Step right up and find your soul mate here!

[[da...]]

Personal Ad in Cooking with Garlic Magazine:

 

Middle aged woman in acute benzo withdrawal looking for fellow sufferer to wile away the time.  Male, female...not picky...I can't see that good.  Interests include...well...staring at the ceiling deciding whether the water stain looks like a duck or a rabbit.  Sitting in a dark room listening to the grass grow through the cracks in the sidewalk outside the front door.  Seeing if I can kick a soda can across the room with one eye closed.  Counting how many phone calls I can ignore in one afternoon and if I get to ten, I eat a Krispy Creme.

 

Must be able to take your own shower and wash your own sweat pants.  Close-talkers, loud-talkers or fast-talkers need not apply.  No slam dancers, please.  Knee jerkers, droolers and lip smackers welcome!  I would LOVE to hear from you...I have a nice platter of Chef Boyardee canned ravioli waiting for the lucky person who will share space in my cluttered, pig sty home!

 

BTW...I am married but he lives in the basement.  I also am not middle aged...let's just say I remember Eisenhower.

 

Write to Cooking with Garlic Magazine and enter code: 998876-4326889-H-899975-JKLIO-99146508-77-MNI-77776000#

[[Ch...]]

http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m575/maxmoo/Funny%20Pics/Decor%20Smileys/mrsbeasley.gif

[[To...]]

LOL you guys are funny :-)

[[da...]]

Put your hand down, Challis.  I happen to know you're a slam dancer. 

 

xxoo

[Guest [...]]

ahahahah that is so clever love it.

[[ar...]]

Really cool

[[jr...]]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

 

Damanged!!   I think I found my soul mate!  It's you!!!  But only if you don't mind someone who showers at least once a month and changes the sheets every 6 months.

[[Ch...]]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

 

Damanged!!   I think I found my soul mate!  It's you!!!  But only if you don't mind someone who showers at least once a month and changes the sheets every 6 months.

 

http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m575/maxmoo/Funny%20Pics/Decor%20Smileys/mrsbeasley.gif

[[da...]]

Jenn...you use sheets?

 

Challis...is that hand waving in the air for Jenn?  Are you giving up on me so easily?

 

Donna

[[Ol...]]

Please form an orderly queue. :laugh:

[[jr...]]

Jenn...you use sheets?

 

Challis...is that hand waving in the air for Jenn?  Are you giving up on me so easily?

 

Donna

 

:2funny:

 

YES!  I have sheets on my bed, but they more resmble a fur coat (thanks to my cat). I'm afriad I'll plug up the washer if and when I decide to change them. 

 

No fair, Challis, I saw her first.

[[jr...]]

Please form an orderly queue. :laugh:

 

:laugh: :laugh:

 

On this forum???

[[Ch...]]

 

No fair, Challis, I saw her first.

 

http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m575/maxmoo/Funny%20Pics/Decor%20Smileys/throlleyes1.gif

[[Ho...]]

I'm a perfect fit....and I'll even bring my own couch with its own dent in it....and when we are well - we can chop up our sofas and have a huge bonfire .... this would be hysterical(and it is) if it wasn't so true and so sad....

Hoping

[[da...]]

Hoping...you have a sofa?  Geez...Jenn uses sheets, you have a sofa...what to do...what to do.

 

I have a 'so called' sofa, I guess.  It is now a leather slab with a crator in the middle.  You ladies are making this sooooo difficult...

 

Donna

[[pa...]]

Oh Donna... I just love your threads... Laughter is truly the best medicine!  When you are healed, SNL.... They need you!  Thanks for the laughter!  Patty  :laugh:

[Guest [...]]

can i join i have a couch with a butt indentation in it.  I also have my pj's on but Ive showered is that a problem i have not yet brushed my teeth but its not 8am here yet i can hold off on that if I can join

[[jr...]]

Yes, Lizzy, you can join, but you have to go easy on the showers.

 

My mattress has a crater in it on one side.  Now I sleep on a slant.

[Guest [...]]

ok haha in your honour i shall remain unshowered lol on your mattress that is so funny dont fall out of your bed will you.

[[jr...]]

Thank you for not showering, Lizzy.  You wouldn't want to show the rest of us up.

 

I keep moving further and further to the other side of the bed to sleep to try to get off the slant.  Now I'm sleeping on the other edge.

[[da...]]

Holy Moly...you people have a mattress?  Sofa, sheets, mattress...I suppose now I'll have to buy some towels.

 

Lizzy...teeth brushing is optional so please don't feel pressured into doing so.  All Butt-Dent sofa's are welcome..we can arrange them in a circle and sing Michael Row The Boat Ashore.

 

How do you people feel about eating expired dairy products?

 

Donna

[Guest [...]]

ahahaha i love it that song i mean all can we sing oh we are sailing we are sailing across the ocean you know it or islands in the stream oh i hate that song no we are not singing that song.

 

hey prior to this donna i thought expired products would have killed me know no open it up and eat it if this doesnt kill us nothing will. go on eat it i dare ya

[[Ma...]]

Holy Moly...you people have a mattress?  Sofa, sheets, mattress...I suppose now I'll have to buy some towels.

 

Lizzy...teeth brushing is optional so please don't feel pressured into doing so.  All Butt-Dent sofa's are welcome..we can arrange them in a circle and sing Michael Row The Boat Ashore.

 

How do you people feel about eating expired dairy products?

 

Donna

 

LMAO

[[jr...]]

I have 4 gallons of expired milk in my fridge, a couple of which are probably 3 or 4 months old; yogurt that expired in January; sour cream that I'm not sure about, afraid to check.  I took one of the gallons of milk out last week with the intention of pouring it down the drain.  However, it was one solid lump so I just left it on the counter.  Apparently it expanded (for some scientific reason that I don't understand), and popped out the lid and all over the counter, down the cabinet and onto the floor.  It's still there. 

 

After it became apparent that I was sleeping on a slant several months ago I ordered a new mattress set.  It is standing up in my guest room and I am still sleeping on a slant, which worsens by the day.  The feathers in my down comforter are popping out everywhere and poking me when I sleep.  There are stiff ripples in my mattress pad, most likely due to sweat and dirt. 

[[da...]]

Thanks for stopping by, Patty!  Searching for a soul mate is not as easy as I thought it would be...soooo many fabulous people to choose from!

 

Hope to see you again and be sure to scrape your shoes off on the sidewalk after you leave!

 

Donna