6-12 month thread....

[[li...]]

Hi everyone, I think there is really something to month eight. My doctor said that it is the 'turn the corner' month. I just read a post from someone in the w/d thread and it was scary. It was exactly what I went through but he put it into great words. I could not say it myself better. The point is that there is no way that these symptoms could be anything but w/d as his s/x was exactly what I had a 4 months. I am in a really good window and they seem to be coming more frequently. I am actually going out and conducting business meetings and that productivity makes me feel better. I am telling you all that I know we are all healing. :thumbsup: it is so hard to believe that benzos can do so much damage. Wow.  I pray right now for all of us to heal. Faith in God is important to me.

 

life

[[li...]]

Im just wondering does smoking a cigar ( I had one) cause any problems with the healing process? Just wondering?

 

life

[[pe...]]

I have to join the wave :'(.

I really want this to stop. I have such incredible head pressure and anxiety and feel like everything is overwhelming. At the same time, I'm pretty sure this is the drug. I use to worry that this was me, but now I'm pretty clear on that detail. I think that's a good sign, but I still feel awful. As usual I'm pushing too hard and doing too much. I feel like it's what my family expects from me and what I expect for myself. Oh my goodness. I've got to get through two parties and a play this weekend before going back and packing up my classroom next week.

Next week I'll be official, through month five and into month six. I wish I had more months, more healing between me and the drug.

 

I'm sorry for whining when so many others are hurting. I too will put some energy into prayer for us all. Keep your light on Life, because I really need to follow you today.

 

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Peace....you are not whining. This is an unbelievable process and turns our lives and minds upside down every which way. I had a simple chiropractic appointment this morning and had a panic in the waiting room. I for one appreciate hearing of others ' s/ x as it assures me that the s/x that scare me are experienced by other buddies in p/w. Your comment about head pressure ( although I wish you didn't have it) , is really reassuring to me as it is a new s/x and triggers panic for me.

...........Our universal wave will get better for all of us....I have huge respect and sincere empathy for you going through this while giving it your all to 'be there ' for your children. Makes me feel pretty wimpy as I only have to worry about not letting my dog down..and he is pretty forgiving.

......Peace....take good care of yourself ...I know that is hard enough with little kids even without the àwfulness of p/w....I hope things ease for you over the weekend.    ...coop

[[je...]]

Sounds like a lot of us are having a rough time, I pray it turns around for all of us soon. Peace, the overwhelming feelings are all w/d I am having them myself--lets go meditate, okay? I really wish I could reach out sometimes and give you all a hug, we are all trying so hard to keep it together. Well, I have another party to go to tomorrow, but I feel mentally in a better place so I hope I don't have any panic attacks. Take care everyone, Jenny

[[pe...]]

Off to meditate, Jenny. Thanks for keeping me on track.

 

Peace2

[[Fr...]]

Hey guys---feel really proud and accomplished at how far you've come.  I'm behind you in months and could in NO way attend a party yet.  So you're doing good!  My hubby suggested an event type party at the local art center, and I'd love to go, but told him I'm simply not ready yet.

 

You're all doing better than you may think and are leader for me.

 

Healing prayers,

Lisa

[[Gr...]]

I have to join the wave :'(.

I really want this to stop. I have such incredible head pressure and anxiety and feel like everything is overwhelming. At the same time, I'm pretty sure this is the drug. I use to worry that this was me, but now I'm pretty clear on that detail. I think that's a good sign, but I still feel awful. As usual I'm pushing too hard and doing too much. I feel like it's what my family expects from me and what I expect for myself. Oh my goodness. I've got to get through two parties and a play this weekend before going back and packing up my classroom next week.

Next week I'll be official, through month five and into month six. I wish I had more months, more healing between me and the drug.

 

I'm sorry for whining when so many others are hurting. I too will put some energy into prayer for us all. Keep your light on Life, because I really need to follow you today.

 

Peace2

 

Peace, you are absolutely not whining.  I've talked to people on this site who said this was harder than cancer, MS, and CFS.  It's amazing you're doing as well as you are.  Just take it slow.  Stay in the moment.  Don't project about what you have to do while you're doing something else.  And if you really have to bail, that's an option.  No one is going to take care of you if you don't take care of yourself.  Be well

[[Gr...]]

Im just wondering does smoking a cigar ( I had one) cause any problems with the healing process? Just wondering?

 

life

 

I think it's all about how you feel.  When I first jumped (Im not a smoker) but I took a few puffs of my friend's cigar, don't ask me why.  And my heart started jumping out of my chest.  But that was just before I jumped.  Like I said, see how you feel.  If it's a problem, you'll be the first to know, lol

[[Gr...]]

