes from Cupcake.

 

yeah alot of the ppl i see that are still struggling are those that go on and off several meds, one guy i know in particular whos still struggling several years out tried over  40 diff meds and i think that just screws up the brain even more!

 

32

 

Archived Board: Withdrawal & Recovery Support / Re: Nutrition making a huge difference

« on: January 29, 2012, 05:19:55 pm »

i know cindy, she warned me about using remeron..she told me that the very few benzo people she knows that are still sick, they are the ones who used different meds...it scared me.

 

I read this last night, before my therapy appointment today, and I'm sure glad I did.  I was having a crisis of faith in benzobuddies, I was doubting, I was thinking maybe I should be taking something.  And then I remembered the Canadian doctor story about the girl who got to a year and gave up, and if only she had waited.

[[No...]]

Good Morning ...

 

Peace ... everything we ingest has an "effect" ... that is the nature of the beast ... the one thing we take in that we know is "helpful" is Time ...

 

Green ... thanks for the "reminders" ... doubt is a difficult thing to work with ... glad to hear you are feeling better ...

 

Got some good sleep and I feel all the biopsy drug is out of my system ... a little stiff ... no pain ... things feel back to normal ... some head pressure this morning ... and the tinnitus is back again ... oh well ...

 

Have a good Wednesday, Folks ...

 

[[Sk...]]

Just a quick update. I am again in and out of waves, so maybe they are just one big wave with occasional day long breaks ?

 

Work somehow is getting me through, I would have thought the contrary. Well, maybe it does hurt in the now, maybe it brings on some anxiety that is hard to handle in my state but the benefits are outweighing the cons.

 

I am having anxiety, but I am working on handling it, with some success too and I am very proud of it. Benzos do  teach us that we can't do these things by ourselves and we can, but we have to believe in ourselves enough to make the shift.

 

Today is hard, my period is on its way. I may not make it to the thread today, so  I wish you all a better day, and hang in there !

[[pe...]]

Thank you for your thoughts. I do appreciate them. I am afraid because of other episodes of depression in my past - for which I did mostly nothing except let time pass. Those were long hard times too and it's hard to just let it be, hard not to want to do things with my kids. Hard. But I am trying to leave it alone. I'm still taking a few supplements and will talk with my psychiatrist about the big picture next week. I'm going to focus on exercise and breathing. So, off I go to get a walk in before work.

 

Peace2

 

Sky- I'm glad you have your work. I hope you feel better soon!

[[Gr...]]

This comes from Cupcake.

 

yeah alot of the ppl i see that are still struggling are those that go on and off several meds, one guy i know in particular whos still struggling several years out tried over  40 diff meds and i think that just screws up the brain even more!

 

32

 

Archived Board: Withdrawal & Recovery Support / Re: Nutrition making a huge difference

« on: January 29, 2012, 05:19:55 pm »

i know cindy, she warned me about using remeron..she told me that the very few benzo people she knows that are still sick, they are the ones who used different meds...it scared me.

 

I read this last night, before my therapy appointment today, and I'm sure glad I did.  I was having a crisis of faith in benzobuddies, I was doubting, I was thinking maybe I should be taking something.  And then I remembered the Canadian doctor story about the girl who got to a year and gave up, and if only she had waited.

 

I just want to add to my own post, about the advisability of adding medications.  I'm writing this for myself, thinking out loud, because the head shrinkers almost had me, I almost considered meds.  But then I came across Cupcake's post, which really just confirms what I know deep in my heart, basically just leave my brain alone and let it get better.

 

Something else.  Drinking alcohol.  I remember Baylissa's book stressing not to drink, or really drink too much I think is what she was saying.  She didn't mean a glass of wine.  She was talking about drinking, not to say someone has a problem, but I've followed two ppl on this forum who are protracted but who drink daily.  And they're in protracted, they're not getting better.  So a small amount of alcohol in moderation is fine, I think.  But the daily drinking I don't think the brain can handle, because alcohol is a drug, it works on the same receptors as benzos. And our moderator Colin says the same thing in his bio, just leave it alone until you're better.

 

And I think the same applies to any psych meds, ADs, they might be okay for some ppl, but for me, whenever I doubt and think maybe it will help me sleep, then maybe I'll feel better and do better in general, I've got this little voice in my head saying don't do it.  And at the end of every crazy day, it's that voice I'm listening to.

Sorry to have so much to say on this, but I just came back from the world, and I'm kind of stunned by what mental health had in store for me had I not known any better.

