I'm sorry to ask this but: why only 167 success stories over 5,252 members?

[[Li...]]

Very interesting topic...like others have said, the focus should not be on the number of success stories as just one story should give us hope! There are a lot of post benzo users that never join a forum like this because they don't experience the agony of withdrawal. I have a friend that was on gabapentin for three months and came off it with zero sxs...not a lick of a sx.

 

Also note, a former BB came back to write her story because she came across benzo pills while doing some house cleaning. Without much thought she threw the pills in the "burn thrash" but remembered to come back to write her story.

 

There have been days I felt so good I did not think about logging on; but since I pray for my BB's every day, I had to come back to check on them.

 

Please don't let statistics hender your recovery. Don't obsess over the time frame or whether or not healing happens. It does, you just have to believe it does and press on.

 

Take care,

 

Lida

[[de...]]

Kmarie, real

 

Hey thanks so much guys, such great people here.

 

Best.

[[Fl...]]

Being 9 months off and over 80% healed I can tell you from personal experience that a big part of the reason why I don't post as much anymore is because I feel myself able to identify less and less with the things people are going through. I mean, I know exactly what everyone is going through but having been here for awhile and having discussed everything so many times I just don't have as much motivation to post.

 

I would be willing to bet that the reason why you don't see more success stories is because most people slowly drift away as they start to feel better.

[Guest [Si...]]

Ashton was no incorrect. We all heal. Even Reggie Pert healed eventually. (if you dont know his story, Google it.)

Why ask why that there are not many success stories? We will never know why some people join, never post, or get off and don't post.

 

Focus on healing. Focus on the positives. Don't worry about the number of success stories. Just know in your heart you will be one of them, one day.

 

One day in 1969, I was driving to my home town of Reading, England for the first time in many years, when I decided to contact my family doctor, who had taken an interest in my life and career. That spur of the moment decision radically altered my life and that of my family.

 

I had recently returned to England from the USA, where I had worked for 8 years as a physicist at the University of Illinois and for IBM Research in New York State.

 

I mentioned to the doctor, that I had experienced recent bouts of vertigo and he prescribed me what I now know to be Valium. Over 16 years later, I had lost my career, marriage, family, home and possessions, living on Social Security in a Bed and Breakfast hostel, with a mental age of about 10 years.

 

During my upbringing, I had few health problems, less than 10 visits to doctors in the first 35 years of my life. I represented my school, town and county at several sports and competed in several National Athletic Championships. I also represented my University at soccer, table tennis and athletics.

 

Between my school and University years, I spent one year working at Harwell, the Atomic Energy Research Establishment, where my interest in Nuclear physics was stimulated. I attended the University of Reading, where I obtained a BSc in Physics and a PhD in Atomics physics.

 

After a 2 year period of post doctoral research, I was married and took up an appointment at the University of Illinois.

 

From early childhood onwards, I had close links with my local church, being very active in the choir, social and sporting activities. Later, I became a member of the Parish Council and the Diocesan Synod.

 

Although much of my early years on Valium is hazy, I can with hindsight detect the slow and insidious nature of Valium dependency. I can remember short term memory loss and problems with concentration that were affecting my work. (On my return to England, I had taken up a post with an International Electronics Company, in the field of semiconductor physics). Although I had published over 30 Scientific papers, I was finding it difficult to write up recent work and after several promotions, I asked to be relieved of some of my responsibilities. I was becoming Introverted and began to isolate socially, giving up my links with the church and sports. A marked change in my personality and character occurred over a few years, accompanied by a range of physical problems as well as anxiety and panic attacks.

 

In 1974 my local doctor stopped the prescribing of Valium overnight, and in 5 days, I was admitted to a private psychiatric hospital for what I now know to be 'cold turkey' withdrawals. I was initially diagnosed as schizophrenic and for the period 1974-1976, I spent several periods in this hospital, receiving various drug therapies, including continuous narcosis and about 25 sessions of ECT.

 

At the end of this period, I was asked to accept redundancy from my work, on the grounds of ill health. The only explanation given to me and my wife, was that I had had a nervous breakdown.

