6-12 month thread....

[[No...]]

A little serendipity ... this showed up in my inbox this morning ...

 

WORD FOR THE DAY

 

Thursday, Aug. 21

 

If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?

 

Hillel the Elder

Ethics of the Fathers, 1:14

 

[[pe...]]

I'm going to try this instead of Ritalin.

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGaVDJyU5A

 

Pretty sure noone is going to give me Ritalin. So my curiosity will stay just that.

 

Nova - I'm going to look for your success story. You sound good.

 

Off to work,

Peace2

[[Sk...]]

@[No...]

 

I think that feeling up to posting a success story, is such a part of healing, acknowledging what you have accomplished.

 

Probably I should post one as well. By all standards I am a success story, refusing to acknowledge it just because I expected to be feeling so much better at this stage,  might be hindering my healing.

 

Food for thought as usual.

 

I wanted to ask if anybody else has developed unpleasant ticks.

 

I have started curling up my arm next to my body, it's awful to look at but I can't seem to refrain from doing it !  I have tried keeping something cuddly in my hands, a small teddy bear for instance, but my instinct seems to be prevailing.  I am not even describing it accurately.

 

Another new, exciting development is the fear of choking on my food. Never a dull moment, right ?

 

I know this will pass, that it is just another fancy option of the fabulous benzo package ! Like my skin and everything else.

 

@everybody, I was reading over at brain injury, that we look awful because we feel awful, our faces are clouded with our insecurities, with our suffering, with our doubts. It does apply to us and  it makes sense. If we are constantly worrying about something backfiring and making us sick for days, worrying about all the things only we know we can worry about, of course we look pained.

 

Most of our things are all in our heads and people that don't love and know us, do not notice.

 

People say " all in your head" as if it were a solution ! Little do they know that THAT is our problem !

 

If our heads were better, our physical symptoms would be  so simple to handle.

 

I was feeling bad about myself, just for a change. So I asked Mr Sky to tell me three qualities he thought I had. I was so surprised to hear him mention courage and strength.

 

Of course I was surprised. In our state, we feel all but, right ? But if you really think about it, while it may not be our first choice, we are just these things.

 

I have to go, I have to catch up with a watercolour and with other small errands to fool me into feeling like a productive bunny  !

 

Positive thoughts to everybody, have a better day.

 

 

[[li...]]

Life...yes I had that ' frozen in fear ..'. ..I badge the feeling that I could not move from my safe place.  my bed. Like Green, for some reason I was afraid to take a bath. I was afraid to go from the bedroom to the kitchen. For me it was a fear that if I moved at all I would have a panic. ..This will go away Life...I found Jaso's post so encouraging. ..You are going to be ok Life. We are going to be reading your success story at Christmas time. ...I am so sorry that you are suffering. ....Sending wishes for healing to you ...coop

 

Glad you are feeling better Coop. Great news that Nova is feeling success! Coop I also will be writting my success story by Christmas. That will be my goal! Thank you for that goal!

 

Life

[[li...]]

Well, my friends, I have just reinstated my Gabapentin 300 mg a day 100Mg  3 x a day. It is a very low dose but helps me tremendously. Feeling much better. I will get off the gaba when my external stressors have abated.

 

Love to all and happy healing.

 

Life

[[ja...]]

Hi BB's, I know I am only 5 months and almost 3 weeks, but I would very much like to be a part of this blog. I too had no clue that I would still be going through w/d after my taper. And for me that was probably a good thing. I'm sure I read about people, but It didn't click with me.

 

So here I am a little over 5 months going in and out of waves of various sx's. But just lately the anxiety and fear sx has reared its ugly head and it isn't fun. Because of these lingering off and on sx's I have had some depression, but who wouldn't. I am trying to accept that this is where I am for now, but need my BB's to help me through.

 

I wish nothing but peace, wholeness, and love for each of you. It is clear to me that we all deserve  a meddle for courage and endurance.

 

Love and hugs

Jackie :smitten:

[[li...]]

Hi BB's, I know I am only 5 months and almost 3 weeks, but I would very much like to be a part of this blog. I too had no clue that I would still be going through w/d after my taper. And for me that was probably a good thing. I'm sure I read about people, but It didn't click with me.

