I wasn't prepared or ready for this!

[[So...]]

Yeah, it's me again.

 

I took Xanax at night for sleep only. I had no idea what this dang drug was. I thought it was just a little sleeping pill.

 

Well, after a year I hit massive tolerance and had no idea what was going on. It wasn't until I found BB that I realized what the heck had happened to me.

 

At that time I refused my Dr's advice to go on Klonopin. This stuff scared the crap out of me.

 

This all hit, unfortunately, at the worst time in my life. I know that there is never a good time. But, I was preparing for massive dental work, and another two health surgeries as well. My mother in law was very ill, and we lost her a month after my c/t.

 

At the end of my first month, I really felt decent. I only had trouble sleeping, and some heart issues. Then I got hit with a bad bout of bronchitis. But, after a few weeks I started to see more improvement. Except for the heart racing issues. I started suffering terribly after that. I have now lost 45 lbs. i look like death warmed over. And, I just keep getting worse. I no longer want to leave my house. I can't even get a much needed haircut.

 

So, as you may have read from some of my previous posts, I have talked about reinstating.

 

I have taken some nibbles off of Klonopin over the last two days, and I hate how it makes me feel. I don't like the drugged feeling it gives me, and the fog I feel from it.

 

I have also started a low dose of Remeron, and it has helped with sleep.

 

So, my dilemma is that I have to do something to get me through the next 6-8 months. I absolutely cannot put off these dental and medical issues any longer.

 

So, could everyone please help me figure this out. I have to reinstate. But, it terrifies me. I need to get to a healthier point so I can get all of this stuff done and be healthy enough to handle a taper. I am not saying that a benzo will make me healthy, but just allow me to do what is needed to get myself better.

 

I am just not healthy enough to continue this c/t.

 

I have a script for Ativan that I am going to try later. The Klonopin is just too harsh. I will speak to my Dr about the valium crossover at a later date. How does the Ativan make you feel?

 

I just really need your support in this. I am totally terrified. So, should I go ahead and do just the small doses of Ativan 4 times a day, as if I was preparing for a taper? I am worried about hitting tolerance eventually.

 

Sorry this was so long. I am just so confused.

 

Please help me understand and decide this craziness.

 

Love to you all,

 

Denise 

[[Be...]]

I have periodontal disease, bad,, Im waiting until I get out of this mess and get some healing under my belt  before I even think about doing all that..

Im probably getting everything extracted and get a set of Farrah Fawcett horse teeth 

[[fr...]]

Denise, why not just take benzos as needed for your procedures instead of going back on? And I have heard others say that there are alternatives to taking benzos at the time of a procedure. It sounds to me like you want to go back on in order to deal with the worry you have about upcoming procedures. Is that right? I drink decaf green tea three or four times a day and it has a tranquilizing affect on me. It is high in the amino acid theanine which the body converts to GABA. I feel like I have taken a benzo for about half an hour. Also you can try Calms Forte homeopathic pills and Rescue Remedy which is a Bach Flower Remedy for anxiety. You should find them at a health food store. Please try these things first.

[[So...]]

I have periodontal disease, bad,, Im waiting until I get out of this mess and get some healing under my belt  before I even think about doing all that..

Im probably getting everything extracted and get a set of Farrah Fawcett horse teeth 

 

Oh! I am so sorry!

 

Sadly, my issues can't wait much longer. And, I have to have it all done at least a few months before my other surgeries.

 

This drug is just a good way to ruin someone's life!! But, once you're on it, you have no choice to stay on until you can be healthy enough to get off of it. That is where I went wrong, only I didn't know it.

 

Hope things get better for you. You may not need horse teeth, they can do a lot of things now to save teeth.

 

Denise 

[[Be...]]

strangely enough, the Bach Rescue Remedy works.... I forget to take it

[[Be...]]

jwell, yes and no..

 

I researched it, obsessively of course, you can keep your teeth, but you also will keep the periodontal disease..

