6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

Sussie ....you are not that far behind me...( Dec 3 was my jump date) ..I am also having a bad wave ...I was having pretty decent manageable weeks in July and first part of Aug. I was starting to feel like I could pick up some of the pieces of my life...and bam I got the worst wave since. month 6. ....

.......Sky is so right...we live in despair and desperation in between window...we take turns suffering and supporting..or suffering and supporting. ...Mommy R prays for all of us even when she is feeling so awful she wants to go to er...Life tells us.  " success is one more window than wave ", HH reminds us all the time that she is ahead of us a little and getting better every day, Green comes on and answers every single post with compassion. and concrete advice, Peace posts to us every day after fighting g her s/x all day while trying to be the stunning teacher that she is....these are the things that keep us going g even on the worst days.

.......As Green tells us, " we are not losing anyone " ....

I am right there with you Sussie ...a ways out and getting. tired and discouraged, but we are going. to get there...Our Christmas is going to better than last Christmas and I think we will be celebrating with some out buddies here as they write their success stories.

.....Having a hubby who is " always there " is wondereful support. ...Let's take one day at a time together until the wave washes us up on the shore....

....Our waves will lift..it could be our last wave....wishing. you a peaceful night...coop

[[mr...]]

"...it could be our last wave..." Yes, Coop! Amen

 

Mrs.

[[li...]]

Sussie ....you are not that far behind me...( Dec 3 was my jump date) ..I am also having a bad wave ...I was having pretty decent manageable weeks in July and first part of Aug. I was starting to feel like I could pick up some of the pieces of my life...and bam I got the worst wave since. month 6. ....

.......Sky is so right...we live in despair and desperation in between window...we take turns suffering and supporting..or suffering and supporting. ...Mommy R prays for all of us even when she is feeling so awful she wants to go to er...Life tells us.  " success is one more window than wave ", HH reminds us all the time that she is ahead of us a little and getting better every day, Green comes on and answers every single post with compassion. and concrete advice, Peace posts to us every day after fighting g her s/x all day while trying to be the stunning teacher that she is....these are the things that keep us going g even on the worst days.

.......As Green tells us, " we are not losing anyone " ....

I am right there with you Sussie ...a ways out and getting. tired and discouraged, but we are going. to get there...Our Christmas is going to better than last Christmas and I think we will be celebrating with some out buddies here as they write their success stories.

.....Having a hubby who is " always there " is wondereful support. ...Let's take one day at a time together until the wave washes us up on the shore....

....Our waves will lift..it could be our last wave....wishing. you a peaceful night...coop

 

One thing is for sure one of the waves will be our last wave.... that is a guaranty! Coop, what I put in bold is so true... My God I feel much better already when I think about how I felt last Christmas... ON top of benzo w/d I was going through the roughest SSRI w/d ... I was a mess .... a real mess.... With Gods blessing we will all have a much, much, much, better Christmas. I am planning on writing my success story by then and so will many of us.... Then we can change the thread to the "Success Thread"... would that not be cool?!

 

Life

[[Co...]]

Omygosh...Life...great idea...a success thread....it would be do cool to stay in a group for awhile and follow each other for awhile...sometimes people have momentary waves and stress with re-entry after success....and it would be wonderful for those close to success to have continued support from out friends who are at success right ahead of them ...You are such an encourager Life...we are lucky to have you here with us...have a peaceful night dear friend....coop

[[pe...]]

Yes and yes, Life and Coop. All for one and one for all! Success thread here we come.

 

I had a nice day, wavy but nice. I had a lazy morning and then rode bikes with my family to a park for a picnic. Then I took a little rest before going with my best friend to a yoga class followed by a healthy dinner at a favorite restaurant. The last time we did this was the end of May, and though wavy, this time was so much better. Things I like to do are getting easier even though things like work and parenting are still quite hard. Isn't that interesting? What's that about? I'm sure it has to do with the stress quotient. If I could fill my days with romantic tv shows, biking, yoga, delicious food, best friends and naps….wow. That would be a nice way to heal, but maybe work will help too.

