6-12 month thread....

[[pe...]]

Coop!

You can't write 'I hope' after such a thoughtful and encouraging post! It kind of takes the wind out of the sails, ya know? I was just reading about the power of positive thinking to heal ourselves. Fear and negative thinking causes a release of cortisol which we know causes all kinds of problems. I'm really trying, except for post one thousand, to be more positive.  We can do this! We are getting better and will be 110%.

 

I am so grateful for you!

The mighty girl,

Peace

[[Gr...]]

 

Peace, I still have plenty of s/x.  I had a moment.  I was in the middle of a bad wave, in my car, sitting in traffic in front of a cemetery, and I started to cry, it was so bad I couldn't take it anymore.  I just surrendered, I said out loud through tears let me die then, because I can't do this anymore.  After which I felt peaceful, and I knew I would get better, that we would all get better.  I just know.  I still struggle with s/x and waves, but I had a moment of clarity and I knew that it was going to be okay.  Now was this God, am I crazy?  I don't know.  But I believe each one of us is going to recover, it's going to take some time, we have to be patient, but we are going to get better, our minds and bodies and spirits will heal from this ordeal, and we will be restored to sanity.

 

I needed to read this today, Green. I'm sorry you're still getting waves and sx. I'm sorry for your tears, grateful for your peaceful surrender and moment of clarity. I'm going to refer to this post on nights like this when it feels like I just can't do this anymore. Peace, clarity, sanity. Sounds like a great combination.

 

Love to you, dear Green.

 

Peace

 

Peace, I hear how absolutely exhausted you are, I know the feeling.  Sometimes the tears are good, they let us release.  It's exhausting being brave and positive when we feel so awful.  You're moving in on that eighth month pretty soon.  Hoping some sunbreaks come your way. 

 

Love and healing energy to you.

 

Susan

[[Gr...]]

Coop!

You can't write 'I hope' after such a thoughtful and encouraging post! It kind of takes the wind out of the sails, ya know? I was just reading about the power of positive thinking to heal ourselves. Fear and negative thinking causes a release of cortisol which we know causes all kinds of problems. I'm really trying, except for post one thousand, to be more positive.  We can do this! We are getting better and will be 110%.

 

I am so grateful for you!

The mighty girl,

Peace

 

Peace, I was waking up every morning miserable -- I would feel anxiety, depression, exhaustion, before I even opened my eyes.  I started to recite my "gratitude list" before I got out of bed.  For me it's thank God I don't have to take a Xanax anymore with my coffee.  (I can remember at the end I was waking up with a rapid heart rate and anxiety because I was going into tolerance again, before I jumped)  Thank God for the clean sheets, the roof over my head, thank God for the food in the fridge.  Thank God my children are healthy.  Basic stuff I mostly take for granted.  And I say this stuff out loud.  I try to get my head in a better place before I get out of bed.  Baylissa F. swears by positive affirmations.

 

On bad wave days, not much helps.  But for the "blah" days, when I'm in neither wave nor window, it helps.

 

[[Co...]]

Peace...lol...you are right...sorry about that. After I am a little wobbly with complete faith in this process. ...you are so. funny...I am so very grateful for you too ...coopr

[[Co...]]

* after this last wave*  I am feelging a little wobbly......

[[Mo...]]

Guys, speaking of health fears, can someone talk to me about night sweats?  I am waking up in the early morning with my torso sweating profusely, and I have to throw off all the covers.  I am 10 months out.  Can this still be from benzo recovery?  I sure hope so.  I don't want to visit Dr. Google, cause I know I'm going to read things that will scare me.  Anyone having night sweats this far out?

 

Floc, I'm almost ten months, a little over 9.5, and I've been waking up with sheets and covers and me drenched, damp.  I've had the sweats all the way through, but they have ramped up recently.  I get them in the morning after breakfast, too.  And then I'm cold when the sweat dries.  Is this normal?

 

KIds.. you know I am the hot flash Queen right??  Mine started after we returned from vacation.  I had to ask my husband yesterday if he thought I was in menopause.  My heart started skipping beats today.  The sweats must be the w/d.  I seem better since quitting the coffee, but I am still flushing and flashing.  It comes on it's own and with any kind of emotional sensation.  Let's see how tonight goes. 

