6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

WAHOOO!!!!....GREENICE....so so glad to hear this! ...This is. crazy ride we are,on....This merry go round has to be just about done...for all of us. A five mile walk.  in sand.. girl you are in way better shape than me...and. BBQ...and an appetite...and a cheeky smile...so happy for you Green....I am not as atheletic. ad you...My grandsons came over and I watched them play in the pool and visited with my son and DIL...LOTS of noise and activity going on at the pool.  only a few shaky moments...many little boy hugs...the best anti- anxiety remedy in the world.

....Green really hoping for you that this window stays wide open....

...Life...my thanks to you too for all the positives and support... we all love your rah rah...go ..we can do this support.....

...........Wellness and peace to all ......coop

[[Gr...]]

Thanks, Jenny and Coop.

 

Coop, a couple of little boys in a pool is PLENTY athletic!

 

I'm going into the city tonight to see a dance company.  (letting someone else drive. though I think I could if I had to)  see everyone tomorrow.

[[ro...]]

Coop...wishing you the best. Haven't chatted with you in a while, .....just doing this thing..

I hope to be where you are one day..i know you still have rough days, but it's behind you. I hope to look back too and realize how far I came.. Love to read your sincere, updates and posts to others..

 

  rose

[[li...]]

Signing off for the day but here is another interesting post entitled "Windows, windows windows windows"  on the "post withdrawal" threads -- From Pitty Klonopin  They wrote:

 

Went clubbing for the first time on 9 months yesterday, flirted with women, chilled with friends i had not heard of practically during all this time, and no one even noticed i wasnt on K. Great stuff.

 

I had my first window at about 7 months out; but it was so weak that at the time i dosnt even recognize it as a window..

 

He is also in his eighth month. I think my doctor is right!!!!

 

Life

[[be...]]

Hi all,

Green, I sure wish I had the energy and healing to do what you do. I went to the grocery store with hubby and I feel like I've worked 10 hrs. My legs are to weak and painful.

Coop, so happy you are feeling better.

 

Sending all of you healing thoughts and peace of mind.

Many hugs.

[[Ha...]]

Sounds like healing is happening on this thread!! Yahoo I'm Starting month seven. Mostly my syptoms are low grade anxiety still no msg. I'm drinking coffee with creamer. No gluten! But I eat a ton Of chocolate! Lol it's a give take ting right now! Never had tinnitus thank goodness or much body pain. Had heart palps that was sooo bad the worst symptom for me! Now I get some waves during the monthl cycle but overall it's getting better! I drive, grocery shop, work well I never stopped working and I do sleep 8-10 hours per night! I thing one year I'll be 80 percent. This sure does take a long time for sure! Never again! Hugs to all who are feeling  better every day! Keep it ip!!

 

Hapy

[[Co...]]

Green...hope you had the best time in the city....boy...when you get s window you go with it...so yay for you....

.........Rose...nice to see you here....so glad to know things are going ok with you. You are going to go the distance....you have come a long way.....wishing you Wellness....coop

..........Buelah....I am sorry your legs still hurt...Going to the grocery is the very best I can do on a lot of days....you are right there at that year mark....huge huge accomplishment...I have 4 more months to get to where you are....you have been do determined Beulah...you are going to get your life back too....sending you wishes for continuing healing...coop

 

[[Co...]]

Nova....I don't want to intrude on your inner focus, but just want to send a note to let you know I am sending you thoughts of sunbreaks windows and healing...hope all is well with you....coop

[[Co...]]

Happy...thank you for posting your encouraging progress. It gave me so much hope. You and I share so many similarities in our w/d from ativan. ... you are progressing a little more than I am, but I am following...and your progress helps me stay positive...

.....Happy, I hope this just keeps on going for you ....coop

[[No...]]

Hi Coop - you folks never "intrude". Heavy weather times right now. I am reading but is hard to post. Some sleep again but not much. Sitting here feeling this poor battered body and very tired brain. I am okay - cycling back and forth a couple of decent hours, a couple of lousy hours - back and forth, back and forth, exhausting.

 

Take care.

[[No...]]

That post sounded so depressing. As Sophia says in her Success Story, we can only put in time. And that is what I am doing. I cannot generate this healing, I am only able to witness it and stay the course.

 

Bought some rhubard at the farmer's market yesterday. Will go good with our home-made ice cream. This year's food is finally starting to arrive after our long, long winter. Just like my healing. Our healing.

 

Take care.

[[Fr...]]