Dr's will use a lot of words and phrases, but basically you can "treat" it, and slow its progress, but its always there....

it also increases ones chance of a 70% increase chance in heart disease.... which is why Im going to be radical about it...

plus Ive always been jealous of Farrah and I want to look  just like her, I got the one piece bathing suit she wore in her first pinup poster, and a wig,,, but it just dont look right with my normal size teef...

[[So...]]

Denise, why not just take benzos as needed for your procedures instead of going back on? And I have heard others say that there are alternatives to taking benzos at the time of a procedure. It sounds to me like you want to go back on in order to deal with the worry you have about upcoming procedures. Is that right? I drink decaf green tea three or four times a day and it has a tranquilizing affect on me. It is high in the amino acid theanine which the body converts to GABA. I feel like I have taken a benzo for about half an hour. Also you can try Calms Forte homeopathic pills and Rescue Remedy which is a Bach Flower Remedy for anxiety. You should find them at a health food store. Please try these things first.

 

I know that it does sound like I want to go back on. Would taking it once throw me back into acute, on top of dealing with the pain I will experience. I am not good with pain killers. They always wire me up.

 

I am just so confused by what has happened to me and my body. I have never dealt with anxiety before, and it gets worse everyday. I have tried several supplements without good luck.

 

Doesn't some of the supplements that act on gaba just prolong this as well? I read about passion flower, and was going to try it, until I found out it hits the same gaba receptors. I then read that it caused heart problems and death in a lady.

 

Also, with the supplements, you don't know how they will react to other types of meds, since not much about them have been studied. So, they may react to whatever they give me for the surgeries. At least the benzo would be known.

 

The green tea I haven't tried. But, i will.

 

Believe me when I say that I am truly terrified about going back on. But, I have also seen that sometimes it is better for a c/t to get back on and prepare for a much slower taper. Especially if you have become so debilitated during the c/t.

 

If I wasn't facing all of this, I would just hold out for healing. But, I am in a time frame.

 

So, I guess I am asking for support for my fear of going back on. I don't know how these drugs are supposed to make you feel when taken daily for a taper. My Xanax just calmed my mind so i could go to sleep.

 

Thank you so much for your suggestions. I really do appreciate them. 

 

Denise 

[[So...]]

jwell, yes and no..

 

I researched it, obsessively of course, you can keep your teeth, but you also will keep the periodontal disease..

Dr's will use a lot of words and phrases, but basically you can "treat" it, and slow its progress, but its always there....

it also increases ones chance of a 70% increase chance in heart disease.... which is why Im going to be radical about it...

plus Ive always been jealous of Farrah and I want to look  just like her, I got the one piece bathing suit she wore in her first pinup poster, and a wig,,, but it just dont look right with my normal size teef...

 

I can always count on you for a laugh!!

 

Well, when you get dem teefer's, you can put on that bathung suit and wig, and then take a photo to share with the rest of us!! 

 

Denise 

[[Sm...]]

Yeah, it's me again.

 

I took Xanax at night for sleep only. I had no idea what this dang drug was. I thought it was just a little sleeping pill.

 

Well, after a year I hit massive tolerance and had no idea what was going on. It wasn't until I found BB that I realized what the heck had happened to me.

 

At that time I refused my Dr's advice to go on Klonopin. This stuff scared the crap out of me.

 

This all hit, unfortunately, at the worst time in my life. I know that there is never a good time. But, I was preparing for massive dental work, and another two health surgeries as well. My mother in law was very ill, and we lost her a month after my c/t.

 

At the end of my first month, I really felt decent. I only had trouble sleeping, and some heart issues. Then I got hit with a bad bout of bronchitis. But, after a few weeks I started to see more improvement. Except for the heart racing issues. I started suffering terribly after that. I have now lost 45 lbs. i look like death warmed over. And, I just keep getting worse. I no longer want to leave my house. I can't even get a much needed haircut.

 

So, as you may have read from some of my previous posts, I have talked about reinstating.

 

I have taken some nibbles off of Klonopin over the last two days, and I hate how it makes me feel. I don't like the drugged feeling it gives me, and the fog I feel from it.

 

I have also started a low dose of Remeron, and it has helped with sleep.

