MORE JOKES.......... Hope you get a good chuckle!

[[pa...]]

 

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER

 

 

One day, a sign appeared in an office window.  It read: "Help wanted.

Must type 70 words a minute.  Must be computer literate.  Must be

bilingual.  An equal opportunity employer."

 

A dog ambling down the street saw the sign, walked in, and applied

for the job.

 

The office manager said, "I can't hire a dog for this job."  The dog

pointed to the line: "An equal opportunity employer."

 

So the manager said, "Okay, take this letter and type it."  The dog went

off to the word processor and returned a minute later with the finished

letter, perfectly formatted.

 

The manager said:  "Here's a problem.  Write a computer program for it and

run it."  Fifteen minutes later, the dog came back with the correct

answer.

 

The manager still wasn't convinced.  "I can't hire a dog for this

position, "he said: "You've got to be bilingual."

 

The dog looked up at the manager and said,  'MEOW"

[[mp...]]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[[De...]]

Oh I love this patty !!!     

 

Thanks so much for sharing,

 

Debbie x

[[Bi...]]

:2funny: :2funny:

 

MORE  :yippee: :yippee:

[[pa...]]

 

 

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.

While they were there, the wife passed away.

 

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000,

or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150.

 

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

 

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home,

when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

 

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days

later he rose from the dead."  "Shaking his head, he continued,

"I just can't take that chance"

 

[[IG...]]

[[pa...]]

I couldn't resist posting this one!!!

 

 

 

"I CAN'T FIND THE CAUSE OF YOUR PAIN"

 

 

 

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said,

"I can't find a cause for your complaint."

"Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

 

"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober." 

[[Bi...]]

I couldn't resist posting this one!!!

 

 

 

"I CAN'T FIND THE CAUSE OF YOUR PAIN"

 

 

 

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said,

"I can't find a cause for your complaint."

"Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

 

"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober." 

 

Patty, you should know by now drs. never take their own medications

[[pa...]]

I couldn't resist posting this one!!!

 

 

 

"I CAN'T FIND THE CAUSE OF YOUR PAIN"

 

 

 

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said,

"I can't find a cause for your complaint."

"Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

 

"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober." 

 

Patty, you should know buy now drs. never take their own medications

 

Birdman.... Sure do!  That's why they are in denial of benzos!

[[Bi...]]

I couldn't resist posting this one!!!

 

 

 

"I CAN'T FIND THE CAUSE OF YOUR PAIN"

 

 

 

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said,

"I can't find a cause for your complaint."

"Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

 

"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober." 

 

Patty, you should know buy now drs. never take their own medications

 

Birdman.... Sure do!  That's why they are in denial of benzos!

[[ig...]]

Thanks, Patty!

 

:angel: :laugh: 8)

[[Bi...]]

So there's this huge flood one day, and an entire town looks like it's going to be swallowed up by the waters. And the Police and Rescue Agencies are running all over the place trying to get people to safety.

 

So they send the rescue boat over to this house where a guy's sitting on the roof with the water lapping around his ankles and they say "Come on, quickly, there isn't much time"

 

To which he says "Nah, it's ok, God will Provide"

 

So about an hour later they're zooming past in the boat again and they notice the guy's still there, only the water's up to his waist, almost at the top of the roof.. "Quick" they say, get in the boat, it's going to get worst before it gets better.

 

"Nah, don't worry - God will Provide"

 

An hour after that a rescue helicopter flies over the area and notices the guy, who must be standing on the peak of the roof now, with only his head and shoulders out of the water. "GRAB THE ROPE!" they cry "IT'S YOUR ONLY HOPE!"

 

"Don't worry" he replies calmly "God will provide."

 

So he gets drowned of course. And he goes to heaven, and is a little ticked off with god for drowing him like that, and expresses his concern saying "I had FAITH, I BELIEVED in you - and still you didn't help me"

 

"HELP YOU?!" God replies "What MORE did you want - I sent you two boats and a helicopter!"

[[Bi...]]

good one

 

 

Thanks redevan 

[[pa...]]

 

Redevan, Birdman...... :laugh:   those were great!