Hi everyone,

 

Im in some sort of weird wave--mentally I feel fine but not physically. I have this weird feeling in my head its hard to describe feels like vibrations almost ,but not quite. Nerve pain in my hands and feet are very bad today-painful! Also, my benzo belly is big and painful. Its just so crazy how physically I was feeling really good and then BAM--this stuff just seems to go in cycles. I pray you are all doing well~Jenny

 

I'm sorry, Jenny.  Hopefully it will pass quickly. Sometimes the physical symptoms are like that, a flash in the pan.  I had some pretty intense flank pain.    It lasted a day and a half and went away.  Hopefully that will happen for you

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

I guess it's a wavy day for a lot of us.  I felt a wave coming on yesterday with all that internal anxiety stuff and sure enough, last night and today have been quite unpleasant - nervy pain in ankles, aching neck, tinnitus and head pressure.  I forced myself to go out and walk through Target and Kohls, felt yucky and ok off and on - like a weird wave, rolling in and rolling out.  The head stuff now, tinnitus and head pressure are getting to me and it's been going on, ebbing and flowing all week, just not this badly.

 

Feel better everyone.  I say prayer for us all, nearly every night.

 

Lisa 

 

 

Hey, Lisa

 

You tapered pretty fast.  So you have three months out by now?  Lots of times these symptoms cycle so fast, roll in and then stop on a dime.  (Then some new and interesting torture, lol)  Hopefully that will happen for you.  I hope you have some windows this weekend.  And if not, we're all here for you!

 

Susan

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everybody.

 

This is becoming a real support group!  I've come up for air.  It was a really bad wave.  I don't know where the hell it came from.  I'm feeling better but so traumatized by the experience that I can't relax.  I'm afraid it will come back.

 

HealingHope gave me some good advice.  Keep a better symptom log, with sleep, exercise, adding or deleting foods or supplements.  It's time for me to be a little proactive in my recovery, as much as I can be.  I do eat sugary snacks.  (I feel like I'm confessing to shooting heroin)  So today I cut out the sugar.  Cutting out sugar and eating healthier always made me feel better, pre benzos, so I have to benefit.  I want to see if there's any wave reduction.

 

Hope everyone is feeling the best they can be.

[[Fr...]]

Hi Greenice - Susan,

 

Funny you should write me a response here - thank you BTW for your encouragement.  You have encouraged me in another way.  One day when I was in bed with a bad wave, about three weeks ago, I read your progress log.  You are funny - you made smile through very tough moments.  I love how you write humorously even though you are going through a rough ordeal yourself.

 

Yeah I'm hoping these nasty symptoms will ease up and vanish.  I will be at the end of month 4 next week.

 

Onward,

Lisa

[[li...]]

coop, jenny, peace,free,Nova,Green,Ama and all

 

Lets face it this sucks!  I am feeling for all of you. Just remember that just a week ago I was writing about depression and felt really bad. Here I am in an incredible three day window. The reason I believe that others see this as worst than even cancer ( I have never had cancer thank God) is because the torture of the extreme ups and down is a mental agony to say the least. My doctor said that healing comes when you get more windows and with time you learn to trust that a waves wont happen and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy in that your mind adjusts to a normal baseline as being your fallback position. Just remember that most everyone gets healed by 12 months and at most 18 months. One thing that has really been noticeable for me this month is that I am having less racing thoughts. On top of my faith in God I believe that the hynotist that I visited has done wonders for me. I think I heard coop say that she was going to a hypnotist He calles himself a "rapid resolution and clearing specialist". it works! I have tried everything - yoga ( nice as I tend to be the only man  ) meditation ( havent in the past two days  ) Hypnosis, therapy, diet, supplements ( although I stopped taking vitamins and I seem to be doing actually better) , therapy -- This whole process is crazy!! Im serious. But lets not worry -- we are not crazy. Can you imagine if we were having these symptoms without BB? Shoot that would be unbearable and relapse would probably be inevitable. We are going to make it. Don't believe the benzo lies that say "this will never end" and "Do we really know its the benzos?" Of course its the benzos. These symptoms are so unique to the benzo drugs. Remember I am seeing the end of the cave -- My windows are showing me a way out -- I feel like I am running toward the exit. Put on your head lights and feel your way through this experience. Don't run from the feelings. Try to accept them without judgement - this is crucial!!!!  We are all going to make it!!! We are healing. Remember you are far closer to the exit than you are to the entrance. 

 

life

[[li...]]

one more thing -- theer is a thread that has allot of very inteligent recommendations - its called Benzo Related Loneliness. I am learning allot by reading people on that thread!

 

life

 

 

[[pe...]]

Green- thanks for the words. They were sweet perfection and just what I needed to hear.

 

Jenny- helping install a dishwasher counts as meditation, right?  Because that's what I got roped into when I was on my way to meditate    . Everyone wants me back full time and it's too much, but I'm having trouble saying no.

 

Now I'm going to meditate.

 

Peace2

[[je...]]

Life~ Thank you so much for your positive words.

Peace~ I know the feeling, I got interrupted twice by my boys, but I did eventually finish

Green~thank you for your continued encouragement.

Nova, Sky, Beulah, Free, Coop, (I hope I didn't miss anyone) I wish you all a wonderful night!

[[Sk...]]

I have to pace myself on  BB as I have very little "brain time". And this thread is the only thing I force myself to read no matter what.

Please everybody, if you are able to, no twenty line paragraphs, my brain just can't get around them and read them.