 

So, my dilemma is that I have to do something to get me through the next 6-8 months. I absolutely cannot put off these dental and medical issues any longer.

 

So, could everyone please help me figure this out. I have to reinstate. But, it terrifies me. I need to get to a healthier point so I can get all of this stuff done and be healthy enough to handle a taper. I am not saying that a benzo will make me healthy, but just allow me to do what is needed to get myself better.

 

I am just not healthy enough to continue this c/t.

 

I have a script for Ativan that I am going to try later. The Klonopin is just too harsh. I will speak to my Dr about the valium crossover at a later date. How does the Ativan make you feel?

 

I just really need your support in this. I am totally terrified. So, should I go ahead and do just the small doses of Ativan 4 times a day, as if I was preparing for a taper? I am worried about hitting tolerance eventually.

 

Sorry this was so long. I am just so confused.

 

Please help me understand and decide this craziness.

 

Love to you all,

 

Denise 

 

Try a week with the remeron? It really kicks in after a week.

I don't know the full number of procedures you need or how your health is so I can't comment too much. It may be like said previously that you can use as needed during the procedures or have another alternative to the benzo sedatives they sometimes use. Using as needed post withdrawal though is tricky because you want to be wary of kindling. Choosing to reinstate is tough and not one I imagine taken lightly. If you really feel you must and I were you I'd choose the benzo I was planning to come off of later rather than factoring in a difficult C/O. Valium does have an unpleasant cog fog etc but if it is what you want to withdraw from later it is better to just go there. I'd also do it the way Allen described on IslandGirl's thread like a reverse taper: adding a small amount until you feel better with trying to wait for the half lives to kick in and get the blood benzo rate higher.

[[So...]]

Thanks Smiff!!

 

I would rather not try to take anything, and I am scared I screwed it up already with the little doses of Klonopin that I have taken. I was trying to introduce it slowly, to see if my body could handle it. Hate it. But, feel as if I have no other choice now.

 

And, one of the procedures that needs to be done will involve a benzo and adrenaline being shot into my heart, as I am semi awake.

 

I would like to be on the lesser of the benzo evils. The one that will allow you to function throughout the day, and then I can try to crossover to valium. Whatever I do, this will have to get me through at least 6-8 months of health and dental stuff. I just hope it holds out that long.

 

So, that is why I asked for support and help. Which will get me through this time, without making me feel more crappy.

 

Thanks for your help and support!! 

 

Denise 

[[fr...]]

Calms Forte and Rescue Remedy aren't 'supplements', they are natural 'remedies'. Just because something hits the GABA receptors doesn't mean it is addictive. Everything works differently.

 

For instance I take ibuprofen and it has a calming affect on me. I read that it hits the GABA receptors as well but it isn't addictive and I never have withdrawal sx from it. Some foods contain theanine which the body uses to make GABA but those foods aren't addictive. There is a difference between giving the body a drug and giving it a food or supplement with which it can make GABA.

 

Other ways to promote GABA production are touch, massage, deep breathing and meditation. You may have to practice these things for a while before seeing benefits. There are also five or six KINDS of GABA receptors. Benzos hit the GABA-1 receptor which is the most powerful. Other drugs used to ease withdrawal hit the other receptors. Every day I do calming therapies to help me get through this. Basically, if it feels good and is non-medicinal, do it. That being said the choice is yours. I understand that you are confused right now and it's hard to know what to do when docs tell you one thing, and lay people tell you something else. It's hard not to think that the doc must be right. Good luck to you.

[[So...]]

Thanks for that.

 

I had looked up the passion flower, here on BB, and found that so many were saying not to take it. And, someone ended up with w/d symptoms from it.

 

Yeah, this is all so confusing for me. I still have to think that a proper taper would heal my brain a little better. But, then again, it might make things worse. I just don't know.

 

Denise 

[[So...]]

Question number two.

 

Should I stay on the Remeron?

 

Anyone else on this?

 

I read that it has a fast poop out rate, and it is hard to come off of.

 

Denise 

[[Pi...]]

