Laughter is the best medicine

[[Be...]]

I've been doing some D.I.Y. around the house.

 

So I rang the local council to ask if I could have a skip outside my house.

 

The bloke from the council said, "You can cartwheel round the block for all I care."

 

I'm thinking this is UK humor.    (What's "a skip"?)

[[pe...]]

I've been doing some D.I.Y. around the house.

 

So I rang the local council to ask if I could have a skip outside my house.

 

The bloke from the council said, "You can cartwheel round the block for all I care."

 

I'm thinking this is UK humor.    (What's "a skip"?)

 

 

LOL.  A skip is a large open container for transporting building materials or rubbish.

[[Be...]]

Haha, okay, that makes sense.  I can see how the joke wouldn't work very well in the US (skip = dumpster). 

[[pe...]]

Haha, okay, that makes sense.  I can see how the joke wouldn't work very well in the US (skip = dumpster). 

 

I take it a dumpster is a bin??

[[Be...]]

Haha, okay, that makes sense.  I can see how the joke wouldn't work very well in the US (skip = dumpster). 

 

I take it a dumpster is a bin??

Yes, I think a bin might be another word for it.

 

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=dumpster&FORM=BILH

[[...]]

This really happened. I called my friends office to talk to him and his secretary answered and I said "May I speak with Mark please". She said "May I ask who is calling?" So I said "Yal, go ahead".

[[Fl...]]

[[pe...]]

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.

[[pe...]]

Went to a fancy dress party dressed as Humpty Dumpty.....got well smashed.

[[...]]

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.

 

You have a really great sense of humor.

[[pe...]]

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.

 

You have a really great sense of humor.

 

Thanks PJ, I'm just crazy 

[[pe...]]

Man was treating his rather flat chested wife to dinner at a local restuarant they took their seats and glanced at the menu ,the waiter approached the table"are you ready to order"he asked"i'll have the surloin steak" man said,  then looking at the wife the waiter said"what about the rack of ribs......she'll have the salmon.....

[[pe...]]

My boss just asked, "do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends but I need you here."

"Yeah no problem, I'll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."

"Ok, when do you think you'll get here then?"

 

"Monday."

[[...]]

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church.

 

As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please don't let me be late to church.

Please don't let me be late to church...."

As she was running she tripped and fell.

 

When she got back up she began praying again...

 

"Please, God don't let me be late to church -- but don't shove me either!

 

 

 

[[pe...]]

I was having a pee in the swimming pool today....

And Lifeguard shouted so loudly at me........

...I nearly fell in

[[Li...]]

I was having a pee in the swimming pool today....

And Lifeguard shouted so loudly at me........

...I nearly fell in

 

[[Fl...]]

True story - in high school, the embarrassed coach, doubling as a health teacher, told the class in all sincerity, "the best form of birth control is a condominium"

 

He couldn't figure out why the whole class was laughing. 

[[pe...]]

A friend told me that I was delusional.  I almost fell off my unicorn.

[[pe...]]

called in sick today. Manager asked why? I have Anal Blindness. Manager asked what's that? It's where I can't see my ass coming in to work today!

[[Be...]]

:2funny: :2funny: :2funny:

[[...]]

Tom has a problem getting up for work, and is threatened with being fired for his constant tardiness. He goes to the doc and gets a pill that will allow him to sleep and get up early. He is so scared he decides to take two just to be safe. He wakes up on time feels great, has breakfast and heads to work. Seeing his boss he says" Notice I was on tme today" The boss says" That is fine, but where were you yesterday?"

[[pe...]]

I said to my boss this morning, "sorry I'm late, there was a big pile-up on the Highway 61."

 

He replied, "But that's thousands of miles away in America."

 

"I know, I was watching it on the news."

[[zi...]]

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss to increase his salary!!!

 

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon

Your$ $incerely,

Norman $oh

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well .

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly,

Manager

:laugh:

 

[[Fl...]]

[[pe...]]

Boss: "I'll give you £8 an hour, starting now, &in three months,I'll raise it to £10 an hour. When can you start?" Me: "In three months.