6-12 month thread....

[[Gr...]]

Hi all

 

I just wanted to share something I came across that I thought was really neat I came across a verse from Hebrews that part of it says: "The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [i will not fear or dread or be terrified]." Does that not address panic attacks specifically or what?!? Pretty cool I thought Of course, I'm not sure what everyone's beliefs are, but even if its not in something like this, I wanted to share it because even as just the phrase itself was worded pretty neat as a positive confession against panic & fear: "I will not be seized with alarm." "I will not fear or dread or be terrified."

 

I hope you all are having a great morning! Take care buddies,

 

 

Mrs.

 

Thank you, Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Guys, speaking of health fears, can someone talk to me about night sweats?  I am waking up in the early morning with my torso sweating profusely, and I have to throw off all the covers.  I am 10 months out.  Can this still be from benzo recovery?  I sure hope so.  I don't want to visit Dr. Google, cause I know I'm going to read things that will scare me.  Anyone having night sweats this far out?

 

Floc, I'm almost ten months, a little over 9.5, and I've been waking up with sheets and covers and me drenched, damp.  I've had the sweats all the way through, but they have ramped up recently.  I get them in the morning after breakfast, too.  And then I'm cold when the sweat dries.  Is this normal?

[[Sk...]]

Guys, speaking of health fears, can someone talk to me about night sweats?  I am waking up in the early morning with my torso sweating profusely, and I have to throw off all the covers.  I am 10 months out.  Can this still be from benzo recovery?  I sure hope so.  I don't want to visit Dr. Google, cause I know I'm going to read things that will scare me.  Anyone having night sweats this far out?

 

Floc, it is normal to have sweats at this point. Remember MommyR had to give up on coffee because she was getting them during the day ?

I get them still.

Here is what I do. I keep a small mood journal, just smileys for morning , afternoon and evening . Then I jot down what I eat and if anything odd or different from routine has happened.

THat way, it is easier to trace down the culprit. Sometimes it can be something  you eat.  Sometimes there is no culprit but it is so much better to know so you can do something about it.

 

Anyway I hope this helps.

[[fl...]]

Green and Sky, thanks for responding.

 

Green, I should've said I'm  9 months out, (on month 10).  You're about a week ahead of me.  I'm sorry you're having night sweats, too, but that does give me hope it's not some other serious health issue.

[[Sk...]]

Sky...love your post. I as well can not read all the posts and then remember them when I get to the end...good brain exercise. ...I also have a better take on the day on the mornings when I am able to bathe..put on something besides pjs.  get a little makeup on and eat something decent....even if I am on the couch for the rest of the day...I love your analogy of your mind and body in harmony under the same roof....I have conversations with my wildly beating heart on the mornings when I wake up to cortisol surges. It really is effective. I am able ( unless I am in a panic) to lower my b/p.as much as 10 points by having that soothing conversation. with my body. I promise it that I will take care of it and not put more stress on it than it can handle.Iknow how whoowhoo that sounds..  if someone would have told me 2 years ago that I would be having conversations with my heart I would have laughed in their face. .

.....Keep it going Sky you are sounding good.....How lovely to live in Italy. I have Italian ancestors and my grandchildren call me Nonni...I am sure that my cappuccino addiction was present in my genes. .....have a wonderful early Fall day....coop

 

Coop, or shall I call you Nonna ? 

 

Our hearts must be so bewildered by all of us chatting to them after years of indifference !

 

Great to hear that it actually helps !

 

Yes, a year ago, if you had told me half of what I normally do now, hopping on one foot comes to mind, it's  to calm my heart and vibrations , well, I too would have laughed !

 

Never say never .

[[Gr...]]

Green and Sky, thanks for responding.

 

Green, I should've said I'm  9 months out, (on month 10).  You're about a week ahead of me.  I'm sorry you're having night sweats, too, but that does give me hope it's not some other serious health issue.

 

Floc, whatever it is, it's normal w/d (though normal and w/d are really contradictory terms!)  Feel better. 

[[Gr...]]

Sky...love your post. I as well can not read all the posts and then remember them when I get to the end...good brain exercise. ...I also have a better take on the day on the mornings when I am able to bathe..put on something besides pjs.  get a little makeup on and eat something decent....even if I am on the couch for the rest of the day...I love your analogy of your mind and body in harmony under the same roof....I have conversations with my wildly beating heart on the mornings when I wake up to cortisol surges. It really is effective. I am able ( unless I am in a panic) to lower my b/p.as much as 10 points by having that soothing conversation. with my body. I promise it that I will take care of it and not put more stress on it than it can handle.Iknow how whoowhoo that sounds..  if someone would have told me 2 years ago that I would be having conversations with my heart I would have laughed in their face. .