 

It hasn't gotten any better out there, we have to be very proactive about our health and medicine. 

[[Gr...]]

Just a quick update. I am again in and out of waves, so maybe they are just one big wave with occasional day long breaks ?

 

Work somehow is getting me through, I would have thought the contrary. Well, maybe it does hurt in the now, maybe it brings on some anxiety that is hard to handle in my state but the benefits are outweighing the cons.

 

I am having anxiety, but I am working on handling it, with some success too and I am very proud of it. Benzos do  teach us that we can't do these things by ourselves and we can, but we have to believe in ourselves enough to make the shift.

 

Today is hard, my period is on its way. I may not make it to the thread today, so  I wish you all a better day, and hang in there !

 

You said that beautifully, one big waves with day long breaks.  Yes.  I am glad work is your favorite distraction now, so happy for you.

The anxiety, I thought it was normal, and I started figuring out ways to deal with it, which is good, that's what we're supposed to do, figure out ways to function, to deal with the symptoms (I think).  But when the wave calmed down a little, it got easer.

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning ...

 

Peace ... everything we ingest has an "effect" ... that is the nature of the beast ... the one thing we take in that we know is "helpful" is Time ...

 

Green ... thanks for the "reminders" ... doubt is a difficult thing to work with ... glad to hear you are feeling better ...

 

Got some good sleep and I feel all the biopsy drug is out of my system ... a little stiff ... no pain ... things feel back to normal ... some head pressure this morning ... and the tinnitus is back again ... oh well ...

 

Have a good Wednesday, Folks ...

 

 

Nova, I'm so glad you're on the mend, and that this procedure is over for you.  I agree with Coop, I have no doubt everything is fine.

 

Now I need to learn to ignore my symptoms and get out the door!!  This is a lot easier when my symptoms are behaving.

[[No...]]

Green ... I am sending a "Get Out The Door Free Card" ... sometimes we can feel like this stuff has "captured" us and has "locked us up" ... just give them a good juicy "raspberry", use your "card", and walk out the door ...

 

Little more healing going on today at the biopsy site ... and everything seems fine ... gotta ignore the fear stuff and just get on with my day ... no pain, so no pain meds ... and that is good ...

 

[[Sk...]]

This comes from Cupcake.

 

yeah alot of the ppl i see that are still struggling are those that go on and off several meds, one guy i know in particular whos still struggling several years out tried over  40 diff meds and i think that just screws up the brain even more!

 

32

 

Archived Board: Withdrawal & Recovery Support / Re: Nutrition making a huge difference

« on: January 29, 2012, 05:19:55 pm »

i know cindy, she warned me about using remeron..she told me that the very few benzo people she knows that are still sick, they are the ones who used different meds...it scared me.

 

I read this last night, before my therapy appointment today, and I'm sure glad I did.  I was having a crisis of faith in benzobuddies, I was doubting, I was thinking maybe I should be taking something.  And then I remembered the Canadian doctor story about the girl who got to a year and gave up, and if only she had waited.

 

I just want to add to my own post, about the advisability of adding medications.  I'm writing this for myself, thinking out loud, because the head shrinkers almost had me, I almost considered meds.  But then I came across Cupcake's post, which really just confirms what I know deep in my heart, basically just leave my brain alone and let it get better.

 

Something else.  Drinking alcohol.  I remember Baylissa's book stressing not to drink, or really drink too much I think is what she was saying.  She didn't mean a glass of wine.  She was talking about drinking, not to say someone has a problem, but I've followed two ppl on this forum who are protracted but who drink daily.  And they're in protracted, they're not getting better.  So a small amount of alcohol in moderation is fine, I think.  But the daily drinking I don't think the brain can handle, because alcohol is a drug, it works on the same receptors as benzos. And our moderator Colin says the same thing in his bio, just leave it alone until you're better.

 

And I think the same applies to any psych meds, ADs, they might be okay for some ppl, but for me, whenever I doubt and think maybe it will help me sleep, then maybe I'll feel better and do better in general, I've got this little voice in my head saying don't do it.  And at the end of every crazy day, it's that voice I'm listening to.

Sorry to have so much to say on this, but I just came back from the world, and I'm kind of stunned by what mental health had in store for me had I not known any better.

 

It hasn't gotten any better out there, we have to be very proactive about our health and medicine. 

 

Thanks for this post Sue. I really don't think I will ever be able to look at alcohol the same way again. Just the thought of it being similar to benzos make me throw up.

I  hope I don't become a t-totaler but knowing firsthand what it actuall does to the brain scares me. But now it is not an option at all.