 

Please, leave spaces in between. 

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Life, can you PM me the link of Benzo related loneliness?

 

If I try to do it I will have a very hard time and I woould not necessarily succeed.

[[Fr...]]

Life - I'm so happy for you, that you've reached the other opening to the cave and can see the light.  I still have my headlamp on.  Today is way better than yesterday but I'm still in the fear zone where I'm looking over my shoulder to see if a wave is following me.  I finally slept good last night and had that sleepy feeling beforehand that was so nice - but will it last?  That is the question of all questions these days.

 

Have great weekends All,

Lisa

[[li...]]

Life, can you PM me the link of Benzo related loneliness?

 

If I try to do it I will have a very hard time and I woould not necessarily succeed.

 

Go to "support groups" which is where this thread is on and one of the categories is "Benzo related loneliness".

[[Co...]]

Hi all Spilunkers(?!)....I know that is not the word I want...My mind is searching for the word for cave explorers..( much better than ' cave dwellers)....my brain is muddled with pressure and tinnitis...so help me out on that word...

......A note of encouragement to all....I was in the the thickest of fear and physical anxiety wave for the last 10 days...sure as sure as I could be that I was on death 's door..granted the antibiotic disaster worsened the wave, but in my former life I would have managed that scare without thinking a hundred other things were.looming.

.....For the last couple. of days the mornings have been exactly like acute...panicky and miserable.... but lifting in the afternoon to about 60% better

........Today I woke up with depression, but not crawl - out - of - my - skin jitters and nerves and anxiety. The depression. was no fun, but for me it was a thankful relief from the intense anxiety....AND ....This afternoon. a window...it made me cry with relief and gratitude. It felt like a miracle to just be outside with my dog talking to neighbors. If there is any redemption in any of this pain,  for me it is renewed joy in the everyday little moments of love and gratitude.

...Today I have belief in everything Life 's addiction specialist said..." many s/x gone in month 8...most heal by month 12...and the great majority by month 18 "... 

...I am wishing all of the same for each one of you on this thread...we have explored every nook and cranny of this rocky deep dark cave.....we are finding our way out....if things can lighten up for me..the w/d disaster girl....you will all get to the bright day light too

[[li...]]

That is absolutely fantastic Coop! I am so glad for you as I know that you have been going through an unbelievable wave. I can't tell you how hard it is to read so much suffering. I think that is why so many people that heal just move on. They want to get on with their lives. The pain caused by benzos can not be explained to anyone that has not experienced it. How could anyone understand? It turns us into disabled people temporarily and the fear of permanence is what makes us depressed. I know it does me. Windows invalidate that benzo lies. Remember what you are thinking while in a window -- your more normal state. I keep reminding myself when in a wave - "Life, you know that you do not think like this when you are normal." WAVES AND THIS CONDITION ARE NOT PERMANAT!!!

 

I have seen an unbelievable change in month 8. When our heads gets put under water for so long any breathing allowed  is a welcomed respite. The good news is that w/d does not last forever and when you start feeling better there is a joy that comes from all of this mess that you have not experienced before. I am not counting victory yet but I am grateful to God for feelings of normalcy.

 

life

[[Gr...]]

Hi all Spilunkers(?!)....I know that is not the word I want...My mind is searching for the word for cave explorers..( much better than ' cave dwellers)....my brain is muddled with pressure and tinnitis...so help me out on that word...

......A note of encouragement to all....I was in the the thickest of fear and physical anxiety wave for the last 10 days...sure as sure as I could be that I was on death 's door..granted the antibiotic disaster worsened the wave, but in my former life I would have managed that scare without thinking a hundred other things were.looming.

.....For the last couple. of days the mornings have been exactly like acute...panicky and miserable.... but lifting in the afternoon to about 60% better

........Today I woke up with depression, but not crawl - out - of - my - skin jitters and nerves and anxiety. The depression. was no fun, but for me it was a thankful relief from the intense anxiety....AND ....This afternoon. a window...it made me cry with relief and gratitude. It felt like a miracle to just be outside with my dog talking to neighbors. If there is any redemption in any of this pain,  for me it is renewed joy in the everyday little moments of love and gratitude.

...Today I have belief in everything Life 's addiction specialist said..." many s/x gone in month 8...most heal by month 12...and the great majority by month 18 "... 

...I am wishing all of the same for each one of you on this thread...we have explored every nook and cranny of this rocky deep dark cave.....we are finding our way out....if things can lighten up for me..the w/d disaster girl....you will all get to the bright day light too

 

Coop, me, too, me too!!  Day started out okay, didn't sleep all that well, tired but didn't have the dreaded cement chest anxiety.  I did my five mile walk in the sand.  When it was over, it was almost 90 degrees, and I just felt kind of normal good.  Then went to the supermarket, planned a meal, bought the groceries, came home and put food on the BBQ!!  Ate the food.  And just smiled this stupid goofy grin as I was  pulverizing an ear of corn and a hot dog.  I am so grateful.  We really do get better.

 

Thank you, Life, for all of your positive encouragement!

 

[[je...]]

Great news Coop and Green!