Hey guys! New on here and just want to share my story of beginning/progress of recovery.

[[Jo...]]

I have had depression and anxiety problems as long as I can remember but to be honest. I can't remember a time I was actually 100% sober since I was 14. Im 35. Im a hair stylist and have been for 14 years. At age 30 I started taking Benzo's after long days with clients just so I could shut my mind down. I would buy them from a friend then quickly became so in love with them (Kolonopin 2mg) I went to the doctor and had him prescribe be 3 mg each day(1 mg x3 daily). Along with Lexapro for my depression. The Lexapro was great until I started having crying episodes out of nowhere. I would literally be in the middle of grocery shopping and just start bursting into tears, or behind the chair at work and have to run to the bathroom lol it was insane. I stopped Lexapro altogether, but kept on with the Kolonopin. Then it wasn't enough. My friend introduced me to a street dealer who dealt alllll kinds of little goodies like Morphine, Xanax bars,Oxycodone etc and these pills were 1000% fake. Still I didn't care and took them. I drank all the time. Here in Florida there's always a reason to drink! Also being social I felt a lot of pressure to be the funny, fun one in the group. I was the clown. I wanted everyone to like me! I cared what I looked like, every word that came out of my mouth had to be the correct one. I was totally over socialized. My anxiety and depression at my highest and on the way to rock bottom. Years went by, I became forgetful, lazy, even more depressed. I started to feel manic at times (usually when I mixed Adderall into the mix) and off my rocker totally.... I was posting embarrassing videos on social...flipped my car.... Had my new car repossessed. I was having complete strangers drive me home from a night out downtown...fighting with everyone, owing people money, dating and staying with not so great people. My family was worried sick. My sister completely wrote me off. I hit my rock bottom completely September 19th 2024 I call it my "Re-birthday" I decided 2 days before I was going to cold turkey everything. NOT knowing how bad it could of went. Day 2 my mom came to get me (lucky to have her in my life) I was sweaty, nauseas, my skin especially my scalp (has anyone ever experienced this before?) was crawling, I was dehydrated and yet again a hot ass mess. I called her after I received eviction papers. I packed my bags and left my apartment. The puking continued. I ended up in my old room at her house. She went to go run and errand and her life partner had just gotten home from fishing (he was planning to stay out later but didn't) I went to go give the porcelain thrown another go. After I was done I went into my bed and that's all I remember. Next thing you know I was waking up to my moms partner beating on my chest. My head was pounding my jaw was tight he kept yelling "Get UP, GET UP!" I was confused. He told me I was having a seizure and all I remember thinking was "No?" "Not me?" "That's not true??" Still completely confused he put me in the car and rushed me to the ER. I have to say out of my wild 35 years on this earth that day was by far the most Frightening and Enlightening day of my life. It ended up yes I had a seizure and had stopped breathing. I had apparently called my mom right before and while I was on the phone she said I was not making sense at all and all of a sudden she heard the gurgling. She called her partner (who was in the next room) and prompted him to go in and check on me where there he found me unresponsive and not breathing, foaming at the mouth. He revived me by giving my heart a couple punches... I want to share my story with you guys because if you were to look at me... I look like any ordinary person. In the beginning stages of my addiction you would never know the skeletons that lurked in the closet. And to be honest  A LOT of people (especially in my community) where everything and everyone has to be "perfect" has the same demons but nobody shares and nobody really understands how bad these drugs can effect you. Yet they are EVERYWHERE. It's such a slippery slope and it WILL catch up to you wether it be in a year or thirty five, there will be a point where you throw the towel in. It doesn't have to be as extreme as my story but just know its all fun and lovely when you're doing the drugs, until you wake up one day and the drugs are doing you.

Sorry for such the long novel but I just wanted to share! Reading this forum really helps me understand and not feel so alone. 

I will post more about my tapering and how that's going and what exactly is going when I see my Dr on Tuesday.

Thanks for Reading!

-Josie<3

 

[[PE...]]

