6-12 month thread....

[[Sk...]]

Good morning kids.  I seem to have slept but don't feel rested.  No mental funk so that's good.

 

For those of you on here who CT'd please help Mommyof2 with your advice.  She has tried to taper 4 times but is unable due to intense s/x of anxiety.  She is in tolerance.  I sent her to my Dr and he wants to pheno her but will keep her inpatient for a few months.  Jaso19 I hope you are reading this.

 

She seems to be allergic to everything.  W/d is tough no matter what.  Family is basically unable to understand what she is dealing with.  She also has 2 children ages 1 and 3. 

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=114635.0

 

Green-  you mentioned being sensitive to benedryl.  Never heard of this until mo2.

 

Mommy, it sounds like a very difficult situation. As much as I would like to help, I do think that my CT was too much of  a nightmare to be of any help.

 

I am afraid I am just as sensitive as she is.

 

 

 

[[pe...]]

MommyR- all these stories pain me. I looked at the thread and suggested she get the genetic blood test that shows how she metabolizes medications. It might help the doctors do a better job of picking adjunct meds for her to get her off the benzos. We just can not go through the medication merry go round when we're this sensitive.

 

Peace

[[li...]]

Haven't read all the post yet but I was just wondering?.. Do you think that some of the symptoms posted on BB are psychosomatic? I am not laughing at the poster here at all BUT bellow is something I read on the main Post W/d thread that got me wondering??

 

Re: I passed som elephants yesterday and the smell put me into a huge wave

 

Boy I love BB but I really heard it all! Just wanted to get a giggle.

 

Life

 

 

Life-- this is a joke right??! Did someone actually post this?? Iam rolling on the floor laughing right now!  I pray I don't sound that kooky!

 

It true... look BB is awesome but some of the things we Benzo suffers come up with are well 

 

Well, the same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I was in the store shopping and passed by some pumpkin scented candles, I immediately got dizzy,nauseous, and felt off balance. That evening I went into a wave. I am Very sensitive to smells now. It's like certain strong smells hit a nerve in the brain and set it off.

I don't doubt what I read or what people tell me anymore. If someone told me before this withdrawal that they took 50 benzodiazepine in three yrs.and are having horrible withdrawal symptoms I would have said"bullshit". I have judged and I have disbelieved people, I just won't do it anymore.

 

beulah, there is no doubt that anything can through us in a wave... They are so unpredictable.... But I think its nice to laugh at ourselves from time to time... You have to admit.."I passed som elephants yesterday and the smell put me into a huge wave" is representative of many posts and although probably true ... its nice to be able to poke fun at our conditions from time to time... Just my thoughts.

 

Love to all and happy healing!

 

Life

[[li...]]

Hello all;

Garton thx for posting the differance of clinical and WD depression I needed to hear that today.

This week seems I'm back to the every other day cycle of wave then fair.

 

Today I started out with the heavy morn anxiety which quickly turned to depression.

 

I'd like to try and describe the depression I've been dealing with and see if others can relate.

 

It's begins with this void/emptiness in my chest and stomach.

Then as it intensifies I start to have a difficult time tring to distract from it.

I can carry out a work related conversation but feel I need to cut it short and leave the office because of the extreme desperation I'm feeling.

I start thinking about what supplement or what drug might help me get through cause I feel I can't do another day like this.

I can be alone driving or at home and feel so trapped It feels I'm going to pieces and have ended up crying several times out of desperation.

Audio sensitive / tennitus

 

This depression can come usually 2-3 times a week. Starts in the am and last through 6-8 pm.

 

It really feels like this mess will never end.

 

Sunday anxiety then dep

Monday same less the dep

Tues good day

Wed anx/ dep

Thurs good day evening anx not much sleep

Today anx/ crippling dep

 

This depression I'm getting feels huge. Wondering if there are any similarities with others?

 

Thx , jrod

 

Jrod depression for me is the most serious of all s/a here. Did you have depression before or on benzos? To describe my depression is like yours.

 

It starts off with high anxiety and the brain in order to shut it down throws me into a depression. So mine is an anxiety/depression syndrome... not just depression. The depression is like a cloud that is not above me but around me and through me.. I live in a deep haze when depression hits. Everything like taking a walk is overwhelming...this benzo depression is a deep, dark type that is hopeless. It is so hopeless that everything is a chore and you never think it will get better even if you just had it a day...It changes your perspective. I think it is a natural reaction toward all the stress and anxiety... the brain just wants to shut it down.. The brain is trying to protect itself...It is definitely benzo related as it is all is situational...