 

Just thinking loud, I know it's just me, the trauma and all. And it's funny how things change.

 

I have to rest now.

 

Sue, my other favourite distractions are still there, I am just trying not to plague you with them !

 

I feel bad, I am going to take a nice evening walk after dinner.

 

Heal on everybody.

 

Peace, Nova , my thoughts are with you. We are getting there. WE are so doing this.

[[sh...]]

6 month mark for me was November 15. I ct Xanax in detox. I also viewed 6 months as my goal mark, thinking that I would magically start feeling better. unfortunately I have begun feeling as bad as I did in the beginning. way worse than I did last month. I don't get it. everyday I wake up more screwed up than I was the day before.

[[Gr...]]

This comes from Cupcake.

 

yeah alot of the ppl i see that are still struggling are those that go on and off several meds, one guy i know in particular whos still struggling several years out tried over  40 diff meds and i think that just screws up the brain even more!

 

32

 

Archived Board: Withdrawal & Recovery Support / Re: Nutrition making a huge difference

« on: January 29, 2012, 05:19:55 pm »

i know cindy, she warned me about using remeron..she told me that the very few benzo people she knows that are still sick, they are the ones who used different meds...it scared me.

 

I read this last night, before my therapy appointment today, and I'm sure glad I did.  I was having a crisis of faith in benzobuddies, I was doubting, I was thinking maybe I should be taking something.  And then I remembered the Canadian doctor story about the girl who got to a year and gave up, and if only she had waited.

 

I just want to add to my own post, about the advisability of adding medications.  I'm writing this for myself, thinking out loud, because the head shrinkers almost had me, I almost considered meds.  But then I came across Cupcake's post, which really just confirms what I know deep in my heart, basically just leave my brain alone and let it get better.

 

Something else.  Drinking alcohol.  I remember Baylissa's book stressing not to drink, or really drink too much I think is what she was saying.  She didn't mean a glass of wine.  She was talking about drinking, not to say someone has a problem, but I've followed two ppl on this forum who are protracted but who drink daily.  And they're in protracted, they're not getting better.  So a small amount of alcohol in moderation is fine, I think.  But the daily drinking I don't think the brain can handle, because alcohol is a drug, it works on the same receptors as benzos. And our moderator Colin says the same thing in his bio, just leave it alone until you're better.

 

And I think the same applies to any psych meds, ADs, they might be okay for some ppl, but for me, whenever I doubt and think maybe it will help me sleep, then maybe I'll feel better and do better in general, I've got this little voice in my head saying don't do it.  And at the end of every crazy day, it's that voice I'm listening to.

Sorry to have so much to say on this, but I just came back from the world, and I'm kind of stunned by what mental health had in store for me had I not known any better.

 

It hasn't gotten any better out there, we have to be very proactive about our health and medicine. 

 

Thanks for this post Sue. I really don't think I will ever be able to look at alcohol the same way again. Just the thought of it being similar to benzos make me throw up.

I  hope I don't become a t-totaler but knowing firsthand what it actuall does to the brain scares me. But now it is not an option at all.

 

Just thinking loud, I know it's just me, the trauma and all. And it's funny how things change.

 

I have to rest now.

 

Sue, my other favourite distractions are still there, I am just trying not to plague you with them !

 

I feel bad, I am going to take a nice evening walk after dinner.

 

Heal on everybody.

 

Peace, Nova , my thoughts are with you. We are getting there. WE are so doing this.

 

Sky, I've read a lot of posts on how ppl are affected by alcohol even years after they think they're healed.  I'm with you, my inner voice tells me steer clear.  That's one positive about withdrawal, I'm starting to listen to my gut, voice, whatever we call it, I'm starting to trust myself to take good care of myself.

 

You know I love hearing about your distractions I'm actually fascinated by them!

 

This is a very tricky time, this one year place, very slippery slope, indeed.  All part of the trip, I guess, the learning.

 

Nova, you sound very, very good.  I'm hoping you've got some good days coming your way.  Myself, I've followed Jenny, HH, Life, the next two months might be challenging, but I think I'm ready for it.  Sky was right, the game changed, and I had to readjust.

 

Did get out the door yet, but did lots of stuff around the house I've been meaning to get to. I feel really good about that.

 

And now I'm taking my Get Out the Door Card and go go going.

 

P.s.  I need to visit the new thread.  I started it, had my mini crisis -- well, need to get over there.

[[dr...]]

