Okay I need answers - who can answer these questions?

[Guest [St...]]

Have you ever wondered?  

 

 

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?

 

 

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

 

 

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

 

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

 

 

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

 

 

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

 

 

What is the speed of darkness?

 

 

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

 

 

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

 

 

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

 

 

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

 

 

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

 

 

Did you ever stop and wonder........

 

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze

these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

 

 

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

 

 

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

 

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

 

 

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

 

 

Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

 

 

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

 

 

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

 

 

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

 

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

 

 

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

 

 

Stop singing and read on......

 

 

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

 

 

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

 

 

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

 

 

??????????????????????????????? :laugh: :laugh:  

 

 

[[ni...]]

  Hi StaffyGirl

 

Im glad people dont point to their bum when needing directions to the bathroom. They might be meaning something else!  Ha!

 

I have a question also. Why is abbreviated such a long word ?

 

 

 

[[Fl...]]

Funny, Staffy,

 

And what's up with the one shoe on the side of the road. I see this all the time. Just one shoe. Never two. Never any bodies, just shoes. 

 

And you know on the post office and some other public buildings there is a sign that says "no pets allowed, except seeing eye dogs." Does the dog read that? The blind guy can't. 

 

Life has many puzzles. And tests...

Flip

[[Ca...]]

On a Post Office near me there is a notice saying -

"No animals of any kind allowed".  Apart from a dog, what on earth would you want to take!

[Guest [St...]]

Funny, Staffy,

 

Hi Flip

 

And you know on the post office and some other public buildings there is a sign that says "no pets allowed, except seeing eye dogs." Does the dog read that? The blind guy can't. 

 

:laugh:  I have often pondered this one too - go figure. 

 

Staffy

[Guest [St...]]

On a Post Office near me there is a notice saying -

"No animals of any kind allowed".  Apart from a dog, what on earth would you want to take!

 

Carlton and moreover which part?    It's tail, It's legs........

 

Staffy

[Guest [St...]]

  Hi StaffyGirl

 

Im glad people dont point to their bum when needing directions to the bathroom. They might be meaning something else!  Ha!

 

I have a question also. Why is abbreviated such a long word ?

 

 

 

 

That's a very good question - hmm who has the answer?

 

Staffy

[Guest [St...]]

No answers, just more questions.

 

Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

 

Brother, I believe a chap named Oxy - Moron invented that distinct phraseology!

 

Staffy

[[re...]]

At work, in the bathroom, next to the sink, above the soap dispenser, there's a sign with step-by-step instructions -

HOW TO WASH YOUR HANDS

 

And yet, there are no instructions above the toilet paper.

 

I think that's odd.

[[Fl...]]

Oh, Evan, you should see the instructions in the ladies room on how to pee in a cup! 

[Guest [St...]]

At work, in the bathroom, next to the sink, above the soap dispenser, there's a sign with step-by-step instructions -

HOW TO WASH YOUR HANDS

 

And yet, there are no instructions above the toilet paper.

 

I think that's odd.

 

Sadly there are some instructions left in the ladies toilets, often in Braille.  ewwwwwwww.

 

Staffy

 

[[Fl...]]

Flip, where's that? At the Waffle House?

Man, that would explain a lot.

 

It would! You've solved a great mystery for me. I've often wondered about the dubious puddle on the floor. I thought is was from enthusiastic mopping!

 

Ewwwwwwww, Staffy. Braille? Just Ewwwwwwww!

[Guest [St...]]

Flip, where's that? At the Waffle House?

Man, that would explain a lot.

 

It would! You've solved a great mystery for me. I've often wondered about the dubious puddle on the floor. I thought is was from enthusiastic mopping!

 

Ewwwwwwww, Staffy. Braille? Just Ewwwwwwww!

 

Oh yes Flip, I am not being disgusting, haven't you ever noticed how disgraceful ladies toilets are?  In the office block I worked from there were several toilets where everyday you would walk in and see the sole marks from shoes, so obviously people where standing on the toilets to do their business.  I was appalled that the ladies lavs could be like that. 

 

It seems everywhere over here, in our clubs, hotels, etc, some women are dirty pigs.  Sorry but they really are. 

 

Staffy

[[Fl...]]

Staffy - as in footprints ON the toilet seat?    :o

 

How is that even possible? I mean there would have to be some serious removal of clothing to accomplish that!  :o

 

Oh my, this gives new meaning entirely to macho women.  and to the concept of 'tears' running down the leg.  . I'll never sit down on a public toilet seat again! 

 

Freaking icky! 

[[Pl...]]

Lol!!!! 

[[da...]]

Movie questions:

 

Why are there never any screens on the windows?

Why doesn't any one ever say good-bye when they hang up the phone?  Very rude.

Why do they let the phone ring about twenty times before they pick it up...so annoying.

Why do they order large platters of food and never eat a bite of it?

Why do they bother to take the time to put on their slippers and grab a robe when they hear an axe murderer in the kitchen?

Why do they turn the light on to answer a phone that's right next to their bed?