[Guest [su...]]

hi everyone, i need some encouragement again. i'm starting my 9th month today and i think it's very unusual that i still feel so empty inside.. i have no emotions yet an very scared that hey'll never come back. as i woke up this morning i still don't feel alive or like myself, is this common this far out?? do all of you have your emotions back and feel like your old selves yet?? 

[[...]]

So sorry Sussie? I'm not as far out as you are, I'm coming up on 7 months, but I don't feel like all of my emotions have returned either! I think they will, it just takes time, and that time is different for each of us!

 

It will come back!!

 

Be well!

 

[[ga...]]

Green...I have been told by my psychologist that positive affirmations are important.  Told to write them down, especially when you're feeling down.  For some reason doing this doesn't life me out of my depressed state.  I take them for granted as you do at times.  I SHOULD be grateful for a roof over my head, a healthy family, good job etc.  So, why doesn't this register with me.  I can still let my mind go to the wrong places way to easily.

 

Susie...understand how you feel.  I go through periods at 14 months off where I still feel that way.  The last two days I have snapped out of that place.  I try to stay focused on the moment, not worrying about the what if's and the future.  I am trying to accept the fact that it is okay to feel those negative emotions...just let them pass.  The emptiness is all a part of this.  When you are focused on yourself and how you are feeling you miss out on life going on around you.  For me just trying to accept these feelings as being normal and letting them pass has helped me.  Things will improve for you!  Nothing stays the same.

[[Co...]]

Anyone else waking up in the middle of the night with stomach churning dizziness?..I thought this was lifting.  Apparently not yet. 

...Wishing all a window day....coop

[[No...]]

This is going to be long-winded ... and please remember these are all “I-statements” ...

 

I am going to try to “lay” something out here ... and I hope there are bits in that may be helpful ... once again I am probably writing more for myself than for others ... selfish of me ... and that is my process ... as I have said I am a journaler from way back ...

 

The “story” of the “Three-Legged Stool” ...

 

The image here is of a “three-legged stool” ... a stool with three legs and a seat ...

 

What is “curious” about this stool is its “constantcy” ... its “duration” ... and its “stability” ...

 

And even more curious ... this stool lives is a land of stools ...

 

(Okay, you are starting to “get this” ... and ... if you have the time, don’t rush ahead of the story ... slow down ... stay with me ... savour each bit of the story ... if you choose, stay with me for a while ... for me, that is the wonder of “stories” ... oftentimes a story will “nourish” me if I allow it to “resonate” in my presence ... if I allow it in ... )

 

Being the “investigative journaler” that I am I decide to “examine” the stool ... three legs and a seat ...

 

A stool ... wonderously fashioned ... no “glue” ... no “fasteners” ... no “pieces” ... a stool created out of single piece of living wood ... whole ... complete ... perfect ... beautiful ... unique ... and alive ...

 

And all the other stools ... each wonderously fashioned ... each manifesting “stool-ness” in their own unique being ...

 

Three legs and a seat ... the legs of “body”, “mind”, “spirit” and the seat of “awareness”, living in a “story” chaptered by “experience” ... interacting within the community of stools ...

 

(Ahhhh ... my “stool-ness” ... just taking a few moments here to “experience” my “stool-ness” ... to “remember” my “stool-ness” ... “relaxing” into my “stool-ness” ... breathing ... breathing right here, right now ... breathing ... )

 

Here is a good “question” ... why is this mischievous old coot telling a story about a three-legged stool on BB? ...

 

A short time ago, he posted a “success story” ... he posted this story for himself ... marking a place/time in his recovery ... and in the hope that the story my contain bits of encouragement for others ... and the question arises why did he do it now ... he is not one hundred percent recovered ...

 

I wrote the story because I “remembered” my “stool-ness” ...

 

(And yes ... I do appreciate the marvelous play on the word “stool” ... I do “own” that I am often full of “stool” ... and that is one of the wonders of this process of recovery ... “identifying” what is “stool” and what is my “stool-ness” ... have some “fun” with it ... I do, every day ...)

