6-12 month thread....

[[Mo...]]

Hi 6-12 buddies...

....I was off today ...having an absolutely sweet day with my daughter.

..For those of you in or still in a wave.  encouraging news. I woke up this morning with very minimal s/x ( slight dread and anxiety,). It disappeared shortly after I got up. ...It morphed into the best window . Not the kind of window that causes a moderate ' high on life ' high..but the best window I have had yet. I felt completely and totally myself. Not myself in. window...or myself in p/w. or myself having. a huge day of s/x freedom and rushing relief. This was better than all of that. I was exactly how I was before benzos. My daughter and I went to the park because it was a flukey early fall day. It was like I had never been missing from my life. I felt connected to all the times my daughter and I have been in this park in early fall. Usually in. window I can relate to that day but font feel as connected to my past. Does that make any sense? I don't think I explained it very well.

.  I had su h peace of mind and body today. Almost like I completely forgot all about this w/d process...there just was not any sesnse of it. I simply ( profoundly) had my old self and life back. Back in myself...back in my body.  back in my connection to my before life. Today I tsuely felt 100% healed. Of course I know that I am not. and I have more waves to live through, but now I know what healing feels like and I will never give up. Unbelievable that 3 days ago I was so desperate and defeated and scared that I was thinking about reinstating. 3 days.

.    Dont give up.. things will get betted. You will heal.  You are not going to be like this forever. You will get your life back..

......I am going to bed but I will write to some of the posts of today in the morning.

      ....Thinking of every one of you...wishing peaceful sleep to all....coop

 

Coop-!!!!  It's those 100% hours I have.  That's what you have!!  Isn't it wonderful.  Proof you guys.  It doesn't matter that you are wavy.  There is healing in there!  Coop, so happy for you!

[[mr...]]

I am really looking forward to a 100% window!!!

 

Congrats Mommy & Coop y'all deserve it!!

 

Mrs.

[[li...]]

Hi 6-12 buddies...

....I was off today ...having an absolutely sweet day with my daughter.

..For those of you in or still in a wave.  encouraging news. I woke up this morning with very minimal s/x ( slight dread and anxiety,). It disappeared shortly after I got up. ...It morphed into the best window . Not the kind of window that causes a moderate ' high on life ' high..but the best window I have had yet. I felt completely and totally myself. Not myself in. window...or myself in p/w. or myself having. a huge day of s/x freedom and rushing relief. This was better than all of that. I was exactly how I was before benzos. My daughter and I went to the park because it was a flukey early fall day. It was like I had never been missing from my life. I felt connected to all the times my daughter and I have been in this park in early fall. Usually in. window I can relate to that day but font feel as connected to my past. Does that make any sense? I don't think I explained it very well.

.  I had su h peace of mind and body today. Almost like I completely forgot all about this w/d process...there just was not any sesnse of it. I simply ( profoundly) had my old self and life back. Back in myself...back in my body.  back in my connection to my before life. Today I tsuely felt 100% healed. Of course I know that I am not. and I have more waves to live through, but now I know what healing feels like and I will never give up. Unbelievable that 3 days ago I was so desperate and defeated and scared that I was thinking about reinstating. 3 days.

.    Dont give up.. things will get betted. You will heal.  You are not going to be like this forever. You will get your life back..

......I am going to bed but I will write to some of the posts of today in the morning.

      ....Thinking of every one of you...wishing peaceful sleep to all....coop

 

Coop, this is absolutely wonderful!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup:May I try to explain in a few words what you are experiencing -- you said you could not explain it well enough.... You are having an effortless day. There is no thinkling about what you feel. It just "is". Those are the best windows. And this is how the vast majority of people live.

 

This group is so helpful... we inspire and encourage each other. I am right now feeling pretty good but was "wavy" earlier this morning. I am just putting my life situations that are causing me stress in their proper place -- trying not to exaggerate their impact with "what if" thinking. I started to work through it rather than to think I was helpless to the benzo beast ... This thinking helped me a bunch.