 

During the next 10 years, I was prescribed diazepam (Valium), Chlordiazepoxide (Librium), nitrazepam (Mogadon), temazepam, prazepam, a wide range of antidepressants and several neuroleptics.

 

I had tried several times to resurrect my working life, including a period as a tutor in Adult Basic Education, unsuccessfully. Not surprisingly, these events took a heavy toll on my marriage, resulting in a marriage separation. My wife was also prescribed Valium and became dependant on them for several years.

 

I was by this time taking 100 mgs of Valium / day, all prescribed, and my physical and mental health had greatly deteriorated and after a failed attempt to restart our marriage, I gave up my part time work and obtained a divorce.

 

After the divorce in 1981, I isolated even more and moved from the Midlands to Bournemouth on the South coast of England, where I knew no one. After a while I sought help from a local doctor, who immediately stopped my supply of Valium in a few days. Within 2 weeks, I was in severe withdrawals again and admitted to a psychiatric hospital where I was threatened and blackmailed into having ECT. I later learned that the records showed that I did not sign a consent form and that a diagnosis of severe benzodiazepine withdrawal was made, followed by a note for ECT to be given.

 

The next 5 years were a continuous nightmare of more benzodiazepines, antidepressants and other drugs. Every day was a huge conscious effort to achieve the basic facets of life. I was living by myself and with the help of ex colleagues, managed to obtain a junior post at a University Research Laboratory, thinking that a return to the 'love of my life' would help me back to 'normal' life. This with hindsight, predictably ended in disaster. I was working away from home during the week and returning to Bournemouth at weekends, needing more and more drugs to stave off withdrawal symptoms, obtained readily on repeat prescriptions.

 

In April 1985, I was refused a prescription with no explanations. I was later to find out, that because of a restricted National Health Service prescribing list, prazepam was no longer available. So again, I went into cold turkey withdrawals and ended up in a psychiatric unit, put back on drugs and after a rapid 2 week withdrawal programme, I was sent home.

 

The next 6 months are a complete blur, I now know that I was going in and out of fugue states (similar to alcoholics blackouts). I had previously had an epileptic seizure and these states are known to be associated with epileptic activities in the brain. Fortunately, during my stay in a psychiatric hospital, I had met a counsellor at a 12 step Treatment Centre, and he managed to get me admitted for a 3 month period of treatment, which turned out to be the beginning of my recovery.

 

For the first 2 years, I suffered from insomnia, anxiety, fear and panic, with very poor short and long term memory. I had virtually lost all of my life and social skills and I did little except attend 12 step meetings every day. These were my only means of support, the medical profession had neglected me. Soon after, I came out of treatment, I asked my doctor for help with rehabilitation, but at the first mention of benzodiazepine dependency, I was met with a stony faced, glassy eyed silence, and an opening of the door to indicate the appointment was over.

 

After 2 years in recovery, the anxiety, fear and panic levels had dropped appreciably, but my short and long term memory was still very poor. I was going through protracted withdrawals (an extended period of side effects produced by the drugs) and I was finding it difficult to cope with the responsibility of living in my own home. I managed to make some money by selling my home and became a wanderer for a few years, living in bed and breakfast hostels, with friends and with my brother and family in Perth, Western Australia, for several lengthy periods. I also took two round the world flights, visiting various countries, including the USA, Australia, Fiji, Hong Kong and Singapore. I attended 12 step groups in these countries and received a great deal of help, support care and attention from them.

 

In between my travels, I started to re-study maths and physics, at O Level (16 years) and A Level (18 years) standard. I believe that in this period as well as relearning, I was doing a very important thing, a necessary reconditioning and reprogramming of my brain. This culminated in a series of memory floods in 1989/90, during which my long term memory largely returned. From that time onwards, my short term memory and concentration slowly improved. Later in 1992, as a part of the benzodiazepine litigation, a neuropsychological examination revealed deficits in cognitive ability in at least 6 areas. My IQ at that time had reached 120, well short of the pre benzodiazepine level.

