6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

My heart is with you Nova...love to you dear friend.  coop

[[Lo...]]

Hi everyone,

 

Just wanted to post again to let everyone know -- it really does get much better! Wait! Did I just say that?! Yes I did. I am convinced that this window is of higher quality than any other window I have had. I will never forget my addiction specialist and the study that was done on benzo buddies -- it said 14 months was the average. My addiction specialist said 18 months. This Tuesday will be 14 months for me. I sure do hope and pray that this is it. I feel so much better. I am doing things that I thought I was not ever going to be doing and I am highly productive -- I thought I would never feel this good - yet I am at 90% now baseline. Still get wavy but manageable. I think at this point I am doing two steps forward and maybe one back. Guys and gals things do get better. Here is the big thing -- I still have major stresses in my life yet they are tolerable. That is all a good sign.

 

I know that all of us will heal! You all are awesome people to have gone through this and battle every day. If you can do this you can do everything. God heals everyone and He will get you through this even when you loose hope. I know that it is hard to believe when you are in a wave but it really does get much better. Rapid healing to all!

 

Henry

 

Thank you for this! You've been through a lot and to be 90% healed in 14 months is a miracle!!! I believe in miracles...and you're one of them! 

[[Sk...]]

Good Morning ... got to sit here for another 3 hours or so and then off to the hospital for the biopsy ... I feel like I have just gone sort of mentally numb ... and maybe that is a good thing ... just go through the motions ... stay present ... and come home later ...

 

And everything will be fine ... from all I hear this is just a very routine procedure ... thank you all for your encouragement ...

 

Have a good Monday, Folks ...

 

Talk later ...

 

 

You are very much on my mind and in my prayers, Michael.

[[dr...]]

My thoughts are with you nova!

 

Congrats to Green and ? who just passed one year.   I am sorry I only just glanced the thread but did see two at one year. Awesome.

 

update on me-not in a wide open window.  My benzo belly is back with severe bloating and some constipation/diahrea.  I just finished the prilosec cycle of two weeks so it may be some rebound action here.  Other than that some light tinnitus here or there that lets me know I walking a fine line and trying to avoid a wave.  it is what it is.

[[Gr...]]

My thoughts are with you nova!

 

Congrats to Green and ? who just passed one year.   I am sorry I only just glanced the thread but did see two at one year. Awesome.

 

update on me-not in a wide open window.  My benzo belly is back with severe bloating and some constipation/diahrea.  I just finished the prilosec cycle of two weeks so it may be some rebound action here.  Other than that some light tinnitus here or there that lets me know I walking a fine line and trying to avoid a wave.  it is what it is.

 

Drew, thanks for the anniversary wishes.  Sorry to hear window not so wide.  The goal here is try to live life as best you can until you get better.  hope you get as many good days as you can.

[[je...]]

Nova, I hope your doing well today and I'm sure everything will be fine today

Sky, I hope your wave is over and your feeling better today

[[Gr...]]

For anybody struggling to keep the faith:  (Me!!)  This is a post from eastcoast62 on a thread.  I thought it was wonderfully reassuring for those of us having a crisis of faith (Me again!!)  Hope it's helpful.

 

 

Re: who wants a laugh? can't do this anymore, this is what a psychiatrist told me

« on: November 17, 2014, 06:18:18 pm »

 

I ran into the same kind of reaction from a psychiatrist, and I reacted just as you did. Hurt, angry, and also began to question my sanity and the truthfulness of this  forum. But, I hung on. And over time, as I healed, I've come to realize more than ever that everything I read here was TRUE.  Benzo withdrawal most definitely CAN be this bad, for some people.  I am sure there are many people out there who don't have internet access, or just don't think to look for help online - or who never find this forum...and they may end up seeking psychiatric care for something that would have healed on its own, in its own time. It's sad,  but at least WE found a good support forum, a place where we can get reassured, get informed.

