New here, very scared and need support

[[st...]]

 

I’m 26 with complex mental health issues, been prescribed 5mg Valium PRN since I was 19 and it’s helped me massively over the years to manage panic attacks and autistic meltdowns. I used it sparingly for YEARS and somehow never got addicted, until Nov 2023. I had a mental health crisis and was working a very stressful job, and started taking between 10-20mg a day. This went on for 4 months before I realised the damage the job was doing to my nervous system and how bad my Valium abuse had got, so I quit the job and tried to reduce the Valium.

 

From Feb 24 - July 24 I kept using it daily, between 2mg-10mg a day. Started having significant mood and memory issues in July, went looking for answers online and found out how bad benzos are. 

 

I freaked the FUCK out and immediately tried to cut my dose to 2.5mg daily. This caused horrendous terror attacks, screaming on the floor in terror, seizing fits, self harm and a suicide attempt… obviously because my dosage had been so sporadic and I dropped my dose by 50%. Doctor reinstated me on 5mg a day in August and I stabilised there. 

 

I’ve tapered down with cuts of 0.25 every 2-3 weeks and I’m now at 3.5mg a day, stable with very mild withdrawals at the moment - but I am SO SO SCARED that I will experience those huge terror fits I had in July again. I genuinely think I have some sort of PTSD from my rapid taper attempt, it was so traumatising  

 

I just found this forum and I wanted to connect with other people going through a benzo taper. Right now I feel super isolated and afraid of what might be in store for me getting off these last 3.5mg of Valium. Has anyone else had a traumatic cold turkey attempt, reinstated and then been fine getting off slowly? What’s going to be in store for me as I get my dose lower? I’m very afraid and in need of support and community. Thanks so much for reading xx

 

[[Pa...]]

Hello @[st...], welcome to BenzoBuddies,

We're happy you found us, I'm so sorry to hear how much you suffered but I'm very optimistic about your progress and your recovery.  You say you're stable now and are tapering nice and slow and symptoms are minimal, I'd say you're in very good shape!  

You're not going to return to the way you were when you tapered too quickly, you're stable, you're making small reductions and I predict you'll be able to ease off of the drug as long as you listen to your symptoms when making your next reductions.  Using your symptoms to guide you should keep you from facing what you did before. 

You may need to slow your taper down, most do as they get lower in dose, that's fairly standard so just pay attention.  Of course, some members get nervous about not having their emergency medication anymore but symptom wise, I think you're going to be okay.

I realize my words alone won't convince you but hopefully, others will agree with me and help you feel more confident.

@[Pa...]

[[st...]]

15 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

Hello @[st...], welcome to BenzoBuddies,

We're happy you found us, I'm so sorry to hear how much you suffered but I'm very optimistic about your progress and your recovery.  You say you're stable now and are tapering nice and slow and symptoms are minimal, I'd say you're in very good shape!  

You're not going to return to the way you were when you tapered too quickly, you're stable, you're making small reductions and I predict you'll be able to ease off of the drug as long as you listen to your symptoms when making your next reductions.  Using your symptoms to guide you should keep you from facing what you did before. 

You may need to slow your taper down, most do as they get lower in dose, that's fairly standard so just pay attention.  Of course, some members get nervous about not having their emergency medication anymore but symptom wise, I think you're going to be okay.

I realize my words alone won't convince you but hopefully, others will agree with me and help you feel more confident.

@[Pa...]

 

Thank you so much! This was such a comfort to read, I’ve been freaking out so badly about going through the terror fits again but this was genuinely so reassuring. Thank youuuu 💛

I’m going by symptoms at the moment, feeling pretty stable but sometimes I’ll have flushes of anxiety, but I guess that’s to be expected. I’ve just cut to 3.5 after being on 3.75 for 2 weeks, I hope I manage this next dose. As long as I can avoid the terror fits and seizing I’ll be very happy getting off this stuff.

Yup, being nervous about not having emergency medication is messing with my head a bit. I’m trying to replace the Valium PRN with Propranolol PRN to train my brain to associate that with reducing anxiety.

But yeah, thanks so much for your reassurance, it made me smile reading this because you’ve given me a little bit of hope that the rest of my taper won’t be as dark as my mind is convincing me it is x

 

[[Pa...]]

Believe me, I know what you experienced, I quit a large dose of Klonopin cold turkey so I get it.  One thing I do want to prepare you for is what you'll feel when you jump, we call this the acute stage and it can be intense but the thing is, its just more of the same symptoms we've felt all along so nothing too scary, but it gets your attention.  

I'm glad to see you're preparing for the future, but what most members tell me is the anxiety they feel post withdrawal is so much easier to take than the anxiety the drug tolerance and withdrawal produces, its quite manageable.

[[st...]]

25 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

Believe me, I know what you experienced, I quit a large dose of Klonopin cold turkey so I get it.  One thing I do want to prepare you for is what you'll feel when you jump, we call this the acute stage and it can be intense but the thing is, its just more of the same symptoms we've felt all along so nothing too scary, but it gets your attention.  