 

During one of my stays in Bournemouth, I became aware of the legal action against the manufacturers of the benzodiazepines, which I joined initially, with the hope of getting my medical records (several previous requests had been denied by the medical profession), when I finally managed to get them, to my horror, it was clear that the prescribing doctors knew of my addiction since the mid 1970's, and had failed to advise me or my family. On the contrary, several had flatly denied it with comments like: "Stop playing doctor and burn your books" and "You will take Valium for the rest of you life, if you wish to be my patient". One letter from the treatment centre advised my doctor, that, I was seriously brain damaged, and that the prognosis was uncertain. I saw this doctor several times after treatment, and he failed to advise me, or my family, or offer any help in recovery.

 

The English Benzodiazepine Litigation, paid for by the Legal Aid Board, was beset with many problems right from the start in 1988. It finally collapsed in 1993, when funding was withdrawn in 1992, I and several other claimants had formed Victims of Tranquillisers (VOT), in an attempt to overcome the appalling ignorance shown by many solicitors and medical experts of the nature of benzodiazepine dependence and its consequences.

 

We became litigants in person and fought our case through the High Court, the Appeal Court and the Supreme Court (House of Lords). Much as expected, our case was rejected and we are now suing the UK Government in the European Court of Human Rights, for denial of our right to a fair trial.

 

My medical records reveal over 40 adverse reactions to benzodiazepine ingestion. Today 15 years on, most of the physical and cognitive problems have either disappeared or are at a level that can be incorporated in every day life, but, time does not heal the sociological problems and losses.

 

Although officially retired after many years of being unemployed and unemployable, I spend most of my time as National Co-ordinator of VOT. The need for such an organisation is still growing, because unfortunately, the medical profession has not learnt its lesson from the past over the prescribing of sedative-hypnotic drugs. VOT members handle many thousands of enquiries by mail, telephone, fax and email and hopefully one day, will all make sure that the authorities, who are responsible for this medical scandal, are made accountable.

 

As of today, I have not met a doctor, who has the courage and honesty to look me in the eye and admit to the benzodiazepine dependency problem, let alone offer an apology for their role in it.

 

It appears that many have turned the Hippocratic Oath on its head, "First Do No Harm", now applies to themselves and the medical profession, NOT THE PATIENTS.

 

So on,...

 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/peartbio.htm

[[re...]]

I have a bit of success to share. For over a decade my homocysteine levels have been high. That puts me at risk for blood clots and heart attacks.  Now that I'm benzo free, my levels are NORMAL. Just found out today.

 

Get off the drugs.  They will kill you slowly but surely.

 

My blood panel was the best it's been in ages. Even my b12 was good. Woot woot!

 

Me:1 klonopin:0.

[[Wa...]]

Ashton was no incorrect. We all heal. Even Reggie Pert healed eventually. (if you dont know his story, Google it.)

Why ask why that there are not many success stories? We will never know why some people join, never post, or get off and don't post.

 

Focus on healing. Focus on the positives. Don't worry about the number of success stories. Just know in your heart you will be one of them, one day.

 

One day in 1969, I was driving to my home town of Reading, England for the first time in many years, when I decided to contact my family doctor, who had taken an interest in my life and career. That spur of the moment decision radically altered my life and that of my family.

 

I had recently returned to England from the USA, where I had worked for 8 years as a physicist at the University of Illinois and for IBM Research in New York State.

 

I mentioned to the doctor, that I had experienced recent bouts of vertigo and he prescribed me what I now know to be Valium. Over 16 years later, I had lost my career, marriage, family, home and possessions, living on Social Security in a Bed and Breakfast hostel, with a mental age of about 10 years.

 

During my upbringing, I had few health problems, less than 10 visits to doctors in the first 35 years of my life. I represented my school, town and county at several sports and competed in several National Athletic Championships. I also represented my University at soccer, table tennis and athletics.

 

Between my school and University years, I spent one year working at Harwell, the Atomic Energy Research Establishment, where my interest in Nuclear physics was stimulated. I attended the University of Reading, where I obtained a BSc in Physics and a PhD in Atomics physics.

 

After a 2 year period of post doctoral research, I was married and took up an appointment at the University of Illinois.