 

life

[[li...]]

I'll bet you dollars to donuts, Peace, that in one month you will be much better than today.... Look at your post today as a posed to three months ago..night and day. You are definitely healing and this job will go a long way in helping that. Keep pushing through no matter how hard it is. You are a winner!

 

Life

[[li...]]

well guys and gals, I pray that we are all doing better and for those in a wave.. remember it TRUELY will not last...success is getting up one more time than you have fallen down... so I guess our success is in having one more window than a wave.... We are all going to make it.

 

I  am feeling pretty good today in the light that I still have many stressors affecting me at the same time. Stressors that "normal" people would find disturbing. This window invalidates my waves "attitude and perspective" that as long as I am in these stressful situations I will never have a window... Sorry guys for the profanity  but "up yours benzo beast! " I can still have wiondows even though I have these outside stresses. Came out of a four week window and praying to God that is the last big wave of my survival!

 

I am so thankful for this thread and all the buddies on it. I feel that we are like a small family in a larger community. I am also thankful to BB for which I would not know what I would be thinking if I did  not know the facts here. God bless all! Happy Healing!!!! We are all going to make it!

 

Life

[[Gr...]]

I think we all agree that benzos had changed us and altered so many things in us.

 

Now, yes I am sick, I am close to being nuts but I do feel healthy, I can't explain it really. For the first time in years, my body is so healthy, it is responding. I mean, when you take away the wd symptoms, I am so much healthier than before. I haven't had all the many illnesses that made my life before wd so hard.

I know it may sound absurd,we are sick, right ? But this sickness is different, there finally is a reason. My body is following  a pattern, a road now that had been lost before and had me wandering .

 

Character wise, Mr Sky tells me that I am different and so much better. I have even new musical tastes, I watch different movies. I  had a cloud over my head before.

 

I don't want to blame everything on benzos, but in my case, my health was wrecked and I am lucky I got out of it when I did.

 

Has anybody else noticed positive changes ?

 

Let me know.

 

well now I am going to bed ! Night everybody, see  you  tomorrow morning !

 

Yes, Sky, positive changes.  I no longer run to doctors many, many times a month for "new mystery ailments."  As a result, I no longer have many insurance company co-pays and extra charges for all the things no longer covered.  I no longer get crazy invasive medical diagnostic tests.  Xanax affected my health in a very negative way for a decade and a half. 

 

I'm finding healthy ways to interact with family and friends and even the clerks behind the registers.  I can see how my anxiety affected my relationships and coping skills, how I used the Xanax to help me "through the day," and how it paradoxically made everything so much worse, more anxiety, depression.

 

I feel hopeful about the future.  And I haven't felt hope for many, many years.  In fact, I don't think I felt much of anything.

 

Thank you for the opportunity to make a small list of the positive, of the improvements in my life, as a result of getting off Xanax.

 

 

[[Co...]]

Green...thanks for the info on antihidtimines. I was suspicious of it after using it for a string of days and then dropping it off. ...I didn't think an otc. would have have these effects. The non-drowsy drammamine is not calming..but seems to help somewhat with dizziness. Some people use hydroxine but I think it is just more of the same. I agree with your approach...nothing ...just nothing because it all has a downside.

....Yesterday morphed into. window but this morning back to dizziness..nausea and intrusive health fears. Hoping it lifts as the day goes on. Analog writes in his fabulous success story that he took nothing...absolutely nothing except aspirin for headaches and he made it through 3 triews. He healed completely within 14 months on his 3 rd try. If I could quote and post off my smart phone I would post it on our page. It is lenghthy but so very very encouraging.

....How are you doing today? ...How is your dizziness and nausea? ...I hope you are feeling completely better Green...this will endangered for us...I know it will...I would handle it much bettear if not for the intrusive health fears..that mysteriously disappear in a window. Working my CBT but I think I just have to do slog through and for the best I can until it passes. ...Time Time Time....Are you tortured with wild health fears....that disappear with a window? I didn't have these fears before benzos. .  ...Green thank you do much for all of your support...I am wishing you a good ..very very good day...love to you...coop

[[pe...]]