I'm glad to see you're preparing for the future, but what most members tell me is the anxiety they feel post withdrawal is so much easier to take than the anxiety the drug tolerance and withdrawal produces, its quite manageable.

It was truly hellish! My brain felt like it was on fire and in shock. I’m so sorry you went through that too, and I’m glad you made it out the other side <3 

Thanks for letting me know about the jump. I haven’t really set a time frame for when I’ll jump because I’m going off symptoms, so I don’t know when it will be, but it helps to be prepared for it so thank you!

Also really reassuring that the anxiety post-withdrawal isn’t as bad as during. I think most of my anxiety at the moment is coming from freaking myself out about what COULD happen and then spiralling into overthinking. 

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, it means a lot right now as I’m getting a bit scared the lower I go xx

[[Pa...]]

@[st...], this process makes us afraid of everything, I feared things I'd never given a second thought to plus we lose the ability to feel our positive emotions like joy, love and hope, this is why we have to seek reassurance from those who have been through it, no one can understand unless they've lived it. 

I'm glad your taper end isn't set in stone. 

[[...]]

2 hours ago, [[s...] said:

I’m 26 with complex mental health issues, been prescribed 5mg Valium PRN since I was 19 and it’s helped me massively over the years to manage panic attacks and autistic meltdowns. I used it sparingly for YEARS and somehow never got addicted, until Nov 2023. I had a mental health crisis and was working a very stressful job, and started taking between 10-20mg a day. This went on for 4 months before I realised the damage the job was doing to my nervous system and how bad my Valium abuse had got, so I quit the job and tried to reduce the Valium.

From Feb 24 - July 24 I kept using it daily, between 2mg-10mg a day. Started having significant mood and memory issues in July, went looking for answers online and found out how bad benzos are. 

I freaked the FUCK out and immediately tried to cut my dose to 2.5mg daily. This caused horrendous terror attacks, screaming on the floor in terror, seizing fits, self harm and a suicide attempt… obviously because my dosage had been so sporadic and I dropped my dose by 50%. Doctor reinstated me on 5mg a day in August and I stabilised there. 

I’ve tapered down with cuts of 0.25 every 2-3 weeks and I’m now at 3.5mg a day, stable with very mild withdrawals at the moment - but I am SO SO SCARED that I will experience those huge terror fits I had in July again. I genuinely think I have some sort of PTSD from my rapid taper attempt, it was so traumatising  

I just found this forum and I wanted to connect with other people going through a benzo taper. Right now I feel super isolated and afraid of what might be in store for me getting off these last 3.5mg of Valium. Has anyone else had a traumatic cold turkey attempt, reinstated and then been fine getting off slowly? What’s going to be in store for me as I get my dose lower? I’m very afraid and in need of support and community. Thanks so much for reading xx

Hi strawberry 🍓 Welcome to the group. I am glad your here I too had a very abrupt and horrific drop initially that I feel has given me PTSD on top of the PTSD I started benzos for I know exactly what you mean I am so sorry to hear you have experienced this as well. I recognize that part of my fear of getting off is centered around how bad it was at first because how could it not be traumatizing right ? Horrific. It's been extremely awful the entire time but that abrupt rip down is really something of nightmares. But we made it through that so anything in comparison now we will make it through as well 🌹 now that we are here the only way through is through it .. I am also tapering valium and I welcome you to message me anytime if you need to talk I am in the very same boat! We can get through this with support your not alone! ❤️ 

[[st...]]

@[...] Hi and thankyou for being so kind! 💗 I’m so sorry you had to go through the terror of doing a really sudden drop, there’s truly no words to describe it. My fears are also the same, I keep ruminating that I’ll have to go through the terror fits again and it’s making me so anxious at every cut. Thank you for being so supportive!!! Reading “we made it through that so anything in comparison now we will make it through as well” made me smile because this is what I keep trying to tell myself! It can truly never be as bad as that hell again… in a weird way I’m grateful it happened because it taught me what I can and can’t tolerate, and kinda helped me put my milder symtoms now into perspective. 

Thank you so much, I will definitely reach out if things get rocky! You’re right we can get through this, I’m glad I found this forum, I feel much less alone already. You can message me anytime too 🫶🏼 x

[[pi...]]

Hello @[st...] and welcome to the forum for me as well!
 

I know how brutal a cold turkey can be. I experienced this when advised it was ok to stop my low dose of Ativan for a vestibular test. We’ll, I wasn’t ok at all. However, it did not affect my future taper or recovery. It sounds like you’ve stabilized and know that a slow taper will be the best choice. This is doable and we’re here to help and support you. 

[[st...]]

@[pi...] Thank you for the welcome 💗

I’m so glad to hear it didn’t affect your future taper. I’ve been so worried about “kindling” but this is reassuring so thank you very much for sharing! 

I dropped to 3.5mg Valium 4 days ago and wow, the cut has really hit now  Getting interdose withdrawals, lots of random bursts of crying and anxiety shakes, but no terror attacks and seizing like I had with the cold turkey. It’s not unbearable at the moment but very uncomfortable. Do you think I should try and stabilise for 2-3 weeks on this dose or go back up to 3.75? Thanks so much x