6-12 month thread....

[[ja...]]

Good morning Sussie, how are you feeling? We have now entered the last leg of the journey. Ill be glad when it is over. I have had some of the zap feelings, but not to much.  I hope you have a great day Sussie.

 

Love Jackie

[[Co...]]

Morning Nova...thank you for the lovely prayer.  Gotta ' love the Thereseas.  and does it ever get better than Zorba.. love that movie so much.

  ...I am so very glad for you that you have freed yourself.  I live your philosophy ...spiritual and pragmatic. at once...the. Ying and Yang of life.  Thanks for the morning inspiration.

.......Thank you Nova for staying with us.. have the best " full catrastrophe " day.. coop

[[Co...]]

Hi. Sussie..  yes, I had ' electrical shocks ' down the back of my head ..felt internal...always from the back right top corner straight down to the bottom right back corner....scary...I got a bout of them somewhere from month, 7.5*8.5....a few of them were strong. I haven't had one for awhile now. Head s/x seem to be an issue in the second 6 months for many BBs..

...I notice you are withdrawing from ativan...me too....it is a hard w/d ( as are they all). Just my opinion but I think ativan brings us some 'special ' gifts.  I am glad to hear that you are doing ok with it. ...This is a really great group of caring smart funny and determined BBs..By month 6 people are worn out...having a group to ' walk the rest of the way home with ' makes a big difference....we will be with you every step of the way....coop

[[je...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I am on day 3 of visiting my in laws and am having very few sx. I thought this trip was gonna push me over the edge, but dare I say im actually having a good time. I still can't believe 3 weeks ago I was in an acute wave, and now I'm here doing great with minimal sx. Its so hard to believe that healing can be so up and down. I went swimming in the lake yesterday and rode a four wheeler-- still can't believe I did all that with hardly any anxiety. I see this thread is really growing with lots of new names, I miss all of our core group-- you know who you are love you all!! Jenny

[[Sk...]]

Jenny that is simply great !

 

It just seems to me that stress doesn't necessarily come where we would expect it to come from.

 

I am so glad for you, are you still away ?

 

Sound like  you took a holiday from wd and it sounds great !

[[ga...]]

So happy for you Jenny.  Enjoy the rest of the visit.

[[No...]]

Hi Sussie ... welcome to the group ... lots of good stuff and caring folks here ...

[Guest [su...]]

Good morning Sussie, how are you feeling? We have now entered the last leg of the journey. Ill be glad when it is over. I have had some of the zap feelings, but not to much.  I hope you have a great day Sussie.

 

Love Jackie

hi jackie, i have my ups and downs mainly mornings with some intrusive thoughts hanging around and crying. but no physical sxs . the brain zaps only at night when i go to bed. it's strange because i usually have 3 zaps the same time every night.. can't wait to become a whole person again.. i sure hope we heal for xmas that would be a beautiful gift to receive..

[[Co...]]

Jenny...So Happy to hear of your window and break from s/x.....swimming and 4wheeling...sounds like normal life to me!.. Enjoy enjoy.. you definitely were owed this one. You suffered alot in the past few months...

.  As I am on a similar time line as you, your post is encouraging to me.  ...thank you for taking time out from normal life without s/x to post on here and encourage us.. coop

[[ja...]]

Sussie, you and I, hand in hand, Christmas present, complete healing. 

 

Love Jackie

[[li...]]

still wobbly, but going to make it. I am wondering when my healing will happen. I am so glad to see Sussie and Jackie join our little team. I WILL make it. Nova, thank you so much for hanging with us. We are hear for you whenever you need it.

 

Life

[[ja...]]

Thank you Life. Your gonna make it friend. We are all in this together, holding each other up. I'm sorry your feeling a bit off today. I'm sending healing thoughts your way.

 

Love Jackie

[[Mo...]]

Koop and the Gang!!

 

I am here!  So sorry I haven't posted, lately.  Two nights of glorious sleep.  I"m sitting here sipping my coffee (Peace, how about some espresso??  The ritalin sounds scary).  Today I wish I lived near all of you and could pop in with hugs, tea and a word of encouragement.. sadly I don't live near you, I'm out of tea and will have to settle for words.  I am praying for each of you.  Some one must be praying for me too!  So grateful to be 'normal' right now.