 

Yes, Sky, positive changes.  I no longer run to doctors many, many times a month for "new mystery ailments."  As a result, I no longer have many insurance company co-pays and extra charges for all the things no longer covered.  I no longer get crazy invasive medical diagnostic tests.  Xanax affected my health in a very negative way for a decade and a half. 

 

I'm finding healthy ways to interact with family and friends and even the clerks behind the registers.  I can see how my anxiety affected my relationships and coping skills, how I used the Xanax to help me through "the day," and how it paradoxically made everything so much worse, more anxiety, depression.

 

I feel hopeful about the future.  And I haven't felt hope for many, many years.  In fact, I don't think I felt much of anything.

 

Thank you for the opportunity to make a small list of the positive, of the improvements in my life, as a result of getting off Xanax.

 

Green- 

You are getting there and bringing us along your ride to recovery. I love your positive and pragmatic attitude.

Peace

[[be...]]

Haven't read all the post yet but I was just wondering?.. Do you think that some of the symptoms posted on BB are psychosomatic? I am not laughing at the poster here at all BUT bellow is something I read on the main Post W/d thread that got me wondering??

 

Re: I passed som elephants yesterday and the smell put me into a huge wave

 

Boy I love BB but I really heard it all! Just wanted to get a giggle.

 

Life

 

 

Life-- this is a joke right??! Did someone actually post this?? Iam rolling on the floor laughing right now!  I pray I don't sound that kooky!

 

It true... look BB is awesome but some of the things we Benzo suffers come up with are well 

 

Well, the same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I was in the store shopping and passed by some pumpkin scented candles, I immediately got dizzy,nauseous, and felt off balance. That evening I went into a wave. I am Very sensitive to smells now. It's like certain strong smells hit a nerve in the brain and set it off.

I don't doubt what I read or what people tell me anymore. If someone told me before this withdrawal that they took 50 benzodiazepine in three yrs.and are having horrible withdrawal symptoms I would have said"bullshit". I have judged and I have disbelieved people, I just won't do it anymore.

 

beulah, there is no doubt that anything can through us in a wave... They are so unpredictable.... But I think its nice to laugh at ourselves from time to time... You have to admit.."I passed som elephants yesterday and the smell put me into a huge wave" is representative of many posts and although probably true ... its nice to be able to poke fun at our conditions from time to time... Just my thoughts.

 

Love to all and happy healing!

 

Life

 

Life, I agree. I had a little giggle myself. I was just bringing to attention that a lot of people have so many sensitivities in withdrawal. I also think when we are able to laugh at something ,it's healing.

Hugs.

[[pe...]]

I'll bet you dollars to donuts, Peace, that in one month you will be much better than today.... Look at your post today as a posed to three months ago..night and day. You are definitely healing and this job will go a long way in helping that. Keep pushing through no matter how hard it is. You are a winner!

 

Life

 

Thanks, Life. I hope you're right. I do see improvements, just a fair amount of struggle to match those improvements. Today is a sad tired day for me. I'm just so tired in so many ways. One of my 'best' friends is in town and she has not been supportive during this nightmare. I've tried to let it go but finally feel like telling her how I feel. I feel sad about it and hate feeling like I have to act like things are ok. I'm probably just opening another can of worms. Oh well.

 

Hoping everyone sees some bright spots in their weekend. Glad you're feeling better, Life!

 

Peace

[[Co...]]

Success is one more window than wave "..  thank you Life....very happy to hear that you are feeling better..  coop

[[Mo...]]

Good morning kids.  I seem to have slept but don't feel rested.  No mental funk so that's good.

 

For those of you on here who CT'd please help Mommyof2 with your advice.  She has tried to taper 4 times but is unable due to intense s/x of anxiety.  She is in tolerance.  I sent her to my Dr and he wants to pheno her but will keep her inpatient for a few months.  Jaso19 I hope you are reading this.

 

She seems to be allergic to everything.  W/d is tough no matter what.  Family is basically unable to understand what she is dealing with.  She also has 2 children ages 1 and 3. 

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=114635.0

 

Green-  you mentioned being sensitive to benedryl.  Never heard of this until mo2.

 

Mommy, it sounds like a very difficult situation. As much as I would like to help, I do think that my CT was too much of  a nightmare to be of any help.

 

I am afraid I am just as sensitive as she is.

 

Sky, I completely understand.  Thank you for this

[[Co...]]

