Laughter is the best medicine

[[pe...]]

Hey Pembs  ~ just look above the reply box & see the M with an arrow moving all the time - that's the "marquee" button - you just click that & then type whatever you want ... like [move]thanx x x x  x for the funnees  Pembs!!![/move]

 

[move]Thankyou[/move]

[[...]]

What do you do with crude oil?.....You teach it some manners 

 

What are the small rivers that run into the Nile?.....The juve-niles

 

I know these are pretty lame, but what more can one expect from a lame brain

[[pe...]]

My mate just rang me in tears.

His wife has left him, taken his prized Bob Marley collection and the satellite dish!

Poor guy.

No woman, no sky!

[[Fl...]]

Thanks for the smiles, PJ and Pembs!

 

 

I'm thinking today of a couple of well placed typos. One letter added or omitted can make all the difference.

 

Laura to Rachel - saying she looked forward to the tHreat of her cooking.

Me to Lad - saying I often did split shi* sleeping. Meant to say split shift but that pesky f ran away. 

[[pe...]]

I failed a Health and Safety course at work today.

One of the questions was:

"In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"

"large ones" was apparently the wrong answer...

[[Fl...]]

[[...]]

Here's a list of some cute letters kids have written to God:

 

Dear GOD: Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have? - Jane

 

Dear GOD: Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. - Larry

 

Dear GOD: If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. - Mickey

 

Dear GOD: I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. - Nan

 

Dear GOD: In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? - Jane

 

Dear GOD: I read the Bible. What does "beget" mean? Nobody will tell me. - Love, Alison

 

Dear GOD: Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? - Lucy

 

Dear GOD: Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? Anita

 

Dear GOD: Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma

 

Dear GOD: Who draws the lines around the countries? - Nan

 

Dear GOD: I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil

 

Dear GOD: What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. -Jane

 

Dear GOD: Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if You did, then I'm going to fix my brother. - Darla

 

Dear GOD: Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. - Joyce

 

Dear GOD: It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend, (But I am not going to tell You who I am)

 

Dear GOD: Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. Tom L.

 

Dear GOD: Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Bruce

 

Dear GOD: If we come back as something else, please don't let me be MaryHorton - because I hate her. - Denise

 

Dear GOD: If you give me a genie like Aladdin, I will give You anything You want, except my money or my chess set. - Raphael

 

Dear GOD: I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. - Sam

 

Dear GOD: You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. - Dean

 

Dear GOD: I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. Ruth M.

 

Dear GOD: I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying - Elliott

 

Dear GOD: Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best.- Rob

 

Dear GOD: My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they? - Marsha

 

Dear GOD: I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. - Love, Chris

 

Dear GOD: We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it So I bet he stole your idea. - Sincerely, Donna

 

Dear GOD: The bad people laughed at Noah - "You made an ark on dry land, you fool." But he was smart, he stuck with You. That's what I would do. - Eddie

 

Dear GOD: I do not think anybody could be a better GOD. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are GOD already. - Charles

 

Dear GOD: I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool. - Eugene

 

 

 

[[Wi...]]

On my sister's sixth birthday we went to her favorite Chinese restaraunt.  After the meal, they brought out a cake with candles.  My mom told her to make a wish and blow out the candles.  She sat their deep in thought.  Finally my mom prompted her again to make a wish and blow out the candles, which she finally did.

 

Then they brought the check accompanied by fortune cookies.  When my sister opened her's, she burst into tears.  My mom asked her what it said and my sister read her fortune aloud, between sobs, which said "Your wish will come true".

 

So my mom asked her why she was so upset.  My sister said "I didn't know what to wish for, so I wished I was an Oscar Meyer wiener"

 

 

 

[[Fl...]]

Out of the mouths of babes, PJ........

 

WWWI oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener .... Singing here!

[[...]]

Oscar Meyer wiener

 

 

Little Susie was Mommy's helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Soon, everything was on, Mr. Smythe the guest came in, and everyone sat down.

 

Then Mother noticed something was missing....

 

"Susie, dear," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smythe's place."

 

"But, Mommy, I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susie. "Daddy says he always eats like a horse!"

 

 

[[pe...]]

Sometimes I feel high, sometimes I feel low then I thought I really need to get off this swing.

[[Fl...]]

you always crack me up, Pembs, 

[[pe...]]

you always crack me up, Pembs, 

 

He he  xx

[[pe...]]

Today, I went to my first Stalkers Help Group meeting and I was amazed that I knew a lot of the people there...

 

... but they didn't know me.

[[zi...]]

 

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 

 

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly.  "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy. Oh I've got so many bad jokes glad I found

 

Glad to see Pembs and Flip on here 

 

Ha Ha

Zipper

[[pe...]]

 

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 

 

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly.  "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy. Oh I've got so many bad jokes glad I found

 

Glad to see Pembs and Flip on here 

 

Ha Ha

Zipper

 

Love them  x

[[la...]]

Today, I went to my first Stalkers Help Group meeting and I was amazed that I knew a lot of the people there...

 

... but they didn't know me.

 

Good one Pembs 

[[la...]]

 

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 

 

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly.  "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy. Oh I've got so many bad jokes glad I found

 

Glad to see Pembs and Flip on here 

 

Ha Ha

Zipper

 

:2funny: :2funny:  :thumbsup:

[[2w...]]

Good joke...........funny................. :highfive: :highfive:

[[2w...]]

Today, I went to my first Stalkers Help Group meeting and I was amazed that I knew a lot of the people there...

 

... but they didn't know me.

Pembs,

 

You are too funny.........

[[...]]

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" "You mean Aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.

 

"That's it, I can never remember that word."

 

 

A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'

 

 

 

 

[[Fl...]]

:2funny: :clap:

 

Aspirin is SO hard to remember!!

 

Ok, ms chemist, PJ, negative is electron, positive is proton and neutrons have no charge. I had to think about that one a while. Geez, if Id been on benzos in high school, I'd be a sanitation worker because I wouldn't have learned anything!!

 

Good ones!

[[la...]]

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" "You mean Aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.

 

"That's it, I can never remember that word."

 

 

A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'

 

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :laugh: :laugh:

 

Flip, Thanks for the lecture on chemistry 

[[...]]

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" "You mean Aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.

 

"That's it, I can never remember that word."

 

 

A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'

 

 

 

 

:2funny: :clap:

 

Aspirin is SO hard to remember!!

 

Ok, ms chemist, PJ, negative is electron, positive is proton and neutrons have no charge. I had to think about that one a while. Geez, if Id been on benzos in high school, I'd be a sanitation worker because I wouldn't have learned anything!!

 

Good ones!

 

 

flip, i'm glad you stayed awake in science class

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.' 

 

 

 

[[Fl...]]