 

-I was told that time alone would heal me.  True

-I was told to stay away from supplements, other psychiatric drugs, and certain antibiotics  True

-I was told to accept that it was "just" withdrawal, nothing else  True

-I was told about the "benzo lies" and how they can fool us    True

-I was told to start learning how to cope with my symptoms, learn techniques to help them  True

-I was told how benzos affect our bodies, and how the entire system has to adjust in order to heal    True

-I was told to keep posting and asking for reassurance    True

-I was told to get moving, not to just sit around felling awful    True

 

east

 

Guys, I really love this.  I so needed to hear this today.

[[mr...]]

For anybody struggling to keep the faith:  (Me!!)  This is a post from eastcoast62 on a thread.  I thought it was wonderfully reassuring for those of us having a crisis of faith (Me again!!)  Hope it's helpful.

 

 

Re: who wants a laugh? can't do this anymore, this is what a psychiatrist told me

« on: November 17, 2014, 06:18:18 pm »

 

I ran into the same kind of reaction from a psychiatrist, and I reacted just as you did. Hurt, angry, and also began to question my sanity and the truthfulness of this  forum. But, I hung on. And over time, as I healed, I've come to realize more than ever that everything I read here was TRUE.  Benzo withdrawal most definitely CAN be this bad, for some people.  I am sure there are many people out there who don't have internet access, or just don't think to look for help online - or who never find this forum...and they may end up seeking psychiatric care for something that would have healed on its own, in its own time. It's sad,  but at least WE found a good support forum, a place where we can get reassured, get informed.

 

-I was told that time alone would heal me.  True

-I was told to stay away from supplements, other psychiatric drugs, and certain antibiotics  True

-I was told to accept that it was "just" withdrawal, nothing else  True

-I was told about the "benzo lies" and how they can fool us    True

-I was told to start learning how to cope with my symptoms, learn techniques to help them  True

-I was told how benzos affect our bodies, and how the entire system has to adjust in order to heal    True

-I was told to keep posting and asking for reassurance    True

-I was told to get moving, not to just sit around felling awful    True

 

east

 

Guys, I really love this.  I so needed to hear this today.

 

Me too

 

Mrs.

[[Ca...]]

For anybody struggling to keep the faith:  (Me!!)  This is a post from eastcoast62 on a thread.  I thought it was wonderfully reassuring for those of us having a crisis of faith (Me again!!)  Hope it's helpful.

 

 

Re: who wants a laugh? can't do this anymore, this is what a psychiatrist told me

« on: November 17, 2014, 06:18:18 pm »

 

I ran into the same kind of reaction from a psychiatrist, and I reacted just as you did. Hurt, angry, and also began to question my sanity and the truthfulness of this  forum. But, I hung on. And over time, as I healed, I've come to realize more than ever that everything I read here was TRUE.  Benzo withdrawal most definitely CAN be this bad, for some people.  I am sure there are many people out there who don't have internet access, or just don't think to look for help online - or who never find this forum...and they may end up seeking psychiatric care for something that would have healed on its own, in its own time. It's sad,  but at least WE found a good support forum, a place where we can get reassured, get informed.

 

-I was told that time alone would heal me.  True

-I was told to stay away from supplements, other psychiatric drugs, and certain antibiotics  True

-I was told to accept that it was "just" withdrawal, nothing else  True

-I was told about the "benzo lies" and how they can fool us    True

-I was told to start learning how to cope with my symptoms, learn techniques to help them  True

-I was told how benzos affect our bodies, and how the entire system has to adjust in order to heal    True

-I was told to keep posting and asking for reassurance    True

-I was told to get moving, not to just sit around felling awful    True

 

east

 

Guys, I really love this.  I so needed to hear this today.

 

Me too

 

Mrs.

 

Wonderful post for those us us still tapering too...thank you! Oh dear...some days are LONG!

Mrs...thinking of you!

 

Love,

Carita

[[Go...]]

Can I join this please? I'm 7 months off an struggling. Not 1 window since I jumped 7 months ago.

[[Gr...]]

Can I join this please? I'm 7 months off an struggling. Not 1 window since I jumped 7 months ago.