Mommy....Yay for you...you are strong and brave...very happy for you that your wave I'd washing in to shore. ...The outing sounds wonderful!....Thank your mother ( and you) for the prayers.

....My dizziness, nausea, out of control health fears, anxiety and head pressure are back today but hoping it lifts later today. I am planning a family get together for celebrating my grandsons returning to school. All 3 of them love school and go back on Wed. The little one is just going into kindergarten. So I am trying to distract with planning,  BBs and TV...Avoiding chking my b/p as that is useless during anxiety and actually increases both the b/p and the anxiety.

.....I am taking courage from your overall story. You have been through a lot and here you are going on long outings with your children...

.......wishing you another very good day....coop

[[Mo...]]

MommyR- all these stories pain me. I looked at the thread and suggested she get the genetic blood test that shows how she metabolizes medications. It might help the doctors do a better job of picking adjunct meds for her to get her off the benzos. We just can not go through the medication merry go round when we're this sensitive.

 

Peace

 

The blood test is brilliant if you can get a doctor to do it.  Thank you for putting that on there

[[fl...]]

Coop, health anxiety definitely fades into the background for me during windows.  It's front and center during waves, so I feel absolutely confident you can chalk it up to recovery.

[[Mo...]]

I think we all agree that benzos had changed us and altered so many things in us.

 

Now, yes I am sick, I am close to being nuts but I do feel healthy, I can't explain it really. For the first time in years, my body is so healthy, it is responding. I mean, when you take away the wd symptoms, I am so much healthier than before. I haven't had all the many illnesses that made my life before wd so hard.

I know it may sound absurd,we are sick, right ? But this sickness is different, there finally is a reason. My body is following  a pattern, a road now that had been lost before and had me wandering .

 

Character wise, Mr Sky tells me that I am different and so much better. I have even new musical tastes, I watch different movies. I  had a cloud over my head before.

 

I don't want to blame everything on benzos, but in my case, my health was wrecked and I am lucky I got out of it when I did.

 

Has anybody else noticed positive changes ?

 

Let me know.

 

well now I am going to bed ! Night everybody, see  you  tomorrow morning !

 

Yes, Sky, positive changes.  I no longer run to doctors many, many times a month for "new mystery ailments."  As a result, I no longer have many insurance company co-pays and extra charges for all the things no longer covered.  I no longer get crazy invasive medical diagnostic tests.  Xanax affected my health in a very negative way for a decade and a half. 

 

I'm finding healthy ways to interact with family and friends and even the clerks behind the registers.  I can see how my anxiety affected my relationships and coping skills, how I used the Xanax to help me through "the day," and how it paradoxically made everything so much worse, more anxiety, depression.

 

I feel hopeful about the future.  And I haven't felt hope for many, many years.  In fact, I don't think I felt much of anything.

 

Thank you for the opportunity to make a small list of the positive, of the improvements in my life, as a result of getting off Xanax.

 

Lots of wisdom in this post!  Sky and Green- huge statements in here.  I would highlight but typing on the phone is a pain.  Just removing the caffeine is amazing to me.  It's like a poison was taken out of my body.  I am definitely a better person after this in so many ways. 

[[Mo...]]

Mommy....Yay for you...you are strong and brave...very happy for you that your wave I'd washing in to shore. ...The outing sounds wonderful!....Thank your mother ( and you) for the prayers.

....My dizziness, nausea, out of control health fears, anxiety and head pressure are back today but hoping it lifts later today. I am planning a family get together for celebrating my grandsons returning to school. All 3 of them love school and go back on Wed. The little one is just going into kindergarten. So I am trying to distract with planning,  BBs and TV...Avoiding chking my b/p as that is useless during anxiety and actually increases both the b/p and the anxiety.

.....I am taking courage from your overall story. You have been through a lot and here you are going on long outings with your children...

.......wishing you another very good day....coop

 

Coop-  I know when we don't feel good it's sooooo hard to pull up out of it.  My mind pictures prairie dogs popping up out their holes to see if the coast is clear to come out.  There is also the over stimation of the CNS be it good or bad stuff.  My focus is to mentally fire off things that make me happy, joyful and uplifted.  My prayer partner got the wheels turning then, somebody posted on FB this family doing their version of 'I like big buses (butts)'.  I busted out laughing.  It was the smallest firing off of laughter that propelled me forward.  I jumped up literally and got dressed to go.

