Irritants, Annoyances and Pet Peeves, OH MY!

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Hey, don't let the "little old lady with cane" schtick fool you, they just carry them around as legit exposed lethal weapons.    How DARE you have tried to help her, you, you, YOUNG LADY! \

 

very funny.

 

 

I just thought of this for my elevator post - makes me roll my eyes every time  :

 

When I am standing in the elevator lobby having already pressed the button to call elevator. Button is obviously lit up. Idiot Kind gentleperson comes by, and presses the already lit button, three times. Yes, that will make the elevator come more quickly, cause YOU pressed the button.

 

M. 

[[da...]]

We go to a local casino on Thursday nights to hear music in their 'free lounge' by various bands.  The Husband was a muscian way back when and has gotten to know most of the people who play there...they let him sing.  Anyway, one night I was standing outside the lounge area...vibrating...sweating...feeling like I was sinking through the floor.  An elderly woman pulls a chair up to the 'Bill Changing Machine', (which I was leaning against) sits down and slips a twenty into the slot.  Of course money fell out into the hopper.  She looks at me and says..."Did I win the Jackpot?"  It was sad and precious at the same time!

 

I guess I mention this because of how I perceived that poor woman tapping at the ATM buttons with her cane...I was so annoyed but realize that could be that same poor lost soul trying to win the jackpot at a money changing machine.

 

Oh...I have done so many unbelievable things during this journey...I should be annoyed with others?  Hee Hee.  I'm OLD and in w/d....what a lethal combination!

 

Donna

[[Ho...]]

Damaged and MPLSGRL - I feel like I just watched a comedy show....you two should get together and do a stand-up routine....make it about Benzos....true, nobody else would get it, but all of us BB would have a good laugh....you are both brilliant writers and funny too.

Hoping2BFree

 

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I completely agree about damaged (Donna)! I find everything she says to be funny. Sometimes I accidentaly start laughing when I see her name!  I just know it's going to be good. These days I live for a laugh, I am therefore, a cheap date.

 

M. 

[[da...]]

AWWWW...thank you Hoping.  M is a brilliant writer...I love reading her posts.  Laughing is so cathartic and having not indulged in that particular emotion for so long...well...IT FEELS GOOD!  Lord knows that tomorrow the tears may fall....

 

Donna

[[da...]]

I've been ticked off at this all day.  Yesterday I got a free sample of Depends in the mail.  Lovely...it's as if I created my own reality with all the adult diaper references...THEN I got two flyers...one for a crematorium and another from a local funeral home.  They wanted me to pay up now before I croak so my kids won't have to put me on their credit card.  And I swear...that's how it was worded.  How do they know how old I am...THEN today I got a catalogue with headstones in it...are you freaking kidding me?

 

I should set them on fire and light the Olympic Torch with them but here they sit....

 

I've got news for them...The Husband is going to burn me to ashes in wood stove then shoot me over the river in a bottle rocket. 

 

  Donna

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Almost everyday I get those "special" catalogues for items only the hospitalized would love. From giant toilet seats to giant cell phones.

 

All plastic underwear to giant utensils for eating. All Giant Plastic Products as if old age will mean (a long time away for me  ) a severe case of the dropsies and continual and severe leakage from all personal portals

 

M. 

[[da...]]

Almost everyday I get those "special" catalogues for items only the hospitalized would love. From giant toilet seats to giant cell phones.

 

All plastic underwear to giant utensils for eating. All Giant Plastic Products as if old age will mean (a long time away for me  ) a severe case of the dropsies and continual and severe leakage from all personal portals

 

M. 

 

:laugh: :laugh:

 

I could use a giant toilet seat...the kind that's so high you don't even have to sit down.  And A Giant Toilet Paper Holder to go with it so everthing is coordintated. 

 

Donna

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I hate to think of the giant butts that require the giant toilet paper that fits on the giant dispensers!!

 

I used to watch informercial for those lounge chairs that lift up very sloowwwllyy automatically at the push of a button. I would dream of being wizened old lady who didn't have to bother standing up on my own anymore!!

 

Of course, once I'm up, I hope my robot porter will then carry me to where ever it is I'm going to!  I think I'll name him Lars.

 

M. 

[[da...]]

I sat in one of those chairs in Brookstone.  You don't need to get up...ever.  It had a fridge under the arm...music in the headrest...a lovely remote caddy...of course it was heated and offered ten different kind of massages.  And yes...you pushed a button and it would fling you across the room.

 

I guess you would still need to get to the Giant Toilet Seat.  Otherwise...you could live in it for days.

 

Donna

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Sounds heavenly    I will go to look at one next week!

 

Do you think it will fit in to my budget, my discretionary fund now sits at a comfortable $18.83, but, I don't like to brag or anything, don't feel bad if you're not that rich~~

 

M. 

[[da...]]

M...I'm sure they will finance it for you....it was only $1800 so at an affordable $23 a month with 45% interest...  it would be paid for in 2068.  If you should croak before then,(and I know you are only 27 years old so it's unlikely) you can leave it to your heirs...

 

Think about it...you have three days to cancel if you change your mind.

 

Donna

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What I think I'll do, is take it right now, and choose that special finance offer which is good only until 2015. I will accept delivery now, when I'm 28 (sorry, you'll have to face facts that I'm older then you thought) and defer billing for 49 years. Why shouldn't my descendants have to pay the bill? Heck, I'll never see a nickel of social security that I've been paying into.

