6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

Green...HAPPY HAPPY ONE YEAR!!!!.....You have come so far on this difficult way. You are a warrior strong and determined. You have been through so much Green. ...Our hardest year is behind you. ...The new year is all about getting our lives back...

.......We are all stepping into this second year together. Our stories will be about healing and living again. ..love to you Green...you are healing every day...Wishing you a big wide open window. ..coop

[[je...]]

Coop and all,

 

So sorry if I was making anyone feel bad, this was not my intention. The misunderstanding has been resolved and its all good now coop so happy you had a few days of relief, but sorry you are dealing with depression now. I had a few really good days myself, but I'm very wavy today with heart palps, nerve pain , and my benzo belly is oh so painful.... At least we had a few good days.  I pray your wave lifts soon, your such a good friend Coop thank you. Jenny 

 

Hey Jenny, do you take magnesium at all? I ask because it really controlled palps & tachycardia for me back when it was quite bothersome! I know it doesn't necessarily work for everyone of course. I think for drew it didn't work. Anyhoos. I hope it knocks it off soon.

 

Can I ask...what do "vibrations" mean? I mean, I think I've experienced this, but I'm not sure if what I felt is what everyone describes as "vibrations". What's it like for everyone else?

 

OK, Mrs. is sleepy now. Beddy-bye time.

 

Mrs.

 

Hi Mrs,

I used to take magnesium, but then I read on here that it hits the gabba receptors so I got scared and stopped taking it. That's what kicked off a very bad wave for me at 10 months out so I'm scared of magnesium now. Vibrations for me can be where my whole body feels like there is a vibrator living inside me, I used to get them in my brain too. No fun! Are you getting them?

[[Co...]]

I got hit with benzo flu yesterday...dizzy...nausea...head pressure...but I have plans today with my daughter and former husband.....So I am borrowing grit and courage from all of you and I am going anyway. ...This is discouraging.  I have to remind myself that 24 months is the typical time frame for healing and I am not quite at month 13.5.  The road is still long in front of me.

......This group is getting me through every day.  I am so grateful for everyone 's presence on this thread...." We are all going to heal....and no one is going to be left behind "...Green,  I think of your words through every wave...

.........Wishing everyone a good weekend with sunbreaks and victories......coop

[[Co...]]

Jenny...I get the all over ' vibrations ' too...at least I think it is what you describe. Mine are more like a pulsing through my entire body with the cortisol surges. Mine are infrequent now.

.....I hope this lets up for you Jenny. How is your head pressure?...Are you feeling better over all?.. I remember how miserable you and I were in July/August....and then how we both started feeling better ...then Green and I got hit with that loooong 1o/11 month wave.....if it were not for the similarities in s/x and progress patterns I would be running to the doctor every other day begging for every possible test.

....I do take 100 mg of magnesium glycinate ...once in the morning once at bedtime. I thought it helped but now I am having doubts because this wave is so hard. My rational thought tells me that I am taking such a small dose that it is probably not hurting me...and maybe not helping that much either. It seemed to help a lot at first....but it could have been just coincidence of a break in s/x. ..I don't even try to figure it out anymore...like Nova says,  ...it just IS......feel better Jenny....coop

[[Sk...]]

Green,

 

[move]One year off benzos, congrats ! You rock ![/move]

 

 

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

I hope Mrs, got the day right, I have already gotten it wrong once !

 

Sue, you will get through this, I am so sorry you are suffering so much right now. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

[[Sk...]]

Today is my bad day. On bad days, I have vibrations long before I even open my eyes and vibrations are maddening.

 

WHen I have vibrations, my heart follows soon after. And my thoughts get so much worse. Mine start at the stomach, it is there is like a little engine going on and on in my body. Moving calms it down, but in bed things get out of hand.

 

oh well, this too shall pass.

 

Mrs said that these 24 hour cycles last a couple of months. It would be encouraging if it were not for the fact that.... well, I don't dare imagine what the next thing wd will come up with might be !!