.....Keep it going Sky you are sounding good.....How lovely to live in Italy. I have Italian ancestors and my grandchildren call me Nonni...I am sure that my cappuccino addiction was present in my genes. .....have a wonderful early Fall day....coop

 

Coop, or shall I call you Nonna ? 

 

Our hearts must be so bewildered by all of us chatting to them after years of indifference !

 

Great to hear that it actually helps !

 

Yes, a year ago, if you had told me half of what I normally do now, hopping on one foot comes to mind  to calm my heart and vibrations dows, well, I too would have laughed !

 

Never say never .

 

How about loud hooting hollering sounds to chase away panic/anxiety?

[[li...]]

For whatever it is worth I am in a pool of sweat every night... I sleep well and still sweat though. I do wonder what it is ... Like the mind is working something out.

 

 

Life

[[fl...]]

Thanks, Life.  That helps me not worry about it so much.

[[mr...]]

Sky...love your post. I as well can not read all the posts and then remember them when I get to the end...good brain exercise. ...I also have a better take on the day on the mornings when I am able to bathe..put on something besides pjs.  get a little makeup on and eat something decent....even if I am on the couch for the rest of the day...I love your analogy of your mind and body in harmony under the same roof....I have conversations with my wildly beating heart on the mornings when I wake up to cortisol surges. It really is effective. I am able ( unless I am in a panic) to lower my b/p.as much as 10 points by having that soothing conversation. with my body. I promise it that I will take care of it and not put more stress on it than it can handle.Iknow how whoowhoo that sounds..  if someone would have told me 2 years ago that I would be having conversations with my heart I would have laughed in their face. .

.....Keep it going Sky you are sounding good.....How lovely to live in Italy. I have Italian ancestors and my grandchildren call me Nonni...I am sure that my cappuccino addiction was present in my genes. .....have a wonderful early Fall day....coop

 

Coop, or shall I call you Nonna ? 

 

Our hearts must be so bewildered by all of us chatting to them after years of indifference !

 

Great to hear that it actually helps !

 

Yes, a year ago, if you had told me half of what I normally do now, hopping on one foot comes to mind  to calm my heart and vibrations dows, well, I too would have laughed !

 

Never say never .

 

How about loud hooting hollering sounds to chase away panic/anxiety?

 

No no, for panic you bang two sticks together. Its twofold then: you keep the panic AND mountain lions away!!!

 

(Parent Trap, much?!?! )

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Hello all;

Garton thx for posting the differance of clinical and WD depression I needed to hear that today.

This week seems I'm back to the every other day cycle of wave then fair.

 

Today I started out with the heavy morn anxiety which quickly turned to depression.

 

I'd like to try and describe the depression I've been dealing with and see if others can relate.

 

It's begins with this void/emptiness in my chest and stomach.

Then as it intensifies I start to have a difficult time tring to distract from it.

I can carry out a work related conversation but feel I need to cut it short and leave the office because of the extreme desperation I'm feeling.

I start thinking about what supplement or what drug might help me get through cause I feel I can't do another day like this.

I can be alone driving or at home and feel so trapped It feels I'm going to pieces and have ended up crying several times out of desperation.

Audio sensitive / tennitus

 

This depression can come usually 2-3 times a week. Starts in the am and last through 6-8 pm.

 

It really feels like this mess will never end.

 

Sunday anxiety then dep

Monday same less the dep

Tues good day

Wed anx/ dep

Thurs good day evening anx not much sleep

Today anx/ crippling dep

 

This depression I'm getting feels huge. Wondering if there are any similarities with others?

 

Thx , jrod

 

Jrod depression for me is the most serious of all s/a here. Did you have depression before or on benzos? To describe my depression is like yours.

 

It starts off with high anxiety and the brain in order to shut it down throws me into a depression. So mine is an anxiety/depression syndrome... not just depression. The depression is like a cloud that is not above me but around me and through me.. I live in a deep haze when depression hits. Everything like taking a walk is overwhelming...this benzo depression is a deep, dark type that is hopeless. It is so hopeless that everything is a chore and you never think it will get better even if you just had it a day...It changes your perspective. I think it is a natural reaction toward all the stress and anxiety... the brain just wants to shut it down.. The brain is trying to protect itself...It is definitely benzo related as it is all is situational...