 

So here I am a little over 5 months going in and out of waves of various sx's. But just lately the anxiety and fear sx has reared its ugly head and it isn't fun. Because of these lingering off and on sx's I have had some depression, but who wouldn't. I am trying to accept that this is where I am for now, but need my BB's to help me through.

 

I wish nothing but peace, wholeness, and love for each of you. It is clear to me that we all deserve  a meddle for courage and endurance.

 

Love and hugs

Jackie :smitten:

 

This is all so true, Jackie. Welcome you will find that this is a great group of people here. They are all caring and warm. Welcome.

 

Life

[[Co...]]

You are in a great place for support for that 6-12 month stretch....and everyone is welcome here. Life is right...this is a wonderfully caring, supportive, funny, determined and lovely group of people getting each other through the second 6 months of p/w and into the home stretch to healing.

.....All that you describe is very common for w/d. Depression ( battle fatigue) after months of. p/w. is as you pont out, to be expected. If you did not suffer depression prior to your taper you can know that most likely your depression is p/w . It will ease. ...

......Welcome to you.......coop

 

[[Co...]]

Life...you have suffered many weeks of relentless depression. ...I am glad for you that you are getting some relief. The hope is to get off of benzos...you have done that with strenghth and courage and compassion for others. I support you 100%.  You are off the benzo and when you feel better and if you want to you will be able to drop the gabepentin. ..You have earned your stripes dear friend. I hope you will remain with us ..you are one of us and very loved and important to us.

......over to you Life....coop

[[ja...]]

Thanks Life and Coopeten. I had a visit from someone named Bella and she said that according to the survey that was done. Dr. Pittman says 16 months off is the average time frame reported for a full recovery. I think that many recover sooner, or I hope many recover sooner.

 

I have managed to crawl and hobble to month six...and I am disillusioned and pissed off. From the beginning of my taper I set month six as my goal post. This mile marker got me through taper,  acute w/d , acute p/w ( a term I made up myself to describe the torture of month 2 1/2- 4 1/2 of my post jump which was in its own right every bit the horror of weeks 6-12 of my taper(, an er crisis and days and nights of panic,  anxiety, intrusive dire existential thought,  depression , agoraphobia and paralyzing hypochondria. I maintained unwavering faith in the process of w/d with healing being the logical outcome if I just stuck with it.

 

Cooperten, what you said here is me accept I just thought I would be better within a few weeks. I have no Ideal where I got that thought from. I too had unwavering faith. I now have to buckle up yet again with that unwavering faith to take me to the finish line. Quite honestly I feel like crying, I'm just so sick of it.

 

Thank you for the warm Invite. I will try and help all of you when I'm up and feeling good. Hopefully we wont all be down at the same time. What wonderful people you are. I am grateful!!!!

 

Love Jackie

 

Cooperten, I liked what you said when you started this blog.

[[Fr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Just checking in briefly.  The month of July was a tough one for me, fewer windows than June and bad pain and head issues.

 

Just had a beautiful 26 hour window yesterday that was so real I really thought the waves were going to dwindle, but in the middle of the night I felt sickness coming on again and now today has been really bad for me.

 

I realize although I have pain and nasty physical stuff going on, it's the head ( brain) matters that makes me feel so sick due to the extreme pressure and burning feeling.  Yesterday I was singing, laughing and so in love with life, now, today the opposite, so sick with no relief, just want to sleep and never wake up but I can't even sleep much.

 

I just spend time drawing diddlies in my journal, writing positive thoughts, learning bible verses and reading Joel Otseen who is very uplifting I am finding.

 

Love to you all.  PM me anytime.

 

Congratulations Nova, I headed to read your story next.  Thanks to Jaso for showing up and spreading words of hope.  Thanks Mommy R for your words and ideas for reading.

 

Bless you Coop, Life, Peace, Sky, Garton, Jenny, etal,

 

Lisa

[[li...]]

