Anyone have a crappy bf or alone in wd?

[[sm...]]

Lizzy-

No what happened to poor Skyy??  Yes you are doing great for being 6 weeks off!! I am ok, missing the little one and wishing I had a job.....but wd wise I am ok.  Hanging tough, fatigue and nooooo motivation, I mean NONE.  Makes it kind of hard to get up and do things, but this is not who I am so I know it will pass one day.  I am just so grateful the light headed thing went away, I was about to go insane, it was like this awful wave that lasted almost a whole friggin month!!! I wish the dp crap would go away that one really bothers me, but I would have to say doing much better:)  Just got home from going out with my sister and her friend, has fun, saw some cute boys:)  Can I just tell you how bad my eyes itch though? Ughh I have eczema on my poor eyelids, they are all bright red These days I feel in denial about this whole ordeal, sometimes I can accept it, but most of the time I can not, I am just still shocked and what happened and is still happening! All from a pill...did I tell you I found a klonopin pill when I cleaned out my car the other day?  It was under my car seat I picked it up and I just stared in disbelief then I threw it on the ground and smashed the **it out of it with my shoe, people must have thought I was crazy, but I didn't care, I was so angry.  Anypoops talk soon lovely:)

[Guest [...]]

Sface

 

You will have to read the poor dears blog its complicated to me I dont know the name of what she has but she is not well at all. 

 

I bet you miss your little girl aawww I know you do it sux big time thats for sure.  I know my motivation for life is zero at the moment I dont even think a hot guy could motivate me sad but true.  What is the dp I wonder if I have this as well I just dont know I have something going on and its not madness Ive been cleared of that lolz.

 

Sorry about your eyes did you put some make up on and just pretend your ok.  Im glad you went out Sface its the thing to do your young baby get out.

 

lolz on the pill I love you jumped on the thing and beat the crap out of it.  The whole business drives me nuts it really sux and it does my head in.  Im doing better week by week I just want that constant fear to nick of do you ever have that fear.

 

Lizzyxx

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Lizzy- Yes, I had that fear....the why do I feel so scared all the time, constantly on edge, that is totally gone for me...DP is where you feel like an alien in your own body, I used to walk around thinking how can people see me, I feel like I am dead or not really here.  Its an awful feeling.  Well my parents kicked me out of the house today....They gave me one week to get out.  I have no job and no where to go....can not believe they can do this to me.

[Guest [...]]

oh Sface

 

no how can they do that to their own daughter Im sorry darling and If I were there you could live with me hands down any day Id be proud to have a daughter like you.  What r u going to do?

 

Im sorry

 

Lizzyxxx

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i have no idea what im going to do, not a clue.

[[Mi...]]

Oh Sarah Girl, I am so sorry you are dealing with this crap from your parents.  And YES its crap.  True loving parents do not do this to their children no matter what the circumstances.  For crying out loud, you are SICK, you haven't committed a felony or strung out on heroin or prostituting yourself on the street!  I am trying to come up with a scenario where I would do this to my daughter and I suppose the above things might cause me to have a meltdown but short of that I just can not understand it.  YES they can and should encourage you to make progress, to look for work, to earn some income, to get your daughter back, blah, blah, blah, but to actually throw you out on the street homeless, well that's an entirely different matter.  Can you go to your brother again?  I am concerned for you and am holding you in my thoughts and prayers Sarah sweet one.  You will get through this!

 

MiniMinnie

[[Li...]]

Oh shoot Sarahface, this is not good news! I'm so sorry. I am wondering if, as much as it SUCKS right now, this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise? Probably no comfort now though. You will be in my prayers, please keep posting here for support and to keep us posted! Lots and lots of love to you today. You're strong and you're going to get through this.

 

Love,

 

Libby

[[sm...]]

thanks guys, no I can not stay with my brother, he just moved out of his apartment and in with his girlfriends parents house.  I told him what happened and he said I don't want to hear it anymore Sarah, this is not the first time my parents have thrown me out.  I have been applying all over the place but because I have been sleeping in late, they kicked me out.  Because I am not up at 7am and job hunting until 5 pm I am not trying hard enough.  In a week if I am out on my a** I will have no internet or ways to post so just a heads up.  They think because I have a thousand bucks that I can go get a room for rent somewhere and survive off of the rest of my money somehow until I find work.  How can you even function under that kind of stress??  This is completely unreasonable.  The thing that scared me is I usually can come up with a plan like I feel like someone up above guides me somewhere and gives me some plan, and this time, nothing.  Just blank, no ideas, no hope, no idea what I am going to do.  I have two job options, which neither of them will work....one pays minimum wage which I can not live off of alone, the other is a 911 operator job, there is no way I can handle that kind of stress especially in wd.  I am like I am being played right now?  This seems like a big joke.  I can barely get out of bed lately, it almost feels like I have to pull myself up somehow and I am supposed to have the energy for all of this?  I just can't, I do not have it in me to fight anymore, if I am homeless so be it, I can not freak out and make myself sick trying to frantically look for a job or a place to live...its too much in one week.  This is so wrong.