 

Sending healing waves your way, although from the looks of it, they don't seem to be doing much good !

 

HEal away.

[[La...]]

Hi folks:

 

Being in the 6-12 month timeframe, I have followed this thread yet rarely post, probably for the same reason that some BBs stay away from the board after jumping. There is a huge psychological component to our healing and I've been trying to identify as much as possible with the "normal world" in an effort to downplay any sxs I still have. Its just a game of not giving these sxs the power/attention that feeds their growth.

 

I am in my 11th month after a sensible ativan taper following short term use. I wrote my success story months ago, once I "got over the hump," was certain I would never need a rescue dose, and once my sxs largely abated. That being said, I'm still dealing with a host of benzo-related sxs. They are managable and almost never severe, however, it is frustrating to still be dealing with insomnia (early waking), spikes of fear/anxiety, muscle twitching, burning/buzzing brain almost every early a.m, sound/light sensitivity, memory deficits, stress sensitivity, etc at 10+ months off. I'd be lying if I said I wasnt much better than I was while on benzos or in my first month post jump. Now, these sxs come and go; fortunately, they are not constantly plaguing me.

 

Initially, I thought for sure I'd be all better by now. Acceptance is hard, but at least I know I am moving (albeit very slow) in the right direction. I'm just tired of being so tired and scared; these two demons really rob my life of joy. I do occasionally have episodes of true joy (like we all used to have before benzos, remember?), but slip back into the fear, especially when fatigue envelops me.

 

I can certainly empathize and sympathize with all of you here, wishing everyone the speediest and complete recovery that we deserve. Despite being an empirically-driven scientist in mind and profession, it has been ,ironically, pure faith that has gotten me this far. Faith in the assurances by other BBs that at some point, we all heal. I'm going to continue believing this truth.

 

 

laser

[[mr...]]

Jenny, I used to get them something fierce for a while there. Now, they rarely happen

 

I take 400mg magnesium glycinate per day, as 100mg four times per day. I used to take in upwards of 1,200mg per day (300mg four times per day) back in the really challenging times, but don't have the need at this point To each their own, of course! I've also read about magnesium and the gaba receptors, but I believe there is (at least) one fundamental difference between benzo's actions and magnesium's, and that is that benzos are a foreign, non-natural substance. Magnesium, on the other hand, is the third most abundant element in the body, and plays a role in over 300 functions and processes of the body. The body already uses and knows what it needs to do with magnesium -- and does it -- where with the benzo, it is a "forced" action that is not familiar to the body. All IMO, of course, but it is for this reason that I do not mind taking magnesium, and other nutrients and minerals, to assist/enhance my daily living Again, to each their own Whatever action magnesium may (or may not) be taking on the gaba receptors, it is one that the body chose it to do (and probably does with any dietary mag I eat as well without me even knowing it). At least that's how I think about it, anyways

 

Again, all IMO & such! You do what works best for you, of course OK, off to clean house!!! .

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Glad you're here Laser!! I try not to give power to my symptoms as well, but it's also nice to have a nice support system (here) that understand and can relate!

 

Jenny, I take 800 mg of magnesium before bed! I Feel the same as Mrs, but it may not be what everyone feels is right for them, and that's ok!! 

 

[[pe...]]

Hanging with my family today. Yoga with my husband, lunch, toy store, book store and now home. And I have two things to say about this: 1) I'm okay. 2) WTF!!!

 

It's amazing how things shift and maddening. I feel my symptoms, but they've gone under. They are not raging at the surface as they were a few days ago. And unlike a few days ago, my mind and body are telling me I need love and meditation and sleep to heal NOT ETC or medications. That's what's amazing to me. Again, it changes on a dime and again, in a wave it feels so real like the absolute forever truth. And it's all just a lie.

 

That's for all the lies, benzos!

 

Hang tight my friends. We are on a roller coaster like no other. But experience tells us we will rise with every fall.

[[je...]]

Green-- congrats on 1 year off!!

Sky-- sorry you are having a tough time today, it will pass.

