Laughter is the best medicine

[[...]]

Only In America

 

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

 

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

 

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

 

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

 

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

 

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

 

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

 

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

 

9. Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to

describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning bloodsucking creatures'.

 

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

 

 

 

 

[[ch...]]

Hey pj,

 

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:

 

Charlie

[[Fl...]]

Good one PJ. And here's something I've been trying to figure out all my life--

 

Who reads the sign on the post office door that says

 

"no pets, except for seeing eye dogs"

 

No one can help me with this. I don't think it's the dog, is it? I mean, why bother with the sign at all?

[[Li...]]

I don't have any jokes- in fact all I have are the direct opposite of jokes (oh wait, unless you wanted to know about my real life, which is a TOTAL joke at the moment!) but I really want to be notified when y'all post something funny. So here's my non-funny contribution.

 

Libby

[[...]]

When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.

 

 

[[Fl...]]

 

[[...]]

When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.

[[...]]

When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.

 

What the heck happened?  :laugh: a gremlin must have clicked on the post button before i was ready to post. 

[[...]]

Only In America

 

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

 

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

 

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

 

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

 

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

 

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

 

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

 

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

 

9. Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to

describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning bloodsucking creatures'.

 

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

 

 

 

 

Hey pj,

 

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:

 

Charlie

 

Thanks charlie

[[...]]

My mother never saw the irony when she call me a son of a bitch!

[[pe...]]

there is a new website now for ppl with conjunctivitis ,,,,its a site for sore eyes ,,,

[[pe...]]

Just got 15 Valentines cards! It's left me completely breathless.

That security guard at Clintons card shop gave quite a chase!.

[[pe...]]

I grew up on a rough part of town.....

 

The local kids used to cover me in chocolate and creme and put a cherry on my head

 

life was tough in the gateaux

[[pe...]]

BBC. Headlines

the man arrested by police for attempting to steal a combine harvester but then fell inside the machine is due to be bailed tonight...

[[...]]

BBC. Headlines

the man arrested by police for attempting to steal a combine harvester but then fell inside the machine is due to be bailed tonight...

 

pembs

 

This one, and all the others you posted are really funny!  :laugh:

 

thanks,

 

pj 

[[pe...]]

BBC. Headlines

the man arrested by police for attempting to steal a combine harvester but then fell inside the machine is due to be bailed tonight...

 

pembs

 

This one, and all the others you posted are really funny!  :laugh:

 

thanks,

 

pj

 

Thanks PJ  x

[[Be...]]

Yep, Pembs your jokes are  :2funny:  Thank you!

[[pe...]]

Yep, Pembs your jokes are  :2funny:  Thank you!

 

  x

[[...]]

 

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

 

I thought this was funny, and no, I am not a male chauvenist.

 

[[pe...]]

POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN...Cops have nothing to go on.

[[Kl...]]

Not a joke but sooooooo funny. 

 

 

  Too much!!!!  Sure made my afternoon!

[[...]]

why don't cannibals eat clowns? Beacause they taste funny!

[[...]]

confuscius say: you cannot exchange woman of forty for two twenties.

[[...]]

why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

[[pe...]]

One day, a man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"