[[Mi...]]

Yes it is so wrong for a lot of reasons.  One week and out.  Geez.  Even 30 days would have given you some breathing space and time to hatch a plan.  $1000 doesn't go very far at all.  Is there any way to reason with them?  Say you sat down with them and told them it WAS your goal to get a job as soon as you could and then move out as soon as possible?  Ask them to give you some more time, convince them you are really serious about getting your life back on track but that you need more time than one week?  I am trying to see it from their point of view but am having trouble understanding parents who kick you when you're down.  People who have not gone through benzo withdrawal just do not understand and we look like malingerers or hypochondriacs to them.  I have a sister who said as much to me.  They just do not get it.  Your parents do not get it I'm sure.  Geez Sarah.  You have survived many things, have come so far.  You can't throw in the towel now!  Just when things look their blackest, sometimes it is just before things open up and a way forward shows itself.  I'm gonna have faith that this is what will happen for you.

 

MiniMinnie

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Mini- I wrote them a letter, I am hoping they will give me the thirty days......I will find out. I am even running out of places to work I have applied at so many different places. Duno what to do.

[Guest [...]]

Sarah lovely im sorry again can you get disability at the moment and also Im wondering if you can stay with a friend until you find something else.

 

Love to you sface impossible to help so far away my friend.

 

Lizzyxx

[[Mi...]]

Sweet Sarah, how are you doing today?  I have been thinking all day about you and your situation.  Theres not a da*n thing I can really do change the crappy hand you are being dealt.  But I do care and am pulling for you.  I know you will figure all this out and get things back on track again.  Things will begin to break for you promise!

 

MiniMinnie

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Not good....All I keep thinking is I am not ready, I am not ready.  I won't make it if I leave my parents house, and to be honest, I don't think I will.  Then where will I go?  No family to take me in, mental institute and live there?  I do not feel I can handle working full time or living on my own yet.  Which means little one can not come home either.  I just don't think I can do it.  Can't sleep I just don't see how things will be ok, not this time.

[[Ch...]]

Sarah,

Is there any possibility of mending things with your parents?

Challis 

[[sm...]]

Challis- I have tried, I have begged, but we have been in this same spot so many times where they just kick me out, that I am out of things to say to them.  My mom said she would give me an extra week, thats it.  I am just getting more scared instead of feeling better about it, not sure what to do.

[[Ch...]]

I don't know what to say...as a mom, i couldn't kick my hurting child out.  A healthy one, yes...even that wouldn't be easy.  My heart bleeds for you...

Challis

[[sm...]]

Challis- they don't think I am sick anymore, no matter what I try to say about it, they just don't believe it.  I have been pushing myself lately to get out more, so they think because I have gone out with friends a few times I am fine.  I am not.  There is not telling them this either.  What choice do I have?

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http://www.picgifs.com/graphics/l/love/graphics-love-862871.gif

[[Mi...]]

Those who have not gone through this just DO NOT CAN NOT understand.  You can count me as one of those who did not understand before I experienced benzo withdrawal.  My sister went through this 3 years ago and we all of her siblings were skeptical and disbelieving and at one point forced her to see mental health professionals who tried to put her on anti depressants.  No one, including my sister herself, knew exactly what was wrong with her and it has only been since my own benzo problems that I have talked with her and we have pieced it all together.  Our sister perservered despite the family and is now 100% healed and better than her old self.  Even the best of family members just do not and can not understand unless they have been through it.  I have been looked at as lazy and hypochondriacal during all this too.  It is so hurtful.  Sarah, you must persevere too and get through this.  Now is the time to look deep and find the strength that I know you have.  You can't just lay down and give up!  My heart hurts for you.  I am holding you in my heart Sarah dear and know that things will work out just have faith!

 

MiniMinnie

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Mini- thank you for sharing that story, that gives me some hope:)  I always like to here someone has been where I am and they are healed, we all do shoot.  I think I found a roommate, but I still need a job, not bringing in any money and living somewhere else still scares me, so we shall see.  Tomorrow will be different:)

[[Li...]]

Still thinking about you Sarah and very glad you may have found a roommate! That is very hopeful. I agree, people who haven't been through it just don't get it. Until one day it is them going through something similar, but for today, they don't get it. Just come here for support and talk things out. Lots of love to you!

 

Libby

[[Mi...]]

Sarah just stopping by to give you a hug and a kiss and tell you everything will work out and you will heal and get your life back.  It will happen.  Believe.  Believe even as you are sad and scared and worried about everything.  Believe.  You have put so much good karma out here on this forum, encouraging and supporting and hand holding.  It will all come back to you.  I dreamed about you last night a freaky dream like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  Well, I had just watched the movie so hence the dream.  If you have ever seen that movie, the girl starts literally disappearing from the guys life.  You were fading out too Sarah, but you were fading out of the benzo withdrawal life and the life with your unhappy parents and reappearing by a pretty little house where you and your little girl were laying on the grass giggling.  So I am interpreting that as a sign that a new path is just around the corner for you Sarah.  Isn't that exciting?  You HEALED, in your own place, your little one with you and both of you happy.  Its gonna happen!  Hold on Sarah!