 

Back to the three-legged stool ... the “body” leg ... experiencing the process of recovery ... whatever it is for you ... please acknowledge that it is a process of recovery ... and like every story, it has a commencement, a middle, and a resolution ... time will “recover” each of us ... and it may be that this process does not need a “response” from us ... our bodies know how to do this ... the most arduous part of this for me was “staying out of the way” ... “not interfering” ... “going” somewhere else in the land of distraction ... 

 

The “mind” leg ... my wondrous, beautiful, ever-active mind ... my “response engine” ... always trying to be ever helpful ... “do this” ... “try that” ... “why this” ... “why that” ... endlessly trying to “relieve” me of this “burden” of recovery ... endlessly trying to “riddle out” “what is happening?” ... thank you for your “attempts” mind, I appreciate all your “efforts” ... you cannot “do” this for me ... thank you for trying ... let it go ... let’s go work on a jigsaw puzzle for a while ... or cook dinner ... or figure out when Endeavour becomes Morse ... anything other than trying to “solve” the riddle of recovery ...

 

The “spirit” leg ... steadfast ... resolute ... courageous ... loving ... the quiet background music constantly playing its soothing reframes ... “self-encouragement” ... the echo of my wellness ... so long forgotten ... so gradually being remembered ... my kindness for myself ... gentleness ...

 

The seat of “awareness” ... holding my “story” as it “chapters” through this experience of recovery ... my “container” ... my sense of “wholeness” so often subsumed by the “feelings” of fear, panic, dread ... the “feeling” of the “endlessness”, the “relentlessness” of this experience ... and for me, that was/is so much of the “confusion” of this experience of recovery ... the myriad, always disappearing/reappearing “feelings” ...

 

(I truly wonder ... is it our experience of “feelings” that we name as the “window/wave” quality of this recovery process ... as the sense of “non-linearity” we experience ... and is it here that the value of “distraction” manifests ... and is it here that moving into our “senses” allows us “space” to just let our “feelings” be there and diminish in intensity or change in “time” ... I do not know ... not enough hindsight yet ... )

 

So ... this is the story of the Three-Legged Stool ... “feeling” wobbly, “feeling” unsafe ... “feeling” weak ... “feeling” confused ... “feeling” empty ... “feeling” exhausted ... yet all the time solid, well-made, grounded, balanced ...

 

Hope this helps a bit ...

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Green...I have been told by my psychologist that positive affirmations are important.  Told to write them down, especially when you're feeling down.  For some reason doing this doesn't life me out of my depressed state.  I take them for granted as you do at times.  I SHOULD be grateful for a roof over my head, a healthy family, good job etc.  So, why doesn't this register with me.  I can still let my mind go to the wrong places way to easily.

 

Susie...understand how you feel.  I go through periods at 14 months off where I still feel that way.  The last two days I have snapped out of that place.  I try to stay focused on the moment, not worrying about the what if's and the future.  I am trying to accept the fact that it is okay to feel those negative emotions...just let them pass.  The emptiness is all a part of this.  When you are focused on yourself and how you are feeling you miss out on life going on around you.  For me just trying to accept these feelings as being normal and letting them pass has helped me.  Things will improve for you!  Nothing stays the same.

 

Garton, the affirmations work over a long time. Basically you are training your brain to notice the good things. Oddly enough, even this can be trained to be stronger.

I remember reading an article on the subject that said that  when you do that you are building more neurotransmitters. Anyway there is evidence to the fact that doing these affirmations, or the three nice things a day exercise, you recondition your brain and train it to be, live  and see the  positive.

But your psychologist has probably explained all this to you.

 

Personally, I need as many neurotransmitters as possible  so who does it harm ? It won't work overnight. A gratitude journal too is very helpful.

 

Sussie, you will get  your emotions back I promise. Everybody does, you are not going to be the only  exception on benzobuddies. But the more you think about it the worse it will get.

Oddly enough, it seems to work this way. I realized I had got them back only later when I was filling out my symptom list.

 

There was a thunderstorm here, last night. I was sleeping and the storm woke me up and I delighted mr Sky by screaming and screaming and then some. It gave me so many nightmare. uff !