 

There is a sign in our local carwash.  It hangs above the metal door that raises up and down after you pay.  It reads:  Please do not enter the car wash area until the door is up.  Really?  I can't just slam the gas pedal to the floor and go right through it?

 

Why does my hair dryer have a tag that tells me not to use this product while taking a shower or a bath?

Why does a package of Twinkies have to tell me the cellophane wrapper is not for human consumption?

 

Oh, the questions.

[[Ca...]]

Nice to laugh here:)

Carol

[[...]]

Hi  All

 

Why does a packet of nuts. state on the pack. Allergies. may contain nuts.

 

Why do people who you do not know, when they leave a message on your answering machine leave a contact number.

 

And did you know that windows have no corners, unless they are round of course of what I was paying my former window cleaner as I watched him half clean my upstairs window.

 

And talking about window cleaners, why do they clean clients windows when it is raining, I have seen it many a time.

 

Thanks for the laughs Staffy guess it would be you that started this topic

 

DD

[[...]]

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?

  Maybe he is part native american, they don't grow beards.

 

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

  The same reason we keep pushing the button on a remote even though we know it doesn't work.

 

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

  So they can make more money off of the poor people, thats what they are there for.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

  They don't want to hit their heads and pass out before they dive bomb their target, plus the have oxygen running into the helmet to help them breath and not pass out.

 

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

  It would be hard to count that many stars and after a few million most people would lose count and have to start over thus making it an endless cycle. Wet paint is really easy to check.

 

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

  If it wasn't for the s then it would just be lip.

 

What is the speed of darkness?

  Approximately 186,282 miles per second the same speed of light as it moves by.

 

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

  I do sleep like a baby when I'm on call, I wake up every couple of hours and check my phone to make sure I didn't miss a call.

 

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

  -8.8889 deg. Celsius

 

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

  It only seems longer.

 

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

  After the astronauts came back to earth they had a hard time carrying their luggage so they put wheels on them. 

 

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

  because of the nice view. I love tall buildings. Also maybe to see what the would land on if the jumped.

 

Did you ever stop and wonder...

 

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze

these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

  This one I don't know since I don't drink milk.

 

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

  Maybe because it was an egg and not something brown and moist. On another note why do dogs eat each others poop? Do the other dog ear better dog food?

 

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

  This so you can toast frozen things. I keep my bread in the freezer since it would other wis go bad before I could eat it.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

  That is a very good question.

 

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

  People might get the wrong impression.

 

Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

  Being a guy I have never had that experience.

 

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

  I think Goofy is a mutant mix between dog and human while Pluto is just a dog, and unfortunately not a planet any more.

 

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

  Tests I guess would be testicles.

 

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

  It is made from babies, but lets just keep that a secret between us.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

  For the most part yes.

 

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

  They are just hacks and couldn't be original.

 

Stop singing and read on......

 

 

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

  Since Alphabet soup hardly ever really spells a actual word out it might be the cause of people being illiterate.

 

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

  It's all in what they smell.

 

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

  No, but taking the stairs usually gets you there much quicker.

[[pa...]]

when airplane lands and dock at the gate, everybody gets up and stand in the aisle. does this make you get out of the airplane faster?

[[Ca...]]

It's the same with trains.

[[el...]]

Answer to why shoes on the side of the road - if you see a shoe/shoes with laces tied around an electrical wire overhead, I heard this was a gang territory marking (maybe an urban legend?)  Weird!

[[...]]

    I have heard that shoes over an electric line signal that a gang member in that community has died. Don't know if this is true but it is what I've been told.

[Guest [St...]]

Staffy - as in footprints ON the toilet seat?    :o

 

How is that even possible? I mean there would have to be some serious removal of clothing to accomplish that!  :o

 

Oh my, this gives new meaning entirely to macho women.  and to the concept of 'tears' running down the leg.  . I'll never sit down on a public toilet seat again! 

 

Freaking icky! 

 

Yes Flip,

 

Apparently many of the 'tenants' stand on the toilet seat in a 'modified' squat.  Mind you this is in a premium commercial office space!  One of the Asian ladies from the take away told me that it was dirty to sit on the toilet and it's in their culture to stand/squat on the toilet seat.  It apparently is also the correct way to 'defecate', in terms of postural assistance.  Go figure and I kid you not. 

 

Staffy 

 

[Guest [St...]]

Hi  All

 

Why does a packet of nuts. state on the pack. Allergies. may contain nuts.

 

Why do people who you do not know, when they leave a message on your answering machine leave a contact number.

 

And did you know that windows have no corners, unless they are round of course of what I was paying my former window cleaner as I watched him half clean my upstairs window.

 

And talking about window cleaners, why do they clean clients windows when it is raining, I have seen it many a time.

 

Thanks for the laughs Staffy guess it would be you that started this topic :thumbsup:

 

DD

 

Hey DD,

 

You know I love to laugh, it's medicine for my soul.  Plus I genuinely would like to know the answers. 

 

Staffy