Hey Free so nice to hear from you. This has truly been a journey and one that has cost us blood, sweat and tears for many. I pray to God right now that we all heal as soon as possible and I mean quicker the better God! I enjoy Joel also. I am going to start putting on Tony Robins tapes too as I remember that they opened windows for me on more than one time early in recovery.

 

God bless, God Speed to Mommr, Peace, Free, coop, Nova, Katie, Jennifer, sky, Amma, et al.

 

Life

[[mr...]]

Wow!  Joel Osteen...Tony Robbins...I just love this group, gang   Y'all are SPECIAL! 

 

It's been a couple days full of intensive healing, praise God!

 

I have spent the afternoon just resting and allowing the quiet and stillness (and -- dare I admit? -- Sex & the City playing in the background! -- Father, forgive me )

 

I have been lurking of course

 

Coop -- so glad to hear of all the "sunbreaks" that you've been getting -- such incredible news   All-day sunshine, that is coming soon   Amen, Yes Lord it is so.

 

Nova -- hoorah for your success story   I am so pleased to read that you are well enough for that!

 

Jackie --  -- I had to giggle a little when you said you weren't quite to 6 months yet -- my "guilty" confession is, I'm not even technically "off" yet.  I've been at such a low dose for quite a while (I am very slowly water micro-tapering from a very low dose to begin with) that my symptoms have been tracking more along the lines of those who have "jumped" for the past several months, so I had found myself a bit "lost" and "disconnected" from many of the other threads that I was a part of -- as well as a bit confused at my symptoms, the way they waxed/waned/changed, etc -- as it no longer related to those that were still tapering.  But this group took this little bird with a wounded wing (and full of questions) under their wings and have loved on me in ways that I am so grateful for   You will love the community here, I am assured   And please bear with me being a part of this thread as well, as I am very much technically "premature" in joining.

 

Life4me -- so good to see you gaining some relief.  I can completely understand where you are coming from.  I was just talking to Mr this past week, about how to make some changes in my life for where I'm at.  I know that it is very important to me to be benzodiazepine free, first and foremost, but there is also something to be said about quality of life along this journey as well.  Only you know what this means to and for you, so I am happy for you to be figuring out how to accomplish this   I hope you're feeling better and better all the time

 

I can't say it enough, all -- thank you SO MUCH for having me here.  It is such an incredible thing to watch, before my very eyes, my very friends HEAL and MOVE ON WITH LIFE from this journey.  It is such a belief builder, you know?  I mean, it's one thing to read a success story of someone on here that I'd never "e-met" or chatted with -- of course it is belief building, don't get me wrong.  But to have someone you know, and have read their "not-so-glamorous" posts as they went through it, to see them transform and become HEALED before your very eyes, well -- wow!  It is like "super proof" that this journey is, of course, temporary

 

So to all the others -- Peace, Mommy, FreeofV, Sky, Green, Jenny, and everyone else I may have missed -- thank you for walking this journey out right here   Take care buddies,

 

Mrs.

[[li...]]

Mrs so glad that you are feeling better. I cant wait for the day that I can come on BB and just help without the fear of having another wave. I am feeling better today as I made a med decision. Although I will not go hog wild on the doses I feel for me it was the right decision. I have to reduce my external stressors before I get off.

 

Life

[[Co...]]

Lisa...you and I have had an identical week. I as well had a 24 hour window...absolute bliss. Me too,...in love with my life yesterday...cried from happiness and gratitude ..thinking surely this was a big turn around..that I was going to have some days of windows and my life back...

....This morning it was all gone..woke up with acute s/x...it got somewhat better as the second part of the day..not quite up to my improved baseline but better.

....So sorry your head pressure returned, it is so distressing. Sometimes a hot pack to my neck helped at least in the moment.

.......We are getting there Lisa...one painful step at a time...I am wishing you another long long window ....coop

[[No...]]

Jackie ... welcome to the group ... your unwavering faith will see you through ... for me I called it steadfastness ... a "knowing" from I do not no where that I would get through this journey ... and doubt would come and go ... and somewhere along the way I came to know that all I had to "do" was just to keep going ...

 

We all have our hopes and expectations for this journey ... and they will be met ... for all of us ... time is our ally ...

