Laughter is the best medicine

[[zi...]]

 

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 

 

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual." 

 

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 

 

These are so bad and I've got loads more LOL

 

What a great idea for a Off Topic thread Flip.

 

And its so true laughter really is the best medicine.

 

All Colours In The Rainbow

Zipper

 

 

 

[[Fl...]]

Duh, Zipper, I was about to poke fun of "bra" as a typo, until I got the joke! 

 

Good ones. This is also the place for real life funny things. Sometimes they're the funniest of all.

Anybody have a most embarrassing moment while we wait for the next joke? 

[[Be...]]

These aren't jokes but they are real life smile-worthies:

 

http://www.dogwork.com/buhr9/

 

http://www.dogwork.com/brpsk8/

 

   

[[Fl...]]

Thank you Beeper! Those are both funny and sweet. I love the gentleness and antics of animals. I can't believe that  husky didn't eat the parrot, or the border collie was able to stay still while the rabbit herded the sheep. Too cute! I'm delighted by these sorts if things. Somehow restores my faith.

[[la...]]

 

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 

 

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual." 

 

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 

 

These are so bad and I've got loads more LOL

 

What a great idea for a Off Topic thread Flip.

 

And its so true laughter really is the best medicine.

 

All Colours In The Rainbow

Zipper

 

Good ones, you made think too with the "bra" think  benzo brain not working very well today  :thumbsup:

[[la...]]

These aren't jokes but they are real life smile-worthies:

 

http://www.dogwork.com/buhr9/

 

http://www.dogwork.com/brpsk8/

 

   

 

Awwww that was so sweet . Thanks beeper 

[[la...]]

 

Things you don't want to hear during surgery:

 

    Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

 

    "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."

 

    Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!

 

    Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

 

    Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.

 

    Oh no! Where's my Rolex.

 

    Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?

 

    There go the lights again?

 

    "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of 'em."

 

    Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

 

    Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing off my concentration.

 

    What's this doing here?

 

    I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

 

    That's cool. Now can you make his leg twitch by pressing that one?!

 

    Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

 

    Sterile schmerile. The floor's clean, right?

 

    OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

 

    This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

 

    Nurse, did this patient sign an organ donation card?

 

    Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

 

    What do you mean "You want a divorce?!?"

 

    FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

 

    Oh no! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

 

 

 

Thank God I have always been knock out during surgeries 

[[zi...]]

Some Oxymoron's:-

 

Advanced BASIC 

Government organization 

Alone together 

Plastic glasses 

Taped live 

Small crowd 

 

Anyone got anymore I've got a few lol

All The Colours In The Rainbow

 

Zipper

[[Wi...]]

Some Oxymoron's:-

 

Advanced BASIC 

Government organization 

Alone together 

Plastic glasses 

Taped live 

Small crowd 

 

Anyone got anymore I've got a few lol

All The Colours In The Rainbow

 

Zipper

"Always consult your doctor" Not sure if that's oxymoronic or just moronic...(sorry, my cynicism is showing) lol

[[Be...]]

Some Oxymoron's:-

 

Advanced BASIC 

Government organization 

Alone together 

Plastic glasses 

Taped live 

Small crowd 

 

Anyone got anymore I've got a few lol

All The Colours In The Rainbow

 

Zipper

 

Well, Jumbo Shrimp, of course. 

 

Act naturally

Only choice

Crash landing

[[Wi...]]

approximately equal

 

[[...]]

dirty soap

[[Fl...]]

True lies

 

 

 

((((Laura)))) - I liked your operating room one liners 

[[Wi...]]

You really should start an Oxymoron post!

[[Fl...]]

Fair politics

[[pe...]]

I went fishing at the weekend and there was this bloke splashing about in the middle of the lake shouting, "I can't swim! I can't swim!"

 

"It's alright, mate," I shouted, pointing at a nearby sign, "It says no swimming anyway"

[[zi...]]

Very funny Pembs 

 

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer, please, and one for the road."

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh

 

All Colours In Rainbow

Zipper

[[zi...]]

Some more Oxymoron's.

 

Same difference.

Alone together.

Taped live.

Clearly misunderstood.

Peace force.

 

All The Colours In The Rainbow

Zipper

[[pe...]]

Very funny Pembs 

 

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer, please, and one for the road."

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh

 

All Colours In Rainbow

Zipper

 

LOL x

[[la...]]

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

 

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

 

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

 

[[Be...]]

:laugh: :laugh: :clap:

[[pe...]]

I was sat in a restaurant and got

hit on the back of the head by a

prawn cocktail.

I looked round and this bloke

shouts, 'That's just for starters!

[[Fl...]]

  those appetizers can be dangerous!  :2funny:

[[pe...]]

My mate said to me earlier "I challenge you to count 86400 seconds."

 

I said "sod off, that'll take me all day!".

[[pe...]]

I went horse riding yesterday...I almost fell off and was very nearly killed! Luckily the security guard at Tescos came over and unplugged it!