 

Everyone, even my friends and family who used to think I needed to be medicated, are so convinced I will get better in time. It's amazing to me, this shift in their perspective. I want to yell, "You were the ones who encouraged me to take these damn drugs!!!!!" Now, they're begging me not to try anything of the sort. Very interesting indeed. You know why, because I knew the drugs were messing me up all along and you know the one person I didn't listen to - ME! That's the lesson, one of them anyway.

 

I love you little 6-12 month family, because you are the best.

 

[[je...]]

Aww peace your day sounds so nice! I would love to do all those things too to fill my time sent you a pm hope you got it.

Coop-- I really hope this Christmas is better, but like life said I already feel much better now than I did last year. I remember I just had a miscarriage the month earlier and I was depressed and suffering from serious DP/DR along with a ton of nerve pain and digestion issues. I will be so excited if some of us are writing our success stories by then. Life-- you sound much better today, glad you are feeling better!

 

Nova, mommy, Lisa, Beulah, HH, Garton, jrod, gmit, Mrs, and all the others hope your feeling well tonight

[[Co...]]

Floc ...thank you so much..." in a wave they are front and center "....exactly what I needed to hear ...a reminder that in a window I do not have these fears. ...wishing you a peaceful night...coop

[[Co...]]

Jenny, I am so sorry that you suffered a miscarriage. It is such a sad loss. We never forget the children we lose...my prayers are with you...love to you ...coop

[[je...]]

Thank you Coop, your right we never forget.

[[Mo...]]

Thank you Coop, your right we never forget.

 

Jenny- another thing we have in common... Hugs

[[je...]]

Mommy-- this is one thing I wish we didn't have in common. Hugs right back to you, jenny

[[Mo...]]

Wow! 

 

Coop listed all of us and our strengths!  Powerful!  Life, you are truly a leader.  I absolutely love this group.

 

You make me smile, giggle and want to swoop in and make things better when the aren't. 

 

Beulah-  that was funny wasn't it!

 

Peace-  last weekend was so rough for you.  I'm glad it's getting smoother. 

 

Green tells it like it is!

 

Sussie-  I'm so sorry but it passes.  I promise it does.  Tonite I will call my mom to pray.

 

Nova- 

 

Mrs- 

 

A success thread!!  Love it!!

 

Sky, I love the living teddy bear!

 

Tonite is the last night of our summer vacation.  I'm daydreaming about making bone broth stew, chili and split pea soup (3 different meals). We are putting up Halloween decorations on Monday.  I'm motivated to start walking again. Thursday night feels a million miles away. 

 

Hugs and prayers for all,

MommyR

[[...]]

I love the idea of a success thread as well!

 

You are all so wonderful!

 

Peace, you sound so good! I'm happy to hear the uptick in your writing!

 

Jenny, Coop, Mommy, life, Sussie, Beulah, and Mrs, you all sound improved! I so enjoy reading how everyone is doing! Especially when we are feeling better, even a little, it makes me smile! 

 

Be well!

 

[[Sk...]]

Here, I am going to admit to something.

 

Ever couple of hours I read the updates on the thread. I jump from one emotion to the other according to the post. I think of comments to some of the posts and then, by the time I get to the end, I have forgotten everything, it is all blurred in one  post \person ! Embarassing right ?

But not  uncommon!

 

Anyway, this is to say that I had plenty to comment on, much was said but I am afraid I can't add my two cents.

 

Success thread, yes. I  think that in a way this is already a success thread in that we tell each other our suffering in order to improve and that is amazing. But I won't.  I do know what you mean and it is a great idea.

 

Peace, thanks for sharing your day and your observations . It is so reassuring to hear your stories. It may not feel like it but I think you are climbing from strength to strength.