 

Yes, embrace this party.  Think about the fun you will have and the twinkle in the grand kids eye.  The hugs and well wishes.  I promise you are making new pathways in the brain.  It works!  Please let us know if it helped.  I only know what works for me.  Hugs

[Guest [su...]]

i need a pep talk.. i've been in a bad wave since yesterday 2:30 pm crying ,feeling insane and numb body with no emotions..UHG!! i'm just realy sick right now...

[[li...]]

susie, this is very normal to feel this stuff.. It will 100% sure pass... Waves are just horrible ... You will heal and you will feel much better. Nothing is permanent although in a wave we want to believe it is.

 

Life

[Guest [su...]]

thank you life... i really needed those words today..it was a brutal day for me.. i don't understand the process of this w/d stuff but it sure can take you down to your knees... literaly for me.

[[fl...]]

Sussie, I know your window will come very soon.  Keep posting here if it helps you.

 

Life, you sound good. It's really great to know that windows still happen during stressful events.  This is something I've wondered.  Good healing to you!

[[Sk...]]

thank you life... i really needed those words today..it was a brutal day for me.. i don't understand the process of this w/d stuff but it sure can take you down to your knees... literaly for me.

 

Sussie, you have been having a bad time. When that goes on for some time, it is so easy to forget how you were before. That is what we do here, we take turns to suffer, wonder if we will ever get better and coming here and have a buddy support us. 

We all constantly doubt and despair. And then, pick ourselves up somehow.

 

Maybe the thread is little quieter on a weekend, but you never know.

 

You will get some relief . It seems to me that you are struggling a lot  with the  mental symptoms, like me.

 

Try to break them down, try not to think about them all at once. I think that it can be quite crippling to look at them all at the same time. But then, we are all wired differently.

 

The lack of emotions is quite creepy, these days I use this word a lot !

 

There is nothing wrong with you, you will get your emotions back when you least expect it.

 

Your wave has been lasting for a while, so you should be expecting a break soon.

 

When things are bad, I have called back from my past, my loyal teddy bear. He helped me once, he is more than capable of doing it again.

If you have a giant, human teddy bear as backup , just hold on to both very tight. I found this sort of reassurance very soothing. I know how silly that sounds, but whatever works, right ?

 

This is a war, we have to use any weapon in our grasp to get us to the other side !

 

I try to think of every thing that gives me reassurance, no matter how trivial what matters is if it soothes you.

 

A big hug to everybody, have a reasonably good night !

[Guest [su...]]

thanks sky, i have a large teddy bear my husband, he is here for me everyday through thick and thin... hasn't missed one day in 8 months.. i really like it here you guys are very nice i hope i have a better day tomorrow and you all do too..

[[be...]]

Mommy....Yay for you...you are strong and brave...very happy for you that your wave I'd washing in to shore. ...The outing sounds wonderful!....Thank your mother ( and you) for the prayers.

....My dizziness, nausea, out of control health fears, anxiety and head pressure are back today but hoping it lifts later today. I am planning a family get together for celebrating my grandsons returning to school. All 3 of them love school and go back on Wed. The little one is just going into kindergarten. So I am trying to distract with planning,  BBs and TV...Avoiding chking my b/p as that is useless during anxiety and actually increases both the b/p and the anxiety.

.....I am taking courage from your overall story. You have been through a lot and here you are going on long outings with your children...

.......wishing you another very good day....coop

 

Coop-  I know when we don't feel good it's sooooo hard to pull up out of it.  My mind pictures prairie dogs popping up out their holes to see if the coast is clear to come out.  There is also the over stimation of the CNS be it good or bad stuff.  My focus is to mentally fire off things that make me happy, joyful and uplifted.  My prayer partner got the wheels turning then, somebody posted on FB this family doing their version of 'I like big buses (butts)'.  I busted out laughing.  It was the smallest firing off of laughter that propelled me forward.  I jumped up literally and got dressed to go.

 

Yes, embrace this party.  Think about the fun you will have and the twinkle in the grand kids eye.  The hugs and well wishes.  I promise you are making new pathways in the brain.  It works!  Please let us know if it helped.  I only know what works for me.  Hugs

 

Mommy, I also saw the ' I like big buses' on Facebook. I got a kick out of it and saved it. The same family has a monopoly game video also. I like distractions like this.