Laughter is the best medicine

[[Fl...]]

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife went in for

counseling.  When  asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate,

painful tirade  listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been

married.

 

 

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,

loneliness,  feeling  unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient

length  of  time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife  to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as the 

husband  watched ... with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat  down as though in a daze.

 

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is  what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"

 

The  husband  replied, " Well ... I can drop her off here on Mondays and

Wednesdays,  but  on Fridays, I fish."

[[pe...]]

wife says she is leaving her husband over his cowboy obsession,

husband says  I'm not bothered though,

This town isn't big enough for the both of us anyway.!!

[[Be...]]

why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

 

Love this kind of "thought" humor, flea!    George Carlin and Steven Wright always make me smile - or at least think. 

 

  "Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time".  (Steven Wright )

 

  "Electricity is really just organized lightning".    (George Carlin )

 

 

 

[[La...]]

My husband is still laughing at this but I just tell him its my Benzo brain, the other day I was in a rush and leaving the house, I brushed my teeth with my electric toothbrush and then turned off the light and fan.As I was leaving the bathroom , the fan seemed to be making this clangy rattling sound, so, I left my husband a quick note to tell him the exhaust fan in bathroom was broken and making a racket. Sooooo, when he went to check it out, there was my electric toothebrush, vibrating away in the china holder!!! Made me laugh so hard when he told me, but I am really doing the strangest things lately. Ladygrace

[[...]]

I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with noxema!

[[...]]

Why are ther braille dots on the key pad on a drive thru ATM?

[[...]]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming like the passengers in his car!!

[[pe...]]

A man walks into a pub and there doing the meat draw but all the meat is nailed to the ceiling, the landlord explains its a pound ago, if you can jump and pull off a joint of meat you keep it,fancy a go mate, he said no the steaks are to high in this place.

[[pe...]]

Went to an Italian restaraunt the other day unfortunately there was a fat woman standing in the door way...i couldnt get pasta her

[[pe...]]

Woman leaves her husband because of his pasta fetish...

 

he's cannalloni now!

[[pe...]]

Damn pancake day, its worse than Christmas and Easter put together....

They've had milk, flour and eggs on the shelves for ages .........

[[pe...]]

If anyone else tells me my pancake is burning on one side I swear I will flip.

[[pe...]]

Just read that Bob Marley had 11 children,3 with 1 woman and the other 8 with different women! so much for one love ey.....

[[ma...]]

Just read that Bob Marley had 11 children,3 with 1 woman and the other 8 with different women! so much for one love ey.....

 

:2funny: :2funny: :2funny:

[[ma...]]

A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: “Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man.”

“How about that!” he exclaimed. “They’ve got three people buried in one grave.”

 

 

 

[[Fl...]]

[[pe...]]

 

A husband walks into Victoria ’s Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for

his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500

in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price.

 

He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

 

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and

model it for him.

 

Upstairs, the wife thinks (she's no dummy), "I have an idea ... it's so

sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the

modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for

myself."

 

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

 

The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least

iron it!"

 

He never heard the shot.

 

Funeral is on Thursday at Noon.

[[Fl...]]

:2funny: :clap:

[[pe...]]

I decided to take up aerobics i bent ,twisted,gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour ..by time i got my leotard on the class was over .....

[[zi...]]

Hi All,

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

 

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

 

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

 

A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

 

Q: What did Bob Marley say when his wife left him and took the oven? A: No Woman, No Pie

 

[[Fl...]]

:clap:

[[...]]

 

Very funny, guys. 

[[la...]]

 

A husband walks into Victoria ’s Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for

his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500

in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price.

 

He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

 

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and

model it for him.

 

Upstairs, the wife thinks (she's no dummy), "I have an idea ... it's so

sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the

modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for

myself."

 

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

 

The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least

iron it!"

 

He never heard the shot.

 

Funeral is on Thursday at Noon.

 

:2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :clap: :clap: :clap: :laugh: :laugh:

[[pe...]]

I was standing outside the off licence earlier when I stopped some bloke who was going in.

 

I said, "Excuse me mate, can you buy me some alcohol please?"

 

He looked at me and said, "You must be old enough, surely?"

 

"Yeah I am" I replied, "I just don't have any money."

[[pe...]]

I've been doing some D.I.Y. around the house.

 

So I rang the local council to ask if I could have a skip outside my house.

 

The bloke from the council said, "You can cartwheel round the block for all I care."