 

So I woke up scared. Just terrified. I was out of my mind with fear. And usually I am that way in the evening but in the mornings I temporarily forget all of my fears.

 

Now it is better.  I gave a lesson online and I focused on that and I am getting a break.

 

Anyway, new entries are nervous itches. I had them in the first month but now they are back and only in the evening.

 

Yesterday my heart was beating so fast.

 

I hopped on one foot, beat two sticks together, I mimicked bowel movements and held my breath, I did the whole thing !

And then, just as suddenly, while I was drawing, it stopped.

 

Anyway, I think I have figured out what it was. Tonight I will see if I was wrong. I am my own lab rat !

 

So, as  you can tell, things are still rocking here! Never a dull moment!

 

A lot of healing is coming our way today. Have a better day.

 

 

 

 

 

[[ga...]]

Sky...appreciate you pointing out how these positive affirmations have to be repeated in order to be of a benefit.  I will have to do better.  I think about the good things but saying them out loud, writing them down and repetition seem to be important.  Yes, this has been pointed out to me.  All part of rebuilding new positive pathways in the brain.  Thanks for the reminder!

[[li...]]

This is going to be long-winded ... and please remember these are all “I-statements” ...

 

I am going to try to “lay” something out here ... and I hope there are bits in that may be helpful ... once again I am probably writing more for myself than for others ... selfish of me ... and that is my process ... as I have said I am a journaler from way back ...

 

The “story” of the “Three-Legged Stool” ...

 

The image here is of a “three-legged stool” ... a stool with three legs and a seat ...

 

What is “curious” about this stool is its “constantcy” ... its “duration” ... and its “stability” ...

 

And even more curious ... this stool lives is a land of stools ...

 

(Okay, you are starting to “get this” ... and ... if you have the time, don’t rush ahead of the story ... slow down ... stay with me ... savour each bit of the story ... if you choose, stay with me for a while ... for me, that is the wonder of “stories” ... oftentimes a story will “nourish” me if I allow it to “resonate” in my presence ... if I allow it in ... )

 

Being the “investigative journaler” that I am I decide to “examine” the stool ... three legs and a seat ...

 

A stool ... wonderously fashioned ... no “glue” ... no “fasteners” ... no “pieces” ... a stool created out of single piece of living wood ... whole ... complete ... perfect ... beautiful ... unique ... and alive ...

 

And all the other stools ... each wonderously fashioned ... each manifesting “stool-ness” in their own unique being ...

 

Three legs and a seat ... the legs of “body”, “mind”, “spirit” and the seat of “awareness”, living in a “story” chaptered by “experience” ... interacting within the community of stools ...

 

(Ahhhh ... my “stool-ness” ... just taking a few moments here to “experience” my “stool-ness” ... to “remember” my “stool-ness” ... “relaxing” into my “stool-ness” ... breathing ... breathing right here, right now ... breathing ... )

 

Here is a good “question” ... why is this mischievous old coot telling a story about a three-legged stool on BB? ...

 

A short time ago, he posted a “success story” ... he posted this story for himself ... marking a place/time in his recovery ... and in the hope that the story my contain bits of encouragement for others ... and the question arises why did he do it now ... he is not one hundred percent recovered ...

 

I wrote the story because I “remembered” my “stool-ness” ...

 

(And yes ... I do appreciate the marvelous play on the word “stool” ... I do “own” that I am often full of “stool” ... and that is one of the wonders of this process of recovery ... “identifying” what is “stool” and what is my “stool-ness” ... have some “fun” with it ... I do, every day ...)

 

Back to the three-legged stool ... the “body” leg ... experiencing the process of recovery ... whatever it is for you ... please acknowledge that it is a process of recovery ... and like every story, it has a commencement, a middle, and a resolution ... time will “recover” each of us ... and it may be that this process does not need a “response” from us ... our bodies know how to do this ... the most arduous part of this for me was “staying out of the way” ... “not interfering” ... “going” somewhere else in the land of distraction ... 