Nova - I hope you feel better soon!  Your rhubarb and ice cream and farmer's market sound nice,

 

Lisa

[[Co...]]

Nova....me too...so many days in which getting through one more day is the best I can do. One buddie has a tag line that says, " get up every day and do the best you can " ....For me I always think, " do the best you can in THIS day .. because every day my s/x are so different. ..Your ice cream ..homemade sounds so good...our farmers markets have been up and going for awhile too...some days going to the farmers market is a challenge. for me ...my agoraphobia cycles.

.......take care. Nova...we are all in it with you..... coop....

[[pe...]]

I'm so sad. I'm so sad.  I'm having a hard time seeing any light. I know I am at least a month or two behind most of you. 8,12,18 months seems so far away when I'm not sure how I'll get through this day. In some ways I'm ok. But the tinnitus is back and so is the depression. It is the depression I find so hard to bear. I can distract from everything else, but not the depression.

 

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Peace, ... You are not that far behind me, my jump date was Dec 3, 2014...I am just barely stepping into month 7. I also had crushing depression and torturing intrusive existential thoughts. I t felt like every day and every night was a year long. It is truly unbearable. The only thing that gave me any relief was distraction ( which was very difficult ...I could only concentrate for moments at a time). The other things that helped were hot bath soaks with lavender epsome salts and walking outside. .....The GOOD NEWS....after that long wave of depreassion in early month 6 I have not had another intense wave of depression with black intrusive dire thoughts..it seems ( hopefully to have been the last hurah for intense deep black depression). If you did not have this deep depression before benzos most likely it will resolve as your healing moves on. ....Life speaks of depression as well, and now at nearly month 8 he is feeling do much better. I know how impossible 1 or 2 more days seems let alone 2 more months. I tried to have short mile markers like ' one more month '...but the true battle was day to day...sometimes hour to hour....Peace, it will get better...your better days are coming. ( crying buckets also helped me..it seemed to release some of the fear and depression,  at least temporarily). ..Months 5 and 6 were still very difficult for the most part for me. Things are just now ( knock on wood) beginning to ease ( mornings are still jittery and anxious but the afternoons are trying to be consistently better). My agoraphobia has returned, but not as intensely as in taper and months 1-6.

I am learning to go gently with windows as too much pushing can rev my s

..Peace you are getting close to some better days ...just get from one day to the next for right now....post for support as often as you need to...we are all with you....much love....coop

[[li...]]

I'm so sad. I'm so sad.  I'm having a hard time seeing any light. I know I am at least a month or two behind most of you. 8,12,18 months seems so far away when I'm not sure how I'll get through this day. In some ways I'm ok. But the tinnitus is back and so is the depression. It is the depression I find so hard to bear. I can distract from everything else, but not the depression.

 

Peace2

 

Peace I know what you mean with the depression. It is awful! No way of explaining it. We think its permeant ( or fear that) when we are in a wave - but it is not!!! Did you have depression before you came to use benzos? Remember that you do not have to wait a month. Recovery is spontaneous and can happen any time. Also remember that turning the corner means that your symptoms are bearable and you do not have the utter misery. That can happen any time now for you. You are healing.

 

 

life

[[je...]]

Well today is not a good day. Just a few weeks ago I was feeling great hoping I was almost healed. Started last night, couldn't sleep, had this terrible jittery want out of my skin feeling throughout my whole body and brain, ear pressure, extremely painful nerve pain in all limbs, benzo belly is full blown and burning, could not swallow properly and sinus pressure. The only good news is I have no mental sx. The last time I had a wave this bad I was 5 months off and it lasted for weeks, I hope it goes away soon. Take care everyone, Jenny

[[Fr...]]

I hope it goes away for you soon too, Jenny.  The fact you're not having any emotional issues is a really good sign.  This wave will pass and it won't be anywhere near as bad as before.  Keep us posted.

 

Lisa 

[[Fr...]]

Hi guys - just want to report some good news - I'm having two really good days.  Yesterday was great, sleep was good, now today I was able to go to a brunch event at a new friend's home.  I could never have done that in the past 2 1/2 years.

 

I'm wiped out now, but off to lay down and savor the sleepy feeling.  Can't complain - I'll take this over jitteriness anytime.  I know this may be short-lived but it does seem that things are improving overall.

 

Thank you for helping me through the last rough patch.

 

I hope you're all coming out of those last waves and feeling so much better.

 

Lisa

[[je...]]

Thank you Lisa! Glad to hear you are doing well and improving~ great news

[[pe...]]