 

Welcome, GG

 

I don't get windows either.  But it does get better, we are all going to get better.  It's a little slow tonight, more going on during the day.  Again, welcome.  This is a good thread.

 

 

[[No...]]

Good Morning, Folks ...

 

Had the biopsy late yesterday afternoon ... all went well for that part of the process ... got home yesterday evening and had a bit to eat, cleaned up all the red antiseptic gunk I got lathered with, and watched some Antiques Roadshow and fell asleep for a few hours ...

 

Now I get to wait for the results ... a week to 10 days they say ... and I "expect" everything to be fine ... it always is when I interact with the medical folks ... I figure this is just another little tempest in my goofy benzo teapot ...

 

No pain, not even much discomfort ... and its only been 12 hours ... will see what the day brings ...

 

Thank you all for your encouragement and wishes ... it means a lot to me ...

 

Now for the "fun" part ... these medical folks around here may be excellent technicians, and I believe they are ... however ... when it comes to "people skills" they suck ... after my surgeon consult almost a month ago and taking the decision to have the biopsy done, I generated some protocol questions ... when I found out the date for the biopsy I started asking questions ... and unfortunately this was all done over the phone with my surgeon's secretary ...

 

Things like ... do I need someone with me, do I take my usual meds the day of the biopsy, what happens afterwards, the usual sort of stuff ... was told that if they decided I needed someone with me they would contact that person and get them on board, take my meds, and the post op folks would discuss follow-up procedures with me at the time ... okay ... not great ... but I went with it ...

 

Showed up at the appointed hour ... turns out they want you there four hours before the scheduled surgery time ... and where was the person who was going to stay with me? ... and this person had to stay with me for 24 hours after surgery ... and why did I take my BP meds ... and it went kind of down hill from there ... and this was only the pre-op nurses ... really getting in my face ...

 

Told them to back off ... told them I was going to sit out in the lobby for an hour ... told them I would only speak with the surgeon and anyone else involved with the surgical process ... and told them after an hour I was leaving if no one came out to see me ...

 

Surgeon showed up and had the anesthesiologist in tow ... they started up with all the "shoulds" I did not do ... put up my hand and said "time out" ... told them no one would talk to me before the surgery ... told the surgeon what her secretary told me ... "basically ... show up and all questions would be answered then" ... told them "here I am ... I showed up ... now what?" ... they nattered on some more ... "time out" again ... I asked what is that you need me to do ... and if I go home I am not coming back  ...

 

Turns out the BP meds are not an issue ... turns out because the surgery was so late in the day it was okay for my wife not to show up before 4:30 ... turns out they now understood my issues around surgery and surgery meds and would respond accordingly ... turns out they would "so slow" ... explain what was going to happen before they did anything ... both would see me and my wife after the surgery ... and would be with me when the post-op folks told me "what to do and watch out for when I got home" ...

 

And they were not "evil" folks ... they just needed to get prodded with the fact that they were dealing with a very grumpy old fella and that I was not going to take any crap from anybody any more ... I may be in their "house" but they were going to play by my "rules" ... or I was calling the whole thing off ...

 

So, we all lived happily ever after ... and all this "drama" was totally unnecessary ... oh, and they did allow my ear buds and player that had the music I wanted to hear before the procedure, during the procedure and afterwards ... turns out they were kind and understanding folks ... they just needed a lesson in "go slow" from the grumpy old man ... once we were all on the "same page" things went well ... just had to "bonk" them with my book and show them where the "page" was ...

 

Hope we all have a pleasant Tuesday ...

 

 

 

[[...]]

Nova, so glad step one is over! My prayers will continue for step two (the results)

 

Sounds like you handled it very well! Often times it seems that medicine forgets that they are dealing with real live people!

 

So glad you are not having pain!

 

Hope you have a great Tuesday!

 

[[No...]]

GMIT ... 

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning, Folks ...