1 hour ago, [[J...] said:

I have had depression and anxiety problems as long as I can remember but to be honest. I can't remember a time I was actually 100% sober since I was 14. Im 35. Im a hair stylist and have been for 14 years. At age 30 I started taking Benzo's after long days with clients just so I could shut my mind down. I would buy them from a friend then quickly became so in love with them (Kolonopin 2mg) I went to the doctor and had him prescribe be 3 mg each day(1 mg x3 daily). Along with Lexapro for my depression. The Lexapro was great until I started having crying episodes out of nowhere. I would literally be in the middle of grocery shopping and just start bursting into tears, or behind the chair at work and have to run to the bathroom lol it was insane. I stopped Lexapro altogether, but kept on with the Kolonopin. Then it wasn't enough. My friend introduced me to a street dealer who dealt alllll kinds of little goodies like Morphine, Xanax bars,Oxycodone etc and these pills were 1000% fake. Still I didn't care and took them. I drank all the time. Here in Florida there's always a reason to drink! Also being social I felt a lot of pressure to be the funny, fun one in the group. I was the clown. I wanted everyone to like me! I cared what I looked like, every word that came out of my mouth had to be the correct one. I was totally over socialized. My anxiety and depression at my highest and on the way to rock bottom. Years went by, I became forgetful, lazy, even more depressed. I started to feel manic at times (usually when I mixed Adderall into the mix) and off my rocker totally.... I was posting embarrassing videos on social...flipped my car.... Had my new car repossessed. I was having complete strangers drive me home from a night out downtown...fighting with everyone, owing people money, dating and staying with not so great people. My family was worried sick. My sister completely wrote me off. I hit my rock bottom completely September 19th 2024 I call it my "Re-birthday" I decided 2 days before I was going to cold turkey everything. NOT knowing how bad it could of went. Day 2 my mom came to get me (lucky to have her in my life) I was sweaty, nauseas, my skin especially my scalp (has anyone ever experienced this before?) was crawling, I was dehydrated and yet again a hot ass mess. I called her after I received eviction papers. I packed my bags and left my apartment. The puking continued. I ended up in my old room at her house. She went to go run and errand and her life partner had just gotten home from fishing (he was planning to stay out later but didn't) I went to go give the porcelain thrown another go. After I was done I went into my bed and that's all I remember. Next thing you know I was waking up to my moms partner beating on my chest. My head was pounding my jaw was tight he kept yelling "Get UP, GET UP!" I was confused. He told me I was having a seizure and all I remember thinking was "No?" "Not me?" "That's not true??" Still completely confused he put me in the car and rushed me to the ER. I have to say out of my wild 35 years on this earth that day was by far the most Frightening and Enlightening day of my life. It ended up yes I had a seizure and had stopped breathing. I had apparently called my mom right before and while I was on the phone she said I was not making sense at all and all of a sudden she heard the gurgling. She called her partner (who was in the next room) and prompted him to go in and check on me where there he found me unresponsive and not breathing, foaming at the mouth. He revived me by giving my heart a couple punches... I want to share my story with you guys because if you were to look at me... I look like any ordinary person. In the beginning stages of my addiction you would never know the skeletons that lurked in the closet. And to be honest  A LOT of people (especially in my community) where everything and everyone has to be "perfect" has the same demons but nobody shares and nobody really understands how bad these drugs can effect you. Yet they are EVERYWHERE. It's such a slippery slope and it WILL catch up to you wether it be in a year or thirty five, there will be a point where you throw the towel in. It doesn't have to be as extreme as my story but just know its all fun and lovely when you're doing the drugs, until you wake up one day and the drugs are doing you.

Sorry for such the long novel but I just wanted to share! Reading this forum really helps me understand and not feel so alone. 

I will post more about my tapering and how that's going and what exactly is going when I see my Dr on Tuesday.

Thanks for Reading!

-Josie<3

Hi!

I stopped 10 months ago ct like you. That vomiting is nasty i know 🤮

So you are totally clean from benzo shit now?

Peace

[[He...]]

I e gotta find these doctors that are just pumping out 3mg k scripts for starting doses 😂

 

welcome to the site. Good luck on your journey