 

[[No...]]

Mrs ... you are so right ... this journey is "temporary" ... we know the beginning ... and we know there will be a completion ... yes the destination is important ... and I believe it is also important, while we look down the road, to stay connected to ourselves "today" ... to shrug off our impatience as much as we can ... to find some little moments of peace right where we are today ...

 

We struggle so hard day to day that sometimes the struggle becomes our focus ... and that is okay ... maybe we can also focus on what we have accomplished so far with gratitude ... and just rest a little ...

 

[[pe...]]

I'm going to follow Nova's advice and just rest a little. Completed the second day on the job. I'm not sure how. It is a moment by moment endeavor, with some moments very difficult. Paying attention is so very difficult for me, but I do feel something like excitement and a sense of joy beneath the fog. I'm trying to tune into that.

 

Goodnight,

 

Peace2

[[ja...]]

Thank you for the welcome Nova, I appreciate it.

 

your unwavering faith will see you through ... for me I called it steadfastness ... a "knowing" from I do not no where that I would get through this journey ... and doubt would come and go ... and somewhere along the way

I came to know that all I had to "do" was just to keep going

...

 

This has been my thinking from the beginning, to just keep going no matter what. I have been at this a long time too and I'm just plain worn out. But I keep going hoping for a total healing. Believing in a total healing. I read you are doing well, that is wonderful!!!! Congratulations!!! I'm right behind you.

 

 

Mrs. thank you for the video's. Ive already been listening to them, they are very good. You are so kind and thoughtful!!!!

 

Love Jackie :smitten:

[[mr...]]

Jackie, I just looove her voice & accent! And the different words she uses for things just makes me giggle (i.e. calling a panic a "turn", etc) I'm glad you are enjoying it I sure do, too

 

Sleep tight, all. Mrs is out! Take care,

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Mrs. ...wondered where you were today.  Glad to hear that you were resting and having a quiet day. You sound so grounded ..You bring so much confidence to the group. I hope your day has many many sunbreaks tomorrow....coop

[[Co...]]

Nova, I hear you claiming your healing...that has to be pretty empowering. I think you are right...at some point we have to say.  I am completely free of benzos and I have my life back. I sometimes wonder if we lose sight of the fact that healing from benzos foes not mean suddenly lives. Normal life has anxiety, depression, not good days, headaches and flu, misunderstandings with the people we love,..woodiest and fears. I catch myself thinking, " if only I was healed my life would be perfect "I just want to navigate the imperfections of life without having to figure out a maze of s/x.

...So glad you are sticking around in the group...we need you ..I read your success story...Well done friend.. ...Sleep well Nova...coop

 

 

 

[[No...]]

Peace Within

 

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be confident knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

 

- attributed to St. Thérèse of Lisieux and St. Theresa of Avila

 

 

[[No...]]

Coop ... yes ... that was what I found myself "doing" these past weeks ... looking for the "magic door" that would take me "out" of this process ... someone to tell me that I was finished ... looking for "re-entry" ... and I was already there ...

 

So I "marked" the "occasion" as I am want to do ... I "graduated" myself ... what it means to me is that I am giving myself permission to just be where I am ... and part of where I am is I am free of the drug ... I have "accumulated" enough time for me to be "past" the "survival" stage ... I am living without the drug and most of its consequences ... for me, I believe the "remainder" of the "process" will putter along in its own sweet time ...

 

I am indeed back in my life ... both feet attached to the ground ... and to paraphrase Zorba ... just before he began to dance ... "the full catastrophe" ... and he said it as a "blessing" ... I believe he meant the acceptance of all of life ... whatever it may be for each of us ... our stories touch each other's stories and each one is unique ...

 

Have a good Friday ...

 

 

 

[Guest [su...]]

hi everyone i'm sussie and would like to join the 6-12 month club... i'm 7 months and 3 weeks out. i've had a hard journey so far(for me that is) not as hard as a lot of you folks.. does any of you have or had brain zaps?? lately about the last week or so i've been getting them every night. i had a few in the past but now it's every night. any suggestions on what they might be caused from??