 

If I have to suffer in my old age, with my big butt and my big toilet paper, why shouldn't the young 'ins have to suffer too?  Tit for tat I always say!! 

 

M. 

[[da...]]

That's just what I was thinking....let the heir pay for the chair...that ryhmes too!

 

Donna

[[da...]]

This was in my e-mail this morning...it seems I have hit the mother lode....LOL.  Notice how it is signed 'The Head Office."  Well, i serioulsy really do need a brand new 2011 model BMW that's over a year old...oxymoron, I do believe

 

------------------------------------------

 

Calvary Greeting to you:

 

 

I have been waiting for you since to contact me for your brand new 2011 Model BMW 7 Series Car and a Check of $500,000.00usd that is under our custody, Your reference number (90009873/23), but we did not hear from you for a couple of weeks.

 

 

I have been asked by the CLEV TOWER DISPATCH DELIVERIES HEAD OFFICE.......  North Carolina  19904o confirm from you within 24hours, if you really need your official brand new 2011 Model BMW 7 Series Car and a Check of $500,000.00usd to be delivered to your address or it should be turn over to the BMW DEPARTMENT as a refusal from you.

 

 

Be advice that the reason why we have not been able to deliver to you your official brand new 2011 Model BMW 7 Series Car and a Check of $500,000.00usd was because of this requirements shipping $250.00, Insurance $200.00, Vat $150.00.....TOTAL ($600.00)

                   

                                                        FROM THE HEAD  OFFICE

                                    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:   For any of you who are jealous and might try to cash in on this Bonanza of a prize, I changed all the reference numbers,  Sorry...But this BIG DEAL is mine!

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When the cashier at the store comments on what I buy!

 

I don't really want to hear, "Well, looks like you're in for a comfy night home in front of the TV" just because I am purchasing a monster bag of chips with several cans of bean dip, 2 litre bottle of soda, quart of ice cream and some M&M's. 

 

For all they know, it's just Friday! How dare someone try to stereotype me as I walk away holding my stomach up with the grocery cart!! 

[[da...]]

What I like even better is when the 90 pound cashier holds my Boston Creme Pie up in the air, looking at it like it was the Holy Grail then says:  Are these good...it LOOKS good...I've never had one of these before.

 

Seriously...you NEVER tried a boston Creme Pie...do you live in a cave?  But then again....  I've never laced a safety pin through my eyebrow, so I guess we're even.

 

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Oh Donna!! A day without Donna is a day not worth getting up for!

 

M. 

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During my vacation in w/d where the sun is always shining, I like to watch the Hallmark channel Monday - Friday from 5 - 9 a.m. as they show some nice benign comedies from the 50's and 60's. Perfect for that time of morning.

 

The shows have been edited for time to allow squeezing in more wonderful commercials for:

 

Womens' catheters - call for your free sample today! We don't know what men do, and we don't care!

Amazing swinging chair lifts to get into your bath tub - call for your free brochure today!

Lawyers fighting for you if you're dying from mesothelioma - call for a free consultation today! Have your spouse call us if you're already dead!

Alert bracelets because you live alone - call for attention from a live operator today! We love you more than your own family!

Life insurance available even for you - call for a quote today - we don't require that you are healthy!

 

 

Of course, to mention just one of the many, many adds for very important medicines would be unfair to all the others, and anyway, I'm already taking all of those!

 

M. 

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I was watching QVC the #1 cable shopping show in America last night, and some really chirpy chick was on promoting the sale of really groovy tooth brushes. It was a set of two for some "bargain price" where the shipping and handling was almost as much as the product.

 

The gimmick was that the handles were brightly colored patterns, crazy patterns mixed in with crazy bright colors.

 

So the lady is chattering on and on telling us why we needed to buy tooth brushes from QVC as opposed to the drug store, when she put her hand, showing her blue nail polish and her fun fashion ring on her finger in front of some brushes and said, "See how they match my nail polish? This one even matches my jewelry!! And ladies, let's face it, we all want to match our accessories now, don't we??"  :idiot:   What??!!??

 

I hadn't really been paying attention, I just keep TV on most of the time for company, but I had to look and turn the volume up.

 

A few minutes later, she said, "That's right, buy them as graduation gifts, birthday gifts, THINK OF CHRISTMAS!!.......

Get one for every outfit!!!"      :laugh: :laugh:

 

M.

[[da...]]

I know this is totally gauche...but I never pretended to have a rat hair of class....anyway, I was in Rite Aide buying something in the 'female aisle' and my eye caught this display of tampons...they were also being sold to coordinate with your outfit.  Good Grief.  Pink, purple and robins egg blue.  The box read something like...Add a little Pizazz to your period.

 

I wanna know who else on this planet is gonna care about the color of your plug except you.  If they do care...they need serious therapy.

 

Donna

[[Wi...]]

Disingenuous, toxic, malevolent people who pretend they are something they are not who manipulate and lie and who befriend and prey on vulnerable people to meet their own selfish needs with no care and no matter what they destroy in their paths in order simply to fill the blackhole within them.

[[we...]]

www, having a bad hair day?

[[Wi...]]

www, having a bad hair day?

HA!  Better now tho...

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When the show hosts on shopping channels say time after time about whatever thing they are hocking:

 

WHEN IT'S GONE, IT'S GONE!

 

Oh, I hate hearing this!! No, when it's gone, it's only hiding? They way they try to build pressure to buy, with their "clocks" and saying "only one per state", well what if both you and your mother want to buy it, and you live in the same state, do you have to arm wrestle her for the right to buy??? 

 

M.