 

Jenny, sorry for your loss. I can't imagine being able to go through this on top of your loss.  You and MommyR are very brave.

 

Today is a bad day for me. So I rushed to do my small errands so if all were to go wrong, at least I can feel I have done the minimum.

 

Even if I am not planning to go out, I rush to put on my contact lenses and brush my hair carefully ( all  the four hairs I have left !  )  and dress nicely.

 

Putting on my contacts is huge, in  the last years my eyes had become so sensitive that wearing them for more than a couple of hours was way too much . And the lights were too bright, but don't get me started, the things that were  out of synch were simply too many.

 

So here' s one small victory. For some years, my body and my mind were merely sharing the same house. My body was yelling at me that it hated the medications but who heard ? Even if I had been listening, would I have understood ?

 

Now we are living in the same house, same postal code, same language. I feel there is renewed harmony with my body, we hear each other, maybe at times it is too much but I do not want to lose this connection ever again. THIS is something I want to take with me in recovery.

 

 

Now, it seems to me that there is work going on with reconnecting my soul.

 

Anyway, when bad vibrations are in town I rush for my weapons. Today my pencil and some paper will help me struggle through  the day.

 

 

And some help from my buddies.

 

Don' t know if I will manage to post later, I tend to keep away from the computer when things get rough. That is why this is a little long, sorry for the lengthy ranting and raving !

 

Have a better day everybody.

[[ga...]]

Seems like many are in a better place the last couple of days.  Probably has to do with the support received from many on this board.  l know it has helped me in those down times.  The last two mornings have been better for me also.  Sleep has improved...5 hours broken...I'll take it.  I seem to be able to keep the focus away from the negative thoughts.  This makes getting through the day quite a bit easier.  Thanks again for the support recently..it helps.  Great weekend to you all!

[[mr...]]

Hi all

 

I just wanted to share something I came across that I thought was really neat I came across a verse from Hebrews that part of it says: "The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [i will not fear or dread or be terrified]." Does that not address panic attacks specifically or what?!? Pretty cool I thought Of course, I'm not sure what everyone's beliefs are, but even if its not in something like this, I wanted to share it because even as just the phrase itself was worded pretty neat as a positive confession against panic & fear: "I will not be seized with alarm." "I will not fear or dread or be terrified."

 

I hope you all are having a great morning! Take care buddies,

 

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Sky...love your post. I as well can not read all the posts and then remember them when I get to the end...good brain exercise. ...I also have a better take on the day on the mornings when I am able to bathe..put on something besides pjs.  get a little makeup on and eat something decent....even if I am on the couch for the rest of the day...I love your analogy of your mind and body in harmony under the same roof....I have conversations with my wildly beating heart on the mornings when I wake up to cortisol surges. It really is effective. I am able ( unless I am in a panic) to lower my b/p.as much as 10 points by having that soothing conversation. with my body. I promise it that I will take care of it and not put more stress on it than it can handle.Iknow how whoowhoo that sounds..  if someone would have told me 2 years ago that I would be having conversations with my heart I would have laughed in their face. .

.....Keep it going Sky you are sounding good.....How lovely to live in Italy. I have Italian ancestors and my grandchildren call me Nonni...I am sure that my cappuccino addiction was present in my genes. .....have a wonderful early Fall day....coop

[[Gr...]]

Green...thanks for the info on antihidtimines. I was suspicious of it after using it for a string of days and then dropping it off. ...I didn't think an otc. would have have these effects. The non-drowsy drammamine is not calming..but seems to help somewhat with dizziness. Some people use hydroxine but I think it is just more of the same. I agree with your approach...nothing ...just nothing because it all has a downside.

....Yesterday morphed into. window but this morning back to dizziness..nausea and intrusive health fears. Hoping it lifts as the day goes on. Analog writes in his fabulous success story that he took nothing...absolutely nothing except aspirin for headaches and he made it through 3 triews. He healed completely within 14 months on his 3 rd try. If I could quote and post off my smart phone I would post it on our page. It is lenghthy but so very very encouraging.