 

From early childhood onwards, I had close links with my local church, being very active in the choir, social and sporting activities. Later, I became a member of the Parish Council and the Diocesan Synod.

 

Although much of my early years on Valium is hazy, I can with hindsight detect the slow and insidious nature of Valium dependency. I can remember short term memory loss and problems with concentration that were affecting my work. (On my return to England, I had taken up a post with an International Electronics Company, in the field of semiconductor physics). Although I had published over 30 Scientific papers, I was finding it difficult to write up recent work and after several promotions, I asked to be relieved of some of my responsibilities. I was becoming Introverted and began to isolate socially, giving up my links with the church and sports. A marked change in my personality and character occurred over a few years, accompanied by a range of physical problems as well as anxiety and panic attacks.

 

In 1974 my local doctor stopped the prescribing of Valium overnight, and in 5 days, I was admitted to a private psychiatric hospital for what I now know to be 'cold turkey' withdrawals. I was initially diagnosed as schizophrenic and for the period 1974-1976, I spent several periods in this hospital, receiving various drug therapies, including continuous narcosis and about 25 sessions of ECT.

 

At the end of this period, I was asked to accept redundancy from my work, on the grounds of ill health. The only explanation given to me and my wife, was that I had had a nervous breakdown.

 

During the next 10 years, I was prescribed diazepam (Valium), Chlordiazepoxide (Librium), nitrazepam (Mogadon), temazepam, prazepam, a wide range of antidepressants and several neuroleptics.

 

I had tried several times to resurrect my working life, including a period as a tutor in Adult Basic Education, unsuccessfully. Not surprisingly, these events took a heavy toll on my marriage, resulting in a marriage separation. My wife was also prescribed Valium and became dependant on them for several years.

 

I was by this time taking 100 mgs of Valium / day, all prescribed, and my physical and mental health had greatly deteriorated and after a failed attempt to restart our marriage, I gave up my part time work and obtained a divorce.

 

After the divorce in 1981, I isolated even more and moved from the Midlands to Bournemouth on the South coast of England, where I knew no one. After a while I sought help from a local doctor, who immediately stopped my supply of Valium in a few days. Within 2 weeks, I was in severe withdrawals again and admitted to a psychiatric hospital where I was threatened and blackmailed into having ECT. I later learned that the records showed that I did not sign a consent form and that a diagnosis of severe benzodiazepine withdrawal was made, followed by a note for ECT to be given.

 

The next 5 years were a continuous nightmare of more benzodiazepines, antidepressants and other drugs. Every day was a huge conscious effort to achieve the basic facets of life. I was living by myself and with the help of ex colleagues, managed to obtain a junior post at a University Research Laboratory, thinking that a return to the 'love of my life' would help me back to 'normal' life. This with hindsight, predictably ended in disaster. I was working away from home during the week and returning to Bournemouth at weekends, needing more and more drugs to stave off withdrawal symptoms, obtained readily on repeat prescriptions.

 

In April 1985, I was refused a prescription with no explanations. I was later to find out, that because of a restricted National Health Service prescribing list, prazepam was no longer available. So again, I went into cold turkey withdrawals and ended up in a psychiatric unit, put back on drugs and after a rapid 2 week withdrawal programme, I was sent home.

 

The next 6 months are a complete blur, I now know that I was going in and out of fugue states (similar to alcoholics blackouts). I had previously had an epileptic seizure and these states are known to be associated with epileptic activities in the brain. Fortunately, during my stay in a psychiatric hospital, I had met a counsellor at a 12 step Treatment Centre, and he managed to get me admitted for a 3 month period of treatment, which turned out to be the beginning of my recovery.

 

For the first 2 years, I suffered from insomnia, anxiety, fear and panic, with very poor short and long term memory. I had virtually lost all of my life and social skills and I did little except attend 12 step meetings every day. These were my only means of support, the medical profession had neglected me. Soon after, I came out of treatment, I asked my doctor for help with rehabilitation, but at the first mention of benzodiazepine dependency, I was met with a stony faced, glassy eyed silence, and an opening of the door to indicate the appointment was over.