6 month mark for me was November 15. I ct Xanax in detox. I also viewed 6 months as my goal mark, thinking that I would magically start feeling better. unfortunately I have begun feeling as bad as I did in the beginning. way worse than I did last month. I don't get it. everyday I wake up more screwed up than I was the day before.

 

Shlbll-unfortunaltely that situation is very common.  It is a slow grind that usually starts to improve after six months.  I felt mostly shitty with some feel good days in months 1-3 and then all hell broke loose.  I felt terrible.  I never felt really good any day just less bad until I had this wonderful window for twelve days recently.  It was a huge turn in my seventh month.

 

 

hi all...interesting read this am on our boards.  I had my check in with my Dr. who prescribed me the V to taper on.  We had a long discussion about the current training of Dr.s here in the US to diagnose a problem and then prescribe a drug.  I told her about my last visit with a doc in her system who wanted me on BP meds and prilosec after a few minutes.  She said she used to be the same until she studied alternative medicine along with western medicine.  BTW...my BP was 122/82   We also went over many ways to try and help my benzo belly without adding any drugs.  she's great

We also discussed how my personality has changed now that I am off benzos...I no longer desire to drink heavily, my sense of proper behavior is sound, and I am no longer doing high risk activities without thinking of the consequences.  It is amazingly insidious how this drug changes who/what you are.  I now have a filter to control what I am saying.  thank god!

 

Other than that above my window has closed.  I had a tough meeting I wrote about yesterday, bad headache at night, woke up with chest pain and major DR.  I accept it is what it is.  My DR has already lessened a lot by this early afternoon.  No pint wondering when it will change because it has a mind of its own.     

 

I ramble my fellow buddies....healing thoughts to all

[[Lo...]]

6 month mark for me was November 15. I ct Xanax in detox. I also viewed 6 months as my goal mark, thinking that I would magically start feeling better. unfortunately I have begun feeling as bad as I did in the beginning. way worse than I did last month. I don't get it. everyday I wake up more screwed up than I was the day before.

 

Shlbll-unfortunaltely that situation is very common.  It is a slow grind that usually starts to improve after six months.  I felt mostly shitty with some feel good days in months 1-3 and then all hell broke loose.  I felt terrible.  I never felt really good any day just less bad until I had this wonderful window for twelve days recently.  It was a huge turn in my seventh month.

 

 

hi all...interesting read this am on our boards.  I had my check in with my Dr. who prescribed me the V to taper on.  We had a long discussion about the current training of Dr.s here in the US to diagnose a problem and then prescribe a drug.  I told her about my last visit with a doc in her system who wanted me on BP meds and prilosec after a few minutes.  She said she used to be the same until she studied alternative medicine along with western medicine.  BTW...my BP was 122/82   We also went over many ways to try and help my benzo belly without adding any drugs.  she's great

We also discussed how my personality has changed now that I am off benzos...I no longer desire to drink heavily, my sense of proper behavior is sound, and I am no longer doing high risk activities without thinking of the consequences.  It is amazingly insidious how this drug changes who/what you are.  I now have a filter to control what I am saying.  thank god!

 

Other than that above my window has closed.  I had a tough meeting I wrote about yesterday, bad headache at night, woke up with chest pain and major DR.  I accept it is what it is.  My DR has already lessened a lot by this early afternoon.  No pint wondering when it will change because it has a mind of its own.     

 

I ramble my fellow buddies....healing thoughts to all

 

Drew! I was so happy to see you here. Sorry your window closed but glad you enjoyed it while it lasted :-) praying it opens up again soon buddy!

 

And we are in our 6th month going onto 7 months off lol. You and math!

 

Feel better! 

[[dr...]]

LM-we are IN month 7 off and completed 6 months.

[[mr...]]

Good to hear from you, drew   7 months in, and making progress towards 100% recovery!

 

Hello to the rest of the crew!  Tomorrow will mark my one week anniversary of being benzodiazepine free!  I know that this may confuse a few of the newer members on this thread, as this is the 6-12 month-free thread!  My story is a little different than many, as I chose to slowly microtaper from a very small starting dose (0.25mg).  Somewhere in the first quarter of this year (2014), my symptoms took on a new nature, one of a 'post-withdrawal' nature rather than my symptoms during my taper.  For a while, I felt a little lost on the site -- I didn't relate to hardly any buddies tapering anymore, as my symptoms were so different than others, but I also wasn't "technically" benzo-free yet either -- even though my symptoms followed this nature!  Anyways, after months of following "Coop & the Gang" on here ( ), I explained my situation and asked to be a part of this thread.  I was welcomed with open arms, and the rest is history   My symptoms follow similarly to someone who is in the 9-15 month free range now-a-days, and making progress with each passing day!  Hooray for progress

 

As "that time of the month" approaches for me (today or tomorrow), I find myself battling some blues as well as smacking around the dumb 'ole fear.  MAN -- I HATE fear.  But alas, it is fading with a quickness.  Anybody else still deal with the "irrational fears" and/or "fear" in general?  It is SO much better than what it was before, but not to the pre-benzo level quite yet.  It even tries to convince me that I am "afraid" of panic once in a while -- hahaha!!!!!  So ridiculous.  Boy, I surely won't miss all this crap when its gone for good. 