 

Had the biopsy late yesterday afternoon ... all went well for that part of the process ... got home yesterday evening and had a bit to eat, cleaned up all the red antiseptic gunk I got lathered with, and watched some Antiques Roadshow and fell asleep for a few hours ...

 

Now I get to wait for the results ... a week to 10 days they say ... and I "expect" everything to be fine ... it always is when I interact with the medical folks ... I figure this is just another little tempest in my goofy benzo teapot ...

 

No pain, not even much discomfort ... and its only been 12 hours ... will see what the day brings ...

 

Thank you all for your encouragement and wishes ... it means a lot to me ...

 

Now for the "fun" part ... these medical folks around here may be excellent technicians, and I believe they are ... however ... when it comes to "people skills" they suck ... after my surgeon consult almost a month ago and taking the decision to have the biopsy done, I generated some protocol questions ... when I found out the date for the biopsy I started asking questions ... and unfortunately this was all done over the phone with my surgeon's secretary ...

 

Things like ... do I need someone with me, do I take my usual meds the day of the biopsy, what happens afterwards, the usual sort of stuff ... was told that if they decided I needed someone with me they would contact that person and get them on board, take my meds, and the post op folks would discuss follow-up procedures with me at the time ... okay ... not great ... but I went with it ...

 

Showed up at the appointed hour ... turns out they want you there four hours before the scheduled surgery time ... and where was the person who was going to stay with me? ... and this person had to stay with me for 24 hours after surgery ... and why did I take my BP meds ... and it went kind of down hill from there ... and this was only the pre-op nurses ... really getting in my face ...

 

Told them to back off ... told them I was going to sit out in the lobby for an hour ... told them I would only speak with the surgeon and anyone else involved with the surgical process ... and told them after an hour I was leaving if no one came out to see me ...

 

Surgeon showed up and had the anesthesiologist in tow ... they started up with all the "shoulds" I did not do ... put up my hand and said "time out" ... told them no one would talk to me before the surgery ... told the surgeon what her secretary told me ... "basically ... show up and all questions would be answered then" ... told them "here I am ... I showed up ... now what?" ... they nattered on some more ... "time out" again ... I asked what is that you need me to do ... and if I go home I am not coming back  ...

 

Turns out the BP meds are not an issue ... turns out because the surgery was so late in the day it was okay for my wife not to show up before 4:30 ... turns out they now understood my issues around surgery and surgery meds and would respond accordingly ... turns out they would "so slow" ... explain what was going to happen before they did anything ... both would see me and my wife after the surgery ... and would be with me when the post-op folks told me "what to do and watch out for when I got home" ...

 

And they were not "evil" folks ... they just needed to get prodded with the fact that they were dealing with a very grumpy old fella and that I was not going to take any crap from anybody any more ... I may be in their "house" but they were going to play by my "rules" ... or I was calling the whole thing off ...

 

So, we all lived happily ever after ... and all this "drama" was totally unnecessary ... oh, and they did allow my ear buds and player that had the music I wanted to hear before the procedure, during the procedure and afterwards ... turns out they were kind and understanding folks ... they just needed a lesson in "go slow" from the grumpy old man ... once we were all on the "same page" things went well ... just had to "bonk" them with my book and show them where the "page" was ...

 

Hope we all have a pleasant Tuesday ...

 

 

Nova, well done!  We need the medicos, so we need to make peace with them.  Very well done.  Sounds like trying to set boundaries with a mildly dysfunctional family,  be pleasant but be very firm.

I have my first therapy appointment today, and I have different but similar conversations running through my head.

 

I am so glad the procedure went well.  I didn't expect you on the forum last night, but I kept checking anyway.  Glad it's done. 

[[pe...]]

Nova - I'm glad the biopsy is complete. Amazing how the 'you' in you was so present and firm with the 'helpers'. Sounds like you were able to provide your medical 'team' with an opportunity to practice being present with a patient. What a gift for them. I think I will be using the phrase 'time out' more frequently when at appointments that don't feel right.  I never fail to be amazed by how you walk through all of this. You are a great teacher and following your journey is a gift to me.

