My brain

Things have really improved lately. This month has been relatively great in fact. But, there's one thing I can't get used to and that I want a break from. My mind. It was never this bad. It races. Oh, does it race. From the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep. How does everyone else deal with this? I get breaks where it slows, but I feel like the anxiety, ear issues and racing thoughts are the last to hang on and that they're going to take a long time.

Hi chicken im so glad things are improving for you , dont worry to much it will fade in time sending you lots of

Thanks, Cuth! I hope you're well. 

It's crazy how we forget how much progress we've made. Like I'm starting to feel a bit better and my thoughts are slowing. They've slowed before, but in a state of panic, it's hard to remember those times.

I have them too.....They drive me nuts! I wish they would go away...from songs/to conversations/ to imaginary converations. 

I have them too.....They drive me nuts! I wish they would go away...from songs/to conversations/ to imaginary converations. 

 

It helps to hear we're not alone. I suppose this will slow as the brain heals. And when I'm actually doing something in life so I don't have so much time to think. It's like distracting doesn't even work sometimes. I'm sorry you're suffering, too, Bhealthy.

Yeah, my brain feels like it's been damaged and parts of my personality are missing. Its been 24 days since I last consumed any benzos and the brain healing process has been extremely slow. The first week I could barely talk and when I did I rarely made any sense. My ability to think is still compromised. I have trouble with writing out long sentences or telling stories. My short term memory is also very poor. I wonder if I will ever heal or if I have done irreversible damage. I just want my full cognition back so I can be the person I used to be. Can anyone relate?

Yes, looping songs and looping negative thoughts: about the past and the future.....Everyting gets nuclear in withdrawal!! HATE it, makes me depressed, scares me!!

It is scary, and is no fun. I don't know if this is just me, but this is how it goes for me. If my parents, for example, say something like "we're going to uncle _____'s," I'll think of my aunt, uncle, cousins, scary thoughts, unusual thoughts, racing thoughts centered around them.

 

Distracting gets old. I do remember windows when they slow and I can "stay in the moment" much easier, but this one heals slow I feel like. I've always been a thinker, but this is out there!

my brain is messed up bad, its cycling rapidly fear-hysteria /me /blank v v fast in a 2min cycle so i suddenly jump op heart racing and have a massive wave of fear then after 1min i go calm( me) for about 10 secs then totally blank zoned right out, then the fear again and i jump up in panic and  think oh my god pace about then realise im in the cycle,then calm again then blank in blank i just walk slow cant think of anything  all day every day i cant stop this cycle at all, ! i dont understand how this could have happened

like im trapped in a single moment , i just got up then and was thinking oh my god im in seroius trouble had fear then realised its the cycle its like forget it every time!

 

i cant even distract because of it il try washing the floor then end up jumping up in fear and saying oh my god then having to come back and then go blank then jumping up again im seriously trapped in this im so scared im so damaged

I wish I could gather everyone on this thread in the same room and demonstrate the potential of mindfulness meditation to help you.

 

Luckily, I don't have to, because there are cheap, effective apps that coach you. Mindfulness (blue icon) and Mindfulness II (green icon).

 

Some of the best, most effective self-soothing tools don't get a chance because we dismiss them as a bunch of BS. Actually, if you think it's BS at first, you're probably doing it right, because there is a learning curve.

 

Cuthbert is a special case because he has to improve his ability to focus and break out of his loop. The rest here seem to be running too hard, with racing thoughts and millions of distractions both. But all can benefit, and cuthbert gets credit for actually obtaining the app already.

 

No matter how skeptical you feel, I'll warn you, I am a huge skeptic of anything that sounds like a "quick fix". But mindfulness meditation is addictive, soothing, calming and gets more effective with practice.

 

I'd never force a solution on anybody, so I'll shut up. But I'm not the only BB who reports a better, faster taper with the help of MM. I do it every day, and look forward to it.

My 4th month was just like that and I walked a lot.That was the only thing and meditation that helped me.It does pass really!!!!!wen

Upbeat I downloaded the apps. I feel like you were the one telling me about it?

 

I just don't remember thinking this much. Let alone the intrusiveness. Some thoughts belong in a Tim Burton or Stephen King movie. To being healed someday!!

I will second what upbeat said. MINDFULNESS MINDFULNESS MINDFULNESS.