 

How's everyone else doing?  I hope you're all well and good!  Okay, enough stalling my exercise walk...off to get some miles in!  Love to you all, and take care

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

6 month mark for me was November 15. I ct Xanax in detox. I also viewed 6 months as my goal mark, thinking that I would magically start feeling better. unfortunately I have begun feeling as bad as I did in the beginning. way worse than I did last month. I don't get it. everyday I wake up more screwed up than I was the day before.

 

Shlbell,

Don't worry, it's completely normal.  I know ppl who came out of detox, two people, one had a terrible time for two months, then felt better.  Another woman had a bad time but felt much better by a year.  everybody is different.  There's no way to tell when, we only know that we will get better.  You will get better.  Meantime, this is a good place to come to get support.

[[He...]]

Hi Everyone,

I think that we are all sounding really good.  Yes, waves still hit hard, but I think that we have learned critical coping strategies that will leave us healthier than ever once we are healed from the benzo damage. 

 

I got hit with the sickness that my hubby and youngest daughter had earlier in the week and ended up staying home today.  I got the stomach thing last night and started running a fever.  Tummy is better today, but fever is hanging on.  The thing I'm relieved about is I got sick and it didn't make me benzo-sick.  It didn't bring a wave and I was able to sleep for several hours this afternoon.  No anxiety, no depression, no other weird body symptoms.... I am just regular ol' sick.  Run-of-the-mill viral thing. 

 

Love to you all,

HH

[[mr...]]

Hi gang.

 

Can I just be frank for a sec? Just for a sec. Promise.

 

Can I just say that I'm annoyed with this process? Its tempting (sooooo tempting) to feel frustrated, tired, rant-y, "victimized", etc...I sometimes feel like I just wanna "quit"...but what does that even mean, lol? I KNOW that "ebb" and "flow" are a part of this process...part of the pricey "price" for a GREAT life again...that life we're all fighting for... But sometimes (not too often nowadays, admittedly) I just wanna scream, "WWWHHHHHEEEEENNNNNN?!?!?!"

 

I absolutely HATE the "fear". Grr. And I do mean GRR. I HATE how it thinks it can just "have its way" with me. That it thinks it can just "tell" me, 'Oh hey - you're going to be afraid of this now', and it thinks I'll just roll over and drool on command... It isn't a fair fight that it fights. Throwing (what feels like) sucker punches here, karate chops there. Fear is a JERK. An @$$hole, if I'm being honest about how I feel about it.

 

My apologies, gang. I KNOW that I'm healing. And I'm grateful with how much progress that has happened these past few months -- it is amazing. I'm just looking forward to the day when I realize that I TELL my brain what to do, to think, how to react, etc -- and I feel like I have the say. (I know I do have the say bow, of course -- I'm just looking forward to feeling it again.) To get rid of that "vice grip" or "brick wall" feeling that tries to come against sound reason, judgment, etc -- anybody else feel like this too sometimes? Veil is being TORN DOWN, baby!

 

(Can it be today, please?)

 

Hope you all are doing good, buddies. I am healthy, happy, and whole. No matter what the dumb benzo brain tries to say. Thank you Lord, amen.

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

Your so silly mrs for apologizing. 

 

We all have paid a way too high of price for admission to this club. I am feeling the same way as I'm sure all of us have during this wretched process of healing.  Very away my lady...vent away

[[mr...]]

Your so silly mrs for apologizing. 

 

We all have paid a way too high of price for admission to this club. I am feeling the same way as I'm sure all of us have during this wretched process of healing.  Very away my lady...vent away

 

Thanks drew. Friggin' amazes me the LIES that try and tell me that this or that about my health. Its unbelievable -- literally, haha. Anyways, I'm done with my rant. Its useless. Just time to pick up and move along

 

Thanks for being here, drew. Mr & I are off on a lil walk now. Take care bud.

 

Mrs.