 

Nova - I am sooooo glad you came back on. I need to get over there and read that awesome, wonderful success story!!

 

Jackie and Sussie - Love having new peeps on the board.  Read back a few days and find the Post from Jaso19.  Really encouraging.  You can also look up her name on on the member search and read her posts that way.  Lots of good stuff.

 

Have to jump off.  Mom wants to watch a Perry Stone DVD.. I love me a good prophecy teacher.. Makes you think!!

 

MommyR

[[Gr...]]

Hi Green...thinking of you friend.  very sorry you are wavy today....We are so close Green, ...and so tired. Jaso's post was. real boost. I know we can crawl through 2-6 more months.

    My wave was about 11 days of a return to acute. Someone else on the 12-18 month board ( I think)... possibly Jaso mentioned a wave late in year one with s/x of acute. I certainly did not see it coming...My window lasted all day and is beginning to cloud over now.  I was just falling asleep when I had one of those jerk awake things...and I had. a weird visual thing that scared me. As I jerked awake but before I was really awake I saw black stripes on the wall...just for second. Of course I thought...ok this is it...I am having a stroke...I don't think I have had anything like that.  ...So my anxiety is a little revved. ..hello health fears....it was wonderful to have 24 hours without one health fear. ..I guess that would be a visual hallucination ( or a stroke...lol).

....On the upside I went other my daughter to look for a new smart phone ( mine is so outdated...5 years old..boutique I know how it works...a new one means learning a bunch of new stuff. So onward and forward...

...Green I just love seeing you here. I am sending you all my thoughts for the brightest window tomorrow...love and healing to you friend....coop

Coop, it looks like the pattern is changing, then.  You said 11 days.  That's about what I'm dealing with.  But the s/x aren't as horrible or I'm getting better at coping.  You're a trooper, if you were thinking of reinstatement, that gives me an idea how bad it was for you.  But, Coop, I'm started to feel excited, even though we're struggling still, I truly believe we're all going to be fine.  I don't know that I really believed that before.  I said it all the time, but now I feel it in my bones. 

[[Gr...]]

Hi Folks ... took a little time off to "reflect" on where I am ... and decided to post a "success story" ... mostly for myself ... I needed to draw a line in the sand ... I needed to "mark" where I am ... I believe I was "floundering" around in my "healing journey" ...

 

I am mostly "healed" ... my mind is very clear ... yes, there is still some physical stuff that shows up ... that's okay ... a little more time and those will be gone ...

 

I am back in my life without the drug ... I need to acknowledge that for myself ... and take responsibility for it ... the "survival' days have passed for me ... now is the time of my "living" ... this may be the "re-entry" stuff I have been struggling with ...

 

Quite curious that when I started to reflect I came to understand that I need to let the "healing process" go ... and the physical stuff just dropped off the radar ... for me, I suspect that most of the physical stuff is energized by "stress" ... and I have been "stressing" myself for several days over the "re-entry" stuff ...

 

So ... being the "all or nothing" kind of goof I can be from time to time ... I have found a path for me to acknowledge where I am right now and not "disappear" from the group ...

 

Don't know what this "means" other than I am through with the drug ... mostly healed ... back in my life ... and still here ... and have gotten over another "hump" ... I rather like the phrase I used in my success story ... I have "graduated" ...

 

For now ... have a good Thursday ...

 

Nova, you said it so well, as you always do.  Yes, reentry is stressful.  I've gotten used to being "sick" and "healing/convalescent."  I heard this 'new beginning' in your first post in your blog, and in the responses some of the old timers had to you.  Congratulations on taking that brave step.  I'm very happy for you.

[[li...]]

I am having a tough time guys. I guess its due to certain life situations. I really do not know what to do. I have convinced myself that until my life situation is better I wont heal and will remain in a wave. Sorry for being so down but I am not up dosing from gabapentin and I am not going to forget that I will get better. I am just in a weird place. I never thought I would feel like this agin in my life but here I am convincing myself it will get worse before it gets better in my life. Where does this stuff come from?