Lisa-

That is great news! It sounds like you're enjoying some good moments and that is a blessing in this process.

 

Jenny! I'm so sorry that you're having all of those physical side effects. I'm glad to hear the mental symptoms are not bothering you. I hope all this physical stuff is short lived for you.

 

Coop- I'm going to read your post again and again. It's so hard to believe it will pass while it's happening.

 

Life- I've had episodes of mild depression through out my life. It's always gone with time or St. John's wort. I was on Prozac for 6 months almost twenty years ago. That's the extent of it. I've been able to recognize it and roll out of it for the most part. I was totally depression free for seven years before the benzo mess began. I hope to be depression free again. But that seems like a dream.

[[Co...]]

Jenny, so glad you posted!....I am wild with jitters, ear and temple fullness and pressure..anxiety and hypochondria rampant...totally convinced my thyroid has gone nuts ( even though every single HPA test, thyroid..full panel and adrenal 24 hour urine all came back normal).....I am using a hot pack on my head and ear and at least that is providing a counted sensation to the fullness pressure and tinnitus. This crazy jitteriness is z completely new s/x for me. Can't concentrate..dot still or make a simple grocery list ( didn't I get on here and cry and complain about this very thing a few days ago?....sorry for the repetitive rant). ...This one really has me. Yesterday I had some relief from it...and it has bewen trying to go away in the afternoons...just not this afternoon. My appatitd is non-existant with this...8 pounds gone in 2 weeks.

....Reading your post helped me grab on to some perspective.. as in being able to believe it is w/d and not eminent death. ...Any new body sensation triggers my anxiety...but then it goes on for hours in this jittery organic manner. I feel like I took 20 caffeine tablets....yesterday it traded the jitters for depression and it was actually a relief...

.....Jenny we will get through this...this thread helps me so much....to follow friends on nearly a day to day basis... our s/x are so up and down and around...just when I think I really am dying someone posts the same s/x and saves me from calling 911...if it wasn't for this thread I would have been into er at least twice in month 6.    Makes me so mad I could spit...no drug that takes 12 months of w/d s/x to get off of should ever be prescribed outside of the er or surgery!,

..Sorry for the rant...I am just sick sick sick of this..  please forgive my very crappy attitude...coop

[[je...]]

Coop, I hear ya! Its the constant up/down that really wears on the mind. I literally felt so good a couple of weeks ago, my benzo belly was gone and now its back full blown with a vengeance. I have really been doubting my healing too, but I have to remind myself its all benzo lies. I think its safe to say we are all SICK of this!! I want this to be OVER already--very frustrating. Im glad we all have each other, we just have to keep plugging along. This jittery feeling is insane, its gonna be another long night. I hope we both wake up feeling better tomorrow Jenny

[[pe...]]

Coop and Jenny,

You are both such a blessing. Hidden in this bad wave for each of you are the better days you're able to compare it to. Those better days weren't so long ago. That's what gives me hope.

 

Still waiting for my better days and the return of yours. I wish we could all get together on these crappy days and just know what each other is going through. I know it's a blessing that my family is well but sometimes their normalcy is so difficult to be a part of. Today, I would like to hide away or be in the presence of knowing friends. I guess in a way I do get to do the latter. I love bb.

 

Peace2

 

 

[[Co...]]

Jenny....do your jitters last half the day? ...days in a row? ....that k you so much for your reply. I have had a few days along the way too in which I felt true healing on the way...then bam,..I think my best weeks were directly following taper, weeks 1-6.....I have had windows here and there so that is a lot to be grateful for. ...Jenny if you have a tough night I will probably be on tonight too.

....Peace, you are such a blessing to all of us on this thread. In my imagination I would buy big house that we could all stay in through this nightmare. We would have nutritionists, naturepaths, compassionate benzo wise docs, hypnotherapists, addiction specialists, yoga instructors and spiritual gurus...our families would not have to suffer with us..they could just check us into a place of healing for 12 months......well...that was a nice little fantasy....I wish we could all support one another in the ' real ' too....and as you say....we are...I honestly don't know where I would be without all of you...I cling to every post to give me courage and faith in this process.

....Peace...all of us are going to have better days....have you had any windows at all?...I am digging deep to commit to 2 more months. I have hobbled along this far on 2 month commitments because anything longer is too discouraging. ...I don't know what I think I am doing if the 2 month commitment doesn't work out...lol.....I really don't have any choices except to keep going forward....

......Peace I know the depression is torture and I am thinking of you today....love to you...coop