 

Guys and girls I know that waves will be waves ... but in my instance I believe I had enough healing where I have to let go of the victim mentality of "waves will happen no matter what I do" and replace it with "Waves will happen but I am empowered to change the way I think". The second phrase works for me.

 

I can not ore happy for your Coop. It funny yesterday theer was not that many peopel on the thread and I felt lonely and abandoned ....

Not totally true! 

 

Life

[[fl...]]

Great posts, Mommy and Life.  Mommy, I love Joyce Meyer too.  I listen to her every night on YouTube as I fall asleep.

[[be...]]

Coop So happy for you.

 

I have been in a rough 2 day wave unfortunately. I'm tired and worn out. The physical symptoms are bringing me down. I have snapped at my husband for no reason and I feel like a very bitter person right now. Do any of you feel this process has made you bitter? I'm a kind and caring person and this feels so unlike me.

 

I hope you all have a restful weekend.

Much healing.

 

[[li...]]

Coop So happy for you.

 

I have been in a rough 2 day wave unfortunately. I'm tired and worn out. The physical symptoms are bringing me down. I have snapped at my husband for no reason and I feel like a very bitter person right now. Do any of you feel this process has made you bitter? I'm a kind and caring person and this feels so unlike me.

 

I hope you all have a restful weekend.

Much healing.

 

Beulah,

 

I think this process will try to push anyone to be bitter, depressed and quite frankly unstable. What other process gives you stability for hours, days,weeks, months and then out of no where reminds you that the beast can still create a wave? Bam! Now, on the issue of "bitterness" that feeling derives from the thought process of feeling "victimized". Try this..." I chose to take these pills, it is 100% my responsibility, and I will get through this mess" YOU will see how empowered you will feel and the bitterness will leave you. Hope it helps.

 

LIfe

[[Sk...]]

@[Be...]

 

Life explained it very well and I would take it from there.  I too get to feel that way, but this bitterness,  as  you call it, has nothing to do with the changes that wd is bringing on us, it is part and parcel of wd.

 

You are NOT becoming bitter Beulah.

 

I am sure your husband understands.

 

I am so "bitter",  I have stopped checking FB so I will not have to see everybody  going with their perfect lives . How silly is that ? I have never, ever resented other people's good fortune in the past but now it seems to just tick me off  .

 

I guess we are all quite easily irritable these days.

[[mr...]]

Hiya gang

 

Doing a little better this afternoon Drank some chamomile tea, and I felt better soon after. Not sure if it is a placebo effect, but either way it was good

 

Hope you all are enjoying your day! Take care buddies,

 

Mrs.

[[He...]]

Hi Buddies!

There has been major progress with our group in the past few weeks, even in the midst of the waves that come and go.  It's exciting to read about!  I love to read about those who are contemplating a success story...and, WOW, Nova  , you actually wrote yours!!!    I am in the same place, though I will probably wait a bit longer to write mine.  However, in terms of success, I haven't had a bad wave since the beginning of June, I have successfully completed 2 Masters classes (and wrote 16 papers!) this summer with A's, I have become less afraid of sugar and caffeine and hidden MSG, I am not held back from doing anything (well, I guess the disclaimer to this would be trying an alcoholic beverage...I'm not THAT brave yet), I can sleep in on mornings, I dream again, I have more energy than ever, I have less anxiety than ever, I feel happy, I can successfully deal with stress, the list goes on and on.  I can still feel some minor things hanging on, but I can feel the healing. 

 

I have been busy working in my classroom this week, getting a jump-start on In-Service week which starts on Monday.  I am SO looking forward to a year w/o having to deal with major w/d issues!!    It's exciting to think about.  Last year during in-service, I sat through meetings feeling like I was going to literally jump out of my chair and run screaming from the room.  LOL!  Another big celebration is that a former student brought me an iced mocha as a surprise and I drank it, caffeine and all.  It felt like such a big step in healing.  I have yet to order a regular latte, but I am drinking my 2nd cup of 1/2-caff coffee right now. 