 

The “mind” leg ... my wondrous, beautiful, ever-active mind ... my “response engine” ... always trying to be ever helpful ... “do this” ... “try that” ... “why this” ... “why that” ... endlessly trying to “relieve” me of this “burden” of recovery ... endlessly trying to “riddle out” “what is happening?” ... thank you for your “attempts” mind, I appreciate all your “efforts” ... you cannot “do” this for me ... thank you for trying ... let it go ... let’s go work on a jigsaw puzzle for a while ... or cook dinner ... or figure out when Endeavour becomes Morse ... anything other than trying to “solve” the riddle of recovery ...

 

The “spirit” leg ... steadfast ... resolute ... courageous ... loving ... the quiet background music constantly playing its soothing reframes ... “self-encouragement” ... the echo of my wellness ... so long forgotten ... so gradually being remembered ... my kindness for myself ... gentleness ...

 

The seat of “awareness” ... holding my “story” as it “chapters” through this experience of recovery ... my “container” ... my sense of “wholeness” so often subsumed by the “feelings” of fear, panic, dread ... the “feeling” of the “endlessness”, the “relentlessness” of this experience ... and for me, that was/is so much of the “confusion” of this experience of recovery ... the myriad, always disappearing/reappearing “feelings” ...

 

(I truly wonder ... is it our experience of “feelings” that we name as the “window/wave” quality of this recovery process ... as the sense of “non-linearity” we experience ... and is it here that the value of “distraction” manifests ... and is it here that moving into our “senses” allows us “space” to just let our “feelings” be there and diminish in intensity or change in “time” ... I do not know ... not enough hindsight yet ... )

 

So ... this is the story of the Three-Legged Stool ... “feeling” wobbly, “feeling” unsafe ... “feeling” weak ... “feeling” confused ... “feeling” empty ... “feeling” exhausted ... yet all the time solid, well-made, grounded, balanced ...

 

Hope this helps a bit ...

 

 

Nova, this is just what the doctor ordered... I did not jump ahead but went right through it! Very well said!  I wonder if what remains for us has anything to do with biology? I wonder if what is in front of us is the leg of "awareness"?... That is the leg of understanding that what we went through was traumatic and difficult for anyone....the biological healing of our brains... Some might not want to accept that what basically sits in front of us is emotional and not biological healing.. I think it is a great concept because if what we are now going through is the emotional and the cognitive realm... then that is something that we can all work on and get out of... That is why I believe that Peace will heal quicker... she will be challenged by her job and distracted... If I am to believe  that what is in-front of us is cognitive and not biological any more then that has a sense of healing already. I do believe that our brains my be up regulating BUT I think allot of what I am going through is about acceptance and letting go..

 

 

Life

[[Gr...]]

Guys, speaking of health fears, can someone talk to me about night sweats?  I am waking up in the early morning with my torso sweating profusely, and I have to throw off all the covers.  I am 10 months out.  Can this still be from benzo recovery?  I sure hope so.  I don't want to visit Dr. Google, cause I know I'm going to read things that will scare me.  Anyone having night sweats this far out?

 

Floc, I'm almost ten months, a little over 9.5, and I've been waking up with sheets and covers and me drenched, damp.  I've had the sweats all the way through, but they have ramped up recently.  I get them in the morning after breakfast, too.  And then I'm cold when the sweat dries.  Is this normal?

 

KIds.. you know I am the hot flash Queen right??  Mine started after we returned from vacation.  I had to ask my husband yesterday if he thought I was in menopause.  My heart started skipping beats today.  The sweats must be the w/d.  I seem better since quitting the coffee, but I am still flushing and flashing.  It comes on it's own and with any kind of emotional sensation.  Let's see how tonight goes.

 

Mommy, we were talking about the sweats a few posts back -- oops, you have that.  But the skipped beats, that started for me too.  I tried to ignore it, but we really can't ignore heart stuff.  Coop has a really good explanation for the skipped beats.  Mine skips like every 6th or 10th -- whatever it is.  But it's a regular pattern.  Coop's doc says it's normal.  I think that and they sweating are somehow related. Just don't know how.  don't worry, you're nowhere near meno

[[Gr...]]

hi everyone, i need some encouragement again. i'm starting my 9th month today and i think it's very unusual that i still feel so empty inside.. i have no emotions yet an very scared that hey'll never come back. as i woke up this morning i still don't feel alive or like myself, is this common this far out?? do all of you have your emotions back and feel like your old selves yet?? 