 

I have both the apps he has but my favorite on is called "calm" and is light blue with white letters. I think calm is great for beginners because every day you can hear a 10 minute talk and meditation on different subjects. There is 7 days of calm, 7 days of sleep, 7 days of self-esteem, 7 days of gratitude, and a whole bunch more. I do the gratitude or happiness or self-esteem ones in the morning. Calm sometime during the day, anxiety if I panic and I am crossing my fingers to not have to use the one called "emergency." I also use the 30 minute body scan for sleep!

 

I used to study buddhism and hinduism a long time before I took benzos and it helps to know why the mind acts the way it does. It is a MONKEY and will run all day if you let it. In w/d and recovery its foot is stuck on the gas pedal. Learning meditation and mindfulness is applying the breaks. It can ease our suffering here and now if we are willing to try.

May have been me... I'm always nagging people in distress to use meditation.

 

If I'd joined BB 5 months earlier, I'd be one of the people who freaks people out with reports of horrible symptoms. But that's when I started meditating, and since then I am having a pretty good taper. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of symptoms and really hurt sometimes, but meditation + BBs + various other coping tools have helped me proceed a lot this year.

 

It's hard to start meditating when your mind is racing, but that's when you need it most. Go straight to a 30 minute session if your mind keeps drifting off, and keep at it.

 

Please give me occasional updates. Or ask for tips, if you are stuck and not getting results.

 

I trust ang1111 and am going to add her recommendations to my collection, right now.

I'll cheers my imaginary beer to that, Ang. I didn't download them for nothing. I went out today but it must've been too much because now I don't feel great. I'm going to play around with the apps.

Upbeat - didn't your wife/gf go through benzo w/d? I wish I had a partner who knew what I was going through in my early months. I see coping tools and meditating as very healthy and I'm going to try it but venting/validating - or, I'm sorry, freaking out as you call it - saved my life? And many others I'm sure. I'd be careful with how you word things.

Illneverdothisagain,

 

Sweetheart, I will see your racing mind and raise you 2,000 Freddie Krueger bloody finger knives.  I am the Queen of Ruminations, the Grand Ruminator of All Things Horrible, the Terminator Ruminator.  It's like somebody took my 62 year old stored memories from birth through today and threw them up in the air like a deck of cards.  My thoughts spew forth like projectile vomiting.  I pace my backyard non-stop ruminating about how I will never heal, how screwed I am for life, how fat my thighs looked in my high school cheerleader skirt, how my mailman smells like bleu cheese, how everybody is healing sooner than me after taking drugs for 30 years and I just took them for 2 months so I must be permanently damaged, how my perky boobs are now pruney mud flaps, how I've lost so much weight I look like Pirates of the Carribean in the moonlight, how my cousin's face looks like a trampoline after so many Botox injections, how I worked too many hours in my career and missed my kids, how my dad always fell asleep drunk on the floor in front of the TV every night, how I looked like Bo Peep in my puffy senior prom dress, how my racing heart beat will eventually just drop dead, how I'm out of toilet paper but my agoraphobia will force me to use newspaper rather than go to the store.

 

And these are just my ruminations from 4-5am.

 

How bout them apples?

 

Love, Sofa

omg sofa, who let you in my head. I get that same stuff- boobs, agoraphobia, dropping dead but not all in one hour. Maybe all in 2 days.

 

Your writing is just do good! Cracked me up! The funny part is you are writing the truth for you and I hope we all heal sooner rather than later

 

 

Aw, Sofa! I'm finding that - although it's just plain impossible which is the w/d - what helps me most is creating new memories. I know, I know - sometimes it's downright impossible to do things, but you'll get there. You may just be taking a bit longer but you will find yourself again! Everyone does!

 

Xoxo

And your sarcastic humor echoes mine and Challis'! That helps!!

Illneverdothisagain,

 

Shhhhh.  I'm trying to make new memories that don't smell like sardines.

 

Sofa

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I took a nap on the sofa tonight and awoke with a frightful thought--I remembered a guy I dated in 1993 who opened his car door and dumped his car's ashtray full of cigarette butts onto the ground of a motel parking lot.  It scared the crap out of me then and now really scared me.  Duh?  Anyway, that's how exaggerated our memories can be.  BTW, I broke up with that guy just for that very reason.  Showed me his true personality.  He didn't care.  I don't date guys who litter and would never have a friend who litters.  Why the heck do I have to have that intrusive thought out of nowhere to scare me?

From reading into it - it's a typical symptom of anxiety and depression, which both are suffered from during w/d. Don't let them scare you. I know it's easier said than done. I stay *very* busy. Some day they'll slow for good! Everyone says they don't even think about w/d anymore, so, I'd have to conclude they don't have these kinds of thoughts anymore!