 

life

 

 

 

 

Hello all

Thx for responding Life ;

 

No I never had anxiety or depression before lunesta nor while on lunesta. When I was switched to valium and then Librium for a short taper time ,I began having bouts of depression lasting a few hours now and then. Then after I was off the Z and the benzos, I would get depression once or twice a week again lasting 3-4 hours.

 

In jan I started on remeron 3.75 mg and did well for a month but was having problems with the remeron amping me up soon after dosing so I tried just stoping it in feb and 9 days later all hell broke loose. 5 days after that 14 days total, I rienstated remeron @ 1/2 the dose I was on,1.87mg.

 

That corrected the problem for a few weeks then the revving after dosing started again.

So basicly I had to start coming down on the dose continuously until I came off may 31 @ 1mg.

All this problem most likely stems from me being a slow metabolizer therefore not eliminating the drug and drug levels inching up after every dose.

 

The reason I mention this is b/c my doctor seems to think I'm experiencing a double whammy.

Although I have a few buddies (Parker) and she strongly feels it's mostly benzo related.

 

 

The truth is no mater where it comes from it is horrendous. The morn anxiety that soon after turns to depression, as you stated, feels extremely hopeless desperate and trapped.

 

I attended my nieces wedding last night which was difficult but I was fortunate it fell on the day that is less devastating,therefore did fairly well aside from nausea by stupidly eating a few horderves.

 

Only slept 4-5 hrs last night and woke up with heavy anxiety and soon after the dark depression. I know I'll feel differently tomorrow but it seems like a lifetime now.

 

I've been of off benzos now since dec16 2013 and of of remeron for 3 months. I'm happy to be drug free but I really don't know how much longer I can do this every other day black hole? If it ever goes into consecutive days I'm in big trouble! I'm going to see  a local psychopharmacologists on tue and discuss my situation. I'd hate to have to experiment on an AD or a mood stabilizer or even Sam e or 5htp especially with my metabolizing issues but I feel I need a plan incase this becomes intolerable.

 

My son is getting married in January and I'm terrified of where I will be come 4-5 months from now!

Dear God this is so difficult  it's relentless.

 

Jrod

 

[[Co...]]

GREEN......We all cry...I spent half of last week crying thinking for sure something was so wrong but too afraid ...and too worn out to go to the doctor. I had the same feeling of ...ok. if I am going to die ..so be it, I just can not keep worrying and scanning and gaurding.....same thing, letting it go created space for peace,..at least long enough to get a break from it. It is so odd, fear of heart attacks must be such a common w/d fear..because anxiety/ panic feel like heart attacks?...I have breast cancer ( caught very very early and I am totally ok)  and had a bilateral mastectomy ...without any problems....and I never worry myself into panics and anxiety over recurrence. I have a rational mind about it...and. crazy mind about every tiny little head or chest s/x. ..totally do not understand that.

.....I completely understand Green, I can not hear medical terms or even watch Dr. Oz or even Doc Martin for pity sakes. Just one word will trigger an anxiety episode lasting hours I avoid it all as much as I can

.....Green, you and I might be fabulously ' older ' ...but we have a lot of life still in front of us and still work to do in the world ...and fun times still to be had.  ..coop

[[Co...]]

Mrs, I LOVE The Parent Trap...I wzt he'd it with my daughter when she was little a thousand times...at least. Lindsey Lohan was so darn cute. I am old enough to remember the original one with Haley Mills and Maureen Sullivan...about a hundred years ago.  Lol

.....yes whack 2 sticks together and drive out the panic.....coop

[[Co...]]

Floc, I still get hot flashes several times a day ..thewy are delivered with pins and needles feeling up and down my torso and hot red face ( so unattractive). ..Not the worst s/x but definitely uncomfortable.  Hope that lets up for you soon. Mine appeared about a month ago. ...coop

[[li...]]

Hello all;

Garton thx for posting the differance of clinical and WD depression I needed to hear that today.

This week seems I'm back to the every other day cycle of wave then fair.

 

Today I started out with the heavy morn anxiety which quickly turned to depression.

 

I'd like to try and describe the depression I've been dealing with and see if others can relate.

 

It's begins with this void/emptiness in my chest and stomach.

Then as it intensifies I start to have a difficult time tring to distract from it.

I can carry out a work related conversation but feel I need to cut it short and leave the office because of the extreme desperation I'm feeling.

