Laughter is the best medicine

[[...]]

Flip these are hilarious!  Love 22~

[[pe...]]

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.

 

[[pe...]]

Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the village in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

 

[[pe...]]

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service. 

 

[[pe...]]

I'm taking a trip to crazy.

I might go on vacation to insane

but not as far as psychopath.

Anyone what to join?

I can fit 10 voices in my head.

[[Be...]]

Brilliant Pembs!  :2funny:

[[pe...]]

I used to date the invisible man.... Dont know what I ever saw in him.

[[pe...]]

I used to know a depressed cross eyed girl....she never looked forward to anything.

[[De...]]

Quick interruption - these are from Pembsspark - I think they are appropriate for here. And they are way too funny to be kept private.  Margo? Extra knickers required, girlie!

 

Extracts from letters written by council tenants:

 

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

 

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

...

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

 

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

 

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

 

6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

 

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

 

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

 

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

 

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

 

11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

 

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

 

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

 

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

 

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

 

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

 

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

 

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

 

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife..

 

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

 

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

 

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

 

Quick interruption - these are from Pembsspark - I think they are appropriate for here. And they are way too funny to be kept private.  Margo? Extra knickers required, girlie!

 

Extracts from letters written by council tenants:

 

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

 

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

...

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

 

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

 

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

 

6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

 

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

 

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

 

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

 

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

 

11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

 

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

 

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

 

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

 

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

 

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

 

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

 

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

 

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife..

 

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

 

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

 

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

 

Flip,

Came across these quite by chance and have to say have not laughed so much in a very long time.

In fact was reading them to hubby and could not even see them for laughter tears   

Thank you for posting

Happy Debbie 

[[Fl...]]

 

I know, Debbie! Lol. I still laugh when I read them. We need to bump them occasionally. 

 

We have Pembs to thank - they are her discovery. I just posted them. We need to put some kind fo warning up about needing fresh underwear when you've read them. At least for me. 

Flip

[[pe...]]

 

I know, Debbie! Lol. I still laugh when I read them. We need to bump them occasionally. 

 

We have Pembs to thank - they are her discovery. I just posted them. We need to put some kind fo warning up about needing fresh underwear when you've read them. At least for me. 

Flip

 

 

 

 

Pembs

[[De...]]

Yes Flip,

I know exactly what you mean there !!! 

Hubby loved them so much, I have printed them off so he can take them to work on Tuesday and share them.

They definitely do need bumping regularly, certain to bring a smile to everyone.

Thanks to Pembs...they are classic !

 

Debbie 

 

[[pe...]]

A man goes to hospital feeling really unwell.The Doctor performs some tests and says, "I am afraid you have a very rare and very contagious disease, we"re transferring you to a room where you will be fed a diet of Pizza, toast and pancakes.""Will that cure me?" asks the man."No," says the Doctor, "it"s the only food we can pass under the door!"

[[Fl...]]

:2funny:

 

That's how I felt in detox! 

[[ma...]]

A man goes to hospital feeling really unwell.The Doctor performs some tests and says, "I am afraid you have a very rare and very contagious disease, we"re transferring you to a room where you will be fed a diet of Pizza, toast and pancakes.""Will that cure me?" asks the man."No," says the Doctor, "it"s the only food we can pass under the door!"

Brilliant Pembs :2funny:

 

 

Oh Flip i really did wet myself at the council tennants ones thanks for putting them here,

 

Pembs you are a legendhttp://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/roflmao.gif

 

[[Fl...]]

Oh, Margo, I just read them again.  tears and knickers change needed. They are still just as funny. I couldn't catch my breath for a while. I need to come here every morning and reread. 

[[pe...]]

FOR SALE

 

Very small fishing rod.

 

Free to good gnome.

[[Fl...]]

 

[[pe...]]

 

If you had purchased £1,000 of

shares in Delta Airlines one year

ago, you would have £49.00 today

If you had purchased £1,000 of

shares in AIG one year ago, you

would have £33.00 today.

If you had purchased £1,000 of

shares in Lehman Brothers one

year ago, you would have £0.00

today.

If you had purchased £1,000 of

shares in Northern Rock three

years ago, you would have £0.00

today.

But, if you had purchased £1,000

worth of beer one year ago at

Tesco, drank all the beer, then

taken the aluminium cans to the

scrap metal dealer, you would

have received £214.00.

Based on the above, the best

current investment plan is to

drink heavily & recycle.

And then..........................

A recent study found that the

average Briton walks about 900

miles a year.

Another study found that Britons

drink, on average, 22 gallons of

alcohol a year.

That means that, on average,

Britons get about 41 miles to the

gallon!

Makes you proud to be British ;-)

[[Fl...]]

That's funny, Pembs! Wonder how much beer Americans drink on average? I'm thinking more that that. Thanks as always for making me laugh!

[[pe...]]

That's funny, Pembs! Wonder how much beer Americans drink on average? I'm thinking more that that. Thanks as always for making me laugh!

 

:laugh:

[[Be...]]

:laugh: :laugh:Brilliant Pembs xxxx

[[sa...]]

 

If you had purchased £1,000 of

shares in Delta Airlines one year

ago, you would have £49.00 today

If you had purchased £1,000 of

shares in AIG one year ago, you

would have £33.00 today.

If you had purchased £1,000 of

shares in Lehman Brothers one

year ago, you would have £0.00

today.

If you had purchased £1,000 of

shares in Northern Rock three

years ago, you would have £0.00

today.

But, if you had purchased £1,000

worth of beer one year ago at

Tesco, drank all the beer, then

taken the aluminium cans to the

scrap metal dealer, you would

have received £214.00.

Based on the above, the best

current investment plan is to

drink heavily & recycle.

And then..........................

A recent study found that the

average Briton walks about 900

miles a year.

Another study found that Britons

drink, on average, 22 gallons of

alcohol a year.

That means that, on average,

Britons get about 41 miles to the

gallon!

Makes you proud to be British ;-)

 

[[Li...]]

:laugh:

[[sa...]]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFN1-uqt2WA

 

Libs, you'll get kid kick out of this one. Its one of my personal favorites on youtube! lololol