Coop-- my head pressure is gone and the only 2 sx  I'm dealing with at the moment are nerve pain(it comes and goes) and my benzo belly. All mental sx  are gone as of right now. Fear, anxiety, depression all gone. I hope you feel and get some relief soon. How's the head pressure for you?

Mrs. and gmit-- I found a lot of relief from magnesium so if I can get over my fear of it I think a small dose before bed would actually help, maybe I'll give it a try....

Peace-- I'm so happy you are having a decent day with your family! I'm glad you are seeing that healing is so up and down, it all comes down to time.

Hi Nova, Lisa how are you doing?

 

I just spent all day at the soccer park, and I did really good. My husband coaches my younger sons team so we had our end of season party and handed out plaques and pictures. Being his wife I had to talk with all the parents and answer all the questions they had about next season, registration etc. I did really well, I had zero anxiety and could look and talk with everyone so easily. Back in June I was in a complete panic at the end of season party. I could really see today how much I've progressed in the last 6 months, I'm a different person today. I still have some healing to go, but I think I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Have a great day everyone! Jenny

[[Gr...]]

Green ... yeah ... exhaustion ... and I am resisting going back into my "cocoon" space ... that feels so much like a "defeat" nowadays ... and that is "lousy" thinking" ...

 

So ... we just accumulate more Time ... someday it will be enough ... just feeling a little "down" right now ... emotionally feeling that "helpless" space ...

 

As long as I keep recognizing the "geography" of this stuff ... and can maintain my "centre" ... then things are okay ...

 

 

Nova, it's the next day now, so I don't know if this is still relevant, if you're still feeling the same way.  The emotions in waves are wild and confusing, we don't even know we're depressed, because it cycles so rapidly.  I went from wild, gasping mania, to crushing depression, in a very short time.  So that exhausted, down feeling might be a little depression.  I say that because I just came through.  It was bad enough I thought about shrinks and antidepressants.  And it lifted today.  Still a little tired, but not under the back wheels of a bus.

 

So take heart, my friend, take it slow and easy.  Maybe a little cocoon time.  Whatever you need to do to find that center.

 

This stuff passes. You were telling me that a week ago.  Just like Peace, I'm getting so mad because I know how bad you feel, and I'm mad because people I like very much have to go through this.

 

Feel better.  and you will feel better when you get this procedure over with.  In withdrawal, I cannot stand waiting to do something I really don't want to do.

[[Gr...]]

Green...I love your e pression,  " chemical chokehold"...perfect..lol...except its not really funny. ..yes,  we will get through the wave. I think Lostdog is right, by 12-18 months out we are just worn down by this, but we are also nearing the end...Green, this could be your last wave....so glad to see you back on the thread...voop

 

Coop,

I had a rough morning, but was blessed with a really lovely afternoon.  And I was thinking of you when I was standing in the Verizon store setting up my iPhone 6 Plus, the ridiculously large phone.  Came through pretty good, in one piece.  I never liked those places, even pre-benzo. 

[[pe...]]

Hi Green-

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better!

 

I also want to say I see you're passing a year and congratulations doesn't feel right. I feel more like saying, I am proud of you for doing this hard thing for so long and I 'SEE' you. I really do, all the way you've come and all that you're reaching toward.

 

Just a little longer.

So much love and respect for you,

Peace2

[[Gr...]]

Hi folks:

 

Being in the 6-12 month timeframe, I have followed this thread yet rarely post, probably for the same reason that some BBs stay away from the board after jumping. There is a huge psychological component to our healing and I've been trying to identify as much as possible with the "normal world" in an effort to downplay any sxs I still have. Its just a game of not giving these sxs the power/attention that feeds their growth.