 

MiniMinnie

[Guest [...]]

Mini How r u darling Ive missed you.

 

Lizzyxx

[[sm...]]

Sarah just stopping by to give you a hug and a kiss and tell you everything will work out and you will heal and get your life back.  It will happen.  Believe.  Believe even as you are sad and scared and worried about everything.  Believe.  You have put so much good karma out here on this forum, encouraging and supporting and hand holding.  It will all come back to you.  I dreamed about you last night a freaky dream like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  Well, I had just watched the movie so hence the dream.  If you have ever seen that movie, the girl starts literally disappearing from the guys life.  You were fading out too Sarah, but you were fading out of the benzo withdrawal life and the life with your unhappy parents and reappearing by a pretty little house where you and your little girl were laying on the grass giggling.  So I am interpreting that as a sign that a new path is just around the corner for you Sarah.  Isn't that exciting?  You HEALED, in your own place, your little one with you and both of you happy.  Its gonna happen!  Hold on Sarah!

 

MiniMinnie

 

 

Mini- I love this:) Thank you for being so sweet to me, I only hope I have brought some good to some people on here:)

 

I can not believe you had a dream about me, like isn't that something pretty special?  We have never met, yet we are connected, we all are.  Brought tears to my eyes and gave me chills when I read it.  Makes me so happy to read that:)  I have an interview tomorrow for a pretty good job.....scared and excited at the same time.  I am looking for my own place now, I realized I do not want a roommate.  I am going to ask my aunt if I can move in to my grama's house, she passed away a few year back but we kept the house.  It would at least be something familiar and not so scary, it has a cute backyard where Amelie could play, it has a lot of good memories there.  Anyways, just wanted to say thanks for that post, brightened my day:)  How are you holding up these days?

[[sa...]]

Hi Sface,

 

Keep this from mini in your heart....I beleive thoughts can manifest themselves.

 

...reappearing by a pretty little house where you and your little girl were laying on the grass giggling.  So I am interpreting that as a sign that a new path is just around the corner for you Sarah.  Isn't that exciting?  You HEALED, in your own place, your little one with you and both of you happy.  Its gonna happen!  Hold on Sarah!

 

So glad to hear about your possibility of your grandmas house. Sounds like Mini's dream, kinda!

I know its hard to pull yourself up by your bootstraps but sometimes it takes a seemingly crappy situation to bring about change that ends up being the best thing ever. A challenging family is hard to live with.

 

We single Moms get it. It's scary but you will be (and seems like you already are) seeing that you really are so strong. Just when you think you can't...you discover that you most definately can!

http://i1248.photobucket.com/albums/hh486/sarahndipity123/Use%20often/strong-women.jpg

 

 

I was referred to this fincancial thread written by a very pragmatic single Mom as she embarked on Benzo recovery. I found it so so so helpful. I don't know if it is your thing, if not then disregard, but if so maybe something you can use for later. After reading this thread, I felt empowered with information. Im not very frugal. My answer to financial woe was get another job for a little while. Work an extra day. Being sick and having to be available for my son makes that impossible.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=43273.msg590551#msg590551

Good luck on your interview! The reason you didn't get the other jobs is because you didn't arrive at the right job. I beleive that.

 

On a lighter note, here is a Wanda Sykes vid that I think I might have posted before...at the end of it, she talks about how single Mom's should be in charge of the US budget! Its funny.

 

Im really proud of you getting going with this. Crappy circumstances for sure, but the winner here will be you, and your daughter and Im excited for your win!!!

 

I have been a single Mom on my own for a long time so I def undstand it is scary, but its doable.

 

Here's something else from brave girls club. com.

 

Dear Beautiful Girl,

 

You have plenty of time to figure it out....don't put so much pressure on yourself. Remember that most of us are alive for nearly 100 years...and in those 100 years, we will have lots and lots of opportunities to get things right. It is never too late......and you can start over again every single day, for the rest of your life if that's what it takes.

 

In the years of our life, we can count on the fact that we will continuously fall on our faces, make mistakes and take the wrong paths sometimes....we just will...all of us. It's part of the deal.

 

You are absolutely spectacular....no matter what your mistakes have been...no matter how many times you have had to start over...and not matter how many lessons it takes for you to learn valuable things.....you are just an awesome student of life. You are the fun one! You are the one the teacher makes the lessons for in the first place!

 

So sweet friend, cut yourself some slack...do better tomorrow....count the victories you HAVE had....look how far you have come.....and especially, look deep into that pure and beautiful heart of yours and see that THAT is who you are. You are not your mistakes or your wrong turns or the weaknesses that you are STILL working on overcoming......that is your human part......you are the BIG BEAUTIFUL spirit part....the one who keeps trying, every day.

 

So...keep it up...kiss yourself in the mirror and tell your cute self that you are doing just fine.

 

So much love...

xoxo

 

Excited for your journey. You got this, Sface...

Dipity~