 

I think that an important point to remember is that life has stress.  It has good days and bad days, it even has days that feel absolutely crappy for no reason.  I am losing my fear of feeling "off"...no longer feeling like it's the benzo-beast nipping at my ankles ready to devour me whole.  I am realizing that I CAN feel "off" and it can just be normal.  Coming to this realization has helped me tremendously and has begun to turn my attention away from being so inwardly focused...you know, the always mentally taking inventory and scanning to see if anything feels "wrong"?  I believe the constant monitoring I was doing would CAUSE some of my symptoms...or at least cause them to escalate. 

 

Love to you all!  I pray for you often and I hope that today is one that is full of bright windows. 

HH     

[[He...]]

Hi 6-12 buddies...

....I was off today ...having an absolutely sweet day with my daughter.

..For those of you in or still in a wave.  encouraging news. I woke up this morning with very minimal s/x ( slight dread and anxiety,). It disappeared shortly after I got up. ...It morphed into the best window . Not the kind of window that causes a moderate ' high on life ' high..but the best window I have had yet. I felt completely and totally myself. Not myself in. window...or myself in p/w. or myself having. a huge day of s/x freedom and rushing relief. This was better than all of that. I was exactly how I was before benzos. My daughter and I went to the park because it was a flukey early fall day. It was like I had never been missing from my life. I felt connected to all the times my daughter and I have been in this park in early fall. Usually in. window I can relate to that day but font feel as connected to my past. Does that make any sense? I don't think I explained it very well.

.  I had su h peace of mind and body today. Almost like I completely forgot all about this w/d process...there just was not any sesnse of it. I simply ( profoundly) had my old self and life back. Back in myself...back in my body.  back in my connection to my before life. Today I tsuely felt 100% healed. Of course I know that I am not. and I have more waves to live through, but now I know what healing feels like and I will never give up. Unbelievable that 3 days ago I was so desperate and defeated and scared that I was thinking about reinstating. 3 days.

.    Dont give up.. things will get betted. You will heal.  You are not going to be like this forever. You will get your life back..

......I am going to bed but I will write to some of the posts of today in the morning.

      ....Thinking of every one of you...wishing peaceful sleep to all....coop

 

Coop, this is absolutely wonderful!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup:May I try to explain in a few words what you are experiencing -- you said you could not explain it well enough....You are having an effortless day. There is no thinkling about what you feel. It just "is". Those are the best windows. And this is how the vast majority of people live.

 

This group is so helpful... we inspire and encourage each other. I am right now feeling pretty good but was "wavy" earlier this morning. I am just putting my life situations that are causing me stress in their proper place -- trying not to exaggerate their impact with "what if" thinking. I started to work through it rather than to think I was helpless to the benzo beast ... This thinking helped me a bunch.

Guys and girls I know that waves will be waves ... but in my instance I believe I had enough healing where I have to let go of the victim mentality of "waves will happen no matter what I do" and replace it with "Waves will happen but I am empowered to change the way I think". The second phrase works for me.

 

I can not ore happy for your Coop. It funny yesterday theer was not that many peopel on the thread and I felt lonely and abandoned ....

Not totally true! 

 

Life

 

Life,

YES!! I think this is so important to do!  I'm working on this too, with my house situation.  We can't let "what ifs" rob today of its joy and peace.  I strongly believe that there is a difference of being proactive about real possibilities and being obsessive with worst-cast scenarios.  I have a tendency to do the latter.  It's a life skill that I have been working on through the later part of this healing process. 

 

Matthew 6:34 - Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. 

[[li...]]

So happy that you pop in here from time to time. You are missed. I am writing my success story in December.I just know it!

 

life

[[Sk...]]

Very inspiring HealingHope ! Sounds like you should really write your success story now !

 

Thanks for taking the time to tell us, we all need more  stories like this.

[[...]]

Healing that is SO wonderful!! So very happy for you!

 

Love hearing improvements!