 

I am in my 11th month after a sensible ativan taper following short term use. I wrote my success story months ago, once I "got over the hump," was certain I would never need a rescue dose, and once my sxs largely abated. That being said, I'm still dealing with a host of benzo-related sxs. They are managable and almost never severe, however, it is frustrating to still be dealing with insomnia (early waking), spikes of fear/anxiety, muscle twitching, burning/buzzing brain almost every early a.m, sound/light sensitivity, memory deficits, stress sensitivity, etc at 10+ months off. I'd be lying if I said I wasnt much better than I was while on benzos or in my first month post jump. Now, these sxs come and go; fortunately, they are not constantly plaguing me.

 

Initially, I thought for sure I'd be all better by now. Acceptance is hard, but at least I know I am moving (albeit very slow) in the right direction. I'm just tired of being so tired and scared; these two demons really rob my life of joy. I do occasionally have episodes of true joy (like we all used to have before benzos, remember?), but slip back into the fear, especially when fatigue envelops me.

 

I can certainly empathize and sympathize with all of you here, wishing everyone the speediest and complete recovery that we deserve. Despite being an empirically-driven scientist in mind and profession, it has been ,ironically, pure faith that has gotten me this far. Faith in the assurances by other BBs that at some point, we all heal. I'm going to continue believing this truth.

 

 

laser

 

Laser, I'm so glad you get something from the thread, even keeping a little distance.  We all heal differently.  I stayed away from the thread for a while, and found it unbearably hard to relate to people in the outside world when I'm in a wave.  I mean I still hang out with them, but when I'm wavy I need reassurance from other BBs, I need a reality check from the site, I need ppl on here to remind me not to do anything crazy like go to a shrink and get an antidepressant.  And I always love when you post something because I know you have the science background, and I like your perspective.

 

You're not that far out.  I talk to a lot of people in 12 step programs, and the word is, it's the magic two years, with improvement all along.  But everybody gets better.  That's what I hear, anyway.  So we hope for the best.  Nice to hear from you.  Don't be a stranger.

 

And I wanted to respond to what you said about faith getting you through this.  I am not religious, not particularly spiritual, and I know this experience has changed me forever.  What caused it?  Level, intensity  of suffering?  Duration of suffering?  Can the brain be so rocked it actually changes people?  I don't know.  but it's an interesting thought.

[[pe...]]

To all of my people with magnesium on your mind,

this

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16542786

 

is a link to a study about magnesium and its role in mental health. I think it's interesting . I have been taking 400mg citrate for awhile and am starting a switch to glycinate.

 

Jury is still out for me, but the study is very interesting…. check it out. It's just the abstract and pretty short.

 

A good friend passed it on to me and I'm passing it on to you.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Green-

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better!

 

I also want to say I see you're passing a year and congratulations doesn't feel right. I feel more like saying, I am proud of you for doing this hard thing for so long and I 'SEE' you. I really do, all the way you've come and all that you're reaching toward.

 

Just a little longer.

So much love and respect for you,

Peace2

 

Thank you, Peace!  I actually had a nice afternoon, got my new ridiculously large iPhone.  It was so nice feeling better, and I'm just enjoying it.  Like Nova, I need to keep my center handy.  Yes, this stuff changes on a dime.  So glad you had some quality time today. 

 

So glad not to be wave-crazy for a couple of hours!

[[Gr...]]

MRS., COOP, SKY, NOVA PEACE & JENNY!

 

http://gratitudehabitat.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/123ThankYouDiffLang.jpg

[[...]]

Hello everyone,

 

I figured I'd stop in as I have not been on the forum for ages.

 

I hit month 12 on OCT 31 so technically It's time I move to the 12-18 month thread which I don't think exists yet.

 

I have had wonderful amazing windows accomplishing things I never thought I would ever again. The bad news is I'm apparently nowhere near healed as I'm back in a horrid wave leaving me pretty crippled. Like they say one step forward two steps back.

 

Hope everyone is holding up.

 

 

Fonz

[[Gr...]]

Hello everyone,

 

I figured I'd stop in as I have not been on the forum for ages.

 

I hit month 12 on OCT 31 so technically It's time I move to the 12-18 month thread which I don't think exists yet.