I'm sorry soph, I'm not really understanding . Is it because u are worried about going into severe w/ds after your surgeries? Is that what u are trying to avoid?

  Benzy u are so hilarious! I actually laughed out loud at your horse teeth! U crack me up! 

        xxoo    Pinkee

[[So...]]

I'm sorry soph, I'm not really understanding . Is it because u are worried about going into severe w/ds after your surgeries? Is that what u are trying to avoid?

  Benzy u are so hilarious! I actually laughed out loud at your horse teeth! U crack me up! 

        xxoo    Pinkee

 

This whole thing is so complicated. Right now, I am not healthy enough for surgery because of what the c/t has done to my body. I am having some trouble eating a wide variety if the healthier foods, because of the dental work I need.

 

And, my anxiety is ruling my life right now. I have tried so many different things to get calmed down. My body just would not be able to withstand everything it would be put through with the dental work. Plus all of the meds I would be put on for it. This is greatly terrifying.

 

So, yes, I am worried about sending myself back into acute w/d from everything that will be done to me.

 

Does that help explain it? I guess that it is hard for anyone else to see what I am facing and going through. Believe me, I am having a hard time trying to figure it out.

 

Denise 

[[Pi...]]

Yes, I understand now.u certainly have a lot on your plate don't u! I wish I could help u. I can see that this could make u feel frantic.

          I think maybe a one day at a time approach might help u. I know it's hard with so much ahead but somewhere your poor little body and brain needs a break from all of this anxiety. No?

        Maybe if u can try the tea and how about some mag powder? Maybe a nice massage. U always have a good sense of humour, I love that about u! Is there any music u can listen to? Maybe even 1/2 day at a time.     

        Anyway dear soph , I will support whatever u decide to do!        Hugs and lotsaluv.    Pinkee

[[So...]]

Yes, I understand now.u certainly have a lot on your plate don't u! I wish I could help u. I can see that this could make u feel frantic.

          I think maybe a one day at a time approach might help u. I know it's hard with so much ahead but somewhere your poor little body and brain needs a break from all of this anxiety. No?

        Maybe if u can try the tea and how about some mag powder? Maybe a nice massage. U always have a good sense of humour, I love that about u! Is there any music u can listen to? Maybe even 1/2 day at a time.     

        Anyway dear soph , I will support whatever u decide to do!        Hugs and lotsaluv.    Pinkee

 

Thanks Pinkee!! Your support is very much appreciated. 

 

Oh, and you can call me Denise. Sophia is the name of my precious 5 month old granddaughter. 

 

Being as I have been, I am missing out on so much with her. I took care of her, while Mom and Dad were at work. Well, until I had all of this happen. But, I had two fabulous months with her, that I will never forget. And, I know that there are many more to come.

 

 

Denise 

 

 

[[Pi...]]

I have missed a lot with my grand kids too. We will get there Denise. One day we will be able to enjoy them fully!

            Just concentrate on one day at a time!    xx Pinkee

[[Sm...]]

Thanks Smiff!!

 

I would rather not try to take anything, and I am scared I screwed it up already with the little doses of Klonopin that I have taken. I was trying to introduce it slowly, to see if my body could handle it. Hate it. But, feel as if I have no other choice now.

 

And, one of the procedures that needs to be done will involve a benzo and adrenaline being shot into my heart, as I am semi awake.

 

I would like to be on the lesser of the benzo evils. The one that will allow you to function throughout the day, and then I can try to crossover to valium. Whatever I do, this will have to get me through at least 6-8 months of health and dental stuff. I just hope it holds out that long.

 

So, that is why I asked for support and help. Which will get me through this time, without making me feel more crappy.

 

Thanks for your help and support!! 

 

Denise 

 

Ok well hope you feel better soon.

I felt better pretty much straight away with my reinstatement/updose but I might have overdone what I needed. Some of them like valium definitely can take longer because the half life builds up. I don't have any experience with the one you are gonna try to stabilise on. I reckon if it has a short half life then you'd hope to start feeling better in a week.

Good luck