I start thinking about what supplement or what drug might help me get through cause I feel I can't do another day like this.

I can be alone driving or at home and feel so trapped It feels I'm going to pieces and have ended up crying several times out of desperation.

Audio sensitive / tennitus

 

This depression can come usually 2-3 times a week. Starts in the am and last through 6-8 pm.

 

It really feels like this mess will never end.

 

Sunday anxiety then dep

Monday same less the dep

Tues good day

Wed anx/ dep

Thurs good day evening anx not much sleep

Today anx/ crippling dep

 

This depression I'm getting feels huge. Wondering if there are any similarities with others?

 

Thx , jrod

 

Jrod depression for me is the most serious of all s/a here. Did you have depression before or on benzos? To describe my depression is like yours.

 

It starts off with high anxiety and the brain in order to shut it down throws me into a depression. So mine is an anxiety/depression syndrome... not just depression. The depression is like a cloud that is not above me but around me and through me.. I live in a deep haze when depression hits. Everything like taking a walk is overwhelming...this benzo depression is a deep, dark type that is hopeless. It is so hopeless that everything is a chore and you never think it will get better even if you just had it a day...It changes your perspective. I think it is a natural reaction toward all the stress and anxiety... the brain just wants to shut it down.. The brain is trying to protect itself...It is definitely benzo related as it is all is situational...

 

life

 

 

 

 

Hello all

Thx for responding Life ;

 

No I never had anxiety or depression before lunesta nor while on lunesta. When I was switched to valium and then Librium for a short taper time ,I began having bouts of depression lasting a few hours now and then. Then after I was off the Z and the benzos, I would get depression once or twice a week again lasting 3-4 hours.

 

In jan I started on remeron 3.75 mg and did well for a month but was having problems with the remeron amping me up soon after dosing so I tried just stoping it in feb and 9 days later all hell broke loose. 5 days after that 14 days total, I rienstated remeron @ 1/2 the dose I was on,1.87mg.

 

That corrected the problem for a few weeks then the revving after dosing started again.

So basicly I had to start coming down on the dose continuously until I came off may 31 @ 1mg.

All this problem most likely stems from me being a slow metabolizer therefore not eliminating the drug and drug levels inching up after every dose.

 

The reason I mention this is b/c my doctor seems to think I'm experiencing a double whammy.

Although I have a few buddies (Parker) and she strongly feels it's mostly benzo related.

 

 

The truth is no mater where it comes from it is horrendous. The morn anxiety that soon after turns to depression, as you stated, feels extremely hopeless desperate and trapped.

 

I attended my nieces wedding last night which was difficult but I was fortunate it fell on the day that is less devastating,therefore did fairly well aside from nausea by stupidly eating a few horderves.

 

Only slept 4-5 hrs last night and woke up with heavy anxiety and soon after the dark depression. I know I'll feel differently tomorrow but it seems like a lifetime now.

 

I've been of off benzos now since dec16 2013 and of of remeron for 3 months. I'm happy to be drug free but I really don't know how much longer I can do this every other day black hole? If it ever goes into consecutive days I'm in big trouble! I'm going to see  a local psychopharmacologists on tue and discuss my situation. I'd hate to have to experiment on an AD or a mood stabilizer or even Sam e or 5htp especially with my metabolizing issues but I feel I need a plan incase this becomes intolerable.

My son is getting married in January and I'm terrified of where I will be come 4-5 months from now!

Dear God this is so difficult  it's relentless.

 

Jrod

 

It is very hard... so very hard....  I have a feeling however that you will be in a better place than you are now... When it comes to medications I am not against them.. You will not see me judging people... I just reinstated on 300 mg of Gabapentin which is a very small dose but I did so because some of the symptoms were intolerable... Boy I never thought I was signing up for all this when I got off benzos but you know I am truly a better person because of it... I now just want to be a more functional person..

 

Life

[[pe...]]

I'm just exhausted and worn. Someone tell me it gets better, dragging through everyday. There is not much living in this life. Schlepping through long stressful days. I hope I make it. I hope we all do so I can start reading your success stories and find a new spark of hope to propel me forward. Chop wood. Carry water. Where is Nova, anyway?

 

Peace

[[mr...]]

I'm just exhausted and worn. Someone tell me it gets better, dragging through everyday. There is not much living in this life. Schlepping through long stressful days. I hope I make it. I hope we all do so I can start reading your success stories and find a new spark of hope to propel me forward. Chop wood. Carry water. Where is Nova, anyway?