 

I have had wonderful amazing windows accomplishing things I never thought I would ever again. The bad news is I'm apparently nowhere near healed as I'm back in a horrid wave leaving me pretty crippled. Like they say one step forward two steps back.

 

Hope everyone is holding up.

 

 

Fonz

 

Hi, Fonz, it's so nice to see you again.  I'm glad you had some good windows.  Don't be discouraged, a lot of us are on the two year plan here.  There is a 12-18 thread, I just started it, but people seem to flip back and forth.

 

Nice to hear from you

[[No...]]

Good Morning ...

 

I read all of yesterday's posts ... and for those who had some "good time" thank you for letting us know. We always need the reassurance that this "benzo pendulum" swings both ways ...

 

And thank you all for your encouragement to me ...

 

I went into my "foxhole" yesterday ...pretty darn rough all day ... this lack of sleep is getting to me so I am "conserving" right now ... and I know this stuff changes back and forth ... this is a "no action" time for me ... as others have mentioned, all we all have learned, "try to do nothing crazy during the crazy times" ...

 

For me, Monday is "biopsy day" ... and I do need to do the procedure, and I will ... and it is "playing" real loud for me ... so I am just playing that old song over and over again ... "you made it this far ... and you will get through this one as well" ...

 

Wishing us all a "quiet" Sunday ...

 

[[...]]

Green and Fonz, CONGRATS on your one year! So wonderful!! Huge accomplishment!

 

Nova, sorry for your rough time! The sleep is so vital! I hope you slept well last night and get good rest today!

 

Peace, I also take zinc!

 

Jenny, sounds like you had such a wonderful day out!!

 

Hope everyone is well!

 

[[...]]

Thanks folks

 

 

So how is everyone in here doing approaching 12 months?  Is it just me still messed up? I feel brain damaged still and my brain won't stop vibrating which is leaving me bed ridden a lot. Again I have had impressive windows though,  I just keep slipping backwards which is very frustrating.

 

To think I did a year long taper beforehand, *sigh*..

 

 

Cheers,

 

 

 

Fonz

[[Co...]]

Laser...how great to see you!...So glad to hear that you are doing so good at almost one year. It was so reassuring to me to read your post. I am at the same place as you ( my jump date was Dec 4 ). I also am much better,  but still have the grab bag of lingering s/x,  24 hour waves,  some d/r,  infrequent cortisol surges and random spikes of anxiety /mini panics....all pretty manageable....except the one s/x that just wont let up...head pressure and headaches. Reading that you still have brain buzzing/burning really helped me look at it as continued w/d s/x and not..not...not something dire.

.....You sound like you are well on the way to 100% healing...Thank you for sharing that with us, we need to hear all the great progress that people are making. Hearing from others who are in the last stretch of healing keeps us going. Keep us posted ( many of us are posting and reading both the 6-12 group and the 12-18 group)....Such good news....so happy for you....coop

[[Co...]]

Hi Green...yep,  the phone thing is pretty out there. My phone ( they call it a phablet), is big too. I love that I can use it as a tablet too and it functions as a hot spot for my old kindle as well

.....Are you fling better today?...I hope so....these late in the game waves really take it out of me. My wave lifted but it left me tired and the head pressure is more on again off again rather than constant but the headache is still every morning...with varying intensities. Its difficult to stay on top of the health fears. ..I did go out with my daughter and my ex for lunch yesterday.  I had big head pressure and d/r but I enjoyed the day in spite of it but my attention was split between having fun with my family and my head s/x. That is what I hate about this so much...the extra ' voice ' of s/x demanding constant scanning and vigilance. 

........Green, our big waves are going to get further and further apart ...this will get easier and our healing will become more consistent.  I still get frantic and crazed when I am in a wave too. I am looking forward to seeing what month 14 will bring...and in month 16 we will be thinking about spring. Next summer is bound to be the best summer we have seen in a good long time.

.....Thank you Green for all if the posts and replies you give to our group...even when you don't feel good. You keep us hopeful and moving forward. Sending you so much love and gratitude....coop