 

Sussie,

 

I'm a little ahead of you.  This is common, and I have it pretty bad.  I've started "faking it."  And trying not to think about it as much.  This is one s/x that helps, ignoring it a little.  But I was only able to do that recently, so maybe it's a level of recovery.  Parker talks about "acting as if," and other people say "faking it" until you do.  From what I hear this can last a while, so we have to figure out a way to deal with it.

[[Gr...]]

Green...I have been told by my psychologist that positive affirmations are important.  Told to write them down, especially when you're feeling down.  For some reason doing this doesn't life me out of my depressed state.  I take them for granted as you do at times.  I SHOULD be grateful for a roof over my head, a healthy family, good job etc.  So, why doesn't this register with me.  I can still let my mind go to the wrong places way to easily.

 

Garton, there's only so much we can do.  In that brutal chemical depression, very little helps.  I'm having a horrible day today, and none of my tricks and tools are helping, I don't think I can shake this off...so we just do the best we can every day.  That's all we can ask of ourselves.

[[Gr...]]

Anyone else waking up in the middle of the night with stomach churning dizziness?..I thought this was lifting.  Apparently not yet. 

...Wishing all a window day....coop

 

Hi, Coop.  Yes, today the dizziness and nausea is bad today.  If we both have it, it must be normal.

[[ga...]]

Sorry to hear.  Rough days are just part of the process.  Go through it...do your best to muddle through it today and hope for a better tomorrow.  One day at a time....and this too shall pass!

[[Gr...]]

Green...I have been told by my psychologist that positive affirmations are important.  Told to write them down, especially when you're feeling down.  For some reason doing this doesn't life me out of my depressed state.  I take them for granted as you do at times.  I SHOULD be grateful for a roof over my head, a healthy family, good job etc.  So, why doesn't this register with me.  I can still let my mind go to the wrong places way to easily.

 

Susie...understand how you feel.  I go through periods at 14 months off where I still feel that way.  The last two days I have snapped out of that place.  I try to stay focused on the moment, not worrying about the what if's and the future.  I am trying to accept the fact that it is okay to feel those negative emotions...just let them pass.  The emptiness is all a part of this.  When you are focused on yourself and how you are feeling you miss out on life going on around you.  For me just trying to accept these feelings as being normal and letting them pass has helped me.  Things will improve for you!  Nothing stays the same.

 

Garton, the affirmations work over a long time. Basically you are training your brain to notice the good things. Oddly enough, even this can be trained to be stronger.

I remember reading an article on the subject that said that  when you do that you are building more neurotransmitters. Anyway there is evidence to the fact that doing these affirmations, or the three nice things a day exercise, you recondition your brain and train it to be, live  and see the  positive.

But your psychologist has probably explained all this to you.

 

Personally, I need as many neurotransmitters as possible  so who does it harm ? It won't work overnight. A gratitude journal too is very helpful.

 

Sussie, you will get  your emotions back I promise. Everybody does, you are not going to be the only  exception on benzobuddies. But the more you think about it the worse it will get.

Oddly enough, it seems to work this way. I realized I had got them back only later when I was filling out my symptom list.

 

There was a thunderstorm here, last night. I was sleeping and the storm woke me up and I delighted mr Sky by screaming and screaming and then some. It gave me so many nightmare. uff !

 

So I woke up scared. Just terrified. I was out of my mind with fear. And usually I am that way in the evening but in the mornings I temporarily forget all of my fears.

 

Now it is better.  I gave a lesson online and I focused on that and I am getting a break.

 

Anyway, new entries are nervous itches. I had them in the first month but now they are back and only in the evening.

 

Yesterday my heart was beating so fast.

 

I hopped on one foot, beat two sticks together, I mimicked bowel movements and held my breath, I did the whole thing !

And then, just as suddenly, while I was drawing, it stopped.

 

Anyway, I think I have figured out what it was. Tonight I will see if I was wrong. I am my own lab rat !