 

Life

[[Gr...]]

@Nova, you were so brave to post your success story. I hopped over and read it, very nice and full of hope.

 

I think that feeling up to posting a success story, is such a part of healing, acknowledging what you have accomplished.

 

Probably I should post one as well. By all standards I am a success story, refusing to acknowledge it just because I expected to be feeling so much better at this stage,  might be hindering my healing.

 

Food for thought as usual.

 

I wanted to ask if anybody else has developed unpleasant ticks.

 

I have started curling up my arm next to my body, it's awful to look at but I can't seem to refrain from doing it !  I have tried keeping something cuddly in my hands, a small teddy bear for instance, but my instinct seems to be prevailing.  I am not even describing it accurately.

 

Another new, exciting development is the fear of choking on my food. Never a dull moment, right ?

 

I know this will pass, that it is just another fancy option of the fabulous benzo package ! Like my skin and everything else.

 

@everybody, I was reading over at brain injury, that we look awful because we feel awful, our faces are clouded with our insecurities, with our suffering, with our doubts. It does apply to us and  it makes sense. If we are constantly worrying about something backfiring and making us sick for days, worrying about all the things only we know we can worry about, of course we look pained.

 

Most of our things are all in our heads and people that don't love and know us, do not notice.

 

People say " all in your head" as if it were a solution ! Little do they know that THAT is our problem !

 

If our heads were better, our physical symptoms would be  so simple to handle.

 

I was feeling bad about myself, just for a change. So I asked Mr Sky to tell me three qualities he thought I had. I was so surprised to hear him mention courage and strength.

 

Of course I was surprised. In our state, we feel all but, right ? But if you really think about it, while it may not be our first choice, we are just these things.

 

I have to go, I have to catch up with a watercolour and with other small errands to fool me into feeling like a productive bunny  !

 

Positive thoughts to everybody, have a better day.

 

Sky, you sound wonderful, and you said it very well.  Nova said it, too.  We're in that no man's land, not 100 % but not "sick" and I'm not sure what the hell to do with myself.  I have one foot in "withdrawal" and one foot in "I think I'm okay now."  There's fear of the benzo beast coming back to get me, that I won't be able to manage the s/x, but deep in my heart I know I can handle a few more waves, I know they're coming and they're part of healing and it's okay.  But there's always the uncertainty -- withdrawal has been so crazy, we couldn't start anything, go back to work, make plans, appointments, book vacations, just never knew when we'd get slammed.  Still touch and go. But Nova is right, it's time to stop hanging onto 'sick.' 

[[Gr...]]

Hi BB's, I know I am only 5 months and almost 3 weeks, but I would very much like to be a part of this blog. I too had no clue that I would still be going through w/d after my taper. And for me that was probably a good thing. I'm sure I read about people, but It didn't click with me.

 

So here I am a little over 5 months going in and out of waves of various sx's. But just lately the anxiety and fear sx has reared its ugly head and it isn't fun. Because of these lingering off and on sx's I have had some depression, but who wouldn't. I am trying to accept that this is where I am for now, but need my BB's to help me through.

 

I wish nothing but peace, wholeness, and love for each of you. It is clear to me that we all deserve  a meddle for courage and endurance.

 

Love and hugs

Jackie :smitten:

 

Jackie, this is a wonder place, as Coop says, to spend the next couple of months.  And even though they tell us complete healing occurs at 12-16, or 12-14, or 18, whatever months, you will start to feel better before that, get to a place where you can cope a lot better, and s/x aren't so difficult.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Just checking in briefly.  The month of July was a tough one for me, fewer windows than June and bad pain and head issues.

 

Just had a beautiful 26 hour window yesterday that was so real I really thought the waves were going to dwindle, but in the middle of the night I felt sickness coming on again and now today has been really bad for me.

 

I realize although I have pain and nasty physical stuff going on, it's the head ( brain) matters that makes me feel so sick due to the extreme pressure and burning feeling.  Yesterday I was singing, laughing and so in love with life, now, today the opposite, so sick with no relief, just want to sleep and never wake up but I can't even sleep much.