....How are you doing today? ...How is your dizziness and nausea? ...I hope you are feeling completely better Green...this will endangered for us...I know it will...I would handle it much bettear if not for the intrusive health fears..that mysteriously disappear in a window. Working my CBT but I think I just have to do slog through and for the best I can until it passes. ...Time Time Time....Are you tortured with wild health fears....that disappear with a window? I didn't have these fears before benzos. .  ...Green thank you do much for all of your support...I am wishing you a good ..very very good day...love to you...coop

 

Coop, I do get the health fears.  Found myself wondering what outfit my kids would bury me in night before last.  And worrying about my heart skipping every 5th, 6th beat, whatever.  Finally, I just had to let it go.  dying is preferable to the level of torment I feel worrying about it hour after hour.

[[fl...]]

Garton, you sound better.  I'm so glad your sleep has improved some!

[[fl...]]

Guys, speaking of health fears, can someone talk to me about night sweats?  I am waking up in the early morning with my torso sweating profusely, and I have to throw off all the covers.  I am 10 months out.  Can this still be from benzo recovery?  I sure hope so.  I don't want to visit Dr. Google, cause I know I'm going to read things that will scare me.  Anyone having night sweats this far out?

[[Gr...]]

 

Yes, Sky, positive changes.  I no longer run to doctors many, many times a month for "new mystery ailments."  As a result, I no longer have many insurance company co-pays and extra charges for all the things no longer covered.  I no longer get crazy invasive medical diagnostic tests.  Xanax affected my health in a very negative way for a decade and a half. 

 

I'm finding healthy ways to interact with family and friends and even the clerks behind the registers.  I can see how my anxiety affected my relationships and coping skills, how I used the Xanax to help me through "the day," and how it paradoxically made everything so much worse, more anxiety, depression.

 

I feel hopeful about the future.  And I haven't felt hope for many, many years.  In fact, I don't think I felt much of anything.

 

Thank you for the opportunity to make a small list of the positive, of the improvements in my life, as a result of getting off Xanax.

 

Green- 

You are getting there and bringing us along your ride to recovery. I love your positive and pragmatic attitude.

Peace

 

Peace, I still have plenty of s/x.  I had a moment.  I was in the middle of a bad wave, in my car, sitting in traffic in front of a cemetery, and I started to cry, it was so bad I couldn't take it anymore.  I just surrendered, I said out loud through tears let me die then, because I can't do this anymore.  After which I felt peaceful, and I knew I would get better, that we would all get better.  I just know.  I still struggle with s/x and waves, but I had a moment of clarity and I knew that it was going to be okay.  Now was this God, am I crazy?  I don't know.  But I believe each one of us is going to recover, it's going to take some time, we have to be patient, but we are going to get better, our minds and bodies and spirits will heal from this ordeal, and we will be restored to sanity.

[[Gr...]]

i need a pep talk.. i've been in a bad wave since yesterday 2:30 pm crying ,feeling insane and numb body with no emotions..UHG!! i'm just realy sick right now...

 

Sussie,  I don't know how much help it is to say, yes, we've all had it and it's normal w/d.  Actually that helps me a lot, when I bottom out in a wave, knowing others had the same thing and it goes away and I will feel better, it's not forever.  So, hang in there, it's normal w/d, it goes away, and you will feel better

[[Gr...]]

Yes and yes, Life and Coop. All for one and one for all! Success thread here we come.

 

I had a nice day, wavy but nice. I had a lazy morning and then rode bikes with my family to a park for a picnic. Then I took a little rest before going with my best friend to a yoga class followed by a healthy dinner at a favorite restaurant. The last time we did this was the end of May, and though wavy, this time was so much better. Things I like to do are getting easier even though things like work and parenting are still quite hard. Isn't that interesting? What's that about? I'm sure it has to do with the stress quotient. If I could fill my days with romantic tv shows, biking, yoga, delicious food, best friends and naps….wow. That would be a nice way to heal, but maybe work will help too.

