it's hurting me that my parents are getting older

[[sw...]]

Nothing major, but I had a harsh reminder tonight that my parents are aging, tonight, and it makes me worry about them.  Also, my dad drinks a lot and I don't think it's making anything any better.  (Though on the plus side, if he stopped or even scaled way back, I guess there could possibly be a huge improvement.)  On the other side, my mom refuses to go to the doctor for most things, and then doesn't seem to press for attention for anything import when she goes in for her annual.  She seems to take a bizarre pride in "living with" whatever ailes her when a solution may well be available to improve her quality of life.

 

Also, my dad isn't a great driver, and I worry about his drinking and driving (though I am not clear how often or freqently this comes up, probably not too often but some) and I espeically worry about my mom because inexplicably he is always the driver even though she is *much* better and barely drinks.  Further, it's not even like she is making an informed decision as she seems pretty oblivious to his drinking in that A) she doesn't seem to have any idea how much he drinks and B) for the substancial amount that she is aware that he drinks it doesn't strike her as being in any sort of excess at all.

 

I don't know, they have a PhD and Masters degrees respectively, but unfortunately their degrees aren't in taking care of themselves.  They're nice and smart and loving and I want the best for them.  It's just that I live in a different state so it creeps up on me more and is more of a shock when something comes up and kind of reveals the state of things.  It's nothing dire or major or something that requires any level of action, but I was jarred a bit by a reminder, this evening, that they are aging.  I guess that's human, it just bums me out.

 

[[pa...]]

Hi Sweet G,

 

Your thread touched my heart in reading this.  As "children" of our parents, when our parents grow older, we view them so much differently.  Yes, you have worries about them both as you mentioned..  Just remember, they have lived a lifetime.  Yes, you would love to see things differant for them, but now, they are in their "golden years" (ick) and just should be given nothing other then love and respect, as I'm sure you have shown to them.

 

We are now almost 70 and 64 respectively, and shoot, life's lessons are not easy.  We come into these good old "golden years", and even though we have an approach of differance of it, its scary in its own way. Its a differant venture for us on this road.  I'm amazed how in these last five years how our life's have changed so drastically, because of these benzos, and this should have not been this way.  We have truly lost, the last best years of our lifes.  We both have aged so much, its just taken too much of our lifes from us.  But, we will get there, where ever that it is in life.  I remember my dear mom, after our dad passed suddenly in 95', how so very vulnerable she became... She lost her link, her dear love in her life, her emotional strength, as they both were to each other.

 

Remember, even though what you are seeing with your parents, this may not what you want for them..  Right now, they have each other, they just need to live their life together and how it works for them..

 

Hugs, Pattylu 

[[he...]]

  Good advice Pattylu...DITTO...I'm about your age and life is having a different view now.  Jude

[[sw...]]

Hey, thanks a lot for the responses.  I guess I should have mentioned that my dad is about to turn 70 with my mom not far behind, but it sounds like you kind of inferred the age range I was referring to.  They are the "young old".  ;-)

 

I understand what you guys are saying about respecting their dynamic, and I don't see where I have any choice, anyway.  They're very happy together, and I guess I've got to leave it at that.

[[he...]]

OOH yes sweet G .... you are wise to see!!! much wisdom to you...Jude

[[pa...]]

Hi Sweet G.... Ditto what Jude said...  Yes, Sweet G... you are very, very wise.  I have followed you for so long.. you have so much wisdom.  This of course with your parents, reaches a differant level, the emotional level of love and concern, and I do understand that.. I was there also.  I know its a concern and worry when we as their children see this.. but... they do what they must do.

 

Like my dear mom use to tell my sisters and myself.. "you can never put an old head on young shoulders"..  How true her words were to us... Little did we think we'd be up to bat at the plate this soon... Whew, did this come fast.

 

Blessings to you Sweet G... Take very good care of yourself.  You are someone wonderful on this site!..

 

Hugs.  Pattylu