 

I just spend time drawing diddlies in my journal, writing positive thoughts, learning bible verses and reading Joel Otseen who is very uplifting I am finding.

 

Love to you all.  PM me anytime.

 

Congratulations Nova, I headed to read your story next.  Thanks to Jaso for showing up and spreading words of hope.  Thanks Mommy R for your words and ideas for reading.

 

Bless you Coop, Life, Peace, Sky, Garton, Jenny, etal,

 

Lisa

 

Hi, Lisa

 

Hope you feel better soon!

 

Susan

[[Gr...]]

Coop ... yes ... that was what I found myself "doing" these past weeks ... looking for the "magic door" that would take me "out" of this process ... someone to tell me that I was finished ... looking for "re-entry" ... and I was already there ...

 

So I "marked" the "occasion" as I am want to do ... I "graduated" myself ... what it means to me is that I am giving myself permission to just be where I am ... and part of where I am is I am free of the drug ... I have "accumulated" enough time for me to be "past" the "survival" stage ... I am living without the drug and most of its consequences ... for me, I believe the "remainder" of the "process" will putter along in its own sweet time ...

 

Perfect.

 

I am indeed back in my life ... both feet attached to the ground ... and to paraphrase Zorba ... just before he began to dance ... "the full catastrophe" ... and he said it as a "blessing" ... I believe he meant the acceptance of all of life ... whatever it may be for each of us ... our stories touch each other's stories and each one is unique ...

 

Have a good Friday ...

 

[[Gr...]]

I'm going to follow Nova's advice and just rest a little. Completed the second day on the job. I'm not sure how. It is a moment by moment endeavor, with some moments very difficult. Paying attention is so very difficult for me, but I do feel something like excitement and a sense of joy beneath the fog. I'm trying to tune into that.

 

Goodnight,

 

Peace2

 

Focus on that excitement and joy.  That's the real you

[[Gr...]]

hi everyone i'm sussie and would like to join the 6-12 month club... i'm 7 months and 3 weeks out. i've had a hard journey so far(for me that is) not as hard as a lot of you folks.. does any of you have or had brain zaps?? lately about the last week or so i've been getting them every night. i had a few in the past but now it's every night. any suggestions on what they might be caused from??

 

Welcome, Sussie, so glad to have you. 

[[Gr...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I am on day 3 of visiting my in laws and am having very few sx. I thought this trip was gonna push me over the edge, but dare I say im actually having a good time. I still can't believe 3 weeks ago I was in an acute wave, and now I'm here doing great with minimal sx. Its so hard to believe that healing can be so up and down. I went swimming in the lake yesterday and rode a four wheeler-- still can't believe I did all that with hardly any anxiety. I see this thread is really growing with lots of new names, I miss all of our core group-- you know who you are love you all!! Jenny

 

Jenny, so glad you're having a good day.  I miss you very much.  But baby birds have to leave the nest eventually, I guess.  Sounds like you're flying solo!

[[Gr...]]

I am having a tough time guys. I guess its due to certain life situations. I really do not know what to do. I have convinced myself that until my life situation is better I wont heal and will remain in a wave. Sorry for being so down but I am not up dosing from gabapentin and I am not going to forget that I will get better. I am just in a weird place. I never thought I would feel like this agin in my life but here I am convincing myself it will get worse before it gets better in my life. Where does this stuff come from?

 

Life

 

Life, "certain life situations" got me on benzos in the first place.  I know they're out there.  I often wonder if my intrusive thought fears came true, how would I handle it.  I don't know.  I do know that you feeling sick and stressed out will have ABSOLUTELY ZERO POSITIVE EFFECT ON THE OUTCOME OF THE SITUATION YOU'RE ANXIOUS ABOUT,  AND MAY EVEN CONTRIBUTE TO A NEGATIVE RESULT.  And it's definitely affecting your wellbeing.

[[ja...]]

Thank you for the welcome GreenIce. Ive been in and out of anxiety all day today. I feel like my vision is off too. Ive had these sx's in the past so I remember them. Thank you for letting me know that I will probably feel like I can cope better. Today I just don't want to deal with anyone who doesnt get this. I'm better just being alone today and keeping busy. Very shaky also.

 

Love Jackie