 

After 2 years in recovery, the anxiety, fear and panic levels had dropped appreciably, but my short and long term memory was still very poor. I was going through protracted withdrawals (an extended period of side effects produced by the drugs) and I was finding it difficult to cope with the responsibility of living in my own home. I managed to make some money by selling my home and became a wanderer for a few years, living in bed and breakfast hostels, with friends and with my brother and family in Perth, Western Australia, for several lengthy periods. I also took two round the world flights, visiting various countries, including the USA, Australia, Fiji, Hong Kong and Singapore. I attended 12 step groups in these countries and received a great deal of help, support care and attention from them.

 

In between my travels, I started to re-study maths and physics, at O Level (16 years) and A Level (18 years) standard. I believe that in this period as well as relearning, I was doing a very important thing, a necessary reconditioning and reprogramming of my brain. This culminated in a series of memory floods in 1989/90, during which my long term memory largely returned. From that time onwards, my short term memory and concentration slowly improved. Later in 1992, as a part of the benzodiazepine litigation, a neuropsychological examination revealed deficits in cognitive ability in at least 6 areas. My IQ at that time had reached 120, well short of the pre benzodiazepine level.

 

During one of my stays in Bournemouth, I became aware of the legal action against the manufacturers of the benzodiazepines, which I joined initially, with the hope of getting my medical records (several previous requests had been denied by the medical profession), when I finally managed to get them, to my horror, it was clear that the prescribing doctors knew of my addiction since the mid 1970's, and had failed to advise me or my family. On the contrary, several had flatly denied it with comments like: "Stop playing doctor and burn your books" and "You will take Valium for the rest of you life, if you wish to be my patient". One letter from the treatment centre advised my doctor, that, I was seriously brain damaged, and that the prognosis was uncertain. I saw this doctor several times after treatment, and he failed to advise me, or my family, or offer any help in recovery.

 

The English Benzodiazepine Litigation, paid for by the Legal Aid Board, was beset with many problems right from the start in 1988. It finally collapsed in 1993, when funding was withdrawn in 1992, I and several other claimants had formed Victims of Tranquillisers (VOT), in an attempt to overcome the appalling ignorance shown by many solicitors and medical experts of the nature of benzodiazepine dependence and its consequences.

 

We became litigants in person and fought our case through the High Court, the Appeal Court and the Supreme Court (House of Lords). Much as expected, our case was rejected and we are now suing the UK Government in the European Court of Human Rights, for denial of our right to a fair trial.

 

My medical records reveal over 40 adverse reactions to benzodiazepine ingestion. Today 15 years on, most of the physical and cognitive problems have either disappeared or are at a level that can be incorporated in every day life, but, time does not heal the sociological problems and losses.

 

Although officially retired after many years of being unemployed and unemployable, I spend most of my time as National Co-ordinator of VOT. The need for such an organisation is still growing, because unfortunately, the medical profession has not learnt its lesson from the past over the prescribing of sedative-hypnotic drugs. VOT members handle many thousands of enquiries by mail, telephone, fax and email and hopefully one day, will all make sure that the authorities, who are responsible for this medical scandal, are made accountable.

 

As of today, I have not met a doctor, who has the courage and honesty to look me in the eye and admit to the benzodiazepine dependency problem, let alone offer an apology for their role in it.

 

It appears that many have turned the Hippocratic Oath on its head, "First Do No Harm", now applies to themselves and the medical profession, NOT THE PATIENTS.

 

So on,...

 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/peartbio.htm

 

All I can say is Wow!!!!!!!!!!!! How are you feeling now?

 

May God truly bless and hold you up

Watchman

[[re...]]

Reggie passed away a while ago. He was an older man, and I don't believe benzos were the cause. If he can heal, we ALL can. The human spirit is indefatigable when we dig deep.

 

To everyone's full recovery. 

 

[[...]]

Hi again 

 

Thanks for all your great replies!

 

I'm a very skeptical person and give importance to "scientific data". When reading your posts I find them very optimistic but it's probably because I am too pessimistic. It's difficult for me to understand how one person that has recovered of this shit can't spend 10 minutes writing a post in 'success stories' after getting so much help and knowing that it will help a lot of people.

