My problem is I'm stubborn

[[Gi...]]

I'm just now realizing that some of the things I have issues with are because I'm stubborn. I'm starting to rethink things now that I'm getting married in a few months. I want to change my last name, but at the same time I don't. I love my name, it has been my identity for almost 32 years. I am realizing that the main issue I have with my name is that I don't want to feel forced to change my name. I don't like to feel like I'm being controlled, even in that small way. I want to change my name, but I feel like if my fiance ever said to me that I had too, that I would be dead set against it. He just expects that I will and we haven't discussed it. I think I won't say anything though, for fear he will be the "You have to change it" type and I don't want to start our marriage with resentment. I'm thinking of adding my maiden name to my middle name and having two middle names instead of dropping it all together. My fiance has two middle names, so I don't think it would be too weird. I'm hoping that decision will make me not feel so strongly negative about taking his last name.

 

I was married before but never got around to changing my name. My daughter has my ex-husbands last name. I read all kinds of blogs and comments and stuff where people say that it would be hard on the kids if we had different names (if I were to keep my maiden name) but my daughter and I have always had that and it hasn't caused us any harm. Every now and then I get called Mrs (daughters last name), doesn't bother me any. Those people only know my daughter and don't know what my name is.

 

Lately I've been feeling a bit depressed and kind of "non attached" is the only way I know to describe it. I feel like there may be something wrong with me emotionally. I see people on social media being all lovey dovey and gooey about their SO's and I just don't feel that way. Is there something wrong with me? Should I be attached stronger? I know in my heart that if we weren't together I would be heart broken, but I don't feel that I have to be around him all the time and I don't feel like professing my love for him on a regular basis. In fact, he says thing to me like, "I love you so much, you are my heart" I love that he says those things, makes me feel good, but all I ever say to him is that I love him. I've never been comfortable with emotions though, so maybe that's it. I don't really remember feeling all ooey gooey with my ex-husband when we were first together ..... maybe there is something wrong with me.

 

Anyway, long story short. I am very stubborn I think. I know my fiance has said a few things that had to happen in our house, no questions about it. I actually felt the same way and want those things to happen too, but was upset by the controlling way he made it sound. He knows I won't be controlled though and doesn't want to control me.

[[Be...]]

I'm thinking all these are normal feelings!

Maybe you're just obsessing about it because of withdrawals and such?

[[Bi...]]

Very normal and if your Scottish it's a way of life thinking this way.

[[Gi...]]

Well that makes me feel better. I guess I just worry that I'm not normal lol.