My lifes over - need ur opinion specially females

[[Pi...]]

Two thing happened this week which got me reflexive and confused, and i wanted ur opinion on the matter..

 

1) i met a benzo wise doc for the first time in my life. Shes a professor at nyu, and published a book on panic disorder. Her names Carol Berman btw - best ive ever met. She gave me some statistics- most of us will heal on average my 18 months, while very very very few of us will last 3 years. She finally gave my parents the knock on the balls they needed to start believing me and stop seeing me as a crazed, lazy, 22 year old who doesnt want to finish college.

 

2) seems my ex didnt exactly cheat on me - as she says. We broke up and got together about 4-5 time before all of this happened - and she said she hooked up with the guys while we had broken up, cause she thought we wouldnt get back together..

 

<Edit:  sexually graphic content removed by moderator>

 

But there was this time after we came back that i told her we werent dating but that i didnt want her to stay with anyone, cause we were still seeing each other and she said she wouldnt and asked me not too as well. But she ended up hooking up with a guy and she says this was her "only oficial mistake" and that she wouldnt do it anymore.

 

Ive researched a lot and ahe falls 101% as a BPD (borderline personality disorder).

 

Im thinking of getting back with her. Idk why im being so stulid; if its bc the benzo wd makes me weak and pussy-like, or bc im so lonely and have no one, that she helps fill in the temporary benzo hole..

 

Do u think its worth it for me to continue with her? I feel majorly depressed and empty qithout her, and she doesnt stop insisting on getting back no matter how much i neglrct her or ignore her or say were done forever.

 

 

Edit: sexually graphic content removed

~Juliea

 

 

[[am...]]

Hi PK - If you still have some feelings for her, then get back together. Benzo withdrawal makes us feel emotionally raw and somewhat insecure and I can see why you would like to have her around now. I have been married to a fantastic lady for 28 years and even I have felt a little insecure the last few months. Another one of the benzo lies it plants in our brains.

 

You're young and you have plenty of time to decide if she is wife material or not. Most likely you will have a couple more GF's before you find Ms. Right, so don't over think this girlfriend relationship too hard. Enjoy it while you can and bail if/when you need to bail!

 

Good healing !   

[Guest [to...]]

Two thing happened this week which got me reflexive and confused, and i wanted ur opinion on the matter..

 

1) i met a benzo wise doc for the first time in my life. Shes a professor at nyu, and published a book on panic disorder. Her names Carol Berman btw - best ive ever met. She gave me some statistics- most of us will heal on average my 18 months, while very very very few of us will last 3 years. She finally gave my parents the knock on the balls they needed to start believing me and stop seeing me as a crazed, lazy, 22 year old who doesnt want to finish college.

 

2) seems my ex didnt exactly cheat on me - as she says. We broke up and got together about 4-5 time before all of this happened - and she said she hooked up with the guys while we had broken up, cause she thought we wouldnt get back together..

 

<Edit:  sexually graphic content removed by moderator>

 

But there was this time after we came back that i told her we werent dating but that i didnt want her to stay with anyone, cause we were still seeing each other and she said she wouldnt and asked me not too as well. But she ended up hooking up with a guy and she says this was her "only oficial mistake" and that she wouldnt do it anymore.

 

Ive researched a lot and ahe falls 101% as a BPD (borderline personality disorder).

 

Im thinking of getting back with her. Idk why im being so stulid; if its bc the benzo wd makes me weak and pussy-like, or bc im so lonely and have no one, that she helps fill in the temporary benzo hole..

 

Do u think its worth it for me to continue with her? I feel majorly depressed and empty qithout her, and she doesnt stop insisting on getting back no matter how much i neglrct her or ignore her or say were done forever.

 

As an outsider, I have an advantage and a disadvantage.  Disadvantage, I don't know you or your exact story.  The advantage is that I can see it from a totally non-biased view.  I will give you my opinion again, since you are asking the boards, and then I will not say anything more unless you ask of me.

 

I'm quite sure that this girl is trouble, and that if you re-read your post and thought about it, you'd see that too.  I personally consider beginning the act of penetration to be cheating, regardless of if it goes anywhere further.  She cheated on you.  She did cheat.  If she respected you, she would not have done that.  If she respected herself, she would not be getting so drunk with other men that she allowed something like this to happen.  It can't be excused.  The only way that this could be OK, is if you both were OK in being in a polygamous relationship, and were honest with eachother.  If you are, then there's nothing wrong with that, but even STILL this girl sounds like trouble.  She can't be trusted, and she wants to hurt you. 

 

This is just based on what you wrote.  You've had to break up with her multiple times before, you say.  I don't know what the reasons were, but it's clear that this is not a healthy relationship.  I know that it's hurtful, and it's hard.  I really believe, though, that you've got to walk away.  I don't want to insult her even as your ex, but I'm being totally serious here....what if she gives you a disease?  I know a guy that innocently got warts from his wife.  Be careful, with your body and your heart.

