The "Alpha Male" & "Beta male"

[[Ch...]]

Hello everyone in BB.

 

Today i'd like to discuss the "Alpha Male" & The "Beta Male" roles in social culture and hierarchy.  i am a male myself and ive noticed myself im completely  un-able to get along with any other males. throughout my whole life ive noticed this even as a small child ive noticed i never could establish another healthy relationship with a male or maintain one when i did. i always wondered why i could run with females all day and have the time of my life and not get in one arguement but as soon as im put in a group of males it will usually end in one of us getting into a scuffle or fist fight.

 

Now as most of you know the alpha male is typically the dominate male in the social world. he posses manly quality's, he displays courage,leadership skills,confidence and an overall dominate presence. he is social,out going and out spoken. his presence is always recognized in a room, he dominates conversation, is able to pull females easily, and is just generally desirable to people. typically tall,lean and muscular.

 

 

Now to disscuss the beta-male. he is ussually shy is most situations, typically doesn't have a real general idea of who he is and he tends to follow what others do then have any leadership skills at all. he is typically soft spoken, laid back and just joins in on convorsation whenever he can instead of trying to be out-spoken and dominate. his presence and overall being may not be dominate, he may lack  social skills and be somewhat shy around females and has to work harder and appears less desirable to others due to his lack of self-esteem.

 

okay, so ive laid it out for you who don't know the difference between the alpha and the beta. you now might still be a little un-sure but you have a general idea of who the alpha and who the beta are in social situations and in life now. alpha's are dominate and masculine, while betas are less dominate and more feminine.

 

HERE IS MY QUESTION!

 

I know my role i am definitely not an alpha male, nor am i a typical beta male. i posses traits of both however i would fall under the category of "beta" BUT for some reason i am always be-friended by alpha males, they seem to want to become friends with me however its strange to me because i do not fit the typical criteria for alpha male. yet they all be-friend me? maybe they felt insecure at the time and wanted my friendship to make themselves feel more secure? or maybe they just wanted me around them in social situations so they could put me down and make themseves feel more dominate?  i have a few theroys for this so, i will give you 2 maybe 3 situations where they alpha male be-friended me (depending on how much i feel like typing)

 

FIRST SCENARIO:

 

in summer 2011 i went a week long summer camp program, probably about 200-300 teenagers in my age group.

now here i stand, 5'11 160 lbs. (not the biggest guy) i had decent muscle tone but i was by no means alpha. i was tall, skinny, un-cordinated,shy and socially awkward in alot of situations. insecure with myself and my image around others and by no means did i have a dominating presence. i was pale and not very athletic by any means. dont get my wrong i had my good qualitys like anyone else. i was decent and somewhat handsome. very intelligent and witty. typical BETA

Now meet trey! 6'2, 230 lbs of pure muscle, star high school football line backer with a college scholarship to play for a local college. tan, athletic and intimidating. also very attractive to alot of females due to his size and muscle tone.He screamed ALPHA now examining both of our profiles you would figure we would be the least people you'd expect to be friends.

 

For some strange reason he attached himself to me and we became best of friends he would always make sure i was beside of him wherever we went. any social event at camp i was right beside of him, he almost treated me like a little brother. and had somewhat of a protective presence around me.

why would two opposites be best friends?? and how?? what would his reasoning be for be befriending me? and wanting me around him at all times?

 

SECOND SCENARIO:

 

My freshman year in high school, ohh boy 5'9 130lbs of pure skin and bones. skinny,short, lanky and awkward as it gets was about the only way to describe me. i dont know if i would even fit the profile of alpha or beta i was just a plain nerd! i was socially awkward as it gets, shy,insecure and often bullied alot. i had no friends and was a loner for the most part as i made my desperate and needy attempts to fit in with others and peer groups not knowing i was making a complete fool out of myself.

 

Now meet norman. 5'9 160 lbs of muscle, he was broad shouldered, one of the top boxers on in his boxing club and held many medals for his boxing and fighting achievements, he was cocky, fearless,mean and agressive. his profile even to this day is textbook alpha male. he was a fighter, a drinker, and a womanizer. his dad was a semi-pro boxer and his family was a long line of hard-knocks. as soon as we met he started to take alot of interest in me. he invited me to his house every weekend where we would drink ride around in the car he stole and hang out and drink a few beers. he treated me almost as if i was his little brother as well. how strange right? again in my life two complete opposites of people being best of friends. he wanted me around him at all times, even around his friends.

 

these are just two of many occasions. these two however highlight this enigma that i don't quite understand?

all these alpha males wanting to be-friend me, the classic and weak beta male? this has happened to me my whole life. these are just the two recents. im going to attempt to break down why this happens, why alphas chose me as a side kick or typical counter part

if anyone else has any other theory please fell free to post in!