 

Life and Mrs...great to hear!!

 

Everyone be well!

 

[[be...]]

Wave in wave out, whew, that was a rough one to ride out. I don't have a window but at least I'm out of that nasty wave.

It makes me so happy to read of all of the healing hear. Success stories, 

Thanks for all of the replies to the bitterness, it really helped me. Now, I'm going to take my bitter bag of bones off to a warm bath and hopefully some sleep, I only got an hour of sleep last night.

Hugs to all.

[[...]]

Hope you sleep well Beulah!!

 

[[pe...]]

HH - Always good to hear from you. I'm so glad for your joy and continued improvements. Thank you for shining some light on us.

 

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Life.you are so right...AN EFFORTLESS DAY... that is exactly it...exactly what a 100% day is. Thank you for that term. Hope you are on the upside today. ...Success story at Christmas...can not wait to read it. I am hoping I can do a success story draft at Valentines Day.  Thank you Life for the encouragement ...coop

[[Co...]]

Thank you everyone for the well wishes for my fabulous very good very normal lovely day yesterday. ...I am back at baseline today..trying not to be discouraged and know that one day that 100% day will be my life again....Today is exactly as Green described...that limbo of being better.  functional and not wanting to schlep around the house all day...but not healed enough to ' get out there '..." one foot in healed and one foot in p/w "....but still...one day closer.

......coop

[[Mo...]]

HH - Thank you for checking in.  It's honestly hard for me to believe these hot flashes and sweating will go away.  They coma all day now.  I am on and off like a switch.  The mental stuff is very low except for low lying panic.  I can feel it in my chest. I wake from a sleep and suddenly heat and sweating.  Makes wonder if it is menopause.  Oh well, I'm done birth'in babies.. but still. 

 

Thank you again HH.  I believe you.

[[Co...]]

HeslingHope...your post kept my head above water today. Thank you so much for the hope

....coop

[[mr...]]

Wow, all of you talking about writing success stories!!! I'm just working on recapturing my vision of healing 100% -- heck, to even have a 100% window!! They ARE coming, I know But I'm finding that many have been to the "I've lost the feelings of hope" place in withdrawal...its not that we've lost hope, but our feeling it has gotten a lil fuzzy temporarily...anyways, its all temporary, thankfully

 

Glad you're all here. You all are just great Yesterday through this afternoon was... lol. But then rolled into a nice window this evening, and I am SO GRATEFUL for it. So. Very. Grateful.

 

Hope you all are enjoying your Saturday evening Healing is happening. All. The. Time!!

 

Love,

 

Mrs.

[[je...]]

HH -- thank you for coming back and sharing how successful you have become. I always look forward to hearing about your progress since I am a few months  behind you. Jenny

[[pe...]]

I'm hurting. Told my husband which hospital to take me to if things get worse. Trying to convince myself it's just a wave and will pass through. My head is burning in the right side, tight throat, perceptions are off - boaty and too tall like I'm peering down, rigid muscles, high anxiety. If it's a wave it will pass. I'm not sure it will pass by Monday morning when I'm due back at work. Please pray if you do that kind of thing. I miss my other life.

 

Peace2

[[Mo...]]

I'm hurting. Told my husband which hospital to take me to if things get worse. Trying to convince myself it's just a wave and will pass through. My head is burning in the right side, tight throat, perceptions are off - boaty and too tall like I'm peering down, rigid muscles, high anxiety. If it's a wave it will pass. I'm not sure it will pass by Monday morning when I'm due back at work. Please pray if you do that kind of thing. I miss my other life.

 

Peace2

 

Oh no!  Praying for you Peace.  Keep us updated!

[[Co...]]

Oh, Peace...my heart and prayers are with you. I distinctly remember the 'too tall " perception I was standing at my kitchen sink and felt like I was 7 feet tall ( I am 5'1)....and weirdly other things in the kitchen seemed out of scale as well.

    It totally sounds like a wicked w/d episode....prayers are sent for you dear friend.  love to you...coop