 

My advice is to forgive her, but let her go.  There are more woman out there.  I met my husband online, by accident, on a forum (sorta like this one, but it was a geeky math forum.)  After about 5 years of close friendship, he moved up here, we dated and became engaged.  It happens.  My point is, you never know what you're missing.  Don't chase after something that's no good.

 

I used to be lonely when I didn't have anyone, too (hell, I still am allot of times, because I've struggled with this klonopin problem and, like your family, no one ever took it seriously.)  I was always a loner.  I was shy, and didn't make friends easily.  I used to think I'd never find anyone good, because I didn't know where to find them, and the only guys I'd meet at school were losers who just wanted one night stands and the like.  But when I wasn't looking, I found 2 gems, lost one, but have the best one now.  It's silly to think back on how I thought I would have to settle for someone just to not be lonely.  Some day, you'll be able to look back too, but it isn't now or any time very soon, and that is OK.

 

You're always welcome on the boards for support, both benzo related and general emotional, because as far as I see it, when we're going through W/D, we can't afford to keep emotions to ourselves.  If other people on here have a problem with it, you can PM me if you want to.  If you don't want to that's fine, but I sincerely offer and hope you the best.  Please take care of yourself and respect yourself.

 

-Tor

 

 

 

Edit:  sexually graphic content removed from quote

~Juliea

 

[[Ch...]]

HI PK,

 

I kind of thought you might be having second thoughts about ending the relationship.

 

What's she like? I mean aside from the poor behaviour and this recent spat, what drew you to her initially?

 

She must have some nice qualities. What are they? I would like to hear about them.

 

You asked specifically for feedback from older women. Well I qualify somewhat as I'm 61.

 

This is what I have to offer: "what goes on in the bedroom stays in the bedroom."

 

I'm sorry if that seems old fashioned or is not what you want to hear but it's the best I can do.

 

Take care.

 

Chinook 

[[Mo...]]

good offer Chinook, i am joinig you and i am not old fashioned, on the contrary.

[[Ju...]]

Pity Klonopin: 

 

I am posting to remind you that your conversations about sex must be related to how withdrawal affects this part of your life.  Your comment above contained some sexually graphic information that was not relevant to this.  Please keep these kinds of comments off of the board.

 

I am posting, once again as a reminder of our rules, what Colin posted earlier in this thread. 

 

You must not knowingly post false statements, nor obscene, vulgar, sexually-orientated, hateful or threatening comments/material. Additionally, your contributions must not violate the laws of the United Kingdom, the United States of America, nor the laws of your own country.

 

The above does not prohibit the discussion of sexual dysfunction, nor emotional problems around the subject of sex. But, discussions about 'sex' itself, and (sexual) vulgarities are not allowed here. The reasons for the rule should be obvious, but for those who seem oblivious to such social norms: would you make such comments in real-world mixed company, or in front of strangers? The answer should be 'no'! BB tries to cater to as wide an audience as possible. So, any more sexually orientated material will result in posting restrictions for the offending account holders.

 

I have edited your post as well as the quote of the post that followed it.  Everyone, let's please follow Colin's directions.

 

Thank you.

 

Juliea

[[ma...]]

Being in a relationship with someone with BPD is going to be a constant struggle. I'm not saying that someone with BPD doesn't deserve love, but they have to be willing to be get the help that they need and constantly be monitoring there behavior with a full understanding of how their disorder effects their behavior. If she really wants to work on herself and is willing to admit that she has a problem, you could recommend DPT (dialectical behavior therapy) which is one of the only clinically proven therapies to work for borderline patients.

 

I've delt with borderline people in my life and I can't imagine being in a relationship with one. It just seems to emotionally taxing. My dad is a psychologist and he refuses to work with borderline clients. If you need out of this relationship at some  point for your own mental health, don't feel guilty. You don't deserve to be abused by someone with a personality disorder out of the kindness of your heart.

 

If you do choose to give the relationship another change, good luck and I hope things work out for you.

[[Pi...]]

Thank you all for the feedback.

 

Theres nothing special about her, other than her anatomy, and what shes able to do with it (trying to not be as graphic as possible)

 

She does everything i want her to do in intercourse, and to add to that, i cant get any other girls because i get too anxious qhen talking to new ppl bc of wd.

 

Shes in fact BPD and doesnt acknowledge it.

 

My plan is to stay with her while in wd so i can lean on someone and have physical pleasure to cope with my wd depression. Then ill let her go when im fine; shes obviously not gf material.

 

In relation to STDs, im going to control her life 100% so its extremely difficult for her to cheat (dont know if she dis before bc she said it was while we werent together). I dont know if you guys know this abt Borderline, but shell do anything to not be abandoned by me; shell accept being controlled to all levels. Also, bpds are very anxious and act eith impulsivity, so im definitely not letting her go to social gatherings without me any more.

 

Do u guys get the plan? Shes helping me cope with wd. But at the same time i feel like a loser that stays with a girl that cheats (id never do that prior to benzo wd), and I end up getting attached bc when im not with her i miss someone to be my emotional step, if you will.

 

What do u guys think i should do?? Such a hard choice!!!!

[[am...]]

Thank you all for the feedback.