 

Peace

 

"Groundhogs Day" I like Nova's description better of "chop wood, carry water"!

 

I've felt this way a few times during some more challenging waves. Felt like it'd "always be" that way -- but that is not how we or the world operates. To everything, there is a season. So, it is true, this too shall pass.

 

Love you all. Appreciate you all. Take care & Happy Labor Day, early!

 

Mrs.

[[li...]]

I'm just exhausted and worn. Someone tell me it gets better, dragging through everyday. There is not much living in this life. Schlepping through long stressful days. I hope I make it. I hope we all do so I can start reading your success stories and find a new spark of hope to propel me forward. Chop wood. Carry water. Where is Nova, anyway?

 

Peace

 

I will say this on you 1000 post!... I think 1000 is a cool number! Yes peace it will 100% get better... None of us signed up for this 7,8,9,10,11 plus month out but we will make it through. I know that we are closer to the exit than the entrance of this horrible cave...sometimes I just want to dynamite the cave and get us all out!

 

Life

[[Co...]]

Life, I think Nova has the torch for the dynamitie....the rest of us will help...you are sounding a little better I hope so....love to you friend....coop

[[pe...]]

Damn! I can't believe I wasted my thousandth post on that! (also can't believe I'm still going through this crapfest after one thousand posts!). I'm all for the damn dynamite! It's time to blow this thing wide open.

Thanks, Life.

 

Peace

[[je...]]

Guys, speaking of health fears, can someone talk to me about night sweats?  I am waking up in the early morning with my torso sweating profusely, and I have to throw off all the covers.  I am 10 months out.  Can this still be from benzo recovery?  I sure hope so.  I don't want to visit Dr. Google, cause I know I'm going to read things that will scare me.  Anyone having night sweats this far out?

 

 

Hi Floc,

 

I still get the night sweats too, but its always right around my menstrual cycle. Im 39 so not sure if Im perimenopausal yet or its just w/d.

[[pe...]]

 

Peace, I still have plenty of s/x.  I had a moment.  I was in the middle of a bad wave, in my car, sitting in traffic in front of a cemetery, and I started to cry, it was so bad I couldn't take it anymore.  I just surrendered, I said out loud through tears let me die then, because I can't do this anymore.  After which I felt peaceful, and I knew I would get better, that we would all get better.  I just know.  I still struggle with s/x and waves, but I had a moment of clarity and I knew that it was going to be okay.  Now was this God, am I crazy?  I don't know.  But I believe each one of us is going to recover, it's going to take some time, we have to be patient, but we are going to get better, our minds and bodies and spirits will heal from this ordeal, and we will be restored to sanity.

 

I needed to read this today, Green. I'm sorry you're still getting waves and sx. I'm sorry for your tears, grateful for your peaceful surrender and moment of clarity. I'm going to refer to this post on nights like this when it feels like I just can't do this anymore. Peace, clarity, sanity. Sounds like a great combination.

 

Love to you, dear Green.

 

Peace

[[Co...]]

Peace....hold on Mighty Girl. " you are stronger than you think, braver than you know " ( Winnie the Pooh)....I am sorry Peace that you are tapped out of ' can do ' today. I know thy feeling all to well. When I have days like that I complain about having to get the dog out. ..You, you get up and go to a brand new teaching position in a new school. I can only imagine how truely e hausted you are.

....You had such a beautiful day yesterday with your friend and your family.  S day like that, as wonderful as it was, would take me at least 2 days to recover from.

.  I hope you get some rest tonight.  You are coming into the home stretch.. it won't always be this hard ( I hope).

............wishing you rest and sunbreaks tomorrow.....coop

[[Gr...]]

Guys, speaking of health fears, can someone talk to me about night sweats?  I am waking up in the early morning with my torso sweating profusely, and I have to throw off all the covers.  I am 10 months out.  Can this still be from benzo recovery?  I sure hope so.  I don't want to visit Dr. Google, cause I know I'm going to read things that will scare me.  Anyone having night sweats this far out?

 

 

Hi Floc,

 

I still get the night sweats too, but its always right around my menstrual cycle. Im 39 so not sure if Im perimenopausal yet or its just w/d.

 

W/d, Jenny, for sure.  39 is way too young for that kind of s/x.  you'll see it at 50, maybe.  These sweats are associated with the cortisol surges, I think

[[je...]]

Good to know, thanks Green! Hope you are doing well tonight