 

Everyone, even my friends and family who used to think I needed to be medicated, are so convinced I will get better in time. It's amazing to me, this shift in their perspective. I want to yell, "You were the ones who encouraged me to take these damn drugs!!!!!" Now, they're begging me not to try anything of the sort. Very interesting indeed. You know why, because I knew the drugs were messing me up all along and you know the one person I didn't listen to - ME! That's the lesson, one of them anyway.

 

I love you little 6-12 month family, because you are the best.

 

Yay, Peace

[[Sk...]]

Hi all

 

I just wanted to share something I came across that I thought was really neat I came across a verse from Hebrews that part of it says: "The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [i will not fear or dread or be terrified]." Does that not address panic attacks specifically or what?!? Pretty cool I thought Of course, I'm not sure what everyone's beliefs are, but even if its not in something like this, I wanted to share it because even as just the phrase itself was worded pretty neat as a positive confession against panic & fear: "I will not be seized with alarm." "I will not fear or dread or be terrified."

 

I hope you all are having a great morning! Take care buddies,

 

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs, you were right in sharing these quotes.

 

Religious beliefs can't stand in the way of a sound and poetic statement. The Bible is full of wisdom and  poetry. It is up to us to recognize them. Whoever has ears...

 

It  definitely does not apply only  to a specific faith, how kind of you to share with us.

 

So do not worry too much about that. THere are intolerant people who would not appreciate, but not on this thread so you are still right in being cautious. Even writing this I feel like I am walking on thin ice.

[[Gr...]]

Here, I am going to admit to something.

 

Ever couple of hours I read the updates on the thread. I jump from one emotion to the other according to the post. I think of comments to some of the posts and then, by the time I get to the end, I have forgotten everything, it is all blurred in one  post \person ! Embarassing right ?

But not  uncommon!

 

Anyway, this is to say that I had plenty to comment on, much was said but I am afraid I can't add my two cents.

 

Success thread, yes. I  think that in a way this is already a success thread in that we tell each other our suffering in order to improve and that is amazing. But I won't.  I do know what you mean and it is a great idea.

 

Peace, thanks for sharing your day and your observations . It is so reassuring to hear your stories. It may not feel like it but I think you are climbing from strength to strength.

 

Jenny, sorry for your loss. I can't imagine being able to go through this on top of your loss.  You and MommyR are very brave.

 

Today is a bad day for me. So I rushed to do my small errands so if all were to go wrong, at least I can feel I have done the minimum.

 

Even if I am not planning to go out, I rush to put on my contact lenses and brush my hair carefully ( all  the four hairs I have left !  )  and dress nicely.

 

Putting on my contacts is huge, in  the last years my eyes had become so sensitive that wearing them for more than a couple of hours was way too much . And the lights were too bright, but don't get me started, the things that were  out of synch were simply too many.

 

So here' s one small victory. For some years, my body and my mind were merely sharing the same house. My body was yelling at me that it hated the medications but who heard ? Even if I had been listening, would I have understood ?

 

Now we are living in the same house, same postal code, same language. I feel there is renewed harmony with my body, we hear each other, maybe at times it is too much but I do not want to lose this connection ever again. THIS is something I want to take with me in recovery.

 

 

Now, it seems to me that there is work going on with reconnecting my soul.

 

Anyway, when bad vibrations are in town I rush for my weapons. Today my pencil and some paper will help me struggle through  the day.

 

 

And some help from my buddies.

 

Don' t know if I will manage to post later, I tend to keep away from the computer when things get rough. That is why this is a little long, sorry for the lengthy ranting and raving !

 

Have a better day everybody.

 

Sky, you are becoming a very wise woman, indeed.