 

But the fact is that the ONLY WAY to know if one gets better is to try it. I'm again in the middle of the process of tapering because I had to increase the doses after the death of my dad several months ago. So I will have to continue with this. Going against the current is very hard, where I live NOBODY knows about the dangers of benzos and sometimes I hesitate and think that if 99,9% of people believes in psychiatry maybe I am wrong. And having a low self-steem and tending to obsess very easily does not help a lot.

 

Thank you for all your kind and encouraging words 

 

 

[[km...]]

Biel,

I'm sure you will be very surprised how you feel once your off the drug just take your time.

Hugs

Kristin

[[re...]]

Hi again 

 

Thanks for all your great replies!

 

I'm a very skeptical person and give importance to "scientific data". When reading your posts I find them very optimistic but it's probably because I am too pessimistic. It's difficult for me to understand how one person that has recovered of this shit can't spend 10 minutes writing a post in 'success stories' after getting so much help and knowing that it will help a lot of people.

 

But the fact is that the ONLY WAY to know if one gets better is to try it. I'm again in the middle of the process of tapering because I had to increase the doses after the death of my dad several months ago. So I will have to continue with this. Going against the current is very hard, where I live NOBODY knows about the dangers of benzos and sometimes I hesitate and think that if 99,9% of people believes in psychiatry maybe I am wrong. And having a low self-steem and tending to obsess very easily does not help a lot.

 

Thank you for all your kind and encouraging words 

 

 

 

19 years doctors kept me on klonopin. Most of my adult life. I am almost 14 weeks off, and I am SO grateful to be free. I have a lot of symptoms, and my cold turkey was BRUTAL. I tapered from 2 mgs years ago, then last year started tapering 1 mg. It was too hard and I jumped at .6. I have had almost all listed symptoms except seizures. I share this not to complain or frighten anyone, but to note that even with the horror I have experienced, I am STILL grateful to be off the pills.

 

We all heal. You can't stop it from happening. The pills do not damage us permanently. Reggie took a long time to heal because they kept giving him more benzos and other psych treatments. When they finally stopped, he got well!

 

You will heal if you get free, hold on, and NEVER reinstate. Perhaps we dont have as many success stories because people do not always get free. They reinstate and give up the fight. Which is a shame.

 

Benzos were NEVER meant to be used for more than a few days. They are not healthy to take long term. My lab panels are now coming back normal, when in the past DECADE, certain things were "off, "because of the klonopin. Benzos will kill you slow, in my humble opinion. They change things in the body that are not supposed to be changed.

 

You can live drug free. It is your birth right. Seize it!

[[pr...]]

Just wanted to say thanks to Metherall66 for the number crunching.  My experience in my many years as an Internet addict has been that the majority of people who sign up on a forum just sign up, post a few times, then leave.  Only a few stick around and keep posting. 

 

And then from my experience on a benzo forum, it looks to me like people do kind of "drift away" as they start feeling better, just get busier with their lives.

 

And to come back to the forum once they're better--I think it's pretty cool that so many DO come back and post their success stories.  I think it would be easier to just close that whole awful chapter of your life and not look back.

 

I think from what I can see just hanging around the forums watching people, that over time pretty much everyone does get better eventually.  Sometimes it takes a long time.

[[ma...]]

prhiannon how are you doing? I remember you from benzofriends. I went thru my taper with them and Wendy and Mac and you were great and so helpful. I was sad to see them shut down. I've been with benzobuddies for a while and found several fellow insomniacs. We are all helping each other get thru this process. Glad to see you here!

Kathi

[[cu...]]

Hi, just want to add my 2 cents here..I have met MANY recovered folks, and I asked them if they posted a success story, they all said no...all of them had accounts here, some of them posted until they were feeling better, some only posted once or twice, the thing is, they stay away from the boards because it scares them and when they recover they kind of forget I guess. MOST of the recovered people I know never posted a story, probably because they are afraid to jinx it    Some of these people give me permission to post their story, and I do..they just don't want to take the time to do it I guess who knows. People recover and move on.

 

love

ari