 

Theres nothing special about her, other than her anatomy, and what shes able to do with it (trying to not be as graphic as possible)

 

She does everything i want her to do in intercourse, and to add to that, i cant get any other girls because i get too anxious qhen talking to new ppl bc of wd.

 

Shes in fact BPD and doesnt acknowledge it.

 

My plan is to stay with her while in wd so i can lean on someone and have physical pleasure to cope with my wd depression. Then ill let her go when im fine; shes obviously not gf material.

 

In relation to STDs, im going to control her life 100% so its extremely difficult for her to cheat (dont know if she dis before bc she said it was while we werent together). I dont know if you guys know this abt Borderline, but shell do anything to not be abandoned by me; shell accept being controlled to all levels. Also, bpds are very anxious and act eith impulsivity, so im definitely not letting her go to social gatherings without me any more.

 

Do u guys get the plan? Shes helping me cope with wd. But at the same time i feel like a loser that stays with a girl that cheats (id never do that prior to benzo wd), and I end up getting attached bc when im not with her i miss someone to be my emotional step, if you will.

 

What do u guys think i should do?? Such a hard choice!!!!

 

"Theres nothing special about her, other than her anatomy, and what shes able to do with it (trying to not be as graphic as possible)" LOL !!  Well, the ladies on this website won't like it, but that IS special if you can get past the personality issues for awhile ! 

 

If you know that you can stay disease free and will be able to let her go when you start feeling better without causing more pain and suffering, then have at it. If the extended relationship is going to hurt her bad when you feel that the time is up, you may want to consider how much more you are going to hurt her for your physical pleasure only......She has feelings too and 2 wrongs don't make a right. Good healing ! 

[[sp...]]

Dear PK,

 

Your girlfriend may be bipolar or she may be the kind of girl who, however it looks from the outside, invites abuse by making poor self-defeating choices.

 

If you can't be kind to each other you shouldn't be together.

 

spartacus

[[Ha...]]

I say SEX is just flat out over rated anyhow!! I would not worry about my penis or what anyone thinks about it!! You got the penis and it works so that is all that matters. Last thing in ED you need is something like this to worry about!!! NOW listen here, you will be fine move on and you will get a better GF because this one has no morals it seems!!!

 

HUGS HAPPY ME

[[Fl...]]

I know you won't listen to me but I have to put it out there.

 

I can understand wanting to have someone in your life while you are going through this but as a man who is almost twice your age who has wasted too many years of his life in relationships with women who were detrimental to his wellbeing I have to underscore my initial advice, which is to RUN THE OTHER WAY.

 

You have plenty of years left when this is all said and done to find someone who deserves your time. A chick who runs off with a new guy every time you two have a spat (and it doesn't matter that you were technically "broken up") and who made one "official mistake" (that she admits to) is trouble with a capital "T".

 

If you think it isn't possible for her to get pregnant by someone else and YOU end up on the hook for raising someone else's kid, think again. This is serious business, and any woman who has proven to have so little respect for herself and for you can't be trusted.

 

I encourage you to do a little internet search for some of the horror stories of men who ended up raising other people's kids, especially the ones who finally found out that the kid wasn't theirs who ended up being court ordered to pay child support because they had already assumed the role of father. How would you feel having to write out a check every month for something like that? Not really worth the short term comfort of 'having someone around" if that were to happen, huh?

 

 

[Guest [to...]]

Thank you all for the feedback.

 

My plan is to stay with her while in wd so i can lean on someone and have physical pleasure to cope with my wd depression. Then ill let her go when im fine; shes obviously not gf material.

 

In relation to STDs, im going to control her life 100% so its extremely difficult for her to cheat (dont know if she dis before bc she said it was while we werent together). I dont know if you guys know this abt Borderline, but shell do anything to not be abandoned by me; shell accept being controlled to all levels. Also, bpds are very anxious and act eith impulsivity, so im definitely not letting her go to social gatherings without me any more

 

What do u guys think i should do?? Such a hard choice!!!!

 

What you are suggesting is wrong too. You want to use her for thrills to make yourself feel better. That's only ok if you both are fine with that life, but not dishonesty. This is dishonest.,.you're saying you want to  advantage of her BPD to have control. Do you actually think that's ok?

 

Also, you can't control soneone else's life, and it is wrong to try. You can't "not let her go to social gatherings" for example. That's very controlling _ shamefully so she's probably not going to put up with it anyway, and you'd be better to get support some place else rather than try this nonsense with soneone you can't trust enough to have friends. Im not trying to be mean, but if you go this route, you honestly deserve to get warts.

 

-tor

[[Co...]]

My plan is to stay with her while in wd so i can lean on someone and have physical pleasure to cope with my wd depression. Then ill let her go when im fine; shes obviously not gf material.

 

Wow! That's a very unhealthy attitude.

 

Look, we, the team, have been very patient and gave members every opportunity to post to this thread responsibly, and within our posting guidelines and rules. But, apart from uncouth comments, such as the above, many members (including the OP) continue to post contrary to our rules.

 

I am locking thread for the second time. It will not be reopened.