 

So, as  you can tell, things are still rocking here! Never a dull moment!

 

A lot of healing is coming our way today. Have a better day.

 

Mr. Sky is right, you are very different, withdrawal has made you wise and compassionate.  I also have the itches back, the crazy heart rate, and the sweats gone crazy.  it's funny, as the s/x pile up, I wonder where my tipping point is.  The nausea and dizziness is severe, I'm just shy of the spins.  Interesting to see how this plays out.

[[Co...]]

God Bless your heart ( literally..lol)....your post regarding your dizziness and nausea eased my worries. " just short of the spins "...I hate it that you have this but it is such a reassurance that you can share it with me. It woke me up in the middle of the night with that ' rotational ' feeling of slowly moving my body to the right in a circle. Couldn't turn my head or move without a wave getting out of bed required holding onto the edge of the bed to stay balanced as the floor seemed so uneven...can't even say how much I hate this ( like anyone enjoys it?)...

.....At least I am not convinced that I am dying ( or if I am I am just to worn out to really care). My eyes are wonky and I only feel relief by lying on the bed...another bed day ...really?....

My head and ears are pressured ...but the step forward is that I am 95% convinced it really is " just w/d and not fatal...that is improvement for me..

...Green...what do you do to survive the dizziness/nausea?

.........I hope you feel better Green,  I hate it that you feel bad. Do you have to stay down to manage it? ..  tthinking of you today friend....coop

[[fl...]]

Jenny, we are exactly the same age.  Green, thanks for reassuring us the night sweats aren't menopause, (yet). 

 

I'm getting attached to all you wonderful people on this thread.  Coop, I went back to my earliest, desperate posts, and you were one of the people who encouraged me NOT to reinstate.  Thank you for that.

 

Also, feeling really grateful for BB in general.  Dear God, what would've become of me if I didn't have people ahead of me telling me it would get better?  I was trying to imagine what it would've been like to be withdrawing from, say, Valium in the 1970's.  What did those poor souls do?

 

Wishing everyone a bright, window-y day!

[Guest [su...]]

hi floc , what are the mental sxs you're dealing with right now??

[[Sk...]]

hi floc , what are the mental sxs you're dealing with right now??

 

Sussie, I was thinking about you  !  I want to make some considerations. WHen I was earlier on in wd, I would ask older members about some symptoms that were challenging. I would ask things like " does it get better ?" ,"When did you stop feeling this?" and so on.

I always got this sort of reply that seems to be pretty much standard; wd is a very unique experience la-di-da.

Of course I found it irritating because that was so not what I was asking !

 

But today, when you asked about absence of emotions, I feel I answered almost the same ! Could that be ?

I did not say " wd is a unique experience" but I did say " it gets better "

 

Of course it gets better, but  you wanted a more specific answer ! So I realized that, what actually happens is, that we suffer from a variety of symptoms. Usually one dominates over the others, so our attention is always towards something that changes. We focus on something different, we have such a wide choice  and suddenly one symptom disappears but we do not really notice till some time after, because we were not paying attention.

 

So here is thing. It gets better, but not having a good memory, attention span and all that, we don't know when or how it happens.

 

This just proves, how useful, even if  tiresome, keeping some sort of journal is.

How much we heal can be measured only by comparing ourselves to much earlier. And then, talking with somebody who sees this from the outside and gets a bigger picture is important as well.

 

Answering you this morning, got me thinking just at that moment

 

  - Wait a minute, but I don't have that anymore, how did I not notice ?

 

Sounds obvious, right ? but to me it really wasn't! I had to think about it all day ! Benzo brains !

 

I hope this is not too much navel gazing . 

 

Have a good night everybody . It was a hard day, I hope the best for all of you.

 

 

[[li...]]

sitting here talking to my brain who is trying to do its best and is in rapid, spiraling, worry mode... It is spinning and spinning... Just checked my BP and it 147/90 and I never have anything past 130/80 ever... so something is going on.. definitely external stressors but what to do?? .. At some point I say this is anxiety and I have to deal with it ... accept, do not judge, love, and then let go... I am praying right now for all of you that windows all come your way... You all are family!

 

Life