 

THEORY'S:

 

1.these alpha males somehow feel insecure inside and use their alpha personality to make up for it and they need a weaker male like myself around so that they can use to make themselves feel bigger or braver. thus my constant presence around them and their friends makes them appear tougher and more masculine. therefore they need a weaker male around them to constantly validate themselves inside.

 

2.They feel bad for me due to the fact that i didn't fit into any specific clique and wanted to be friends with me because they felt bad for me. Or maybe they felt i was an easy target for bully's and their alpha trait of protectiveness kicked in and they wanted to father or help me out of sympathy or pitty?  (Have you guys ever seen the popular kid in school be friends with the nerd at times so he doesnt catch shit from everyone?)

 

 

^^^ Those are just two of many i have but those are the top two and possibly the most accurate i can think of. if anyone else has any other Theroys  or ideas please post on here and let me know, im more interested in seeing it from a third person perspective than in my own mind. and if you took the time to read all this thank you

 

Thanks everyone, im looking forward to hearing feedback and ideas on this enigma that has been rattling my brain!

 

[[...]]

Two alpha males are unlikely to be friends because of their competetive nature. So I guess that's your answer.

 

Your categorization is a little bit black and white however. Alpha males can be intelligent as well, and your typical beta guy can be stupid as anyone.

 

Alpha males, like anyone else, like to have friends. So they just befriend you because they think you're a nice guy. A 'real' alpha male won't need to befriend someone just to look better himself, he knows he IS just the dominant guy so he won't need anyone to remind him of that.

 

I guess you're just a nice guy people want to hang out with.

[[Ch...]]

You could be right, i did paint more of a black and white picture. & didn't highlight my good quality's that might have been more attractive. 

[[Mu...]]

This all sound gay to me.

[[eg...]]

This all sound gay to me.

 

That is just rude.  No need to respond if you can't be supportive.

[[st...]]

i got some of your beta male qualities im soft spoken laid back, and now a womanizer.. meaning i don't know how the heck i got all the women i have been with to attract.. because i have shy type swag ( i guess) ... now heres the part of me i guess is alpha .. i dont follow anyone and i make up my owwn rules .. i'm heardheaded to a certain point.. also i don't run in wolf-packs i'm a loaner.. i talk to dudes but i haven't really be-friended anyone ... i guess i'm a weirdo!

[[Di...]]

I've always personally found it a myth that women are attracted to "alpha" men. They are always the men I avoid, because I usually find them loud and boring. All they do is talk about themselves, their achievements, their possessions, their need to be top of the heap, and I have no interest in that.

 

While I'm sure there are very black and white "alpha" and "beta" men, I feel that the majority of men are a combination of the two, with them perhaps leaning one way or the other.

 

I also agree that alpha men are unlikely to be interested in friendships with other alpha men because there is too much territorial competion. They also might be able to get women interested in them, but are they able to keep their interest? From what I know of other women's perferences, they like a man to show attention, understanding, sensitivity and quite often the alpha male is more interested in his own needs to give too much long-term attention and understanding to another person. So it is often the man leaning more towards the "beta" male characteristics who gets and keeps the girl in the end.

 

Of course that is assuming that an alpha man is interested in a long term commitment with anyone. Perhaps they aren't, and keeping the woman's interest long-term isn't of great importance to them.

 

 

[[Be...]]

Diaz pam, I agree, most of the women I've know and myself included, prefer beta men.  I don't think most girls are attracted to alpha men.  I have also known alpha women, who no one really likes  being around for too long. 

[[Di...]]

Oh yes, I have a couple of women friends who are definitely "alpha" women. I can tolerate them a little better than alpha men, but it's only in small doses. If I'm around them for too long I find myself getting really riled up because I just want to smack them...lol...

[[Be...]]

The alpha female unit manager at the male dominated business I was in was the one who did me in, she was way tougher than me, and could take on the guys like you wouldn't believe.  Some women enjoy a fight with men, it get's them fired up.  The alpha men at work thought she was a joke, made fun of her, and absolutely had no respect for her as a person.  Alpha men like my attention, but they exhaust me and quash my personality with their domineering disposition.  I like men who let me be myself, creative and carefree, without having to control me.  I hate to be controlled by anyone.  I like spontaneous and fun men, without all the anger and meanness which comes with too much alpha testosterone.  I don't like the gun-toting, football playing, muscle bound guy, it's a huge turn off for me.  I guess the geek or more intelligent type is what I like. 

[[...]]

Well, I like a combination of both stereotypes. The whole biological purpose is to find a strong man that can protect a woman and pass on his strong genes. I don't like men that are afraid of everything and are inactive. But without intellectual baggage the toughest, muscular guy becomes instantly unattractive to me.

 

I think there's a lot of truth in the theory of women liking guys that resemble their fathers. My father would definitely be an alpha man, but he makes beautiful paintings, music and is very intelligent. My boyfriend is a professor in literature but at the same time he loves soccer (me too), cars, typical outfits for a woman (dresses and high heels) and competition.

 

The stereotypes are not that easily to be found I think. I've only seen them in American high school movies