 

Now, we just wait and see how the biopsy turns out in a week or so. I hope you have a lovely day of 'rest' ahead of you.

 

Peace2

[[No...]]

Green and Peace ... a mildly dysfunctional family ... yep ... they just needed a little "encouragement and reminder", as I often do ... and I know they live in the "fast lane" ... and maybe they just need a little "invite" to come over to the "slow lane" ...

 

And I don't like "ultimatums" ... I hardly ever use them ... and they do have their place from time to time ...

 

And I am learning that I do not have to accept what I feel I will experience as "trauma" any more ... we can do this gently and with mutual respect ... even when "speed" may be essential ...

 

Thanks again for the kind words ...

 

Have a good Tuesday ...

 

[[No...]]

Green ... sorry ... welcome to the one-year club ... membership is free ... eats are on the house ... and we are working on turning off the "wave-pool", seems there isn't much interest ... and all the "windows" now work ...

 

[[Gr...]]

Green ... sorry ... welcome to the one-year club ... membership is free ... eats are on the house ... and we are working on turning off the "wave-pool", seems there isn't much interest ... and all the "windows" now work ...

 

 

Nova, thank you.

 

You know, I'm thinking, this is really a big deal, a major accomplishment, real change.  Taking control where control can be taken.  No more becoming emotionally upset for days after a medical visit wondering what the hell is going on.  I'm liking this.  This is so far beyond reentry, this is new behavior, this is amazing change.  We're not the same people we were when we started this journey.  Good.

[[No...]]

This film is interesting ... takes just over two hours ... kind of about where we are today and how we got here ... positive ...

 

http://origins.well.org/

[[No...]]

Green ... yep ... it is a big deal ... we have choices ... the fun is in figuring out how to "exercise" them ... what ground rules would we like ... what tempo suits us ... how do we chose to "relate" ... what expectations are fulfilling and expansive ...

 

Good Stuff ...

 

[[je...]]

So proud of you Nova! You handled this like a true pro! I need to take a mental note here of how well you handled everything if I'm ever put in the same situation.  Jenny 

[[dr...]]

great job Nova!

Way to take control of the situation you grumpy old bastard   you put in your years and should be treated well.

 

 

I am feeling okay as my benzobloat is only mild today and not pregnant alien.  My anxiety level is up because I just finished a two hour meeting with clients.  It went well but I had to lead the meeting.  Even though I know my business my brain starts to fry after a bit.  Feel weird now due to two hours of heightned stress.  Have a small break and heading into another one hour meeting where I have to present again.  Last week these meetings were no problem and now they are stress inducing.  It's okay though as how my brain and body reacts even now is way better than a few months ago.  No panic just weird body and brain stuff. 

 

Hope everyone is doing as good as can be doing

 

Drew

[[No...]]

Drew ... one of my favourite films ... "Grumpy Old Men" ... and yep ... the waxing and waning of stress tolerance ...

 

Jenny ... thank you for your kind words ... I am learning to expect "respect" ... when I feel it missing I need a "Time Out" to get up and open the door and make sure it gets into the room ...

 

Doing pretty good ... even had a three hour nap this afternoon ... all the drugs seem out of my system and I am a bit "draggy" now ... one cool thing about the last 24 hours ... a good "distraction" seems to have stymied any benzo recovery effects ... they will probably realize I forgot about them and will make their way "home" later ... or not, as the case may be ...

 

Have a good evening ...

 

[[Co...]]

Nova...so glad to hear that your biopsy is done and over. I have a feeling that your results are going to be good. ...Good for you in taking charge of your own medical experience...with respect and firm. ...It seems that these days there is a long line of communication ...more like 'word fruit basket ' for any procedures. Scary feeling to hope that all gets communicated and recorded correctly as it travels along the many busy multi- tasking techs and para medical assistants. You fir exactly the right thing.. you took charge of your procedure. ..Yay for you. Glad to hear that you are feeling good and a le to rest too.

......love yo you friend... oop